Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

Attorney in Recovery - Lily Shanks

My guest today is Recovering Attorney Lily
Lily was my guest on the episode which came out on May 6th – its already had 2,000 downloads and we had some great feedback from that one – if you missed it then have a listen to Lily sharing her story here 
Lily is a coach these days and one of the things that she helps people with is Relationship Coaching so today we’re going to focus on Sober Dating
If your romantic relationships have always been lubricated with alcohol then this could be a skill you’ll need in your toolkit as you build your alcohol free life
In this episode:-
Lily’s full drinking story can be found on our previous episode which came out in May but she gave us a summary
She began her drinking career as a teenager and it continued during her legal career.
She became a daily drinker, frequently drinking alone and experiencing blackouts
At 37 she reached rock bottom – in fact as she says in her previous interview she had a series of rock bottoms, one of which involved drinking alone in her apartment all weekend
She felt hopeless, useless and miserable and finally reached out for some help
Reaching out for help is actually the hardest step of all - so if you’re worried about your drinking then reach out to tribe sober today – just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe and we’ll show you how to quit drinking and build an alcohol free life you love
So Lily got sober in 2018 and she’s been sober ever since – if you want to hear how she did it catch the previous episode
As we switched to talking about relationships Lily explained that she’d been shy as a child so as a teenager alcohol helped her to fit in – to feel part of things
It helped her to feel prettier, funnier and more vivacious, especially around men
As she got older alcohol would always be a major player in her relationships
She would drink before the date… which often took place in a bar
If her dates didn’t drink like she did then that could be a problem
Lily believed that alcohol made everything a bit brighter, a bit easier and less awkward – she just couldn’t imagine her life without it
She certainly couldn’t imagine dating without it!
During her first year of sobriety she didn’t date at all
She believed the advice she had heard about focusing on sobriety and avoiding any major life changes during that first year.
Major life changes like changing jobs, moving house and of course starting a new relationship
Lily had to focus on learning to love and look after herself before she would be in an emotional state to look after someone else
She had the insight that she had been using men a bit like she’s been using alcohol – the highs of a new relationship giving her a dopamine hit and making her feel good just like alcohol did
As Lily moved into her second year of sobriety she went on her first sober date
She knew the guy, they both liked and respected each other and they had things in common
Although that relationship didn’t develop into anything serious Lily felt proud of herself – proud that she had shown up as a very different person
By this point she felt so much clearer about who she was, what she wanted and what kind of person she was looking for
We talked about the risk of relationships between people in recovery and how they can crash and burn
The common struggle may create a bond which means you feel that you’ve found your soulmate but it makes sense for you both to get that year of sobriety first to avoid any risk of relapse
We talked about the dangers of cross addiction and how we can transfer our love affair with alcohol to food or shopping or sex
I asked Lily how a sober person should start looking for a new relationship once they had completed their first alcohol free year
Apparently there are sober dating apps/websites – in fact a quick google search came up with a list of 8 sober dating apps which I’ll add to the shownotes
https://resurgencebehavioralhealth.com/blog/8-best-sober-apps-for-people-in-recovery/
Although Lily met some good people via dating apps when she was drinking these days she feels more comfortable getting to know people first via a shared interest or through friends
We talked about the best way for sober people to use the regular dating apps and agreed that it’s far better to disclose that you don’t drink alcohol in your profile – even if you get fewer matches it’s far better to know in advance that your sobriety may be a problem for some people!
The people who don’t match with you because of your sobriety are very likely to have a drinking problem themselves so they would not be right for you anyway!
First dates very often involve sitting across from each other eating and drinking but as Lily says an experiential date will take a lot of the pressure off – taking a walk, going to a dog park, going out for breakfast
One of her best first dates was a trip to a museum
I asked Lily what she had learned from her experience of sober dating
She’s learned to listen to her intuition – that gut feeling that tells her that this is someone she feels comfortable with…
She’s also experienced the opposite feeling when she hasn’t felt comfortable with someone – had she been drinking she would often ignore that intuition and any red flags which could lead to problems later on in the evening
If someone is feeling isolated and lonely in their sobriety the focus should be on connecting with a community rather than focusing on finding a romantic partner – so even if you have been sober for a while if you are feeling lonely then take a look at some online sobriety groups – go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe if you’d like to try out our international community
Sobriety has enabled Lily to turn up for all her relationships more authentically
Once we are able to love ourselves we are so much better placed to build a relationship
So here are Lilys top 3 tips for sober daters:-Have a solid foundation to your sobriety  by experiencing restaurants and bars with friends who are drinking first
          Have clarity about what you are looking for and how you are going to show up  and be prepared to leave the date if              you feel your sobriety is at risk
          Have fun!  - keep it light, meet lots of people and remember if a relationship doesn’t work out it means the universe has             something better in store   
You can find Lily on her website which is myinternalweather.com – where you can find articles and tips on sober dating
More Info
Tribe Sober membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 
 

Layering your Sober Tools.....with Belle

Belle got sober back in 2012 and was one of the first people in the Sober Space, one of the first to share her own story and to try and help others to make a change…
In this episode:-
Belle was not interested in alcohol as a teenager, she’d actually noticed what it did to people and didn’t like what she saw
As she got into her twenties she started to drink the odd beer
Interestingly she would never buy a six pack – somehow she knew it was a better idea to buy a single beer at a time
Way before she had developed any level of dependence she recognized that alcohol “spoke to her” as she put it…
A decade later her consumption stepped up until she was drinking four or five times a week, three or four drinks at a time
As she hit 30 she was finding it harder to moderate
She started taking AF beers to social events and alternating between her alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks
A decade later she decided that she needed to take a break from alcohol to prove that she wasn’t an alcoholic
In her late 30’s Belle got married and felt she had a “partner in crime” as she put it
Drinking wine with dinner at home and ordering a bottle when they were out didn’t seem at all excessive
They would order wine by the case and it felt very “grown up” and sophisticated
Belle’s husband drank the same amounts that she did but in fact he didn’t think about alcohol in the same way that she did
This realization actually didn’t surface until she quit when she realized that he could take it or leave it – he was a “normie” as she puts it
Belle was used to taking a few days off the booze now and then when her workload got heavy or she had to get up early but when she decided to quit for a month she only got to 7 days
That was when it hit her that she might have a problem
Her second attempt at taking a month off alcohol also failed so she decided she had to approach this differently
A friend of hers sent her an anonymous blog from someone who was trying to quit
Belle loved the idea of blogging… and getting responses from people who were on the same path
She created a blog on wordpress and posted her first entry
She got an encouraging response the next day and found it “surprisingly helpful”
People were giving her advice and confirming that yes those first couple of weeks were hard and suddenly she realized she wasn’t alone
There was actually a roadmap to this sobriety journey!
Back in 2012 there were no real alternatives to AA or rehab
She had never felt “bad enough” for those options so imagined she would just have to struggle along as a grey area drinker
Her blog was such a revelation that she wasn’t alone in this and that there were other people out there who she could connect with
She blogged for a year and then started to offer online support via daily emails  
I asked Belle for her personal benefits of sobriety and she listed sleep, being able to count on herself and feeling proud of herself – for making such a big change with a ripple effect.
Her anxiety and irritability reduced and overall she was surprised at the positive impact this change had made to her life
She remains unconcerned about questions about her alcohol free lifestyle as she feels that people are actually not that interested
If asked she just says “I’m not drinking these days as it was affecting my sleep” and finds that nobody ever takes it further…
In 2016 she wrote a book called Tired of Thinking about Drinking which was the name of her blog
If you’re familiar with Belle’s work then you will know all about Wolfie – that was the name she gave the voice in her head urging her to drink
I loved Belle’s analogy about the toddler in the supermarket yelling for a donut…. If you give him a donut he will just repeat that behaviour next time…
The trick of course is to deny the donut that first time and even though it might get noisy and embarrassing in the supermarket the child is unlikely to repeat the behaviour as it didn’t work
So we have learn to say no to Wolfie – say no to that voice in our head telling us we can have a drink!
So what can we learn from Belles inspiring story…?
Just like Belle so many of us try to take a short break to prove we are not alcoholic!
I think that accounts for the popularity of Dry January… most people can grit their teeth and white knuckle it through 30 days using willpower alone but of course making a permanent change is about changing our mindset
So many of us realise that we do have a problem with alcohol when we try to take a break and find it really hard – that’s why it’s so important to take regular breaks
Belle uses the analogy of underwater swimming, as she says we can hold our breath but we'll only get so far…without tools, strategies and support it's going to be hard for many people to clock up more than 7-9 alcohol free days
We agreed that a 30 day break is just not long enough to learn anything or to experience any real benefits – that’s why we offer our 66 day Challenge which you can start anyday in September – just go the tribesober.com where you’ll see the info on the homepage
As Belle said it makes sense to take a challenge and quit for a certain number of days… and then extend it – that approach has worked really well for many of our members
At Tribe Sober we avoid the "F" word – the Forever word - it’s just too overwhelming – the thought of never drinking again – the answer is to do it in stages
As Belle said our head tells us sorts of things when we try to quit… and that’s probably because for most of us the dependence is psychological rather than physical
Only 10% of drinkers are physically dependent and those are the people who will experience serious withdrawal symptoms and need to go to rehab for a medical detox
If you want to learn more about this then go to Tribe Sober podcast episode called “Are you physically or psychologically addicted to alcohol?” which was released on June 19th 2021
Even if you are only psychologically dependent you do need to prepare yourself for a period of feeling unwell when you first quit
However as Belle explained that it’s important to remember that its only parts of each day that will be difficult
You’re bound to wake up feeling good, and pleased with yourself just as its very likely you’ll get to 5pm and wonder why on earth you are doing this.. as that will be when Wolfie will be whispering in your ear!
Being aware of this ebb and flow will help you to get through
Another great tip from Belle was that if whatever we’ve done in the past to quit didn’t work then rather than drop that method and try something else - we can “layer” another method on top
Think about Layering…If we’re cold we don’t take off a blanket and put another one on…. We add more blankets!
At the back of her book (Tired of Thinking about Drinking) Belle has 60 sober tools… people tend to pick the easiest ones….and if they don’t work they try others
So the secret is to keep those easier ones going and layer more on top
Belle used her blog to track her sober journey and would write everyday…. she felt it was more powerful than journaling as she felt more accountable
That’s why she asks people to email her and let her know how they are doing… and that’s why we have our various chatgroups where our members can post their ups and downs and get responses
Tips from Belle to someone who wants to make the change but not sure where to start… read a couple of books, listen to some podcasts and then find a sobriety group that resonates with you
As she said you don’t want a room full of people on day one… you need people at all stages of the journey.. people you can learn from and give you advice, people who will inspire you to keep going
We can offer you that at Tribe Sober so if you’re ready dive in, get learning, connecting and get started on the roadmap then join Tribe Sober 
Your can order Belle's book and learn more about her Challenge on tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 
 

Sobriety is the Ultimate Life Hack! with Kirsty from Soberbuzz

My guest today is Kirsty Mulcahy from Soberbuzz Scotland
Her work is focussed on supporting people to go alcohol free – she also coaches people who are sober and are asking themselves what comes next…
In this episode:-
Kirsty started drinking at the age of 14
The first night she drank she ended up in hospital having her stomach pumped
That one weekend changed the trajectory of Kirsty's schooling
Previously she’s loved school and was doing well but after the stomach pumping incident she hung out with the people she’d been drinking with – she needed to “fit in”
We agreed that even when we get older we still have the need to fit in and one of the fears of quitting is around out identity – who will we be if we don’t drink!
Who will my people be?
We agreed that we are both blessed to be working in the recovery community where we have found our people and get purpose from helping people to change their lives
Kirsty left school early and went to leave abroad at the age of 17
She drank heavily and took recreational drugs until she was 21
Returning to the UK she had the intention of returning to live overseas but she fell in love and had a child
At the age of 27 she separated from her partner and became a single mom
That’s when she realized that she had a problem with alcohol…although she didn’t stop until she was 41
14 years of knowing but not changing..
14 years of thinking this isn’t right but feeling trapped because she had no idea HOW to make a change
I so identify with this and in fact the average time that someone takes from the realization that they have a problem and doing something about it is 11 years
So if you are in that place of knowing that you have a problem but feeling trapped please reach out today… there is help available, go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe!
Apart from not knowing how to quit drinking Kirsty's whole identify was wrapped up in being the party girl
There was also a dark side to the partying which was when she drank alone
When Kirstys mom died suddenly she was 33 and her drinking became heavier
She had no sober people in her life, no role models showing her that an alcohol free life was possible
She had been to an AA meeting in her 20’s but was unable to relate to the people she found there
Apart from the shock of losing her mom Kirsty had to cope with a lot of extra responsibility and she no longer had childcare for when she went to work
She had no coping mechanisms so turned to alcohol
Kirsty tried putting various rules in place around her drinking but ended up breaking them
She had lots of “rock bottoms” but found herself moving the goalposts
For example she thought that if she ever woke up in a strangers house the morning after she would quit
But she did…and she didn’t quit
One of the things that prevented her from getting help was the shame… she just didn’t want to tell anyone how bad it had got
Another factor that kept her trapped was the thought that people would realise that she had a problem if we stopped
When we give up smoking we get congratulated but when we give up drinking we just get lots of awkward questions!
Like many of us Kirsty was high functioning and managed to hold down a job and maintain her parenting role..
She also poured huge energy into keeping everybody happy so that no-one questioned what was going on in her life
Without her mom to look out for her Kirsty felt very alone… there was nobody close to her to see just how bad her drinking had got…nobody to advise her
Her final rock bottom came in December 2017 when she woke up surrounded by empty bottles and drug paraphernalia…
She got on her knees and asked for help…
She couldn’t do this anymore…
If YOU ever wake up feeling exhausted and hungover… and decide you can’t do this anymore please embrace that moment, it’s your turning point so don’t ignore it, reach out for some help 
Kirsty reached out for some help that day.. she signed herself into a crisis centre
When she returned home she went cold turkey
This was a big risk – when she saw a doctor she told her she could have died… after drinking 2-3 bottles of wine plus spirits a day she actually needed a medical detox
Thankfully Kirsty did survive although she describes her detox as “hell”
As she clocked up some alcohol free time she began to realise that it was not drugs or alcohol that she craved… it was love…
When we ditch the booze and go alcohol free we learn how to love ourselves again
It starts with the pride we feel as we achieve some sober time and stay on track
Kirsty had to figure out how to care for herself
She went to bed straight after dinner to avoid thinking about drinking, she drank lots of water, she ate well, she began to be truthful with her friends and she began a journaling and gratitude practice
She took it hour by hour in those early days and it began to stick
The more time that passed since her last drink the more space she got in her mind
She got space to reflect on what she really needed
A beautiful space as she calls it
For the first 6 months her focus was on staying alive and not drinking
When she got to 6 months she realized that she was “doing sobriety”
She kept her head down and focused on getting to her first Soberversary
As she said sobriety is a journey… not a destination
Drinking is about self destruction whereas recovery is about recovering our true selves
When she hit a year of sobriety Kirsty knew she would never drink again
Her life is so different – she describes it as “night and day”
We talked about the fear of losing friends that many of us have when we quit drinking and agreed that we’ve lost some drinking buddies but our true friends have stuck by us
As Kirsty said our friendship circle evolves throughout our lifetime anyway… as she said some friends are for a season, some are for a reason and some are for life..
Some of her friends expressed interest in taking a break from alcohol so she created an online community called Soberbuzz
They were holding sober events but then the pandemic hit
So they shifted to zoom meetings to support each other and share their experiences
We talked about the benefits of sobriety…
For Kirsty the fact that she now has an open line of communication with her daughter is a big one – alcohol used to be the elephant in the room but now they can talk honestly to each other
She has learnt to love herself again and can look back on her life with compassion for that younger woman
She’s escaped the shame cycle which was keeping her stuck
She loves the people that she meets and gets to support
We often say that at Tribe Sober .. we get to create a family with a deep connection, people from all over the world coming together to change their lives
I loved Kirstys description of sobriety as being the best life hack…ever
Kirsty is a life coach working with people in sobriety who often say ..I think I would like to have a couple of glasses of wine… but eventually they say “why would I even want to do that..?”
As we clock up sober time we realise that we are gaining SO much more than we are losing and we don’t want to give up all those benefits
You can find Kirsty on IG at soberbuzzscotland and at skyrosecoaching.co.uk
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 
 
 

Sobriety Superstar! - Jane’s Transformation Story

 
In this episode I interview an important member of our Tribe Sober team - Jane Rivera.  She came along to a workshop in 2016, ditched the drink and remains a valued Tribe member, inspiring others to change their relationship with alcohol.  
In this Episode
Jane tells her how her mindset has gone from "wanting to die" to "can't get enough of life"
She was introduced to alcohol at an early age as her parents bought a pub in the UK
She moved to Joburg as a teenager but struggled to settle and went off the rails
A happy marriage and two beautiful children still didn't stop her from hitting the wine
Jane finally realised that she would have to make a change when she felt her husband and kids pulling away from her
She heard Janet on the radio and booked a workshop 
She left the workshop thinking she would stay alcohol free for a while and then start drinking moderately
These workshops are now called Kickstart Masterclass and are available via Zoom - more info here 
After a few months of AF living Jane was feeling great and accepted that she would never be able to have "just one glass"
She now loves her AF life, is close to her family again - and loves helping people in our community
She has recently relocated to Norway - an adventure she could never have coped with back in her drinking days!More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Recovery:- It’s a Brain Thing... with Dave & Susan Kenney

 
So my guests today are Dave & Susan Kenney   -  they believe that understanding the brain is the key to recovery and are the pioneers of Actualised Recovery – an approach which combines neuroscience, psychology and lifestyle medicine.  After running their own residential recovery program for a decade they have now pivoted to training recovery coaches. 
 In this episode:-
At school Dave had excelled at sport but had struggled academically leading to him being called “lazy”
Now that he understands so much more about the brain he sees that as a sign of his brain not working properly as he really wanted to do well.. and in fact believes that all children and adults want to do well
He got into university on a sports scholarship and became an educator
In 2008 as educators Dave & Susan noticed many kids struggling socially, academically and with addiction
Although back then they knew nothing about the brain and hadn’t even heard of neuroplasticity they started to wonder whether it was possible to change a brain
They came across the work of a neuro psychologist called Daniel Amen – He had published a book called “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life”
The book is about neuroplasticity which is our ability to rewire our brains
Dave explained the concept that the brain drives behaviour – a concept which has been fundamental to their work and which they decided to apply to the world of recovery and
The brain drives our patterns, our cravings and our choices so if we change our brains we can change our behaviour
Dave explained that he sees the brain as the hardware of a computer and it’s no good addressing the software if the hardware is faulty
So meditation, CBT or any other kind of therapy is not going to work if the brain is not working properly
Dave came up with the analogy that trauma can be likened to a virus on a computer … causing our brains to dysfunction
He also made the point that not everybody becomes addicted to alcohol – the people who do get addicted have a brain which is chemically predisposed to getting relief from alcohol
If we impact and change the brain we can enable the person to create better habits and change their behaviours
The catalyst for applying their knowledge to the recovery world was hearing about a friend who had lost her son to suicide which galvanized them into setting up their own recovery centre
for 12 years they ran a private residential recovery program based on this Brain First approach – helping thousands of people and living on campus themselves
Dave would interview patients on arrival and ask them what they would choose if he could give them anything – nine out of ten said happiness
We discussed the futility of chasing short term goals to be happy – whether that’s a shot of tequila or a new car
Dave shared his favourite word with us with is:-
Eudomonia: which is living a life of long term values – the premise being that happiness and wellbeing come from how we live our lives rather than the pursuit of material wealth or power
For Susan the definition of happiness is a life led with purpose
Their approach fits with Maslows hierarchy which has purpose and self actualization at the top but physiological needs at the foundations – Susan explained that most patients would be dehydrated on arrival so no amount of therapy was going to work until that was put right
They would work on basic health and then the therapies and treatments could come in
There was an essential family component to their recovery program which often involved coaching the family how to agree boundaries rather than making threats
We talked of the importance of changing patterns in early recovery..- you can’t just take away the alcohol and carry on with the same behaviour…
So many of our patterns involve coupling various activities with alcohol – for example cooking dinner while sipping a glass of wine – we have to work on replacing this habit until we can cook happily without the wine
“The more a neuron fires the stronger it wires” in other words our new habits will get stronger over time
Dave & Susan closed their clinic when Covid hit and have now pivoted into training recovery coaches – using all the knowledge they built up working in their clinic over the years
Dave's definition of recovery coaching is simply to enable people to live their limitless lives
They have an internationally certified Recovery Coaching program – an 8 week online program
Unlike many programs they don’t believe that a recovery coach needs to have gone through their own struggles to be a good coach
The rationale being that coaching is about asking the right questions and listening deeply to the answers rather than sharing our own stories
One of their students made the interesting point that people should be trained in recovery coaching before life coaching as understanding the brain and why people do what they do should be the foundation for the kind of goal setting that a life coach would do…
Susan & David are both graduates of the Amen University Brain Education program – so they are brain coaches
Susan is qualified in positive psychology and Dave is doing his PhD in neuroscience and psychology
In spite of their academic qualifications they manage to deliver the knowledge and tools required by their coaches in an easily understood format
A mix of psychology, neuroscience and addiction is on the curriculum
They are able to distil complex issues down to a practical format which can be applied straight away
Their approach is very different to 12 steps and in fact their book is called "Recovery is not about 12 steps – it’s a brain thing"
He disagrees with Step 1 of AA -  "I am Powerless"
A more constructive approach would be Viktor Frankl and Logotherapy… he identifies the stimulus, the gap and the response – we always get a chance to choose during the gap –
That gap is not powerlessness – that’s where our power lies
We only lose our power when we have that first drink
Labelling people "powerless and an alcoholic" is keeping them in a victim role
I explained that Tribe Sober's approach is to enable our members to quit drinking and then to build an alcohol free life they love
The focus is not on living a life of sobriety, rather on enabling people to thrive and discover what they really want out of their lives
Susan agrees that if we focus on building healthy habits and wellbeing the recovery will take care of itself
A nice tip from Susan to calm the brain before sleeping is to have a notebook and write in 3 good things that happened during the day…and to add why at the end … same with gratitude.. that will attach an emotion and make it more meaningful to the brain – it’s the "why" that engages the brain
We talked about the tragic statistic that only 10% of Americans struggling with addiction actually reach out and how we could change that
We also agreed that addiction is a "white collar" problem - people who won't go to AA
They believe the key is to reduce the stigma by education and their current mission is to create a Tribe of Actualized Recovery Coach Warriors to impact more than 1 million people by 2026.
They have a new book coming out ACTUALIZED RECOVERY® — It’s Not About 12-Steps. Recovery is a Brain Thing
You can contact Dave & Susan via their website which is Emergoacademy.com 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

How to Heal....after the Drinking with Laura Gujadhur

Even though we offer our members a lot of support already we’re always on the look out for new benefits.
So these days apart from yoga, meditation, coaching, hypnotherapy, art therapy and accountability groups we can offer our members a functional medicine coach.
A Functional Medicine Coach can help us with the transition between drinking a building a healthy lifestyle.  We all know vaguely what we need to do to be healthy but a Health Coach will personalise that plan for you and then ensure that you put it into action!
So Tribe Sober’s new Functional Health Coach is called Laura Gujadhur 
We began by clarifying the difference between functional medicine and conventional medicine.
Laura explained that conventional medicine is disease management and treatment of symptoms whereas Functional medicine looks at the root cause of disease
An example would be going to a conventional doctor with a rash – that doctor would be unlikely to ask you about your diet, your stress levels and whether you’ve had allergy tests -he would probably give you a cream to calm down the rash but he wouldn’t have got to the root cause of whats going on
So functional medicine looks at the root cause of disease and illness and starts from there
Conventional medicine is something we resort to when we are already sick
Whereas functional medicine encourages you to work on your health so that you don’t develop chronic diseases…
You become the architect of your own health
Laura’s interest in health and wellness began about 5 years ago when she quit drinking
A member of her family was diagnosed with depression and immediately put on anti-depressants which didn’t sit well with Laura
About that time she had stumbled across a book called The Ultra Mind Solution by Dr Mark Hyman
In this book he explains that when he heals someone’s gut and sorts out the imflammation the cognitive function improves and depression and anxiety go away
As an ex nurse married to a doctor this came as a revelation to Laura – they never learned anything like this in medical school
Laura decided to approach functional medicine in the same way that she had approached sobriety – she would read everything she could get her hands on
After all Annie Grace’s book “The Naked Mind” had been such an eye opener for her and made her realise that Big Alcohol are inundating us with false messaging
Her research into Functional Medicine made her realise that conventional medicine was simply driven by Big Pharma and that she had been naïve not to question it during her medical training and career.
Laura’s decision to quit drinking for a month came after a party when she woke up with a hangover and thought…enough
She white knuckled her way through the month and used the time that she saved (by not drinking) to read everything she could.
Her belief systems around drinking had already been overturned by The Naked Mind and she realized that she couldn’t go back to drinking
Laura threw the book at her sobriety and like so many others who have succeeded she treated it like a job.
She told her husband she wouldn't be entertaining or going anywhere for three months as she wanted to concentrate on her reading.
We all learn differently so it can be helpful to reflect on our personal learning style as we approach the difficult task of giving up alcohol and learning to navigate society without it.
There are 4 distinct learning styles identified by Honey & Mumford in 1986.
Activist
Theorist
Pragmatist
Reflector
So we all learn how to navigate our alcohol free journey in our own way and shouldn’t be comparing our progress with others… just keep trying and it will come together.
Back to Laura.  What I found interesting was the fact that once she’d done all her research and reading she was absolutely ready to make a firm decision and her mantra was:-
"Never Question the Decision"
I think that’s such a helpful strategy which will stand her in good stead if she has a craving or is under pressure from others to drinking…
She approached her sobriety with the same gusto and enthusiasm that she used to approach her drinking- focusing on what she was gaining rather than losing by leading an alcohol free lifestyle.
However Laura did go into full blown sugar addiction when she quit drinking and wishes that she’d had a functional health coach teach her how to transition which would have resulted in her feeling a lot better sooner.
These days Laura is qualified as Functional Health Coach.
She talked about the 4 pillars of health
Diet/Exercise/Stress Reduction and Sleep and emphasized that a Health Coach could ease the transition into the alcohol free lifestyle and help to avoid a cross addiction.
As she said we all know broadly what we should be doing to stay healthy but the value of a health coach is that she will ensure that you implement and stick to the right eating plan and exercise regime.
We agreed that coaching is super valuable to keep people on track - especially for women.  Laura feels that many women tend to focus on what they haven’t done rather than focusing on their achievements
She said that anyone who has joined Tribe Sober should be proud of themselves,  just admitting that they may be a problem is a huge first step.
Laura offers a free 20 minute call to Tribe Sober members as well as discounted sessions.
You can reach out to her on what’s app +230 58675482 or via email on lauragujadhur@hotmail.co.uk 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Is your Sobriety at Tipping Point? ... with Suzanna Porowski

 
My guest this week is Tribe member Suzanna Poroski - a dance, a choreographer, a singer and a piano player!
She's recently celebrated her first Soberversary so I began our conversation by her to introduce herself
In this episode:-
Suzanna’s first experience of alcohol was at the age of 14 when she got into her father’s brandy
Rather than being repulsed by the taste of it she actually drank it until she blacked out
As Suzanna said enthusiasm for alcohol after the very first drink is a warning sign of possible problems in the future
She also remembers leaving school at lunchtime to drink beers at a friend’s house
Her father was a drinker and her parents divorced when she was 13 - Suzanna left home at an early age
Fiercely independent with an obsessive need to be liked she would go drinking with her friends in bars at the age of 16 – then bring people back to her place for drinks
Drinking and driving was normalized in her friendship group
Suzanna worked as a choreographer at Club Med in Bermuda and created a rule around her drinking
She would only drink every second night – just like the teenage drinking, making rules around our drinking are a sign of dependence
Suzanna describes Club Med as a breeding ground for alcoholics - when she left at the age of 30 she assumed that her drinking patterns would go back to "normal"
As a child of an alcoholic Suzanna was familiar with the 12 steps from her Alateen meetings so when her own drinking started to escalate she went to AA
As a dancer she was under huge pressure to stay slim so also struggled with her eating patterns so she went to Overeaters Anonymous as well!
She did achieve period of sobriety via AA but also had some bad drinking episodes
Like the time she was driving a rented car and woke up after a blackout with no memory of where she’d parked the car
Or the time when she was so shaken by a drunk driving episode that she had to sleep with the lights and tv on for fear of lying in the dark and going into her own head as she puts it – the “bad neighbourhood” I think she called it!
She was in New York on 9/11 so although she wasn’t directly affected just like the rest of the world she was shocked and horrified
Suzanna lost her job as a result of 9/11 which meant she could stay in her apartment – eating drinking and watching Netflix – trying to numb her feelings
She got to a point where the drinking just wasn’t working anymore so she managed quite lengthy spells of sobriety but always went back to drinking
In 2014 she lost her business so once more turned to Netflix, drinking and food to cope
She did manage to quit drinking but replaced it with an obsessive running routine – 5 miles a day and only missing a few days in 17 months
She managed almost 3 years in sobriety with AA and then had a slip up…
At Tribe Sober we often talk about “uncoupling positive experiences from alcohol” – the classic one here in South Africa is “I can’t enjoy the sunset without a glass of wine” – of course we have to replace those patterns with more healthy habits like “watching the sunset with an alcohol free drink”!
So back to Suzanna’s slip up – she’d cleaned the house, done her hair and make up and was waiting for some guests to arrive – everything was good and she felt an irrational urge to celebrate with a drink that had been left over from a previous party…
That’s when she started to wonder if AA was no longer working for her
She dived into the quitlit and started to explore different approaches
At the same time she felt her body was no longer tolerating alcohol like it used to… and giving her physical feedback that life would be better sober
She still had a mental struggle going on, the cognitive dissonance that so many of us are familiar with – our conscious mind telling us to quit and being challenged by our subconscious beliefs that we need alcohol to enjoy our lives
At Tribe Sober we talk about our “Not This” moment
Suzanna had her "Not This" moment when she was walking along a beautiful beach but rather than basking in the beauty of her surroundings her mind was occupied with finding a little bar where she could drink her wine
This made her so angry she decided she was done
As she said “alcohol is insidious – the way it slowly becomes your everything”
Suzanna talked about the Tipping Point that we get to when we’ve been trying to quit drinking for years and then one day something shifts and everything falls into place
All the Sober Stretches you’ve done, all the quitlit you’ve read, all the conversations come together and bring about a shift..
We hear this a lot at Tribe Sober and as Suzanna said it’s the reason why we must never stop trying – it will work in the end
I love what she said about her personal Tipping Point
“it came in quietly, I didn’t tell anybody, I just knew…and I felt a quiet strength”
Suzanna discovered Tribe Sober via this podcast
As a result of the podcast she emailed me for the pdf of our Annual Tracker – if you’d like an Annual Tracker just email membership@tribesober.com and Sue will send you one
Over the last year Suzanna’s been throwing the book at her sobriety – she’s been to our Zoom Cafes and participated in the chatrooms – she’s still reading the Quitlit and like me she's a great fan of Kristi Coulter
I’m going to put a link to Kristi Coulters brilliant essay called Enjoli in the shownotes – it’s a must read for anyone on this journey
She also wrote her Goodbye to Alcohol letter which is on our website 
After a year of sobriety Suzanna is experiencing many benefits but she highlighted self respect, the joy of mornings and the connection with her children.
Her advice to anyone considering this journey is to reach out to someone you trust and be accountable
So many of us tried to achieve sobriety alone but as she said the trouble with that is that it's so easy to cave when its only you who knows you are trying to quit
So if you’re ready to be accountable then just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe
Suzanna has now trained as a coach so if you’d like more info about that go to her Facebook page and send her a whatsapp or you can email her at coachingwithsuzanna@gmail.com 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Powerfully Sober with Annie McDonnell

My guest this week is Annie McDonnell - an Australian executive with a difficult start in life followed by a 20 years career in the wine industry.  These days she's thriving in her alcohol free life and inspiring others as a Sober Coach.
In this episode:-
Annie’s father had a drinking problem and her parents had a difficult marriage – in fact her mother left the home when Annie has just 14
Unsurprisingly Annie felt angry and abandoned and it was about this time that she discovered that alcohol which became her best friend
Unsure of her career ambitions Annie chose random subjects to study at university – one of them being Viniculture which she loved
She went on to join Australia's burgeoning wine industry and loved her job
Of course she got to hang out with her best friend alcohol every day and a tasting at a 9am sales meeting was not unusual!
Annie enjoyed this lifestyle throughout her 20’s and 30’s but in her 40’s she crashed and burned
She’d known that she had a problem with alcohol for years but just couldn’t imagine life without alcohol
I was the same and we agreed that it was the fear of life without our best friend alcohol that keeps us trapped
I sometimes wish I had a time machine that I could put some of our new members in – those people who are struggling – scoring a few alcohol free days and then giving in to a craving..
In early sobriety its impossible to imagine just how different your life will be if you make this change
Annie came up with a great analogy about rocks – she said that when you are drinking it feels like you are carrying a backpack of rocks and when you stop you put it down….and life feels so much better, so much lighter you marvel at how wrong you were to fear alcohol free living
It does take a few months of hard work but then you are free and your life starts to evolve in the most extraordinary ways so people need to have faith just like my favourite MLK quote
Take the first step on the staircase even if you cant see the top – if you're ready to take that first step just go to tribesober.com and hit “join our tribe” and we’ll take care of the rest!
Annie described her “not this” moment which came in her mid forties as a result of severe anxiety which had left her unable to drive, unable to see people or even to lift a spoon to eat some soup..
"Not this" moments come to us when we are at rock bottom, we know we just can’t do this anymore
Annie signed up for a 100 day challenge and felt great relief that she didn’t have to think about her drinking for 100 days
That’s a great attitude to go into a challenge with – we have our annual 66 day challenge starting on 1st September so if you’d like to join that just go to the homepage of tribesober.com
Annie and I talked about the power that we begin to feel as we become more aligned with who we really are in sobriety – we take control and no longer feel that things are just “happening” to us
Like many of us who have been sober for a few years Annie felt pulled towards helping others so she trained as a Sobriety Coach and we talked about the Sacred Walk experience that she offers
You can find Annie at her website powerfullysober.com, on LinkendIn of via email  annie@powerfullysober.com
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 
 

When Relapse....is seen as a reward! with Jeff Graham

Jeff Graham founded the Bac2Zero sobriety group.  Like many of us in the recovery space Jeff’s initial sobriety goal was simply to quit drinking.  As he recovered his health, energy and creativity he decided he wanted to help others to do the same.   He describes sobriety as freedom – freedom from a world that was once filled with dread, regret and fear.  Although his goal started out simply as one of abstinence, his life has since grown into a life filled with dreams, hope and happiness.
In this Episode
Jeff enjoyed his first beer at the age of 16, it wasn’t so much the buzz he enjoyed as the status – he felt like he “fitted in”.
Much as he enjoyed the social side of drinking he also discovered that he loved to drink alone – he would come home from a night out and have some drinks on his own – he felt like he needed some “Jeff time” as he put it
Many of us are like this – and even in sobriety some of us can still get triggered when we get home from a social event – even when we were drinking AF drinks!
I would work hard to behave myself at a social event and then down a bottle of wine when I got home!
Jeff was into beer and from the age of 23 and was drinking a case of beer a day – of course his friends were all drinkers 
His parents were both alcoholics and that’s why he was drawn to beer rather than spirits – he thought it was “better” – but of course it’s all ethanol!
He started hiding his beers in the garage – so his wife and kids had no idea how much he was drinking or quite how bad it had got
Someone asked him recently if sobriety was “hard” – it made him reflect on just how “hard” it was to be a functioning alcoholic – how hard it was to hold everything together.
He got to the point when he knew he would have to cut down but he couldn’t face it – so he just started hiding his drinks more effectively!
We talked about the buzz and how us drinkers love to maintain the buzz – in fact recent research has shown that the buzz only lasts for 20 minutes and then we carry on drinking to top it up
After some beers Jeff would not go back to “normal” – he would feel lower than normal and reach for the beer to compensate
He was starting to drink earlier in the day but always telling himself that “tomorrow” would be different.
Eventually he ran out of lies – admitted defeat and booked himself into rehab for a week
He needed this stay in rehab to draw a line under his drinking and to make a statement to his friends and family that he wanted to make a change
We find that many of the people who come to our workshops are able to make use of the tools and community to draw that line under their drinking habits and to make a change 
Jeff needed the accountability that came with rehab – he just couldn’t do this alone
He didn’t actually learn much in rehab but he did a lot of self-reflection and of course met other people with the same problems
When he was sharing his story he heard himself saying things that he hadn’t really registered before – that happens at our workshops – people get emotional when they share because they only realise just how unhappy alcohol has been making them when they tell their story out loud.
Three months out of rehab he had a relapse – he wanted a reward, a last “hurrah” as he put it
That did indicate that he still had work to do on his mindset – if we still see alcohol as a reward then it means it will always be hard to resist and we will suffer from FOMO
Once we see alcohol for the addictive toxin it really is we will lose our desire for it which is the key to sustaining our sobriety
After his relapse Jeff took his recovery more seriously – he started to listen more and began journaling to process his thoughts and emotions.
He feels that it’s really important to get the negative thoughts on paper so then we can analyse them – it’s all part of being honest with ourselves.
Of course when he stopped drinking he had to find other things to do – he learned that he couldn’t just wait until he had a craving and then find something else to do – he had to plan it in advance
Jeff learned that he needed a schedule of activities and I think that’s great advice
Try lots of different things and keep yourself busy until you find a routine that really works for you
As he says it’s no good telling him to call someone if he gets a craving – it’s too late by then!
Like myself he loves talking to people in recovery and getting new insights
We talked about discovering purpose and the way we have both found more purpose in our lives from running sobriety groups – he set up Bac2Zero to inspire others on the journey
Interviewing people for Bac2Zero keeps his schedule busy!
He has some great analogies – sobriety is like a haunted house – scary to enter alone but can even be fun if you are with someone else!
And the traffic lights! - sobriety is not a red traffic light!  It’s a green light to freedom, health and happiness – yes there may be a while stopped at the amber light going through an adjustment period but the green light will appear!   Love that one!
Three years into sobriety Jeff is experiencing lots of benefits – increase in his self-worth, reduction of anxiety and closer connection to his family are just some…
We talked about how many of us thought we were ok because we were not the homeless guy on the park bench but Jeff advises that instead of comparing ourselves with the homeless guy we should compare ourselves with the person that we could be…
Even if alcohol doesn’t destroy us it will certainly prevent us from reaching our potential!
We agreed that community is the essential thing that all sobriety groups have in common because connection is the opposite of addiction.
You can find out more about Jeff by going to gettingbac2zero.com website - he's on Instagram as wellMore Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

How a 66 day Sober Challenge changed my life... with Tribe member Claire B

If I had to describe a typical Tribe member then I would pick a lady in her 40’s or 50’s – successful career woman with a family.  Noody would dream that this lady had a problem with alcohol but in fact she’s been worried about her drinking for years.
My podcast guest this week pretty much fits that profile...Tribe member Claire B
In this Episode:
Claire's parents didn’t drink much so her first experience of drinking was as a teenager – 18th birthday parties – vodkas and a sweet concentrated orange juice was her drink
As she says she went straight for the hard stuff but of course had to add sweetened orange juice to make it palatable just as I did with my whisky and coke
As a trainee nurse Claire would drink when she went out but would never drink alone and it was not problematic in those days
In her early 20’s Claire moved from the UK to SA and was struck by the drinking culture – wine at lunchtime and in fact she celebrated her first birthday in SA with a champagne breakfasts!
She embraced this culture and thought it was great!
The first time she began to worry about her drinking was in her late 20’s when she came home from a very boozy lunch and found herself wanting to have another glass of wine
That became a habit for Claire – going out for drinks and then carrying on the party alone when she got home
She realised that like so many of us she didn’t have an “off” button –that’s definitely a red flag… as is drinking alone
Other warning signs are – regularly drinking more than the low risk limits which are just one and a half bottles of wine a week, trying (and failing) to cut down, again and again - …..also when all your social activities revolve around alcohol etc 
I asked Claire if she tried to cut down or set rules for her drinking – she explained that she wanted someone else to set rules for her – she was actually looking for a reason to stop drinking
She thought she’d found one when she relocated to China as she wasn’t expecting alcohol to be so readily available and she remembered welcoming that situation
However she found that alcohol was available and in fact she drank a lot during her 3 years there
She found herself engineering situations where she could drink and as she said the subject took up “a lot of her bandwidth”
People often ask me if they are drinking too much – I explain that if they are thinking about it, even if it’s a niggling thought at the back of their mind…. Then that’s probably a sign that they should take action, even if they are not drinking huge amounts
Quite simply if it’s on your mind.. you’ll be happier without it!
Those of us who’ve spent years trying and failing to moderate know only too well that it takes up far too much mental space – and when we get sober we can find peace
Claire tried the odd alcohol free challenge but found the thought of quitting drinking for ever extremely scary
She began to feel that there were 2 Claires – the sensible one and the other one who was egging her on to drink more
Many of us experience this inner struggle between our rational conscious mind and our subconscious which is holding limiting beliefs about alcohol
Limiting beliefs like “we can’t have fun, relax or socialize” without it
Beliefs which are the result of decades of exposure to marketing and peer pressure convincing us that alcohol is essential to a happy life!
Claire and I both drank for decades and agreed that our neural pathways for drinking were more like Superhighways than pathways!
When we start to build our alcohol free life we are looking to replace that Superhighway with an alcohol free pathway which will in turn become a Superhighway if we stick at our sobriety and continue to do that work
Claire came up with a lovely analogy that her sobriety was like a garden…and just like a garden is never finished and it takes work – just like her sobriety
If someone asks her advice about a family member who might be drinking too much she’s not afraid to point out red flags
I so agree with her that we should speak openly rather than just say “oh I’m sure they are fine” which is the usual response from people
That’s why I’m so grateful to Tribe members like Claire and others who have come on this podcast to share their stories
It means people can hear that having a problem with alcohol does not mean that we are like the homeless tramp which society likes to portray as the alcoholic
They can hear that people with a problem are just like them.. and more importantly that it is possible to make a change and to be so much happier and healthier without alcohol
Claire is quite sporty and as she got into her late 40’s and 50’s she would often take a break from alcohol for a few weeks to prepare for a race…but always went back to drinking
One day she heard me talking on the radio about our Sober Spring – a 66 day challenge we do every year
It appealed to her because she loves a Challenge
So she signed up but was not really planning to participate in the chatgroups but then she realized that she always told her students they must comment and participate with their online forums
So Claire decided to participate in the groups and in fact she threw the book at it – she listened to a podcast a day and followed all our recommendations
We’ve discovered over the years that it’s the people who stay connected with the community are the ones who succeed – connection really is the opposite of addiction
As Claire put it she went into the Tribe Sober experience lock stock and barrel – that’s the way to do it!
It’s no good tinkering around the edges of sobriety – a short break here, another challenge there – we have to treat it like a project, a job and make it our priority for those first few months
Claire realized early on that she would be continuing her sobriety beyond 66 days so she aimed for 100 days and then 6 months which many of our challengers do
It’s important to avoid the overwhelm which comes from the F word (the Forever word) so small steps is the way to do it
Of course Claire would get triggers to drink now and again but she kept herself on track by reminding herself how far she had come and how she wasn’t prepared to lose the progress she’d made
She loved the Tribe Sober community and felt that some of the members had seen inside her own head – she so enjoyed mixing with people who really “got it”
That’s exactly what you need when you are starting out on this journey – people who get it – your drinking buddies will tell you that you are boring and you sensible friends will tell you to just cut down a bit!
You need people who understand the struggle!
I asked Claire how she sustains her sobriety now that her first year has passed
She stays connected with Tribe Sober, goes to our Coffee meetups and participates online, she listens to the podcast and reads the quitlit
In other words she tends her sobriety garden which is so important – we love it when our members stay connected
After all ditching the booze is only 10% of this journey – 90% is building an life you don’t want to escape from and that’s exactly what Claire is doing, as well as inspiring and encouraging newbies
I loved hearing Claire say that she “owned” her sobriety and was happy to talk about it with anyone who asked
Her top 3 benefits are sleep, self esteem and a feeling of peace – she realizes she no longer has to be the one starting the party of being the last person to leave!
Claire mentioned a few techniques that may be of interest to our listeners so let me run through them:-
She talked about the power of journaling – some of us have journaled for years but others are not sure where to begin…. So we are going to run a pop up week on a FB group to help people who want to get started on journaling – that’s at the end of August so watch this space
Straight after journaling week we have our annual 66 day Challenge which begins on September 1st – that’s the Challenge that got Claire started on her journey
There will be more info and sign up pages for journaling week and the 66 day challenge soon but if you drop me an email at janet@tribesober.com we’ll send you the links as soon as they are  up on the website
Or perhaps Claire inspired you to join Tribe Sober with her kind words about us – I loved the way she said that our members can do things at their own pace, no shaming, no one size fits all program – with only 400 members we really are able to offer a personal service
To sign up just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe
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This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
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