Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

Why Recovery is a Rebirth with Bontle Ngwana

My guest today is Tribe Member Bontle Ngwana
After a couple of decades of problematic drinking Bontle joined Tribe Sober in May 2022 – and hasn’t had a drink since!
For some strong people like Bontle it’s simply a matter of making the decision and then connecting with the right community!
You heard Bontle say that she was excited about her sobriety journey and that’s just what we say to our new members
Don’t be depressed about the thought of ditching the booze
Get excited – you’re embarking of a whole new phase of your life!
You also heard her saying that she found her coaching with Lynette very helpful….
New members get an intro session with Lynette as part of their membership so yet another reason to join Tribe Sober
 
In this episode:-
  Like so many of us Bontles drinking story begins at the age of 18 and escalated during university years
  During her 20s and 30s she was busy studying and working but alcohol remained a significant part of her life.
  Attempts to moderate were unsuccessful, she began to have blackouts and could sense her increasing dependency.
  In her early forties Bontle was faced with the consequences of excessive drinking, including accidents and anxiety.
  The COVID pandemic intensified her drinking habits, leading to daily consumption of a bottle of wine or more.
  She struggled with guilt, anxiety, and a sense of loneliness associated with drinking.
  The relationship with her daughter was affected, with her daughter expressing concern about the drinking.
  Bontle had a car accident whilst driving in a blackout – this served as a wake-up call, but the drinking pattern continued.
  The turning point came in 2022 after the end of a relationship which led to a period of self-reflection and a desire for happiness.
  She began to realize the negative impact that alcohol had had on her life
  So May 2022 marked the decision to quit drinking, a decision which was driven by hangovers, exhaustion, and the desire for a fulfilling life.
  Bontle joined Tribe Sober attended the Zoom cafes and connected with the community – she found comfort, support and inspiration from others' stories.
  Although initially, her motivation to quit drinking was external, focusing on relationships and reducing her anxiety - over time, it shifted to internal reasons, seeking purpose and personal happiness.
Bontle is open to connecting with others who may need support via her Facebook or Instagram page
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Dry January Hacks!

After running Tribe Sober for 8 years and helping thousands of people to ditch the drink and embrace alcohol-free living I've learned a thing or two. My biggest insight has been that sharing our stories around alcohol is the most powerful way we can help others - that's why the heart of this podcast is recovery stories.
This week I'm doing a solo episode - 10 reasons to do an alcohol free January - and 14 tips to get you through.
In This Episode
REASONS TO DO AN ALCOHOL FREE JANUARY
A dry month is a great way to test your dependency - if you can't get through a month without booze then you need to make some changes
Alcohol is so toxic that just taking a month off will have significant health benefits
Alcohol is linked to liver disease and 7 different types of cancer - 1 glass of wine will raise your risk of breast cancer by 15%
Alcohol will weaken our immune systems - and put us more at risk of becoming infected with Covid
20% of regular drinkers will become dependent over the years - drinking more than a bottle and a half of wine a week may damage your health
A month off alcohol will reduce your anxiety, freshen up your looks, help you lose weight and enable you to get some good quality sleep
Making a donation to our January fundraiser will give you a dopamine hit (giving makes you feel good) and enable you to receive online and community support for 31 days - you can sign up here
SOME TIPS TO GET YOU THROUGH
Shake up your daily routine and exercise every day
Be ready to cope with your emotions - if you've been numbing your feelings with alcohol they will come to the surface
Use a journal to track your progress, note your triggers and process your emotions
Listen to music, make a soundtrack for your January Challenge - a real mood changer
Have your go-to drinks -drinknil.co.za are offering 10% discount on all their alcohol free drinks for people doing our Challenge
Find your tribe - its hard to do this alone - check out our membership program
Please donate to our Earthchild Fundraiser - and get 30 days of community and online support - sign up link is here
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Dry January Challenge 2024 with Janna Kretzmar & Courage Chiringa

 
This is the ninth year we’ve done our Annual Fundraiser and thanks to our generous donors we’ve raised nearly half a million rand over the years – that money had provided the gift of yoga to more than a thousand underprivileged children.
If ou’re wondering why a disadvantaged child would benefit from yoga then you’re in the right place to learn more from my two guests….
First of all we’ll hear from Janna Kretzmar who is the founder of the Earthchild project  - and it’s the Earthchild project who have been the recipient of the funds we’ve raised over the last 9 years
Janna is an amazing woman - receiving the "Woman of the Future" award from Santam
After Janna we’ll hear from Tribe Sober's Campaign manager Courage Chiringa who will say a few words about his role in the Dry January challenge..
In this episode:-
2024 will be the ninth year that Tribe Sober has collaborated with the Earthchild Project for the Dry January Challenge
Founder Janna Kretzmar tells us how she came up with the idea to start the project in 2007 - and why she thinks it's been such a successful project
She got the idea after working on an eco project in Brazil and reading a book by a yogi about a project in schools in India - these were her influences
She realised that it was important to partner with the schools/teachers for the long term - not just come in for short term projects and then leave
Earthchild Clothing paid the salary of their first facilitator so that's how they got their name
We talked about the power of positive role models in communities and how she is developing young leaders
Earthchild provides yoga classes, gardening lessons, eco clubs, hiking clubs - connecting the children with their bodies and the environment
The children come from communities with high levels of gang violence and unemployment - yoga provides a tool to help them cope with stress
Some of the children who started yoga classes when they were 6 years old are now young leaders working in the Earthchild Project
Tribe Sober campaign manager Courage told us about his visit to the Earthchild project and how he saw the children  benefiting from the various activities
Coming from a disadvantaged background himself Courage explained how his success in life is partly due to the generosity of his supporters
He has every intention of paying it forward and helping his community and he knows that’s what our sponsored children will do in the future
Courage reminded us of how the fundraiser worked and that just R250/£12/$16 will sponsor a child for a whole year of yoga classes
So whether you are in need of some support or just want to help an underprivileged child then please go to tribesober.com and you’ll see our fundraiser 
Please help us to make our 9th Annual Fundraiser the best one yet!
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Managing Cravings with William Porter

My guest today is William Porter
William is the author of a book called Alcohol Explained and hosts a FB page of the same name.
He's a lawyer and previously served in Iraq as a member of the Parachute Regiment. 
In this episode:-
William started drinking and smoking back at the tender age of just 14 and it evolved over the years
He became curious about alcohol dependency and started delving into the science and discovering just how harmful it is. Like many of us the more he learned about how harmful it was the less he wanted to drink it!
He explained how we end up with hangxiety after drinking. Hangxiety is the term for a hangover with a good dose of anxiety mixed in, caused by chemical changes in our brain which becomes oversensitized after a drinking session.
If we drink a bottle of wine every evening, we'll develop a tolerance.  So that when we have our first glass of wine, our brain will be registering that the rest of the bottle will be following soon. And that's why it's so hard for us to stop at one glass, and why so many of us say we just don't have an off switch.
William talks about cravings, which can be intense, but actually it's a matter of fantasy. You have a thought of a drink, and then you start fantasizing about how it would be, how it would look, how it would taste. And that's why quitting altogether, and not even entertaining these thoughts, is so much easier.  He explained that it can take quite a few years to become dependent, but the problem starts when you learn.
Either consciously or subconsciously, we learn that after a drink we feel a bit low and then we need another drink to feel better. And by the time we've got to that stage, it becomes very difficult to moderate. Because every drink is giving you a desire for the next one. And once we've realised that another drink will quell the anxiety caused by the previous drink, then we will struggle to moderate.
William explained the fascinating concept of FAB. Fading Effect Bias. That tends to happen when we're a few months sober, and we start thinking back fondly to those good old drinking days.  We actually forget how bad we were, and how things went horribly wrong sometimes. We just focuse on the good times instead.
FAB is really dangerous, because that's when we start having those thoughts Oh I wasn't that bad. Maybe I could just have one glass now and again. Because we feel that we've now proved we're not an alcoholic,. But the trouble with restarting due to fab is that we'll just go back to the previous problematic drinking levels that we were at before.
Maybe we can manage to moderate for two or three weeks, but then inevitably we’ll get back to over drinking. William suggested that rather than asking ourselves are we an alcoholic, we should consider whether alcohol is taking away more than it is giving to us. And he came up with a great analogy which described alcohol as a bit of a loan shark.
We discussed sober socialising, which we agreed is tough at first, but William reminded me that feeling awkward is normal. Just think of children's parties, where the kids are hiding in their mom's dresses at the beginning and then tearing around the room screaming a couple of hours later. We decided it was a matter of feeling the awkward and doing it anyway.
Socializing also becomes easier if we get curious and observe those drinkers. Be an anthropologist. Watch how animated the drinkers are during their first hour of drinking. And then they start talking too loud, standing too close, and of course repeating those stories.  Another bonus of being an anthropologist is that we realise that we don't actually want to be like this, so it can be a valuable building block in the wall of our sobriety.
We talked about sleep, William's a bit of an expert on this topic and his books cover it in great detail. He explained about how alcohol damages the quality of our sleep. It reduces seven cycles of our valuable REM sleep  down to  about two.  He talked about REM rebound, which is fascinating and explains all those drinking dreams that we get in early sobriety.
It's such a myth that alcohol helps you sleep, because in fact it's such poor quality sleep. When you quit drinking, you may well struggle to get to sleep at first, but eventually you will sleep and you'll sleep so much better, and you'll wake up feeling great, which rarely happens in your drinking days.
William's advice to anyone struggling to get started was to write a list of all the reasons they want to keep drinking. And then when you analyze those, you'll find that they're actually false beliefs, and you can reverse them.
We cover mindset and how you can deal with these kind of limiting beliefs in our Masterclass 
The easiest and gentlest way to make a start on changing your drinking habits is to become Sober Curious. Learn as much as you can. The more you learn about the toxin that is alcohol, the less you will want to drink it.  Read William's books which are available from his website alcoholexplained.com
Joining Tribe Sober is another great way to start your sober curious journey - for an affordable monthly subscription you can learn how to ditch the drink and then go on to thrive in your alcohol free life.
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

How I Swam my Way out of the Bottle with Ben Tuff

Ben Tuff.  In 2012 Ben decided to quit drinking and to take up swimming.  He became a long distance swimmer and is featured in a documentary called How I Swam my Way out of the Bottle
In this episode Ben shares how he:-
Started drinking around age 16, initially as a social activity.
Escalated to more secretive and excessive drinking over the years.
Transitioned to a teaching career with increased responsibilities.
Coped with stress through a work-hard, play-hard lifestyle involving heavy drinking.
Denied the severity of his alcohol consumption.
Employed denial and avoidance to ignore the growing problem.
Developed strategic methods to hide alcohol purchases and consumption.
Used tactics like obtaining cash back to avoid a record of liquor store purchases.
Developed a secretive routine to hide alcohol consumption.
Would disguise vodka in vitamin water bottles to conceal drinking.
Rock Bottom Moment: Ben describes a pivotal moment when his alcohol addiction caught up with him, leading to a panic attack and a hospital visit. Blood alcohol level prevented immediate admission to the emergency room.
The realization that his secret was out marked the turning point towards seeking help and recovery.
Detox and Rehab: Ben's decision to go to rehab, supported by his wife, was a crucial step in his journey to sobriety. He spent five days in detox and five weeks in rehab, learning how to navigate a world that felt foreign without alcohol.
Early Sobriety: Post-rehab, Ben maintained a strong support system, including a psychiatrist from rehab who remained his psychiatrist. He actively engaged in his recovery, attending AA meetings, and committing to a schedule that included daily meetings and swimming sessions.
Sobriety as a Gift: Ben views his journey to sobriety as a gift, recognizing the real, authentic joy and connection he experiences with his family. The contrast between the facade of happiness during his drinking days and the genuine emotions in sobriety reinforced the value of his recovery.
Swimming as Therapy: Ben's venture into swimming, initially inspired by a sponsor, became a therapeutic outlet. His dedication to learning and mastering swimming, including open water swims, provided a space for mental processing and connection with a higher power.
Documentary "Swim Tough": Ben's decision to participate in a documentary about his journey stems from a desire to make stories of recovery more accessible. The film, titled "Swim Tough: How I Swam My Way Out of the Bottle," aims to highlight the transformative power of recovery rather than just focusing on swimming.
Message to Those Struggling: Ben encourages those struggling with addiction to reach out for help without shame, emphasizing the importance of seeking support.
Benefits of sobriety He reflects on the positive changes in his life, such as increased energy, a genuine appreciation for simple pleasures like good coffee, and the ability to sleep soundly, as key benefits of sobriety.
You can follow Ben via his website which is https://swimtuff.com/ 
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Why your Drinking Problem is an Opportunity with Lucy Dentith

My guest this week was Tribe Sober Team Member Lucy Dentith - Lucy came to a Tribe Sober Masterclass in London in 2018 and has been sober ever since!  She's also become an indispensible member of the Tribe Sober Team.
In this episode:
Importance of a Supportive Community:
Having a tribe or a community of like-minded individuals is crucial for sobriety.
Joining a supportive group, such as Tribe Sober, can provide encouragement and a sense of belonging.
Usefulness of Tracking Progress:
The tracker is a useful tool for recording and celebrating sobriety milestones.
It should be used as a positive tool for encouragement rather than a means of self-criticism.
Tangible Benefits of Tracking:
Filling in a tracker, especially a paper one, provides a tangible and visceral sense of accomplishment.
Celebrating small successes helps shift focus from negative thoughts to positive achievements.
Finding Your "Why":
Understanding why you want to change and focusing on the positive benefits helps in times of difficulty.
A clear sense of purpose and positive motivations make the journey of change easier.
Reframing Challenges as Opportunities:
Viewing challenges as opportunities for positive change reframes the mindset.
Sobriety is not a loss but an opportunity to gain a wonderful life with better health and relationships.
Gaining More Than Losing:
The worries about losing things due to sobriety often turn out to be unfounded.
Sobriety brings numerous gains, including improved physical and mental well-being.
Community Support and Celebrating Success:
The importance of community support, such as Zoom Cafés, in celebrating and cheering for each other's successes.
Helping others find healthy coping strategies and sharing success stories creates a positive and encouraging environment.
                  Tips for Early Sobriety, Especially During the Festive Season:
Plan Ahead: Plan activities and responses to challenging situations.
Be Curious: Approach the sobriety journey with curiosity and self-reflection.
Visualize Success: Envision positive outcomes and focus on enjoyable aspects of events.
Choose Happiness: Opt for happiness over being right in arguments.
Have an Escape Plan: Plan exit strategies if social situations become challenging.
Starting the Sobriety Journey:
Take the First Step: Acknowledge the need for change and start with small goals.
Be Curious: Embrace curiosity as a companion in sobriety.
Progress, Not Perfection: Understand that setbacks happen, and progress is more important than perfection.
Continuous Learning: Keep developing coping strategies and seek support through coaching and reading.
Healthy Coping Strategies: Learning to cope without defaulting to drinking is essential for long-term sobriety and personal growth.
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Why we get Addicted with Dr Anna Lembke

My guest today is Dr Anna Lembke who is a professor of psychiatry at Stanford – she’s also the author of a best selling book called Dopamine Nation.
In this episode:-
Anna began by defining Dopamine for us: - it’s a neurotransmitter which is central to pleasure, reward, and motivation, and plays a crucial role in addiction.
One of the most exciting findings in neuroscience is that the same parts of the brain that process pleasure also process pain, and they work like opposite sides of a seesaw or a balance.
In Anna’s book Dopamine Nation you’ll find some great illustrations which demonstrate the pleasure-pain balance and which feature little pain gremlins hopping on and off the see saw!
There are 3 rules governing this balance
Rule no 1.  The brain will always seek homeostasis as the neutral position
Rule no 2.  Repeated exposure to alcohol can result in a chronic dopamine deficit - which is in fact the definition of addiction 
Rule no 3.  The brain remembers addictive behaviours which means that a single exposure can result in relapse –that’s why moderation never works once we’ve crossed the line into dependence
To quit drinking Anna recommends beginning with a dopamine fast, a 30-day period of abstaining which will allow the brain to restore homeostasis.
The first 10-14 days will be spent in withdrawal so will be difficult but that difficult stage is going to pass so
The key is to keep going – rather than stopping and starting which just means doings that really difficult bit again and again!
Genetic vulnerability plays a role in addiction, - An alcoholic parent means you’re 4 times as likely to develop a dependence 
But remember that "genetics may be the gun but your lifestyle is the trigger" – you can break the generational pattern
Our brains were wired for survival in a world of scarcity but they don’t fit quite so well in this modern world of abundance… and that’s why so many people become addicted
Anna recommends engaging in what she calls hard things, like exercise or cold water immersion, which can indirectly increase dopamine levels and provide a sense of reward.
For example regular gym sessions will trigger the feel-good neurotransmitters
 I asked Anna why support groups work so well and she explained that the genuine connections in recovery communities release both dopamine and oxytocin so
If you’re looking for a recovery community to keep your dopamine flowing as you tackle this journey then just go to ts.com and click on join our tribe
We also discussed the early sobriety blues – that low mood that can strike a few months into sobriety
I certainly went through a period of feeling very low and uninspired in early sobriety – plenty of time on my hands but no idea what to do with it - a period I referred to as the void
Anna says that tolerating the void is an important part of the human experience which can lead to bursts of creativity – that certainly happened in my case but certainly it took a while
We now advise Tribe Members to get a project if they get the early sobriety blues – something to keep the mind busy and engaged - rather than sitting around waiting for happiness to strike!
In fact we discussed the unrealistic societal expections to be happy all the time – these expectations can lead to people to believe that they are sick if they’re not happy
This reminded me of my conversation with neuroscientist Staci Danford who believes that unhappiness is our default and that happiness is a learned skill –  a link to that podcast is here
As Anna said we have to recognise that life is full of pain and to be alive means sometimes we have to suffer 
I explained that at Tribe Sober we try to focus on what we gain in recovery, rather than what we lose – a reframe that Anna agreed is essential for success
One of her tips for managing cravings was to intentionally engage in activities that press on the pain side of the balance.  -  that made me think of one of our members who used to take a cold shower every time she got a craving – I used to think that was a bit strange but in fact she was doing exactly the right thing!
Those of us who have drunk heavily for decades may have damaged parts of our brains but in recovery we are rewiring the brain so new neural pathways are developing around those areas
We agreed that a relapse is not the end of the world as so much learning will have taken place during our recovery – the key of course is to get right back on track as quickly as possible
To learn more about Dr. Anna Lembke, you can read her book "Dopamine Nation" and explore her other publications, including "The Drug Dealer M. D."
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 
 

Sobriety Masterclass - your Toolkit!

We run our live Group Masterclass just four times a year and are often asked to provide a recording.... so we've done it!
The Masterclass recording is available now.  The 3 hour Masterclass recording is split up into digestible sections and includes written exercises.
Our Masterclass Intensive online course is a deep dive into this fascinating topic - 7 detailed modules to work through at your own pace. Intro session with Janet , Midcourse review with Sue and a coaching session with our Coach Lynette at the end. 
More info about our courses here.
In this episode:-
During this solo podcast I'm giving you a flavour of our Masterclass with a tour of our Toolkit tried and trusted toolkit - here are the 15 tools!
CONNECT with other people on the same path because connection is the opposite of addiction – if youre not yet in tribe sober then please go to our tribesober.com and hit “join our tribe” for more info
EXERCISE get moving – you may feel flat when you quit drinking so trigger your endorphins with exercise – at least an hour a day
GET COMFORTABLE WITH BEING UNCOMFORTABLE – no more numbing out your feelings, personal growth and emotional maturity will come from that discomfort
CHANGE YOUR MINDSET –remember this journey is not about willpower – its about changing your thinking about drinking – tackle your limiting beliefs around alcohol and your desire to drink will diminish
VISUALISE – if you are tempting to drink just play the movie forward – what will happen if you have that drink you are longing for – you will enjoy it but what happens next?  Play the movie forward, you know the ending isn’t pretty!
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER so learn everything you can – listen to podcasts, read the quitlit, take our Masterclass – the more you learn about the toxic effects of alcohol the less you will feel like drinking it!
BE ACCOUNTABILE – Tribe Sober members are in accountability groups according to their length of sobriety and we have a weekly check in at the Zoom Café.  Write a Goodbye to Alcohol letter or start a blog.
FIND A PROJECT – the early sobriety blues may hit after a few months – to combat your low mood you need a project to keep your happy brain chemicals triggered. Start exploring projects so you can dive into it if you are hit by a low mood.
KEEP A JOURNAL – write your why list in the front – your why list will keep you motivated on track.  Use your why list to identify your triggers, process your emotions, record the benefits you are experience and to track your progress. 
BE PREPARED – try lots of Alcohol Free drinks until you find your favourite. Fill your fridge with alcohol free drinks. Play the movie forward when you socialise – what will you drink and what reason will you give for not drinking!
TRACK YOUR PROGRESS – every time we mark off a day as alcohol free we’ll get a dopamine hit – Tribe Sobers Annual Tracker is brilliant for keeping perspective and watching your progress.  If you’d like one of our trackers just email Sue membership@tribesober.com
STAY BUSY – when you quit drinking you’ll have time on your hands so plan how you will use that time.  Try out new activities and interests, start looking for that project – don’t just sit around wishing you could drink and waiting for FOMO to strike!
 BE READY FOR TRIGGERS! – when you get a craving to drink take a pause and breathe… the Power is in the Pause – be curious about the trigger and then get our your journal - analyse WHY you got a craving – write about it in your journal and decide how you will deal with it next time. 
DO THE WORK – Prioritise your sobriety – your recovery will be the foundation on which you can build the rest of your life.  Make it your focus for 3 – 6 months – do the work and your reward will be a healthier and happier future.
FIND YOUR PURPOSE – once we stop drinking we reconnect with who we are and what we really want to do with our lives.  We’re not put on earth to be happy 24/7 – we’re put on earth to find meaning and purpose.
More Info
Tribe Sober membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 
 

Your Recovery Timeline with Nicci Cloete

Nicci Cloete is a coach, a facilitator, a mindfulness and yoga teacher. 
She’s also been in recovery for ten years  
In this episode:-
Nicci experienced trauma in her early teens when her family had a home invasion – she was raped at the age of 13
She had medical and legal support but this was in the 80’s and there was no attention paid to the mental health impact.
A few days off and then Nicci was expected to return to school and carry on.
She turned to alcohol – stealing booze out of her parents wine cabinet – helped her to numb her pain and cope with the difficult emotions and the flashbacks – of course she had PTSD although it wasn’t diagnosed.
In the morning Nicci would grab a bottle of wine and drink it before going to school, arriving drunk at school.
She was developing the skill of drinking undercover and nobody called her out on it.
In spite of the drinking she kept up with her schoolwork, became head of house and got the grades she needed to go to university
Once she got to university there was no longer any need to be secretive as everybody drank although she did notice that not everybody drank like she did, not everybody was having blackouts
After graduating Nicci went to London and worked in recruitment – very much a work hard play hard culture. Working from 7am to 7pm and then going to the pub to get hammered with her colleagues.
Still suffering from blackouts and sometimes not remembering how she got home
When she moved into a flat with a guy and his fiancé she did a lot of drinking on her own when she was in her room.
The next morning she would emerge from her solitary binge perfectly groomed, looking like she had it all together.
We agreed that it takes a huge amount of energy to keep the show on the road – to hold down a responsible job with a crashing hangover.
Nicci moved to California where her wine habit continued
Yoga had always been an important part of Nicci’s life and she was alternating between doing yoga and drinking her wine.
When she returned to South Africa she was thrilled to discover that she was pregnant and immediately stopped drinking….for the first time in 20 years…
And it wasn’t difficult at all!
However once her babies had finished breastfeeding she started drinking again and got into the mommyjuice scene
Once her children were sleeping she would dive into the wine
Every morning she would wake up and vow not to drink that night but of course her resolution would always crumble
She was in the groundhog day of daily drinking
Like many of us Nicci would be able to drink normally at social events but once she got home she would carry on drinking on her own.
Nicci’s turning point came one New Years Eve when she announced to her husband that she would be doing a Dry January… she got drunk on New Years Eve
The next morning her husband announced that he would be taking their children away if she didn’t quit.
That was her wake up call
She went to a GP who was very straight with her –telling her that the alcohol would destroy her if she didn’t take control
Nicci came out with a great analogy about moderation – trying to moderate when you’re an alcoholic is like getting into a boxing ring where you are going to get knocked o ut every time. You can duck and dive and try to avoid getting hit but at some stage you’ll get the sucker punch.  The only way to avoid this is not to step into the ring in the first place!
Nicci got some help and did the work – she realised that she would have to lift the veil and see that her marriage was unfulfilling, that motherhood was hard and that she would have to face up and process the demons from her childhood trauma.
We talked about how our emotional maturity stalls when we start to drink heavily
Sitting with our feelings is the hard thing – the mature adult hard stuff which we must do
One of the things that really helped Nicci was being aware of the Recovey Timeline – as she said there are many variations of this but as a rule of thumb:-
0-15 days in withdrawal
15-45 pink cloud with dopamine levels spiking
45 to 90 days + the wall which is when a low mood might strike
Beyond 90 days you start regularising your neurotransmitters and things begin to feel manageable
We both agreed on the crazy system in some rehabs where they keep you in for a few weeks and then discharge you just as you hit the wall…
Nicki shared that people often tell her that she is so strong for quitting alcohol….. but as she said the life of a functioning alcoholic is also hard – keeping the show on the road with a stonking hangover!
Coping with an ever increasing dependence and all the health issues that come along with alcohol
That’s hard!
So it’s a matter of choosing your hard…yes it’s hard to be sober for those first 90 days but if you stick at it your life will start changing in such a positive way as you become healthier and happier
Nicci is passionate about coaching and loves the fact that we all have the answers within us
As a coach her role is to help her client tap into their deepest knowing by asking the right questions
She’s studied coaching with the University of CapeTown and Thoughtsmith and qualified just before COVID hit
She has been trained to work online and is very comfortable working online with people from all over the world
Nicci also works in corporates and teaches mindfulness
Her advice to someone who is struggling is to reach out – find someone who will call you out on your bullshit
She works with people in recovery – helping people to explore what they really want from their life now they are sober
Nicci’s website is com and she’s on the socials as Metta 356 coachMore infoSubscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
 
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with           alcohol then sign up today
            Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE   
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 

Alcohol...as an Escape - with Brendon Watt

 
My guest today is Brendon Watt who overcame his alcoholism to become a worldwide speaker, best-selling author and facilitator 
In this episode:-
Brendon grew up in Australia, within an unstable family and a lot of abuse.
His father had a formula for what a man should be, emphasizing the importance of being tough and having a trade.
Brendon tried to conform to these expectations by working in construction but by his late 20’s he was totally depressed.
By trying to gain his fathers love and respect he lost himself and knew the life he was leading was not the right life for him
By chance he discovered a technique called Access Consciousness and decided to give it a try
Brendon booked a session and spent an hour and a half sobbing as he released his buried emotions
He was so inspired by the Access Consciousness process that he trained to be a facilitator and began to make some positive changes in his life
However he was still struggling with alcohol, which he saw as his “back door” – his escape
This made me think of Glennon Doyle who talks about using alcohol as the “easy button” to avoid emotional discomfort
Like so many of us Brendon spent years trying (and failing) to cut down on his drinking – trapped in an endless cycle of stopping and starting
 Brendon eventually hit rock bottom and decided to go to AA
 Although he was terrified of losing his back door escape he persevered
He attended lots of AA meetings, and worked with a sponsor.
He realised that he was going to have to go through some painful stuff, including stuff from his childhood that was very difficult to face…
He realised that going through this pain would result in personal growth
He did the work and gradually his life began to change
We agreed that the journey to sobriety is a process that leads to freedom and a more authentic life.
We also agreed that getting sober was just 10% of the journey but that it was the essential part – without sobriety we cannot tackle the rest of the work and learn to thrive
When we quit drinking we need to take responsibility for our happiness – we can no longer rely on alcohol for those chemical highs
Happiness is a learned skill and if you want to learn how to keep your happy brain chemicals firing then listen to last weeks podcast with neuroscientist Staci Danford
Sobriety also enables us to consider other parts of our life.. are we eating healthily, does our exercise plan need stepping up… are we in the right job, the right relationship?
If you need some help to look at your life and decide what needs changing then check out Glennon Doyles book and journal – called Untamed – some great triggers for those big scary questions in there!
When I first realised that I would have to quit drinking I saw sobriety as a punishment but Brendan and I both agreed that in reality sobriety is a gift
The journey to sobriety allows individuals to deconstruct their lives and build them anew, something regular drinkers may not experience.
At Tribe Sober we recommend a book by Laura McCowen – the title is "We are the Luckiest" which says it all really
Another quit lit book title that says it all is "The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober" by Catherine Gray
Our conversation touched on the importance of honesty, integrity, and Brendon gave us a great example of catching himself in a lie – realising that when he was drinking the lies would come automatically
We discussed the misconception that external sources, such as money or substances, can create happiness.
Brendon used to think that when he had a certain amount in his bank account he would be happy – he got there but it didn’t make him happy!
Brendan described his work with Access Consciousness, a program that empowers individuals to find the answers within themselves and discover their strengths.
He highlighted the importance of people acknowledging their unique gifts and the potential for change.
You can find out more about brendon via his website brendonwatt.com More infoSubscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
 
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with           alcohol then sign up today
               Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE   
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x