Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

Anxiety and Drinking - Casey Joins up the Dots

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest this week is Casey McGuire Davidson who is from Seattle in the US.
Like me Casey was caught in the corporate workhard/playhard culture as well as the mommyjuice trend…using alcohol to cope with stress and anxiety and becoming  more dependent over the years…
But somehow we both found our way out of that trap and now we are finding joy in helping people to do the same
In this Episode
Casey realised in her 20’s that she had no “off” switch – I think that’s true of many of us yet we delude ourselves that we don’t have a problem because we can go for days without drinking – but if you do finding yourself drinking far too much after that first glass then you probably need to make some changes
Casey’s first glimpse into the trouble that alcohol can cause came when she read “A love story” by Caroline Knapp – if you are worried about your drinking then reading some QuitLit is a great way to start – if you want a reading list then just email me janet@tribesober.com
Casey went to doctors and therapists about her anxiety and insomnia – most of which was caused by alcohol but she was in denial about her drinking and just didn’t CONNECT THE DOTS
Like many of us Casey started making rules – in fact Casey and I had a whole conversation about the rules we used to make that you can find on her podcast (Hello Someday – episode 77 ) 
The reason we make these rules of course is that we are still trying to moderate as we can’t imagine our life without it – having to give up completely is our worst nightmare – whereas with hindsight both Casey and myself can say that giving up completely was the best thing we ever did!
Casey managed a year of sobriety (partly due to her pregnancy) but then was soon back to her bottle a night habit.
The second time she gave up she understood so much more – she had joined up the dots and realized that alcohol was the cause of her anxiety and insomnia.
She hired a Sober Coach and checked in with her every single day – because she was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Many of us get to this stage eventually – at our workshops I often hear people say “I’m done – I just can’t do this anymore” – and those people usually succeed and go on to thrive in their sobriety
We talked about the strong women we work with – and how many of us managed to hold it all together through the drinking years. Once we are liberated from the shackles of alcohol addiction there is no stopping us and we go on to achieve great things.  Sobriety is a Superpower I always say! 
We talked about mindshift – Casey has gone from seeing alcohol as a “reward” to seeing it as a “maladaptive coping strategy” – alcohol is NOT self care – how on earth did the liquor industry convince us that a “glass of wine at the end of the day” was an act of self care when for many of us it’s the opposite!
I loved Caseys description of her breakthrough moment – how on Day 16 she’s had a terrible day at work and wanted to buy a bottle of wine so much she was actually shaking – she managed to resist and then continued to get stronger.
I loved her “magnet” analogy as well – how the pull of alcohol is SO strong in the early days of sobriety but the more AF days we stack up the weaker the pull 
“Sober Firsts” are so important – Casey cleverly reconfigured her Italian holiday so she went to bed early, got up early to explore, went on gelato crawls instead of wine crawls and treated herself with Venetian jewellery with the money she'd saved from not drinking.
Casey has some great analogies – we heard the magnet one and she also talked about how being dependent on alcohol was like carrying a backpack of rocks around – and how sobriety lets you put the burden down.
Apart from reducing her anxiety and improving her sleep Casey loves the clarity of mind that sobriety gives us – we can look at our lives with fresh eyes and sometimes we can spot the things which were actually driving us to drink
You heard Casey saying that she realized that corporate life had lost its appeal and that she wanted to retrain as a coach which has given her real purpose in her life
I asked her for a final tip and love this one:-“don’t wait until you WANT to stop drinking – it’s never going to happen! -  just say you are sober curious and want to take a break to see what sobriety feels like.  Keep going for a few months and you’’ begin to glimpse the joy that alcohol free living can bring.
Do have a listen to Caseys podcast which is called Hello Someday, her website is called hellosomedaycoaching.com, she does 1.2.1 coaching as well as offering a course and some freebies.
Another great analogy we heard from Casey is that in early sobriety we really have to “throw the book at it” – make it a priority for 6 months, treat it as a research project and “do the work” – the payback will be huge!
So check out Caseys website, think about joining Tribesober.com, read the quitlit, listen to the podcasts..
Step one in making a change was to find a community – find your people – if you are looking for a community then just go to tribesober.com and hit “join our tribe”
More info
Subscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you 
        
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Some Good Clean Fun with Sarah Kate

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest this week is from Canada!
Currently we have the grand total of 4 Canadian members in our tribe and we would love to welcome some more!
Sarah Kate agrees with me that we need to “get smart” and see through the constant pressure from Big Alcohol to consume their product – the wine industry has particularly targeted women, trying to convince us that “mommy needs wine” etc etc
Well here is one mommy that’s fighting back!
In this Episode
Sarah Kate had some scares with alcohol – going over the top a few times but generally progressed in her drinking career like many of us
As a career girl in her 20’s she began to realise that she had no “off” switch – this happens to many of us and I think it’s a real warning sign – when we can go for days without even thinking about alcohol but once we’ve had a couple of drinks we just want to keep going!
We agreed that we seek out friends who drink like us so that we can validate our own drinking
Many of us in the tribe had friends and relatives who would helpfully suggest that we just “had a couple” of drinks (rather than a whole bottle!) – and that’s the beauty of the tribe – we understand each other and would never suggest that!
Sarah Kate passed out on the bathroom floor at her 30th birthday party and began to feel ashamed of her drinking problem
We talked about the shame women feel about their drinking and agreed that so many of us get trapped because of it – we don’t want to “come out” about our problem so we battle alone and get nowhere, just more dependent and more depressed– have a listen to Claire Pooleys fabulous TED talk called “Making Sober Less Shameful”
As Sarah Kate went on to become a mom she got more and more dependent and after the birth of her second child she became seriously worried that her baby would be affected by the alcohol levels in her breast milk.
She was part of the mommyjuice culture and believed the hype that “moms need wine” taking a sippy cup of wine to the farmers market
We talked about how crazy kids parties have become and how even at 1 year old parties the wine is flowing
Sarah Kate tried to moderate many times – she is a runner and would schedule her drinking around her running – she feels she was running to counteract her addiction – almost as a punishment
She finally managed to make a change when she read The Naked Mind – realizing that drinking heavily for a number of years will make anyone become dependent - alcohol is an addictive drug and that’s what it will do!
That’s when Sarah Kate realized that there was nothing wrong with her and was able to ditch the shame and make a change
She did Annie Grace’s Alcohol Experiment and while she was not 100% alcohol free she probably reached a very respectable passgrade of 90%
We talked about the value of seeing the big picture – that’s why Tribe Sober offers annual trackers so that people can observe their sober stretches getting longer and longer and keep some perspective – much less danger of giving up if you have a slip up – if youd like an annual tracker then just email me at janet@tribesober.com
On Christmas day Sarah Kate found herself buying a bottle of red wine (even though husband doesn’t drink wine and her kids certainly don’t!) – it made her reflect on the power of conditioning – if it’s a holiday we must drink! (what an amazingly effective job Big Alcohol has done!)
In fact her daughter was furious with her for having a glass of wine at Christmas lunch so that was it for Sarah Kate – she wanted to be a role model for her kids – someone who could stick to a commitment – so that was it for her
We talked about the importance of education and how every university should offer a module called “The Science Behind Drinking Alcohol” rather than irresponsibly forcing dangerous quantities of alcohol on new students who are away from home for the first time
Sarah Kate also emphasized that we should remember that it often takes a long time to pull ourself out of the clutches of alcohol and that we have to be patient – especially if we’ve been drinking for decades!
Sarah Kate is playing a role in educating us about alcohol via her online magazine “somegoodcleanfun.com”
She’s coming at it from the wellness angle and has created it’s a platform which will encourage us to “rethink drinking” – as individuals and as a society.
Not so much a sobriety magazine but more a platform aimed at women who care about their health (eat organic, gluten free, exercise etc – yet still drink a bottle of wine a day) – she wants them to appreciate the impact that alcohol has on womens health.
We agreed that the explosion of the alcohol free drinks markets was a very positive sign of a societal shift
We agreed that step one in making a change was to find a community – find your people – if you are looking for a community then just go to tribesober.com and hit “join our tribe”
More info
Subscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you 
        
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Killing Karoline with Sara-Jayne Makwala King

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest this week is Sara-Jayne Makwala King
Sara-Jayne is a household name here in South Africa - she's a journalist, a radio presenter and an author.
In this Episode
Sara-Jayne’s birth was the result of an illegal affair between a white British woman and black South African man during apartheid – she shares her extraordinary story in her memoir Killing Karoline.
As a child she used to read voraciously as a form of escape and as a teenager she went on to develop eating disorders and cutting to numb her pain
Her alcohol use began to get out of control when she moved to Dubai – she never really acknowledged it was a problem as her brother was a severe “alcoholic” and she was not like him – she was a functioning alcoholic
We talked about alcoholism being on a spectrum… one end…the other. most of us are in between
Sara-Jayne got fired from her job as a journalist in Dubai for being so difficult – she felt so angry unhappy that one day she was even tempted to crash her car when driving along a busy road.
Her mother and partner got her into rehab – she was only supposed to stay for 28 days but she actually stayed for 10 months – she was learning, digging deep and becoming aware that she needed to “do the work” if she was to recover
Sara-Jayne believes that recovery can’t be forced on you – you have to be ready.  And she was ready
It was connecting with the other people in rehab that healed her – she appreciates the deep value of sharing
Sara-Jayne realized that she’d been carrying her birth mothers secret and shame for a long time – a secret that was not even hers to carry – that had been the root of her addictions and her unhappiness so these days she strives for truth and authenticity
She realizes that we can’t hang on to secrets and shame – the that only the truth will set us free
We see this at our workshops – when we ask people to share their stories you can see the relief in their faces as they tell their stories about how unhappy alcohol has been making them – stories they may never have said out load before
We agreed that “connection is the opposite of addiction” – scientifically proved by the “rat park” experiment which is featured in Johan Haris TED talk – Everything you thought you knew about addiction is wrong - catch it here
Sara-Jayne feels that Recovery is about finding a space where you can feel safe and share your feelings – it could be Tribe Sober or it could be AA – there are so many alternatives out there
We talked about the recent study by the Tempest which showed that the average time between realizing that you had a problem and getting help was 11 years – Sara-Jayne agreed that sounded about right but that we should acknowledge that seeds can be still be sewn and growth will take place during those years
If you are listening to this and would like a bit of support to make a change just go to tribesober.com and check us out – you can grab a freebie, do a challenge, join our community or do a workshop
Sarah-Jayne is on Cape Talk 567AM on Saturdays and Sundays 7-10am
You can buy Sara-Jayne's fascinating book Killing Karoline here
More info
Subscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you 
        
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Managing Difficult Conversations - with Andrea Newton

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest this week is Andrea Newton.
Andrea is a Corporate Consultant, Keynote Speaker,  Mental Health Advocate and a Podcast Host. 
Alcohol took Andrea to a dark place but thankfully she recovered and is now doing some very worthwhile work.
In this Episode
I found Andrea’s account of how alcohol made her feel suicidal as rather chilling – the fact that she actually had a plan to end her life – and her point that alcohol can provide that “Dutch Courage” to actually go through with it
These days Andrea works for the National Centre for Suicide Prevention Centre in the UK – she delivers a workshop that helps people to have crucial and difficult conversations – which can save lives.
She explained that the risk of suicide is 8 times higher if alcohol is involved and that 20% of suicides in young people in the UK are alcohol fuelled.
We discussed the “work hard play hard” culture that pervades in so many companies –and the fact that you are sometimes perceived as “boring” if you don’t go for the weekly drinks with your colleagues
It can even have career implications as well – when was in my 20’s I worked for the BBC and I remember being given a nudge by my boss to go to the BBC Club more often as it was valuable for “networking” – so I did and it was there I discovered that drinking was an essential part of the networking!
I mentioned the book (and TED talk) Quiet by Susan Cain about introverts/Extravertsintroverts often use alcohol as a coping mechanism to help them manage pressure of networking, entertaining clients – and of course socializing – if you are an introvert then please read this book – it will be very good for your self esteem – after all we live in a society that often seems to favour extraverts
We talked about the difficulty of socializing in early sobriety and how it’s actually the drunk people rather than the sober ones who are the “boring” ones – I shared the tip from our Tribe Sober toolkit that it helps to “be an anthropologist”
We talked about the pandemic and the fact that working from home may have encouraged more people to rely on alcohol – and the fact that managers may have to deal with this issue when employees return to work
Which led us to discuss her consulting work which is based around 7 conversations – “difficult conversations” that many managers may struggle with. Andrea helps them to structure these conversations and offers them some very valuable training.
It struck me that these “difficult conversations” are of course something that many of us have to deal within our personal lives as well– the kind of conversation we may need to have with a family member who is drinking too much. I’m planning on asking Andrea to write a guest blog for our website on this subject.
Do have a listen to Andrea’s podcast as there is so much helpful advice in there – advice about how to have difficult conversations in our work and our personal lives
To contact Andrea go to her website www.confidentconversations.co.uk and her podcast is Really Useful Conversations
If you are listening to this podcast and are really feeling low or you know someone who is suicidal then please contact Andrea  – or you can email me on janet@tribesober and we’ll connect you to someone who can helpMore info
Subscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you 
        
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).
 

Liam Chooses Life

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest this week is an inspiring young man - Liam is a Brit who is now living in Germany.  He began drinking at 13 and finds himself in early recovery in his 30's.
In this Episode
Liam’s first experience of alcohol was at 13 when he downed half a litre of vodka and promptly passed out
That experience would put many people off but in fact he was keen to do it again and carried on drinking heavily – keen to fit in with his skateboarding crowd.
At 16 he left home to gain more freedom and that’s when drugs entered the mix.
By the age of 24 he knew he had a problem on his hands and he did try to sober up now and again – problem was every time he did this his relapses would be serious – anything from a week to a month when he would be drinking from the moment he woke up – to the time he went to bed.
Alcohol took Liam to a very dark place – he felt he had created a horrible life for himself and he just wanted to escape it.
He had suicidal thoughts which were being fuelled by alcohol.
In 2018 he started journaling - he would read back over the pages and see the pain in the words – he knew he had to do something or he would not survive.
He chose an unusual method to get sober (one that is certainly not in our toolkit!) – he decided to move to a different country!
Liam moved to Germany, where he re-invented himself as Sober Liam – he created an entirely new friend circle – anyone who didn’t accept his sobriety just didn’t fit in with his new life
This approach reminds me of the “Pregnancy Principle” which Laura McKowan talks about in her book “We are the Luckiest”. She says treat your sobriety as a pregnancy – it has to be protected above anything else.  Anybody or anything that doesn’t fit in with your sobriety has to go!
In spite of his resolve it was obviously not an easy path and a few months into sobriety Liam wanted to drink – "to have a bit of fun" as he puts it.
He powered through this difficult patch and started writing – the writing really helped him. He was writing about sobriety and it gave him some accountability. 
He was researching his articles and educating himself about the harm that alcohol does to us which also helped him to resist it.
Liam is such a talented writer and I discovered him via his articles on Medium – his Soberversary is next month so I’m hoping he will write a "Goodbye to Alcohol" letter for our collection.
If you haven’t discovered our "Goodbye to Alcohol" letters yet then please go to tribesober.com and hit Inspiration
We talked about Liam's future – he has many happy and healthy years ahead of him which certainly wouldn’t have been the case had he still been drinking!
He even gave us a few tips…
Find a community of people on the same path – people who will understand you.  If you broadcast your sobriety to all your family and friends too early then you may find they are not all supportive.
Have your story ready - sound confident when you say you’re not drinking – people will be less likely to persist.
Accept the fact that you will never be able to drink and make it a priority for a while (back to the pregnancy principle)
Don’t wait until you hit rock bottom!
Spend time alone - search for activities which will bring you joy
Here at Tribe Sober we start our annual 66 day challenge on 27 September - Sober Spring here in South Africa but can be a Sober Autumn as well!
Membership also allows you to find your people as we welcome you into our supportive community - and this month new members will get a complimentary Sober Spring Challenge
Just go to tribesober.com and hit the "join our tribe" button to read more about the benefits of membershipMore info
Subscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then                 sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you 
        
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x

How we can Heal when we Quit Drinking - Dr Dawn explains

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest this week is one of those people who are passionate about helping those in recovery.
Dr Dawn Bantel, a naturopathic doctor with many years of experience in the recovery space.
 
In this Episode
Dawn agrees that to be really healthy we shouldn’t drink at all but just recently she was surprised to learn that even a few glasses of wine a week will raise a woman’s risk of breast cancer
We talked about alcohol and anxiety and how it was a real issue – it may calm the brain at first but then it will just increase anxiety
When Dawn did a short video on TikTok about alcohol and anxiety it got half a million views!
Dawn pointed out that people who develop addictions tend to be “all or nothing” kind of people – so true!
She takes advantage of this tendency with her clients as she finds that they put their all into getting healthy – just as they did with their substance abuse(!) so once they are on the right track there is no stopping them!
She believes that recovery gives people a second chance at life – and I certainly can relate to that!
I asked her for some guidelines about healing after years of alcohol abuse
SLEEP/DIET AND EXERCISE are of course the pillars of recovery and Dr Dawn feels particularly strongly about the value of sleep
Poor sleep will put us at risk of relapse so she urges people in recovery to find something that will help them to sleep – obviously she favours natural remedies (green tea, amino acids) but if that’s not working for you then use meds for a short time at the beginning
We discussed the value of community in recovery and how there is great relief in meeting others on the same path – we are not alone, or broken.. and those of us further along can reassure people of the various stages because we’ve been there – and got through to the other side
Dawn has found that many people with alcohol dependency are high flyers – very successful people who feel that they that they’ve achieved so much that they should be able to fix their addiction - but of course it’s extremely hard to go it alone and we all need to remember that “connection is the opposite of addiction”
We talked about PAWS – Post acute withdrawal symptoms – anxiety, depression, lack of joy, low energy seem to be the main ones – it takes time for the body to adapt to sobriety – time to heal
Dawn mentioned that a guideline was a month in recovery for every year of drinking
The value of such a guideline is that it helps people to understand they need to be patient (we get people on our groups who say “I’ve been alcohol free for 3 weeks and I don’t feel great”..)
So if you are on this journey you will need to be patient but on the bright side there will be some “quick wins” – no more hangovers, better skin, no more 3am wake ups filled with anxiety.. so just hang in there
We talked about the importance of gut health and the fact that alcohol damages the micro biome and causes leaky cut.
In Dr Dawns practice she takes people on an integrative recovery journey – starting with extensive testing and then setting goals for healing the brain and the body
She also has a course to educate people in recovery which can be purchased from her website which is integrativerecoverymedicine.com
Dr Dawn also has a great IG feed –handle is Dr Dawn Bantel – she has some really great practical tips and videos on there so make sure you follow her
Here at Tribe Sober we start our annual 66 day challenge on 27 September - Sober Spring here in South Africa but can be a Sober Autumn as well!
Membership also allows you to find your people as we welcome you into our supportive community - and this month new members will get a complimentary Sober Spring Challenge
Just go to tribesober.com and hit the "join our tribe" button to read more about the benefits of membershipMore info
Subscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you 
        
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x

What is the Root Cause of your Drinking?... with therapist Deb Clarke

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
This week my guest is Australian therapist Deb Clarke.  17 years sober Deb talks to me about her drinking years, how she stopped and how her life has changed.
In this Episode
 
Deb was very much a binge drinker – she could go for several days without drinking but once she picked up a drink she had no “off” switch
Because she COULD go for a few days without drinking she felt she couldn’t really have a problem and in fact her friends reassured her that she just needed to “drink less” – which was not at all helpful!
At some point she managed 2 years sober but it wasn’t a good period as she hadn’t changed her thinking about drinking and felt sorry for herself – and in fact she was relying on willpower to stay away from it
Recent research has shown that willpower is actually a finite resource and will run out..almost like a muscle gets tired after an hour in the gym
Just imagine you’ve had a really tough day at work and needed all your willpower not to lose your temper with colleagues – and then you get home and remember it’s a “non drinking” day – much harder to stick to than if you’ve had an easy day..
Once we’ve had a problem with alcohol the only way we can stay alcohol free and BE HAPPY about it is by changing our mindset – otherwise we’ll always feel that something is missing and have bouts of FOMO – we have to identify our limiting beliefs around alcohol – and then overturn them
When Deb got sober there was nothing available except AA – and she resisted that because (although she needed help) she thought AA was for “real” alcoholics and like many people had an image of an alcohol as a homeless man in the park.
Debs turning point came when she had a call from a hospital to go to turn off the life support machine of her son who had taken a drug overdose – she found herself bargaining – let her son live and she would never drink again
Her son lived – so it was time for her to keep her side of the bargain – she did this by going to “meetings” – she had still not really recognized herself as an alcoholic so convinced herself that she was there to listen and learn as she may be able to help her son to deal with HIS drug problem
One thing she did enjoy at AA was listening to all the stories – there is such power in telling our stories to a group of people who are struggling with alcohol – not only is it cathartic for us but it reassures others that there is not something “wrong” with them – they just got addicted to an addictive drug!
We see this at our workshops which we always begin with a “share” – people are so emotional when they talk about just how unhappy alcohol has been making them – and you get a sense with some people that it’s the first time they’ve said the words out loud.. there is a such a deep bond created when we speak our truth – it’s all about the power of vulnerability
Deb talked of her reluctance to step on the sober journey as there always seemed to be a party or Christmas or a birthday round the corner. The thing is that there is never a “right time” to quit the booze – we just have to get started, get some sober time and get those “first” sober parties done – they probably won’t be much fun but they will get easier
Apparently Deb went to her doctor for tests as she worried about the effect that alcohol may be having on her body – her did some test and told her she was fine – many of the standard liver function tests will still look normal even if you drink far too much but don’t be misled as the damage could well be happening.
If you are interested in a more realistic test to assess the effect alcohol is having on your body then you may be interested in the CDT testing – have a listen to episode 22 with Scientist Jean Deenmamode
Testing is not the real issue however – the real issue is whether your drinking is on your mind – if it is, if you worry about it then reach out and get some help
I asked Deb what the main benefit of sobriety was for her and she simply said “freedom’ – I so understand what she means – the relief and the peace that comes with sobriety is priceless – and our life opens out again, we enjoy everyday pleasures
Of course Deb herself has been in the very difficult position of having a son with a drug problem which led us to talk about the difficulty of dealing with a loved one with an issue – Deb felt it was about unconditional love – and being there but obviously the person has to decide for themselves.
Deb is now a therapist and specializes in Root Cause therapy which looks at limiting beliefs – stories we tell ourselves – such as “Im not good enough” – the beliefs that sit in our subconscious
Deb is working with Tribe Sober these days – offering her Root Cause therapy to our members and will be running workshops for our Australian members – so if you are in Australia and would like to attend a workshop just email janet@tribesober.com and we’ll keep you posted
We start our annual 66 day challenge on 27 September - Sober Spring here in South Africa but can be a Sober Autumn as well!
Membership also allows you to find your people as we welcome you into our supportive community - and this month new members will get a complimentary Sober Spring Challenge
Just go to tribesober.com and hit the "join our tribe" button to read more about the benefits of membershipMore info
Subscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you 
        
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x

South Africa‘s troubled relationship with alcohol - Professor Charles Parry

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
This week my guest is Researcher and Activist Professor Charles Parry, who works tirelessly to bring about social change in South Africa.  He is the Head of the Alcohol and Drug Unit at the SAHMRC, an organisation which reports directly in to the Department of Health and has the overall goal to improve the health of the nation
In this Episode
Although many people in South Africa don’t drink the ones who do are drinking excessively
A whole industry exists which makes a profit from these heavy drinkers – profits which are demanded by their shareholders
Charles talked about the tricky role which alcohol has played in the history of this country – as a tool of oppression – during apartheid miners who lived far from home and had nothing else to do at night apart from drink in beer halls which of course provided more profits for liquor suppliers
And of course the dop system where farm workers received part of their wages in alcohol –creating a generation of dependent drinkers – and also playing into the fact that SA has incredibly high levels of Foetal Alcohol syndrome
The dop system is now of course prohibited but alcohol remains a major source of harm – 170 people a day die of alcohol related causes and the burden on the health care system is tremendous
Of course poverty and the unemployment rates play a big role in the binge drinking culture – lack of alternative recreational activities and the feeling of lack of a future, as well as peer pressure all have an influence
Young people are also convinced by the marketing industry that successful people drink – usually expensive brands of whisky or brandy!
Charles has been very involved in the fall out from the pandemic over the last 18 months – he talked to us about the 4 alcohol bans and the fact that every time alcohol was banned the admission to hospital trauma units fell by a staggering 60% - releasing space for Covid patients
It’s been like a massive social experiment - like turning a tap on and off!
Medical staff talked of the changing nature of their work - trauma units no longer smelt of blood and alcohol during alcohol bans
We discussed how alcohol weakens the immune system making us more susceptible to disease, including Covid
Covid patients who were heavy drinkers had poorer chances of surviving than non drinkers
The liquor industry of course pushed back against the alcohol bans and lamented their reduced profits but this was a false rhetoric because in fact their profit increased due to people stocking up before the bans!
Obviously banning alcohol for ever is not a possibility but the bans have proved to Charles that government IS PREPARED to take drastic action when required
It proves that something CAN be done and government needs to implement a plan of measures that will address this problem
Charles shared some of his ideas – some of which he has already presented to government –Covid has actually strengthened his case with the stark reminder of the harm that alcohol is doing to south African society
Charles posts daily on his TW account – some really great links and comments on there so please follow him if you can – we need to support the great work he is doing!
His TW handle is @profparry
We start our annual 66 day challenge on 27 September - Sober Spring here in South Africa but can be a Sober Autumn as well!
Membership also allows you to find your people as we welcome you into our supportive community - and this month new members will get a complimentary Sober Spring Challenge
Just go to tribesober.com and hit the "join our tribe" button to read more about the benefits of membershipMore info
Subscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then  sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you 
        
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x

My Journey to Sobriety - with Clive Vanderwagen

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
This week my guest is tribe member Clive Vanderwagen.  Clive is a business and leadership coach who is also a wine expert!  
In this Episode
Clive’s father offered him a taste of wine at quite an early age in an effort to make it “less exciting” but looking back Clive feels this was a bit naïve and if he was ever a parent he would probably share with his kids that he had struggled with alcohol himself and that it should be treated with caution.
Educating our kids about alcohol is SO tricky but one thing is for sure – it’s easier to do it if we don’t drink – it’s no good saying one thing and then modelling another as we open our nightly bottle of wine!
Like many of us Clive felt invincible when he was younger and the fact that he became dependent on alcohol took him by surpise. Alcohol dependency tends to sneak up on us over the years and its only when we try to cut down or give up that we realise we have a problem!
That’s why regular breaks are so important – if you want to try 66 alcohol free days with online, community and audio support then just sign up for our Sober Spring Challenge
I could really identify with Clive when he said he went to AA to see everyone chain smoking and talking about their rock bottoms and just didn’t feel he fitted in! He just didn’t feel like an alcoholic because he wasn’t drinking in the morning, crashing cars, losing jobs etc
The thing is we don’t have to wait until we hit “rock bottom” before we make a change:-
          If we worry about our drinking or if we drink more than the low risk limits then we should make some changes – at the very least              take a break just to test your dependency,
Like most of us Clive tried “moderation” and we agreed that our “drinking neural pathway” will always be there so once you’ve crossed a line with your drinking moderation is no longer an option.
Clive talked about being triggered by a sunny day and the thought of drinking rose – he has a sensible approach to his triggers – he just recognizes them, gets a bit curious about them and then lets them pass without acting on them
One way of dealing with those triggers is to create another ritual to replace it – for example if Clive started enjoying a glass on AF bubbly everytime he sat drinking in the sunshine then his subconscious would gradually create a new and less harmful trigger.
Clive’s Madonna Story was a classic example of how we expect alcohol to enhance our experiences – in Clive’s case he ended up almost blacking out and missing most of a concert he’d been looking forward to for months!
Clive has made the joyful discovery that “Clive doesn’t need alcohol to be Clive” – he can still be the life and soul of the party when stone cold sober!
11 months into his sobriety Clive feels he's regained control of his life and reduced his anxiety -he feels strong and is proud to be alcohol
Clive ended our interview by reading his stunning Goodbye to Alcohol letter which he found a powerful and cathartic experience – his letter is very moving and if you would like to read it along with some others just hit this link.
We start our annual 66 day challenge in September - called Sober Spring here in South Africa but can be Sober Autumn as well
Membership also allows you to find your people as we welcome you into our supportive community - and this month new members will get a complimentary Sober Spring Challenge
Just go to tribesober.com and hit the "join our tribe" button to read more about the benefits of membershipMore infoSubscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then                 sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you 
        
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and join our Tribe Sober Club on Clubhouse - we are on Clubhouse every Sunday afternoon at 5pm SA time so come join the conversation.
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x

Use your Lizard Brain to get Sober - with Neuroscientist Staci Danfield

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
This week my guest is Staci Danfield.  Staci is a neuroscientist who loves working with the sober community.  In this episode she shares some really practical and useful information about our brain.
In this Episode
Staci’s husband walked out on her just before her 50th birthday – she was devastated at the time but now the years have passed she is able to look back and see that event as a catalyst for change… a real Wake Up Call
Realising that she must take responsibility for her own happiness she went to grad school to study neuroscience
Staci has no issues with alcohol but her father was an alcoholic – the whole family had tried to convince him to stop for years but only when he decided to stop himself did it work..
We talked about rehab and Staci explained that the success rate is a shockingly low 13.8%
She explained that our brain tricks us into thinking that alcohol is making us happy but in fact it is a depressant – if you’ve been drinking for years then the alcohol will have altered the balance of your brain which is why you become increasingly dependent.
When we understand how our brains work we can work with it – and that’s when the magic will happen – a great analogy is to think of how we use our computers – we work with programs that are installed in our computers – not against them!
Understanding our brains means that we can understand ourselves better and see what we are gaining by ditching the drink – we need to create a “pattern interruptor”
We mustn’t try to alter multiple habits at the same time – far better to focus on just the one
Here at Tribe Sober we say “Just chase one rabbit at a time – if you chase several the chances are that they will all escape!”
Staci advises that we focus on our successes “today I resisted a drink” and don’t look too far into the future (or avoid the F word as we say at Tribe Sober!)
If you listened to Tribe Sober podcast episode 55 which was called “The Happy Brain” with Loretta Breuning, you may remember that she recommended setting an overall goal and dividing it up into smaller goals – this will keep our happy chemicals flowing as just aiming for a mini goal will trigger dopamine and of course we’ll feel good when we reach it.
Staci is in agreement with Loretta and used the marathon analogy – if we sign up for a marathon we don’t immediately go out and try to run 26 miles – we design a training program and divide it into daily sessions – running a bit further every day..
You can find a great example of this on Episode 15 of the Tribe Sober podcast with one of our Sober Springers Kai – he did SS, achieved 66 AF days, then aimed for 100days, then 6 months, then a year – and now 3 years later he still hasn’t had a drink – but still doesn’t say its forever!
Staci explained how our primitive lizard brain will go on autopilot unless we intervene – she calls her Lizard Brain Earl and calls him out if he tries to hijack her behaviour!
She confirmed that our 66 day Sober Spring Challenge is long enough to create a new neural pathway to change our drinking patterns
She also said that the “secret sauce” of Sober Spring was the community support
We discussed the fact that our “drinking neural pathway will always be with us (if we’ve been drinking for years) – and that its easy to reactivate if we start trying to “moderate” after a period of sobriety. Staci loves our Goodbye to Alcohol letters and suggests reading them regularly to remind ourselves how bad the drinking got!
She came up with a list of quick tips to boost our happy chemicals
We start our annual 66 day challenge in September - called Sober Spring here in South Africa but can be Sober Autumn as well
Membership also allows you to find your people as we welcome you into our supportive community - and this month new members will get a complimentary Sober Spring Challenge
Just go to tribesober.com and hit the "join our tribe" button to read more about the benefits of membershipMore infoSubscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you
want to change your relationship with alcohol then           sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you 
        
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and join our Tribe Sober Club on Clubhouse - we are on Clubhouse every Sunday afternoon at 5pm SA time so come join the conversation.
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x