Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

Building Recovery Capital with David Collins

 
David Collins is well known in the recovery world.  He is the founder of the Foundation Clinic and U-ACT here in South Africa.  He is a Master Recovery Coach with a keen sense of social responsibility.  Through his Ubuntu Addiction Community Trust he’s trained a team of Recovery Coaches who are addressing South Africa’s need to build recovery capital.
In this Episode
David’s father was an alcoholic and he told us the touching story of creating a picture of his family in school at the age of 10 – then a classmate looking at the picture and saying that his parents were drug addicts.
That makes me think of our last workshop. There were several people there who had alcoholism in the family.  There was also a young guy who had small children and he told us that just listening to the sad stories from people who had grown up with an alcoholic parent had made him determined to change.
David made the decision that he would never be like his father – so he turned to hard drugs rather than alcohol!
We talked about the false beliefs we all have about addiction – the stories we tell ourselves – for example that wine is “better” than cocaine – but of course its all drugs..
He told us that it took about 3 years for him to go from “I’ve got a problem” to “This is hell and I need help” -  I’ve often talked about the average length of time for people it takes someone with an alcohol problem to reach out for help being 11 years so it seems that hard drugs will take you down faster!
David hit his rock bottom when he became addicted to heroin and crack cocaine and lost his kids to foster care.
As the result of a medical at the Japanese bank where he was working David was sent to his first rehab but it took a few rehab stays before he got clean.
He began his journey into recovery 26 years ago – when there was nothing else available except the 12 step approach.
However the 12 step model worked for him and he was abstinent for 15 years – in fact he called himself Captain Recovery and collected all the chips and keyrings going!
He was back in banking, remarried and was ticking all the boxes for a happy life – the only problem was that he wasn’t happy!
David did some personal development with the Mankind Project and then studied business coaching. It occurred to him that the coaching model would fit very well into recovery processes
As he explained the discipline of the 12 steps kept him clean for 12 years but then he needed more – rather than being told to keep to the steps he was ready to be empowered to discover what recovery actually meant for him – and recovery coaching was the perfect mechanism for that.
The role of the recovery coach is to facilitate the growth of Recovery Capital.
David explained that Recovery Capital is about building internal resources so that we can stay clean and be fulfilled in our lives
Here at Tribe Sober we enable you to quit drinking and then to go on and thrive in your alcohol free life – we have our own Recovery Coaches who can help you to build those inner resources needed to thrive
David talked about shame – the internal shame we all feel when we are struggling – and the communal shame felt by the family – and then of course the stigma society places on addiction which perpetuates the problem – we have to find a way to lift the shame and let the healing begin
We talked about the wider problems of alcohol and drug abuse here in SA and David is personally involved in training and sending recovery coaches into communities.
He strongly believes that recovery capital is key and research has shown for every $1 spent on education there is a saving of $7 ($3 on medical costs and $4 on criminal justice interventions)
That’s a pretty impressive return on investment!
With the work he does in the world of recovery David feels that he has connected to his soul's purpose
You can find out more about David on his website which is  https://davidcollinscoaching.com ., he’s on Instagram and I also spotted him doing some crazy stuff on TikTok the other day so do check him out!More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Walking Talking Blackouts with Anneke Roussel

 
Anneke Roussel is a Tribe Sober member who knows all about the work hard/play hard culture.  She worked overseas in Afghanistan and Somalia and often found herself sharing bottles of scotch with her male colleagues in Mogadishu.  The combination of retirement from her exciting career and the isolation of the pandemic saw her continuing with her scotch but adding a couple of bottles of wine into the mix.
In this Episode
Anneke married an alcoholic – he stopped drinking via AA and Anneke went to AA so she became well aware of the 12 steps and became a sponsor
She never imagined that she would become an alcoholic herself which shows that we should never become complacent
Anneke had a corporate career but she also owned a restaurant which became the heart of her social life
She had a severely disabled child and turned to alcohol to cope with the stress of managing her career and looking after her child.
Tragically her daughter died at the age of 10 and Anneke turned to drink to try to numb the pain
She took a job in Afghanistan where she worked with a bunch of hard drinking men. Only whisky was available so that’s where she learned to love her whisky.
She moved from Afghanistan to Somalia where she stayed for 5 years – another high stress job where sitting under the trees drinking whisky with her colleagues was the daily after work activity.
Anneke returned to South Africa planning to retire and then travel the world – however Covid hit which meant that she had to live on her farm which was fairly isolated
She managed to keep to her father’s rule of no booze before 5pm but at 5 it was a whisky followed by two bottles of wine.
We talked about how we get to the stage where we actually prefer drinking alone than being with other people – which is a real warning sign of dependence
It means we are creating a relationship with alcohol, its fast becoming our best friend.
Anneke felt that drinking had become part of her identity – that happens to many of us and that’s why our friends are so horrified when we say we are going to quit drinking!
Like me Anneke suffered from walking talking blackouts – and like me she was horrified to learn that those kind of blackouts mean that the brain become so soaked in alcohol it cannot even make memories – its not just that we have forgotten stuff!
It was lockdown and SA’s alcohol ban that made Anneke realise the severity of her problem. She found herself searching for liquor on the black market and didn’t care how much she paid.
She would go out to a restaurant, drink a bottle of wine alone and then purchase another bottle to bring home.
She went to look at a rehab but the 12 steps didn’t appeal to her as she definitely didn’t feel powerless over alcohol
At Tribe Sober we believe in putting down our glass and taking back our power!   
So at Tribe Sober Anneke found “her people” and an approach that worked for her. Tribe Sober coach Lynette helped her to find her power and to learn to be kind to herself.
She’s worked on her “inner child” – or inner children perhaps we should say – Anneke still has the saboteur and the inner critic - she now visualises them as children sitting in a bus – but these days Anneke is in the driving seat and just tells them to be quiet!
These days she is thoroughly enjoying her retirement and is so relieved that she made a conscious decision to quit so that she doesn’t risk drinking her retirement away like so many people do
If you are a bit older and worried about your drinking have a listen to my interview with British Psychiatrist Dr Tony – Tribe Sober podcast episode 35
She is now in her second year of sobriety so I asked her why she stuck around with the tribe – she had 3 reasons1.   She gets a reminder of just how hard it used to be when she sees new members starting out.2.  She loves the connection – with a group of people who understand you straight away3.  It keeps her grounded and reminds her never to think that she might be able to moderate!More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Boozy Chefs with Dennis Berry

 
Dennis Berry is a Life Mastery Coach and has been working with people worldwide for over 15 years.  He has been sober since April 8, 2003 during which time he became a successful businessman, athlete, and family man. His journey in recovery helped him find his mission in life, which is to help others achieve inner peace and success, and master every area of their lives.
In this Episode
Dennis took us behind the scenes of what he calls the “vampire lifestyle” that he led when he was working in restaurants – vodka and coke stashed in the freezer
He was caught in a vicious cycle – waking up feeling awful and resolving to go straight home after work, drinking all day during his shift at the restaurants and then finding himself at the bar after work – again – over and over – he didn’t know how to escape
He got out of the restaurant trade at the age of 27 and got sober at 31 when (as he puts it) his life began…
Dennis got sober by going to rehab and doing the work – he did absolutely everything they recommended and it worked
At Tribe Sober we recommend that people prioritise their sobriety and “throw the book” at it – listen to the podcasts, read the quitlit, stay connected with the community – do everything you can for at least 6 months and your life will change..
As we says rehab is discovery but its only when he left that his recovery began – at the age of 31 Dennis was hungry for life
He made the very interesting point that although ditching the booze can help us “recover” ourselves, for people like Dennis - he had to learn to live their lives for the first time!
That made me think of the fact that our emotional maturity stalls at the age that we start drinking heavily – so if we start drinking at a young age we never get the chance to learn how to handle our feelings and our emotions.
We agreed that although AA can be a good start we need to do the work and then go out and live – we can’t spend 30 years going to the rooms for meetings!
He feels that the best thing about AA is the community and all sobriety groups can offer this – connection is the opposite of addiction
Fix the drinking and then you can address other parts of your life – this is called the Domino Effect - check out Tribe Sober episode 52 for more info.
Dennis came up with a nice analogy – if we are going through a divorce, an addiction, financial problems we sometimes feel as if our life is falling apart – but we should try reframing that because often it means that our lives are actually falling into place – it’s the beginning rather than the end
That made me think of the JK Rowling quote: Rock Bottom became the foundation on which I built my life
Dennis discovered that helping others gave him purpose – he wanted a life of service
In his book “Funky Wisdom” Dennis uses the acronym HOW – Honesty (admit there is a problem) O = be open minded  W= new way of life
We’ve been taught that asking for help is a sign of weakness but in fact it’s a sign of strength
He explained that when a normal drinker feels a bit tipsy that will be a red light for him to stop – whereas for us dependent drinkers we get a green light to keep going!
We talked about how the whole world is manipulated by various forms of marketing and he raised the interesting point about the placement of tv commercials – the news will pump fear into us for 10 minutes and then show us an ad for booze or junk food to trigger us to numb the pain
As Dennis said our subconscious mind is “running the show” and those limiting beliefs we hold about drinking being fun etc will keep us drinking BUT the good news is that we CAN reprogram our subconscious which is what we teach in our 4-hour Zoom workshops
Dennis talked about the dangers of cross addiction – to smoking and eating sugary foods for example. They are just another distraction to numb our feelings. 
In fact smoking and sugar will damage our immune system – and a strong immune system will help us to cope with cravings.
We need to stop the harmful habits and add in healthy habits and which can take up to a year.
Dennis believes in starting his day by getting “centred” and his 6 steps (which he explains in Funky Wisdom”) enables him to get and stay centred.
These days he uses meditation, mindfulness and CBT to process his feelings so he no longer feels the need to numb them away.
We talked about the importance of having a project when we get sober – we have to start building something worthwhile rather than just waiting for life to happen and
Building a purposeful and healthy life takes years whereas drinking is just a quick fix..More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

On the Rocks with Thando Pato

There are so many inspiring quit lit memoirs out there but very few from South Africa.  Apart from Melinda Ferguson's "Smacked" and Sam Cowen's "From Whisky to Water" there has been a distinct lack of inspiration coming from the Southern Hemisphere.However that’s all changed thanks to my podcast guest Thando Pato who has just published her Quit Lit memoir - "On the Rocks".  When Thando wanted to get sober she struggled to find a book by someone she could relate to.  So she has put this situation right by becoming the first black South African woman to write a QuitLit memoir. 
As it says on her book cover:-
"Thirty-nine year old Thando is living in complete denial about her drinking. On the surface, her life appears aspirational – she has an enviable job, a cool apartment and a snazzy car. But behind the facade she harbours a dark and shameful secret – she can’t control her drinking."
In this Episode
Like many of us Thando’s drinking career got started at University – that combination of being away from home with access to cheap booze and drinking buddies gets to many of us.
However she was not at all worried about her drinking as it just felt normal.
In fact she displayed a very sensible attitude towards alcohol as she ditched it for a year while she was doing her post grad at Rhodes - she was paying for her own studies and well aware of the heavy drinking reputation at Rhodes.
However by 2012 she had got into the habit of drinking a bottle of wine at home most evenings of the week
Still not particularly concerned but when her therapist told her she was an alcoholic she stormed out of the room and promptly sacked her – Thando was still in denial about having a problem but the therapist had definitely planted a seed!
Thando’s drinking accelerated in 2016 when she had two personal setbacks.
Using alcohol to deal with disappointments can easily become our default and it's actually a big sign of progress when we can deal with our lows (and even our highs) without reaching for the booze.
Thando described 2016 as a bit of a blur – often having to leave her car and collect it the next morning, not remembering the journey home, awful hangovers, feeling a lot of shame etc..
I think many of us can identify with that blurry stage – that’s when you really need to make a change and step off the slippery slope of dependence
Of course Thando was making (and breaking) rules by this time but finally accepting that she had a toxic relationship with alcohol but like many of us she had no idea HOW to make a change.
Like me she trotted down to AA but like me she listened to the shares and decided that she wasn’t “that bad” and that she didn’t fit in at all!
Now that I look back on the AA experience and that feeling of being "ok" because we are not drinking in the morning etc it occurs to me that we should be comparing ourselves with the best version of ourselves that we could be – rather than comparing ourselves with the hard core “alcoholic”
Thando made a pact with her brother to not drink for a year and he would be a support
Thando’s decision to take a year off was a brave one but it had a fatal flaw – she was under the impression that this sabbatical from the booze would mean that she would be able to reset her habits and drink “normally”
This was futile because once our drinking has crossed that line into dependence we can never go back – we have to go forward and create an alcohol free life – a life we don’t want to escape from
Tribe sober can help you do that – so why not join our tribe.
Thando’s therapist pointed out that the fact that she was taking a year off indicated that she did have a problem with alcohol as it would never occur to a “normal” drinker to do that!
She was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and told that she displayed the traits of a functioning alcoholic
What helped Thando finally accept that she was a functioning alcoholic was the explanation she got from her therapist of alcoholism being a spectrum – two extremes with many degrees of dependence in between
At one end is the stereotype alcoholic (that homeless man in the park) and at the other end is the non drinker – most of the population fall between those two extremes
Back in 2012 Doctors Nowinsky and Doyle published a book called “Almost Alcoholics” – these people are still holding it all together but edging up to the alcoholic end of the spectrum
The trick is to keep an eye on your relationship with alcohol and your location on the spectrum.   If you’d like one of our free pdfs called “Signs you have a drinking problem” then email me at janet@tribesober.com
Once Thando had got through her sober year (mostly by white knuckling it) life threw her a couple of curved ball which meant that her intentions to moderate were completely derailed
She was diagnosed with breast cancer and as drinking was her default mechanism for dealing with trauma she drank more than ever to cope with the stress, the surgery and the various treatments
Then came the pandemic but this turned out to be her saving grace..
South Africa implemented an alcohol ban and Thando was able to isolate herself and build up some sober time
Although she felt like she was “losing her mind” during those first few months of sobriety she hung in there and it got easier
At month 9 she started to write her book and after a year she stopped obsessing about alcohol, she stopped romanticising it
She changed the way she saw alcohol, her mindset – that’s such an essential step and we’ll never thrive in our alcohol free lives if we don’t change our mindset
So Thando got sober by a combination of being locked away due to the pandemic and getting some therapy
Her therapist helped her to understand that she was actually an introvert and needed time alone to recharge – extraverts draw their energy from being with people whereas introverts need time alone
Another conclusion she reached through therapy was the fact that she was attracted to men who were emotionally unavailable – her therapist helped her to realise that by drinking she was emotionally cut off from herself..
These days Thando feels that she understands herself so much better and has adjusted her lifestyle to ensure that she gets plenty of time alone
Her social life has evolved accordingly and she spends time in smaller groups rather than going for long boozy lunches with big groups of people
Apart from getting to know herself better Thandos main benefit of sobriety is more capacity – for herself and for her to connect with others – her relationships are deeper.
So many young professionals will identify with Thando’s story - her book “On the Rocks” is available in bookstores on Kindle and can be ordered online via Amazon and Loot.
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Life Lessons from Recovery

Life Lessons from Recovery
As we ditch the booze and try to navigate our alcohol drenched world without it we often say we are on a “journey”.  My guest this week got sober and then decided to embark on a physical journey. 
From Mexico to Canada – on foot! – 2,500 miles! – 5 months! 
She applied the lessons from her recovery to the walk and then wrote a book about it..
My guest uses her trail name which is Person Irresponsible – P.I. for short..
 
In this Episode
PI grew up in a drinking home and married a drinker – a familiar story as we tend to seek out the familiar – our comfort zone
In her twenties she doesn’t recall being worried about her drinking but there were certainly some “incidents’
She realises that she was in deep denial – hanging around with other drinkers to normalise her behaviour
As she got into her thirties her hangovers got more severe, her marriage collapsed and she started drinking until she blacked out
Like many drinkers she fell into “victim” mode, blaming others – in her case blaming her ex husband
As she looks back on this she can see that alcoholism prevents any rational thought
PI became so unhappy during this period she didn’t actually care what happened to her or what harm she was doing to herself with alcohol
She never read romance or chick lit but for some reason she had an urge to read Rachels Holiday by Marian Keyes
At the end of the book Marian had written about AA so PI decided to call the helpline and talk to someone – as a result of this conversation she decided to try 30 days without alcohol
She went to 30 meetings in 30 days and was thrilled to get her 30 day chip – one of the guys at the meetings said – now you have to do 60 days which came as a surprise but she decided to go for it, after all physically she felt so much better!
PI loved the stories and the drama – and the chips at AA – she wasn’t so keen on the solutions and didn’t listen to those..
Unsurprisingly she relapsed – on Day 72 – but the alcohol she drank didn’t give her the relief she was looking for
She went to a meeting and heard a share that really resonated with her – and she finally accepted that she was an alcoholic
That got her back on track and although she suffered from bad cravings now and again she learnt how to “break the spell” – whether by talking to someone or writing a list of reasons to be sober
As she hit one year sober she started to hear a voice saying “surely you can have just one now” – as well as the voices explaining why that would be a bad idea.
As she said she had a “war” going on in her head – full on cognitive dissonance as the psychologists call it..
That made me think of the study by the Tempest that it takes a person an average of 11 years to reach out for help – that’s 11 years of listening to the battle between your rational mind and your limiting beliefs in your subconscious – exhausting!
She made the decision to get her one year chip and then to try having a drink – but then she got a call from a sponsee asking for help – listening to this persons struggle “broke the spell” for her and made her realise that she didn’t want ever to go back to those difficult days again
That’s why we encourage our members to stick around even after they have got sober – it's so rewarding to be able to help other people and it’s a reminder of how tough those early days are – after all who wants to keep doing the hardest bit, again and again.
We even have a 6 years+ group at Tribe Sober and the conversations are quite different on that group – we added up our collective years of sobriety the other day - 184 Years in all!
Like many of us PI found herself with time on her hands when she stopped drinking. Inspired by a movie called "Wild" she decided to walk the worlds longest footpath – from Mexico to Canada, the Pacific Crest Trail.
We always say that your world will open up to new possibilities when you ditch the drink and PI is a great example 
She was able to apply the lessons she had learned in recovery during the walk – she gave us a nice analogy of the initial excitement at the beginning of the walk (pink cloud), followed by the boredom and the difficulty and the need to just keep going.
Her walk was a perfect metaphor for her recovery journey – and she often just wanted to quit
She describes the PCT as the second greatest achievement in her life (after recovery)
At Tribe Sober we often say that Sobriety is a Superpower as if we can do that we can do anything!
So do get hold of PI’s book which is called “Everything you Ever Taught Me” – I’ve read it and it’s great – very funny and full of insight
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

How to stop Binge Drinking with Mindset Coach Kathryn Elliott

 
How to Stop Binge Drinking with Mindset Coach Kathryn
In early sobriety I was dutifully working my way through the QuitLit but one day I picked up a book that changed everything for me – the Naked Mind by Annie Grace.  That book was a revelation  – I finally understood how we are manipulated endlessly by the liquor industry to believe that we need their toxic product to enjoy our lives.  I started to see things quite differently. I started to laugh when yet another booze advert came on tv or another glamorous movie heroine poured herself a huge glass of wine!
I realised what the missing piece had been all along – it was mindset.
Until I read the Naked Mind I was white knuckling my sobriety so I was missing the most important piece of all.  That’s why we say the objective of our workshop is to create a mindshift – we know that we have to enable you to change your thinking – about drinking if you are to go on and actually thrive in your alcohol free life.
Our next workshop is coming up on June 25- you can get more info and book here So now you’ve heard how what a gamechanger The Naked Mind was for me you will understand why I’m thrilled to welcome one of Annie Grace’s Mindset Coaches as my guest this week…
Kathryn shares her personal story with us and explains why binge drinkers often don’t even realise that they have a “problem”…
In this Episode
Kathryn was a teenage drinker. With a friend she got through a bottle of gin and a packet of cigarettes at the age of 14 – the results were not pretty and involved a lot of vomiting but did not deter her
Drinking is so normalised in Australia that she almost felt an obligation to “push through” these early experiments until she got to a place where she was enjoying it – and she did!
In fact she discovered that once she started drinking she didn’t really have an “off” switch.
Now that she works with a lot of binge drinkers in her coaching career she hears many of say that they don’t have an “off” switch
Kathryn would be in a cycle – go for it, recover, go for it, recover
She didn’t really see this as a “problem” even when she started having blackouts at 16 – some blackouts which involved driving
She could go for weeks without drinking and challenges like Dry January were easy for her but she would always see these dry periods as permission to binge before and afterwards!
As Kathryn looks back on those short periods of abstinence she realises they did nothing to help her understand her binge drinking habit
Women need to understand that binge drinking is particularly dangerous as it can take up to a month for our liver to recover from a heavy session.
We tend to think that once the hangover has gone we can start drinking again but that just piles more damage on top of the existing damage.
Both Kathryn and I spent far too much time in the “Moderation Trap” as we couldn’t imagine our lives without alcohol. Even if we white knuckled our moderation for a while the binge drinking would return.
We are also both health conscious so can now appreciate the irony of going gluten free, eating organic, doing yoga, exercising daily – and then drinking far too much!
It’s as if it’s the last piece of the puzzle for our health – we are prepared to do all sorts of other things (even run marathons!) so long as they don’t take our wine away!
Kathryn always imagined she would “grow out” of her binge drinking but by the age of 42 she realised she had been stuck in this pattern for nearly 30 years and something would have to change.
There were two incidents in her 40’s which were a catalyst for the change – getting drunk at her brother's wedding where she fell over and hurt her hand and then had a row with her mother.
The second incident was a family holiday where she frightened her teenage children by being unable to walk
The next day she sat on the beach and cried – she realised she would have to quit
I call this the “moment of truth” and it comes to many of us – that feeling of “I’m done, I just can’t do this anymore”
Kathryn joined the Alcohol Experiment with Annie Grace with the intention of trying a year of sobriety – she learned a lot and got huge comfort from the community, realising that she was not alone in this – it was not her fault that she got addicted to an addictive substance!
We both agreed that the recovery community is special and we love being trailblazers for the alcohol free lifestyle
Like me Kathryn is a breast cancer survivor and she talks of the moment she was diagnosed
She reflected on the fact that her default position for dealing with trauma was to drink but in fact she realised that she needed all her mental and physical strength to deal with her breast cancer
My diagnosis was back in 2006 when I still drinking and I remember seeing it as a perfect opportunity to slip into victim mode and step up the drinking!
Neither of us realised just how strong the link is between heavy drinking and breast cancer – in fact just 3 or 4 drinks a week will increase your risk by 15% so it was unsurprising that I got breast cancer after putting away a bottle of wine a night for decades!
Many ladies in our community have had breast cancer and its nearly always been estrogen driven – as alcohol increases the amount of estrogen in our bodies.
Kathryn took comfort from her decision to quit drinking as she realised she would be reducing her risk of a recurrence
She trained as a Naked Mind Coach and loves helping people to change their lives
She uses 3 pillars to help people change their relationship with alcohol
Knowledge – be curious, learn everything you can, “throw the book at it” as we say at Tribe Sober
Emotion – challenge your limiting beliefs, – change your thoughts and create new neural pathways
Action – as Kathryn says once we question our beliefs our subconscious will kick in and help us to take the actions we need to
Kathryn's tips for newbies – dip your toe into sobriety, join sober communities, listen and learn – and of course Annie Grace's book the "Naked Mind" is a great place to start!
We talked about binge drinkers and the interesting thing about binge drinkers is that they often don’t see themselves as “problem drinkers”
They see themselves as “normal drinkers” who go over the top now and again!
I was definitely in this category
So the first step is to accept that even if you go for weeks without drinking but then sometimes go over the top and don’t seem to have an off switch you probably need to make some changes
If you would like to work with Kathryn then please go to her website – its: https://www.thealcoholmindsetcoach.com/More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

7 Top Tips from my 7 Sober Years with Janet Gourand

Tribe Sober - Your guide to alcohol-free living!
Last week I celebrated my 7th Soberversary by having breakfast in a smart hotel – that’s a great tip for sober socialising btw– no pesky questions about “why aren’t you drinking?” and you can even get a nice buzz going from all the coffee!  You can choose the most upmarket venue in town and it’s still going to  be a lot cheaper than a long boozy lunch in a mediocre restaurant!
I shared my story with you last week and this week I’m talking about 7 things I’ve learned during my 7 years of sobriety. Perspective is everything so I’ve tried to pick out 7 things I’ve learned over the years – things that may help others who are on this journey.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
 
In this Episode - My Top 7 Tips
Get ready to feel those feelings
Remember that not drinking hurts (at first)
Be Ready for the Wine Witch and Moderation Mary
Prepare for the void
You will need to Shake things up a bit
Throw the Book at It 
Keep Perspective and remember that the only failure is to stop trying!
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

How I Quit Drinking - and started Tribe Sober with Janet Gourand

Tribe Sober - Your guide to alcohol-free living!
After running Tribe Sober for 6 years and helping hundreds of people to ditch the drink and embrace alcohol-free living I've learned a lot.  My biggest insight has been that sharing our stories around our problems with alcohol is the most powerful way we can help others - that's why the heart of this podcast is recovery stories.
Today I celebrate seven years of sobriety so I'm sharing my story - how I quit drinking and started Tribe Sober
In this Episode
How I got hooked on the booze - and nearly drowned - and carried on drinking
How I got breast cancer - and carried on drinking
How I kept trying (and failing) to "moderate"
How a "walking, talking blackout" made me (finally) decide to ditch the drink
How I went to AA and why it didn't work for me
How I finally found "my people" at a one day workshop in London and managed to stop drinking
How I stayed sober - and decided to use my training experience to design a workshop to help others
How the workshop participants wanted to stay connected and Tribe Sober membership was born
How I marked my first Soberversary by writing a "Goodbye to Alcohol" Letter 
How I'm celebrating my seventh Soberversary by developing an online course which will be available in July 2022
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sober Fiction with S.C. Jensen

 
Novels tend to portray alcohol use as tough and gritty, or fun and relaxing or romantic and sexy – take your pick!  As a culture we’ve internalised these ideas which has contributed to the “normalisation” of drinking. 
My guest this week is trying to create some balance by featuring a sober heroine in her Cyberpunk novel “Bubbles in Space”.  Sarah Jensen is a Canadian science fiction author and strongly believes that we need more sober characters in fiction.  For people in recovery sober characters are powerful and inspiring.
Sarah shares her own recovery story with us and explains how she has drawn upon her struggles with alcohol to create her fictional character:
In this Episode
Although she dabbled in high school and had the occasional binge at college Sarah’s drinking didn’t really take off until she became a parent and signed up for the mommy juice culture.
In fact when a later diagnosis showed that she had been suffering from post natal depression she realised that she had been self medicating with alcohol for 4 years
As a writer she was also part of the creative circles who bought into the belief that alcohol fuels creativity – “write drunk, edit sober” was a popular myth
I discuss this myth (and others) in my interview with South African author Eusebius McKaiser in the Tribe Sober podcast, episode 77 – called Busting Sobriety Myths - released in January 2022
At the age of 34 Sarah realised that she was facing some choices – was she going to be a Better Mom – or a Drinker, a Better Wife – or a Drinker, a Better Writer – or a Drinker.
She realised that drinking had taken up such a lot of space in her head that there was no room for anything else
We discussed the twisted thinking that arises due to the fact that some brilliant writers were alcoholics – of course they were not brilliant BECAUSE they were alcoholics - it was more down to them being so driven that they were able to succeed IN SPITE of being alcoholics…
We wondered how much better they could have been and how much more they could have written if they were not drinking excessively.
Most functioning alcoholics are using so much energy to hold it all together that when they stop they have a surplus of energy to use for more constructive endeavours – we see this over and over in our tribe
Sarah talks of having an “epiphany” one day when she could sense the toxins building up in her body and realised that she was on a slippery slope
As a reader she turned to Quitlit - Annie Grace’s book (the Naked Mind) make her realise that she had an opportunity and a choice to save herself from a lot of pain
Because she hadn’t hit “rock bottom” she felt fortunate that she was able to make such a choice before she became totally dependent
Sarah realised that sobriety was a gift not a punishment
This reframing helps us change our mindset – at Tribe Sober we say that sobriety is an opportunity and that we will gain so much more than we will lose..
Another book which resonated with Sarah was The Biology of Desire by Marc Lewis as she wanted to understand more about how the brain works and the science behind it and as she discovered Mindfulness she read The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle
So in fact Sarah tackled the problem intellectually but she also connected with online sober communities to keep her on track.
As she began to clock up some sober time she found that one of the important advantages of being in a sober community was that it served as a reminder of how hard it had at the beginning
We both have been blown away by the authenticity and kindness of the sober online communities – if you are looking for a small and friendly sober community then go to tribesober.com and hit “join our tribe”
Sarah did feel some nostalgia for the “good times” which would have been triggered by Fading Affect Bias – when our brains trick us into forgetting the bad times and remembering the highlights of our drinking days..
I explained that we recommend to our members that they write a Goodbye to Alcohol Letter listing just how unhappy alcohol has made them over the years – something to read back over when FAB strikes – Sarah has promised to write us a Goodbye to Alcohol letter and you can find all of ours on tribesober.com/Inspiration/GoodbyeLetters – send yours in and we will be happy to publish it!
We discussed how drinking becomes part of our identify and that when we ditch it we have to work on our sober identity – and be out and proud!
Sarah wants to be a voice of strength and positivity – not only for dependent drinkers but for “normal” drinkers – she wants to show people that you don’t HAVE to participate
We agreed that there is no need to reach rock bottom – the smart people step off the slippery slope before it gets too difficult
Benefits of sobriety for Sarah include more mental space together with a feeling of extra brain power – we always say that Sobriety is a Superpower and it sounds as if she experienced that!
She used her increased energy and motivation to focus on the important things in her life
In early sobriety reading was Sarah’s “safe space” but she found that some detective stories and women’s fiction would trigger her
This made her determined to create some balance by having a sober character in her book
She has drawn on her own experiences to create this character who is thriving in her sobriety – rather than being miserable and relapsing as in many current books.
Sarah wants to create a “safe list” of books to read in early sobriety -books that will inspire, rather than trigger us or give us FOMO – please send your recommendations to janet@tribesober.com and we can work on this list with Sarah.
I asked her for some advice for anyone who is thinking of quitting…
Just know that questioning your drinking is a start
Seek out others who are on the same path
Prepare for a shift in your social life but remember you are not alone in this
Sarah’s latest book is called “Bubbles in Space” – “Tropical Punch” – you can find the info about that and her other books on her website which is scjensen.com
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

The Deadly Secret We Must Share! - Professor Tim Stockwell

 
My guest this week is a Senior Scientist with the Canadian Institute for Substance Use Research at the University of Victoria in Canada.  Professor Tim Stockwell is a man with a mission – to inform people about the link between alcohol and cancer.  He has been working tirelessly towards this goal for years and has made himself very unpopular with the liquor industry in the process!  
The fact that alcohol is one of the top three causes of preventable cancer is not exactly a secret – but it may as well be as so few people seem to be aware of it.  Even moderate amounts of alcohol can cause cancer and there is no safe amount.
In this Episode
We discussed the role of government when it comes to informing their citizens about the health risks of alcohol and agreed that governments should have some responsibility to inform and educate.
Tim explained that the Canadian govt had done a good job during Covid EXCEPT when it came to alcohol policy – they actually deemed it an “essential item” and expanded its availability and even reduced the price in some areas.
Here in South Africa our government went the opposite way and enforced several alcohol bans. These bans were implemented to clear the hospitals of alcohol related trauma patients so that Covid patients could be treated – and it worked! 
The alcohol ban in South Africa was like a massive social experiment, demonstrating the massive harm that alcohol does, both to individuals and to society.
I wrote an article listing the mind blowing statistics from this unprecedented period in South African history – called What If Alcohol was Banned 
Tim explained that alcohol consumption in Canada is the highest its been for 20 years and that they are catching up with the UK and Europe.
Canada has an alcohol deficit of $3.7 billion a year – this means that its costs the government $3.7 billion MORE (in healthcare costs etc) than it brings in from taxes.
It’s been known for at least 35 years that alcohol was a number one carcinogen and we agreed that producers should be telling their consumers about the risks – so that at least we are making an informed choice when we drink.
Scotland has successfully introduced minimum pricing (although the liquor industry fought it for 6 years!) and modelling demonstrates that this policy reduces hospitalisation and deaths.
The official figures of alcohol related deaths throughout the world is R3M a year but Tim believes that these figures are more like 5 or 6M. The official figures dampened down by the outdated view that “moderate drinking” is good for our health. 
Tim maintains that the misinformation that moderate drinking can be good for you has been responsible for millions of deaths worldwide.
We agreed the irony of the fact that alcohol kills far more people than Covid did – during Covid the whole world closed down yet nothing changes regarding alcohol…
We wondered what impact it would have if we saw daily graphs on tv showing us deaths and hospitalisations from alcohol like we did for Covid!
Although it’s a “hard sell” there ARE effective strategies that could be implemented regarding alcohol policy explained Tim – pricing and availability being two of them.
Also focus groups have expressed the view that the absence of warning labels on alcohol conveys a powerful message that its ok..
Tim was featured in a Canadian documentary recently – in this documentary an oncologist was explaining that be bought a fishing rod which was covered in warning labels yet a carcinogenic liquid has none!
We heard about a fascinating experiment in a Canadian Province where warning labels were introduced – quite striking labels with cancer warnings and the low risk guidelines.
This experiment proved labelling worked as it reduced consumption by 7%!
However it was halted when the liquor industry brought a legal action calling the labels “defamatory” (!)
We discussed the futility of being told to “Drink Responsibly” and agreed that this was just the liquor industry putting the blame on the consumer rather than being transparent about the dangers of consuming their product.
In spite of the struggles Tim does feel that there is hope – he feels that there is a “tide” of change and that alcohol may finally be having its “cigarette moment”
We talked about citizens “rights” and of course people must have the right to drink alcohol but they also have the right to be informed of the dangers – just like we are with cigarettes…
It took Scotland 6 years to get minimum pricing implemented but now other countries are introducing that policy.More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).