Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

Sober Short - Get a Project!

Tribe Sober – Inspiring an Alcohol-free Life! 
SOBER SHORT 9 – Find a Project!
I’m kicking off our Sober Short series by taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – just go to tribesober.com, hit Our Services and you’ll find all the info about our workshops. You can do a group workshop or a private workshop to suit your schedule and time zone.
These workshops have been a gamechanger for many people so if you want to kickstart your sober life then sign up today.  Next Workshop is on 27th March – morning for US people and afternoon/early evening for UK, Europe and South Africa
During the first 8 Sober Shorts, we looked at the first  Tools in our toolbox. Before we move on to tool number  let’s do a quick recap…
In this Episode
Tool number 1 was “Get Connected”
Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path.
If you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com – just hit “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership.
Tool number 2 was “Get Moving”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many people exercise daily but they also drink daily – sometimes excessively. Ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was “Building Emotional Strength”
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions.
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says, or as Glennon Doyle says, “First the Pain, then the Rising.”
Tool number 4 was all about Mindset
It was about changing your thinking – about drinking.
We talked about overturning those false beliefs that we have picked up over the years — for example, we believe that we deserve a drink at the end of the day!
We talked about overturning those beliefs – one by one.
“Do the work” and you will never see alcohol in the same way and…
You will never suffer from FOMO which is the key to sticking to your sobriety.
Tool number 5 – was about Visualisation
We talked about some powerful ways to use visualisation.
One of them was to “Play the movie forward” – if you get the urge to drink, then just think it through – what will happen after that first glass. Do you really want to wake up at 3 am full of anxiety and regret?
Do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – and do the hardest bit - again and again?
Tool number 6 – Information is Power
It’s hard to believe it these days but not that long ago we had NO IDEA that smoking was bad for us.
Even if you do decide to carry on drinking then make sure that it’s an informed choice. The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
That’s a good place to start and there are many QuitLit books out there and of course podcasts – almost 100 episodes of the Tribe Sober podcast are available now, all packed with advice inspiration and information.
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@ts.com – you can also go to tribesober.com and hit the Inspiration tab where you’ll find a wealth of information that will inspire you to get started – and motivate you to keep going.
Tool number 7 was “Be Accountable”
When we embark on this journey, we need a community of people who actually care – people who have been where we are now and can advise and encourage us - people who are thriving in their alcohol-free lives and can inspire us that it really is worth doing this thing.
WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE – we need to know that we can share our ups and downs with other people who really get us.
So, if you are looking for a sober community to inspire you and keep you on track just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe.
If you’d like to sample the kind of support we offer then email janet@tribesober.com and request our Sobriety Battleplan pdf which is packed with great advice, charts and trackers.
Last week looked at TOOL Number 8 - which is “Journaling”
At our workshops, we advise people to buy a beautiful notebook that will become their sobriety journal throughout this life-changing journey.
Sobriety is a journey of self-discovery and recording your thoughts, emotions, struggles, and accomplishments is so beneficial.
We recommended listing your Why’s (why do you want to quit drinking) in the front of the journal and your blacklist (everything that went wrong when you drank) in the back
Early sobriety is a very emotional time and for most of us it really helps to process emotions if we can write them down.
We can note our triggers as well as strategies for coping with them
Journaling will give us perspective – reading back on the early weeks of sobriety will remind us just how hard it was – and make us realise it’s getting better and easier every day.
So let’s get to Tool No 9 – which is “Get a Project”
It’s very common for people to feel a bit flat once they have achieved their first few months of sobriety. The pink cloud has gone and they are left wondering “is this it” – it certainly happened to me – it’s a kind of anhedonia when we can’t seem to feel pleasure from anything and we start to wonder if we have done the right thing.
This happened to me during month 4,5,6 and I very nearly gave up – trouble was I was blogging away about the joys of sobriety and everyone was telling me they were so “proud of me” so I felt accountable and obliged to keep going – so I did – but it was a miserable time.
Many people in Tribe Sober experienced that “flatness’/depression/void” or whatever you want to call it – when they asked me what they should do about it I just told them to sit it out as it would eventually pass
However that advice changed after my podcast interview with Dr Loretta Breuning (author of the Happy Brain) – do have a listen, its episode 55 and was released on 14 August 2021.
Loretta questioned me about my few months of anhedonia and we discovered that it could have been avoided so now I am able to give people more positive advice than “sitting it out” when they get those early sobriety blues
Loretta explained that my brain was quite happy during the first few months as it had registered that it was working on a project (ie sobriety) and I was making progress – however after a few months my subconscious was thinking – ok so now we are sober, now what?
Well here’s the thing – as human beings we need projects – think of the cavemen, they would wake up hungry and have to go and find some food, eating the food would give them a dopamine hit but then they would get hungry again and have to go hunting..
Human beings weren’t designed to sit on the sofa and order takeaway food – of course we can do that but it wont make us happy or keep us healthy
So back to sobriety – as Loretta analysed my anhedonia she helped me to realise that it hadn’t passed because I had been patient and waited – it had passed because I had the idea to start Tribe Sober – I had a project, which needed lots of mini goals and learning. I had to create a website, design a workshop and learn about marketing – all this kept me busy and kept my happy brain chemicals triggered.
So many of our tribe have experimented with different projects and have been able to reconnect with their creativity
When we ditch the drink we have time (and hopefully a bit of extra money now that we don’t buy booze) so there is ample opportunity to find your passion
So as I said in a recent article I wrote (link will be in the shownotes) Don’t wait for Happiness to Strike – get a project!
So that was Tool number 9 - Get a Project – I’ll be back with our main podcast on Saturday and another Sober Short next Wednesday
You can check out our next workshop (27th March) on tribesober.com where we cover the toolkit and much more
Thanks for listening – please follow and share the podcast!
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor 
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
 
Help us to Spread the Word! 
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, You Tube, TikTok and Instagram.
You can catch our FB live on certain Saturday mornings (11 am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

How Sober Spring Changed My Life with Kai Kunze

 
Sober Spring begins the day after this podcast is released so I wanted to share the story of one of our members from Germany.  He signed up for our very first Sober Spring back in 2018 – and he hasn’t had a drink since! 
We already have people from all over the world signed up for Sober Spring 2022 - 66 alcohol free days with online, community and audio support – start date March 20th.  More info HERE.
In this Episode
Kai was only planning to do a challenge as he was not particularly worried about his drinking – he just loved challenges ;-)
He’s a great example of someone who did the challenge with an open mind and gradually came to the conclusion that alcohol was adding nothing to his life!
He read about Tribe Sober in a flight magazine when he was on holiday in South Africa – he took a photo on his phone and although he didn’t act on it for another couple of years the seed was sewn.
That’s often all it takes – I say to people when they come to our workshops – “you may not ditch the booze immediately but you will never see it in the same way again” ;-)
Kai was very engaged in the Sober Spring chatroom and he noticed that many people were really struggling.
That was a bit of an eye opener for him – he wasn’t struggling at all but he realized that he never wanted to get to that stage
He also noticed that some people in the chatroom were saying how great they felt without the booze and that they may give up for good – that surprised him as he had never thought of doing that!
Kai’s children played a big part in his journey – his son told him that he hated it when his breath smelt of alcohol and his daughter told him that he “laughed too loud” when he drank.
These comments by his children shocked him – and played a big role in his decision to quit permanently. These days he is a great role model for his kids.
When he got to 66 days he immediately set his next milestone – 100 days. Then his daughter challenged him to do a year – and now he is four years sober!
Setting mini goals and doing it “step by step” is much more manageable than saying “I am giving up drinking forever” – avoid the F word as it’s too overwhelming.
At the end of our workshops we suggest people try 66 days of sobriety - we never suggest they stop "forever"
Kai enjoyed his journey to sobriety and experienced some significant benefits – he’s an influencer in the business community, a role model for his kids – and enjoys being an “anthropologist” when he is out with people who are drinking.
He also loved the way it has simplified his life – no more counting the glasses he drinks – he just doesn’t drink.  His sleep and his skin has improved, he feels happy and full of energy! 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Keep a Journal

Tribe Sober – Inspiring an Alcohol-free Life! 
SOBER SHORT 8 – Keep a Journal!
Our Sober Short series takes you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – just go to this link and you’ll find all the info about our workshops. You can do a group workshop or a private workshop to suit your schedule and time zone.
These workshops have been a gamechanger for many people so if you want to kickstart your sober life then sign up today.
During the first 7 Sober Shorts, we looked at the first 7 Tools in our toolbox.  Before we move on to tool number 8 let’s do a quick recap…
In this Episode 
Tool number 1 was “Get Connected”
Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path.
If you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com – just hit “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership.
Tool number 2 was “Get Moving”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many people exercise daily but they also drink daily – sometimes excessively. Ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was “Building Emotional Strength”
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions.
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says, or as Glennon Doyle says, “First the Pain, then the Rising.”
Tool number 4 was all about Mindset
It was about changing your thinking – about drinking.
We talked about overturning those false beliefs that we have picked up over the years — for example, we believe that we deserve a drink at the end of the day!
We talked about overturning those beliefs – one by one.
“Do the work” and you will never see alcohol in the same way and…
You will never suffer from FOMO which is the key to sticking to your sobriety.
Tool number 5 – was about Visualisation
We talked about some powerful ways to use visualisation.
One of them was to “Play the movie forward” – if you get the urge to drink, then just think it through – what will happen after that first glass. Do you really want to wake up at 3 am full of anxiety and regret?
Do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – and do the hardest bit - again and again?
Tool number 6 – Information is Power
It’s hard to believe it these days but not that long ago we had NO IDEA that smoking was bad for us.
Even if you decide to carry on drinking then make sure that it’s an informed choice. The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
That’s a good place to start and there are many QuitLit books out there and of course podcasts – almost 100 episodes of the Tribe Sober podcast are available now, all packed with advice inspiration and information.
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@ts.com – you can also go to tribesober.com and hit the Inspiration tab where you’ll find a wealth of information that will inspire you to get started – and motivate you to keep going.
 
Tool number 7 was “Be Accountable”
Many people try (and fail) to give up drinking on their own – I should know as I was one of them.
Most of us are surrounded by people who are “normal” drinkers and just tell us to “drink less” or heavy drinkers who assure us I was “fine” and that “everyone drinks a bottle of wine a night”.
Even if they really care about us, those people don’t really care if we are struggling.
When we embark on this journey, we need a community of people who actually care – people who have been where we are now and can advise and encourage us - people who are thriving in their alcohol-free lives and can inspire us that it really is worth doing this thing.
WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE – we need to know that we can share our ups and downs with other people who really get us.
So, if you are looking for a sober community to inspire you and keep you on track just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe.
If you’d like to sample the kind of support we offer then email janet@tribesober.com and request our Sobriety Battleplan pdf which is packed with great advice, charts and trackers. 
So today we are going to TOOL Number 8 - which is “Journaling”
A quick google search on the “benefits of journaling” will highlight the many advantages of keeping a daily journal – and keeping a journal during your recovery journal is even more valuable.
At our workshops, we advise people to buy a beautiful notebook that will become their sobriety journal throughout this life-changing journey.
Sobriety is a journey of self-discovery and recording your thoughts, emotions, struggles, and accomplishments is so beneficial.
In the front of the journal, it’s always a good idea to write your WHY list – why do you want to give up alcohol?
People rarely struggle with this question and the reasons are usually important ones – for their children, to save their marriage, to perform better at work to improve their health, etc.
When we embark on this journey, we are usually full of motivation but that often fades after a few weeks – we haven’t quite settled into our alcohol-free lives, we haven’t experienced many benefits yet and we are not quite sure what to do with ourselves. That’s when we need to refer to our WHY list – to remind us every single day why we are doing this thing. If you’d like an exercise to help you create your WHY list, just write to janet@tribesober.com.
So, write your WHY list in the front of your journal – and in the back cover you could write your A blacklist is quite simply a list of the things that went wrong when you were drinking.  Arguments, blackouts, hangovers, bad decisions, etc.  It’s SO easy to forget just how bad our drinking got – our brains trick us into remembering the good times rather than the bad.  Keeping a blacklist in our journal will remind us that yes, things did get pretty bad, and we don’t want to go back there!
I certainly had a substantial blacklist – it’s not as if every time I drank bad things happened but when bad things DID happen alcohol always seemed to be involved!
So, once you’ve got the front and back covers filled in what else is that journal useful for:
Early sobriety is a very emotional time and for most of us it really helps to process emotions if we can write them down.
We can note our triggers – we can apply the HALT test and decide if our craving was caused by Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, or Tiredness.
We can list strategies for coping with our cravings – every time we resist a craving, we’ll get stronger.
Journaling will give us perspective – reading back on the early weeks of sobriety will remind us just how hard it was – and make us realise it’s getting better and easier every day.
We can also notice patterns of behaviour – if we did have a slip up then can we spot any reasons leading to it.
We can allocate a couple of pages to list the benefits we are feeling as we progress further into our sobriety.
Writing down three things we are grateful for at the end of the day has psychological benefits – apparently even searching in your mind for things to be grateful for will trigger those happy brain chemicals.
So that was TOOL number 8 from our workshop toolbox - all about Journaling
If you want to learn more about our workshops just go to tribesober.com/services.
Thanks so much for listening – I’ll be back with our main podcast on Saturday and another Sober Short next Wednesday…
More Info 
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor 
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word! (H3)
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
You can catch our FB live on certain Saturday mornings (11 am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE.
Thank you for listening!
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

How Tribe Sober changed my life...with John Rishworth

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest this week is one of our loyal Tribe Members – John Rishworth is from Canada and has just celebrated 8 months of sobriety. 
After drinking heavily for years John got some counselling to help him come to terms that he would have to make some changes but as he says it was joining the tribe that gave him the connection and support that he needed to put these changes into practice.
In this episode
John was in sales and marketing and describes the work hard/play hard culture which prevailed – I think many of us have worked in corporates that have encouraged long hours compensated by drinking sessions sponsored by the company.
He was surrounded by heavy drinkers and used to suffer colossal hangovers.
He talked us through one of his Friday night drinking sessions which could easily escalate into 20 units – a lot when you think that the low risk limits are just 14 units – a week!
He always would have described himself as highly functional but looking back he realises that he was not operating at full capacity.
As we always say even if alcohol doesn’t destroy you it will prevent you from reaching your potential.
The sad thing is that when we are drinking we get used to feeling below par – we always feel tired in the mornings (due to poor quality sleep) – I used to think it was all part of getting older – but now that I am older and alcohol free I realise it was the alcohol that was wearing me out!
That’s why so many of us get quite evangelical about sobriety – its been years since we’ve felt so happy, healthy and energetic!
When John realised that the only thing that would alleviate his all day hangover was a drink he began to realise that he needed to make some changes.
But the real clincher was a hospital stay which involved some liver tests resulting in medical advice to give up drinking completely
John was distraught after hearing this advice and I think many of us can identify with that feeling he experienced on the hospital gurney – that feeling of life being over if we can’t drink…
That’s an indication of the stunning job that the alcohol industry has done to convince us that we need their toxic product to enjoy our lives!
And that’s why it does take “work” to reverse these limiting beliefs – which is exactly what we help people to do at our regular Zoom workshops (go to ts.com – services for more info)
After his hospital scare John did stay off the booze for a few months but then the doctor told him that his tests results had improved so he could have the odd glass of wine – so John had to learn the hard way that he had already crossed the line with his drinking and there would be no going back…
On Fathers Day 2021 John decided that he was going to stop drinking – and that he would find a way to do it – and shortly after that he found tribe sober.
The biggest step of all is to accept that you are alcohol dependent and then to reach out to get some help – then the HOW will get clearer..
Many people eventually get to that stage when they know that they are “done” with alcohol – they are sick and tired of being sick and tired – if you feel that way then don’t despair because it’s a good thing – now you just need to find the HOW. – you need to find other people on the same path
John explained that when people are struggling with alcohol they tend to isolate – I think this is because society expects everyone to be able to drink “normally” which means that the 20% of social drinkers who do become dependent feel that there is something wrong with them!
Women especially have to walk a kind of tightrope – if we don’t drink we are “boring” but if we get drunk that’s not cool either!
That’s why a sober community helps so much – we meet other people who are struggling (so we can ditch the shame – its not just us!) and we can meet people who have ditched the drink and are enjoying their lives. Whereas most of us tend to mix with “normal” drinkers who can take it or leave it or heavy drinkers who will assure us that we are fine!
John explained that being in the tribe connected him with like minded people and gave him a place to go where he could share his ups and downs and hear about tools that could help him.
Helpful tools for John have been quitlit and podcasts as well as the Alcohol Free drinks.
John made a conscious effort that he would still drink in bars with his friends and still be fun even though he’d be drinking alcohol free. John is a natural extrovert so this was not too difficult but for some of us we may need to “fake it until we make it” but it will get easier with time.
We heard about his first Sober wedding when he experienced some mental anguish beforehand - (would he or wouldn’t he drink on this occasion?) – this was an issue he raised at one of our Zoom Cafes – eventually he make up his mind that he would NOT drink at the wedding and he would find a way to manage however hard it was.
This is important - if we go to an event thinking that we will decide whether or not to drink when we get there it is almost inevitable that we will drink. So just as John decided that he would stop drinking and find a way to do it – he decided he would not drink at this wedding – and find a way to do it.  This approach saves a lot of mental anguish!
We talked about recovery and the fact that it is never linear and of course different for each of us – reflecting back on his 8 months of sobriety John remembers the early days when he was hyperfocused and used all stickers and trackers to check off every single alcohol free day whereas these days he tends to count months rather than days as sobriety becomes the new normal.
Of course like all of us he occasionally questioned his decision and had the urge to pick up the scotch but he used his toolkit – connected with the tribe and played the movie forward..
Johns top 3 benefits- no more hangovers, no more wasting time and not functioning at full capacity- he’s much more honest with himself these days
being part of the tribe where he enjoys the authentic connections and inspiration..
Tribe Sober's Spring Challenge starts on 20th March
66 alcohol free days – supported by daily emails and 66 mini podcasts
It's great fun as we put everyone on the Sober Spring Bus on Day one and they all travel through the 66 alcohol free days together – its always a great vibe on that bus as everyone encourages and supports each other – so don’t miss the bus
Sign up today – just go to tribesober.com and click on Sober Spring 2022
If you’d like copy of our PDF “Sobriety Battleplan” – packed full of trackers and charts to get you started and keep you on track just email janet@tribesober.com
More info
For an affordable monthly subscription you can join Tribe Sober - read about the benefits of membership and sign up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then               sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com 
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Be Accountable

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
Welcome to our seventh "Sober Short" - an interim mini podcast to supplement the weekly Tribe Sober podcast.
I’m going to kick off this series by taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – click here for more info.
Our workshops have been a gamechanger for so many people - if you want to kickstart your sober journey then sign up today
In this episode
During the first 6 Sober Shorts we looked at the first 6 Tools in our toolbox
Tool 1 was CONNECTION
 “Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path –
So if you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership
Tool 2 was “GET MOVING”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many many people exercise daily but they also drink on a daily basis – sometimes excessively – ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was all about:-
Tool 3 was "BUILD YOUR EMOTIONAL STRENGTH"
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says or as Glennon Doyle says:-
 “First the Pain, then the Rising”
Tool number 4 was all about:-
Tool 4 was MINDSET
About changing your thinking – about drinking
The global alcohol industry spends trillions on marketing every year to convince us that we need their product..
The wine industry in particular has done a stunning job marketing to us ladies during the last 2 decades–
Many women now believe that drinking wine is essential for a full and happy life.
We have to de-program ourselves — a nice analogy is to think of our subconscious mind as a computer — we need to reboot and load some new software.
Tool 5 was "VISUALISATION"3 visualisation tools:-
If you get a craving in the evening then just accept it’s the “wine witch” but she can no longer control you.  Grab an AF drink or go out for a walk…
Play the movie forward – if you get the urge to drink then just think it through – do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – again and again
Visualise those 2 paths – the first six months of sobriety are tough so you need to work hard to stay on track – you have to move from a place of instant gratification to a place where you can focus on long term – and life changing goals…
Tool 6 – INFORMATION IS POWER!
If we want to take back our power then we must educate ourselves about the harm alcohol can do  The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
You need to treat it as a research project.
Begin your journey by reading the Naked Mind by Annie Grace who will show you just how the alcohol marketing industry creates the powerful limiting beliefs that we hold in our subconscious.
There are so many books relating to alcohol and sobriety these days that there is a whole category called QuitLit these days…
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@tribesober.com 
Check out the rest of the Tribe Sober podcast episodes for recovery stories and expert advice.TOOL 7 – BE ACCOUNTABLE
As we say in our battleplan you need to set Anchor Points for this journey – just as a sailing boat might drift off its course make sure you are taking specific actions to staying accountable and on track…
An annual tracker is an essential tool – colour in each day as an alcohol free day in the morning to set the intention…  keep our eye on the big picture – even if you do have a slip up just mark it on your tracker and get right back on the sober bus the next day..
Another way to stay accountable is to write blog and put it out there – I started blogging the day that I stopped drinking and connected with others on the same journey – that blog was called WWW and eventually become Tribe Sober
An important anchor point is to be connected to a community where you can “check in” – if you are doing well you will get some great feedback and if you are struggling then you will get some advice and encouragement..  At TS we offer daily opportunities to check in – whether it’s on Slack Chat or WhatsApp or our daily Zoom Chats there is a community wanting to know how you are doing and that makes all the difference…If you are really struggling and need extra 1.2.1 support then we can team you up with a Sober Buddy who is simply a member of our community who has been sober for a while and is offering 1.2.1 support..
Even if you are six months or more into your sober journey look out for FAB (fading affect bias) as William Porter describes in his book Alcohol explained..After a certain period we forget the hangovers and the tiredness/low energy of our drinking days and even start reminiscing about the good times we used to have when drinking..We have thoughts like “I wasn’t that bad” and “maybe I could have just one” but that’s a real danger sign.. – its just our brain tricking us so that’s a good time to write our…Goodbye To Alcohol letter
The thinking behind a Goodbye To Alcohol letter is that alcohol can be like an abusive lover etc..
You can hear me reading my letter on Ep 1 of Tribe Sober  podcast and if you go to tribesober.com/Inspiration there is a whole collection there..
So to summarise – when you embark on the sober voyage set some anchor points in advance to reinforce your motivation and to keep you on track  - be accountable:-Get your Battleplan
Join tribesober.com and check in with the community regularly
Start your Annual Tracker
If you like writing then think about starting a blog
Make a diary note to write your GTA letter when you are a few months in – send it to us and we’ll be happy to publish it on our website!
So that’s tool number 7 from our 15 tools in our Sober Toolkit
If you’d like some more support then check out our workshops (tribesober.com/services) or our next 66 day challenge which starts on 20th March (tribesober.com/Sober Spring)
Tribe Sober members get a 25% discount on both so it’s a good time to join our tribe!
If YOU’ve got a favourite tip that you’d like me to share on Sober Shorts then just email it to me janet@tribesober.com 
Don’t forget to check out our weekly podcast – its full of recovery stories and expert advice– its called Tribe Sober and it comes out every Saturday morning.
More info
Join Tribe Sober and learn how to quit drinking and go on to thrive in your alcohol free life  - you can join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol            sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Tribe Sober") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Alcohol and Trauma with Nikki Edwards

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest today has an inspirational story of recovery.  After a difficult start in life and a decade of drug taking Nikki began her recovery journey.  Her childhood was traumatic and Nikki turned to drugs at an early age.
In spite of her efforts to develop a career in dance and drama her addiction deepened during her 20's.
She checked into her first rehab in her late 20’s and began the long journey to recovery – a journey that would lead her to discover her purpose in life.
In this episode
Nikkis childhood was not an easy one – her parents drank and they also moved around the country a lot, which resulted in her changing schools 7 times.
Unsurprisingly she felt like an outsider and struggled to fit in – never feeling comfortable in her own skin as she put it
She was certainly an early starter and tasted her first beer at the age of 9 and at 13 she was drinking and smoking marijuana.
Due to her parents drinking habits Nikki felt more of a pull towards hard drugs – and at the age of 16 her boyfriend introduced her to Mandrax and Crack Cocaine.
With her current knowledge of addiction Nikki is able to trace her substance abuse back to her childhood trauma – as she puts it “her addiction started long before she picked up a drug”
Many of you will be familiar with the work of Dr Gabor Mate who has done extensive research into childhood trauma and the link with addiction – he says
Trauma is a psychic wound that hardens you psychologically that then interferes with your ability to feel, to grow and to develop. It pains you and now you’re acting out of pain.
Nikki also understands that she was using drugs as a coping mechanism as she was unable to regulate her emotions.
Her search for belonging began in earnest at the age of 17 when she left school – she rebelled against anything structured as her education had left her feeling like a failure
She studied dance and drama and got involved in the club scene where she felt a sense of belonging for the first time. She was organising trance parties, making good money and everybody loved her.
Now and again Nikki would try to get a regular job but it never worked out and just confirmed her belief that she didn’t fit into the “normal” world.
At the age of 28 she got pregnant and knew that this would have to be her turning point – however motherhood caused her to feel a lot of guilt and shame and in fact she stepped up her drug use to cope.
When her son was 1 Nikki lost custody which reaffirmed her feelings of inadequacy.
This proved to be her rock bottom which was a catalyst for her long road to recovery – starting with her first rehab – at this first rehab she just felt very angry and it would take several years and 5 more rehabs until she finally came into recovery
We agreed that rehab was pointless if you were not ready – being “sent” to rehab does not work and too much rehab results in being institutionalised – never being able to function in the outside world.
Six months into her final rehab which was a one year program Nikki had what she describes as a spiritual awakening – a feeling that the years of hell she had been through had given her a purpose.
She already had all the tools from her various rehab stays but finally began to select the tools that she felt were right for her – we agreed that we all have to “do the work” but of course our work will vary depending on our background.
She regained custody of her son and leaned into the role of being a mother
Nikki also began to developing her career as a recovery coach by working with David Collins, the founder of Ubuntu Addiction Community. I interviewed David for the podcast a couple of weeks ago so watch this space to learn more about his work.
Nikki is a recovery coach herself and these days she is trains other coaches and is involved in the amazing Pocket Rehab initiative.
We agreed that rehab is one thing but coping with the outside world is a very individual journey – and it is our job as coaches to “meet you where you are at”
You can find out more and connect with Nikki on her Facebook page Nikki Edwards Recovery Coaching or on her website which is nikkiedwards.com 
Tribe Sober's Spring Challenge starts on 20th March
66 alcohol free days – supported by daily emails and 66 mini podcasts
It's great fun as we put everyone on the Sober Spring Bus on Day one and they all travel through the 66 alcohol free days together – its always a great vibe on that bus as everyone encourages and supports each other – so don’t miss the bus
Sign up today – just go to tribesober.com and click on Sober Spring 2022
If you’d like copy of our PDF “Sobriety Battleplan” – packed full of trackers and charts to get you started and keep you on track just email janet@tribesober.com
More info
For an affordable monthly subscription you can join Tribe Sober - read about the benefits of membership and sign up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then               sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
       
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Knowledge is Power!

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
Welcome to our sixth "Sober Short" - an interim mini podcast to supplement the weekly Tribe Sober podcast.
I’m going to kick off this series by taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – click here for more info.
Our workshops have been a gamechanger for so many people - if you want to kickstart your sober journey then sign up today
In this episode
During the first 5 Sober Shorts we looked at the first 5 Tools in our toolbox
Tool 1 was CONNECTION
 “Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path –
So if you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership
Tool 2 was “GET MOVING”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many many people exercise daily but they also drink on a daily basis – sometimes excessively – ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was all about:-
Tool 3 was "BUILD YOUR EMOTIONAL STRENGTH"
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says or as Glennon Doyle says:-
 “First the Pain, then the Rising”
Tool number 4 was all about:-
Tool 4 was MINDSET
About changing your thinking – about drinking
The global alcohol industry spends trillions on marketing every year to convince us that we need their product..
The wine industry in particular has done a stunning job marketing to us ladies during the last 2 decades–
Many women now believe that drinking wine is essential for a full and happy life.
We have to de-program ourselves — a nice analogy is to think of our subconscious mind as a computer — we need to reboot and load some new software.
Tool 5 was "VISUALISATION"3 visualisation tools:-
If you get a craving in the evening then just accept it’s the “wine witch” but she can no longer control you.  Grab an AF drink or go out for a walk…
Play the movie forward – if you get the urge to drink then just think it through – do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – again and again
Visualise those 2 paths – the first six months of sobriety are tough so you need to work hard to stay on track – you have to move from a place of instant gratification to a place where you can focus on long term – and life changing goals…
Today it’s time for Tool number 6 – INFORMATION IS POWER!
Along long time ago when I was in my 20’s – I smoked – most of my friends smoked – we could smoke in our offices and of course in the bars and clubs where we socialised…
It’s hard to believe these days but we had NO IDEA that smoking was bad for us – you could even see ads with doctors endorsing various cigarette brands…
Then came the gamechanger when cigarette advertising was banned from tv adverts and the government committed to banning all advertising saying:-
“Smoking is the greatest single cause of preventable illness and premature death in the UK. We will therefore ban tobacco advertising.” 
Everything started to change….
Once they could no longer rely on the revenue from cigarette advertising the media started reporting that smoking was linked to lung cancer.
That’s when millions of people (including me) gave up – yes we liked smoking but we certainly didn’t intend to die a horrible death because of it!
So here we are decades later and alcohol seems to be where smoking used to be.
Completely normalised and endlessly glamorised as trillions of dollars are spent convincing us that we need alcohol to lead a full and happy life.
Yet the stats show us that globally 3M people a year die of alcohol related causes – pretty much in line with the Covid death toll.  The whole world closed down when Covid hit but the liquor marketing machine just continues pumping out its misinformation year.after.year.
So to counteract this deluge of advertising and of course the powerful peer pressure that comes with it we need to take personal responsibility..
If we want to take back our power then we must educate ourselves about the harm alcohol can do  The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
That’s a good place to start..
Going back to the cigarette analogy a recent article informed us that from a health perspective drinking a bottle of wine an evening was equal to smoking 10 cigarettes..
So if you really want to get – and stay - alcohol free then you need to throw the book at this thing.
You need to treat it as a research project.
Begin your journey by reading the Naked Mind by Annie Grace who will show you just how the alcohol marketing industry creates the powerful limiting beliefs that we hold in our subconscious.
Those beliefs like – we need alcohol to have fun, to socialise, to deal with stress etc etc
Those beliefs are behind the peer pressure that we get when we try to stop – “but you won’t be fun anymore!’ is a common refrain from our friends!
There are so many books relating to alcohol and sobriety these days that there is a whole category called QuitLit these days…
You can find drinking memoirs like Clare Pooleys Sober Diaries or you can find science based books like William Porters Alcohol Explained
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@tribesober.com 
Once you’ve got your reading organized then get listening – the fact that you’re listening to this would indicate that you’ve discovered the joy of podcasts – more and more people are abandoning generic radio stations in favour of listening to podcasts which explore their personal topics of interest.  The joy of podcasts is that you can stick your earpods in and go about your business – shopping, exercising or just chilling out.
So check out the rest of the Tribe Sober podcast episodes for recovery stories and expert advice.
You can also go to tribesober.com and hit the Inspiration tab where you’ll find a wealth of information which will inspire you to get started – and motivate you to keep going.
If you join our tribe then you’ll be able to learn from others on the same path – other people who have struggled and finally succeeded in changing their lives.  They will share with you what worked for them.  Go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe for more info.
Treat this topic as a research project – it could just save your life.  The more you learn about alcohol and what it does to our bodies and minds the less you are going to want to drink it!
If YOU’ve got a favourite tip that you’d like me to share on Sober Shorts then just email it to me janet@tribesober.com 
Don’t forget to check out our weekly podcast – its full of recovery stories and expert advice– its called Tribe Sober and it comes out every Saturday morning.
More info
Join Tribe Sober and learn how to quit drinking and go on to thrive in your alcohol free life  - you can join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol            sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Tribe Sober") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

A Mother’s Love with Gabi Lowe

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest today is a familiar name to many South Africans.  Gabi Lowe came into the public eye back in 2015 as she fought for her daughters life. 
Gabi has written a book about this extraordinary period – a book called “Get Me to 21” which was the name of a campaign led by her daughter Jenna as she invited the public to become organ donors and attend her 21st birthday party.
Tragically Jenna died before reaching this milestone.
This is a story full of pain – but also full of courage.  The courage of Gabi, her husband and daughter Kristi – and of course Jenna herself.
It’s also a story of resilience – Gabi explains how she has managed to survive a parents worst nightmare and rebuild her life.  A life full of purpose which lives alongside the aching loss of her beautiful daughter.
In this episode
As she took us through the heartbreaking development of Jenna's illness we discussed the moment when Gabi felt her role shift from that of a hopeless observer who just wanted to cry – to that of a Momcologist who was determined to fight on her daughter's behalf – she discovered the lioness inside.
A lioness which kept fighting with Jenna all the way – and then re-emerged during that terrifying beach attack 3 years later.
Gabi found it very humbling to ask for help and talked of how activating their first fundraiser left her in tears. But then it led her to reflect on the “virtuous circle” as she discovered that:-
Everyone was desperate to find a way to help and they were grateful to be able to do something
She learned how to “receive” which led a the virtuous circle of giving and receiving, giving and receiving
As she realised that everything they were doing for Jen helped others as well – one of the legacies of Jen’s fight is a clinic in a public hospital here in Cape Town 
Gabi explained that in spite of Jen's campaign dramatically increasing the number of organ donations SA is still in dire need (ironic that only 2% of the population are organ donors when we think of Cape Town as being the home of the first ever heart transplant)
SA has an opt in organ donation program whereas in some countries everyone is born an organ donor and they have to opt out – many more lives are saved in those countries with an opt out policy so Gabi continues to fight for a change in SA legislation.
Pulmonary Hypertension often goes undiagnosed and in fact Jenna was diagnosed as having asmtha during the first six months of her illness. Gabi stressed that breathlessness is a symptom that must be taken seriously.
I asked Gabi if she used alcohol during this period but she explained that her Momcologist duties were so complex that she had to be on top of her game 24/7 so could not risk it. Her coping mechanisms were walking in nature, meditation and yoga.
She talked about the listening meditation that the whole family did every couple of weeks – simply expressing how they were (or were not) coping with Jenna's illness – Jenna herself was part of these sessions.
This made me reflect on the shares that we do at the beginning of our workshops – everybody introduces themselves and talks about their relationship with alcohol. Nobody comments so it truly is a listening meditation and it often strikes me that sometimes this is the first time that some people have expressed their feelings about alcohol out loud – its always an emotional session but it's also very bonding as people realise they are not alone in this
Gabi and I agreed that the deep listening has an effect of the quality of the conversation – which is the essence of coaching.
A few months after Jenna's death Gabi was in a dark place – a friend took her off to a silent retreat – where she cried (silently and not so silently) for much of the time – but every day she would go to a place in the grounds where she would observe a weaver building his nest. She watched him complete his nest and it occurred to her that (although she didn’t feel like it) she would have to eventually rebuild her own nest.
Apparently weavers build several nests in their lifetime which of course got us thinking about the fact that we may need to rebuild our lives after trauma or at certain periods in our life (the empty nest syndrome of course!) – we can’t cling on to the old life
This got me thinking about Hudsons “cycle of renewal” which we often use in coaching – your life may be going quite well for a few years and then a curved ball will come along – Covid has been a curved ball for most of us!
Hudson maintains that at certain periods in our life we will find ourselves
"In the Doldrums" – depressed, stuck, uninspired and powerless – when we know we are drinking too much but have no idea how to make a change – we are in the doldrums
"Cocooning" is the next stage – when we start to connect with our inner strengths – being curious and educating ourselves via podcasts and quitlit is a form of cocooning
"Getting Ready" is the next stage where we prepare for the transition by reaching out and connecting with others on the same path
"Going for it" – is when we change our thinking about drinking and start making the changes we need to
In early sobriety many people experience a bit of a low – what some would describe as a "void" – the drinking life has gone and they have no idea what to replace it with – that’s where our nest building analogy comes in again – we have to discover new connections, new interests and rebuild our nest.
We’ve entered a period of renewal – a very positive period which can lead to more health and more happiness if we stick with it.
One of the most common questions that Gabi gets asked is “how do you cope?” – so she reflected long and hard about this – and started thinking about resilience. She thought about her own journey and that of other bereaved parents she knew and she did a lot of reading on “resilience”.
She disagreed strongly with most of the literature on resilience which talked about bouncing back – or pushing through with grit and perseverance. In her experience that is not at all the right way to deal with trauma.
So with a colleague (Pippa Shaper) Gabi began to create a 10 step resilience model – a roadmap – something she wishes that she’d had in her darkest days..
The first part of the model is about accepting the facts and operating from a place of realistic optimism.
This model can be used for any life change. If you have been using alcohol to numb your pain or just to cope with life then you will struggle in early sobriety.  Studying authentic resilience will not only give you a tangible goal but it will enable you to learn how to thrive in your alcohol free life.
We both agreed that the hardest thing of all is to reach out for help – whether it’s help fighting for your childs life or help to change your alcohol dependence it’s a humbling experience. We will feel vulnerable but its not an act of courage if we don’t feel vulnerable.
So if Gabi Lowe has inspired you then please read her amazing book Get me to 21” which you can get from the website…www.jennalowe.org
You can also help by making a donation via that website
To learn more about Gabis courses please go to 
 theresiliencefactory.com
 
If you are in SA you heard Gabi explaining about the CPT workshop on Authentic Resilience on 4th March and the Joburg workshop on 7th May – tickets available from Quicket or drop Gabi a mail at info@the resiliencefactory.com
We’re already getting sign ups for our Sober Spring Challenge which starts on 20th March
66 alcohol free days – supported by daily emails and 66 mini podcasts
Its great fun as we put everyone on the Sober Spring Bus on Day one and they all travel through the 66 alcohol free days together – its always a great vibe on that bus as everyone encourages and supports each other – so don’t miss the bus
Sign up today – just go to tribesober.com and click on Sober Spring 2022
If you’d like copy of our PDF called “30 signs you may have a problem with alcohol” – just email janet@tribesober.com
More info
For an affordable monthly subscription you can join Tribe Sober - read about the benefits of membership and sign up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then               sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Play the Movie Forward

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
Welcome to our fifth "Sober Short" - an interim mini podcast to supplement the weekly Tribe Sober podcast.
I’m going to kick off this series by taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – click here for more info.
Our workshops have been a gamechanger for so many people - if you want to kickstart your sober journey then sign up today
In this episode
During the first 4 Sober Shorts we looked at the first 3 Tools in our toolbox
Tool 1 was CONNECTION
 “Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path –
So if you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership
Tool 2 was “GET MOVING”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many many people exercise daily but they also drink on a daily basis – sometimes excessively – ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was all about:-
Tool 3 was "BUILD YOUR EMOTIONAL STRENGTH"
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says or as Glennon Doyle says:-
 “First the Pain, then the Rising”
Tool number 4 was all about:-
Tool 4 was MINDSET
About changing your thinking – about drinking
The global alcohol industry spends trillions on marketing every year to convince us that we need their product..
The wine industry in particular has done a stunning job marketing to us ladies during the last 2 decades–
Many women now believe that drinking wine is essential for a full and happy life.
We have to de-program ourselves — a nice analogy is to think of our subconscious mind as a computer — we need to reboot and load some new software.
Today's Sober Short is about "Visualisation"
Visualisation is SO powerful – just think of the wine witch -  introduced to us to in her book Sober Diaries
The liquor industry have been marketing their product to us for decades by showing us beautiful images of attractive women holding their wine glass and looking happy
That’s why associating wine with an old hag is so powerful – and not just at the beginning but as we progress in our sobriety we often hear our members telling us that the wine witches voice is getting fainter and fainter and some evenings she doesn’t show up at all!
We’ve even introduced a new character to our tribe recently – she’s called Moderation Mary – we’ve not managed to draw her yet but you can be sure she will not be a pretty sight..
Don’t let Moderation Mary break your heart we say…
Don’t waste your time hanging out with Moderation Mary
After all once we’ve crossed a line with our drinking there is no going back – we need to quit and then learn to enjoy our alcohol free life
Another tool which is about visualisation which works well for many is to “play the movie” forward…
Finally one of the visualisation tools I use for coaching is called the two paths:-
If you keep drinking – one thing you can be sure of is that you will not be drinking less – it just doesn’t work like that – you’ll be drinking at least a bottle of wine if not more.. that’s 7 bottles of wine a week when the low risk limits is one and a half.. – putting your mental and physical health at risk.  Apart from that your life will feel pretty much the same – if we are sapping our energy and motivation with alcohol night after night then its unlikely we’ll decide to make any significant changes – you will just stay stuck..
If you stop – you probably cannot even imagine it, you have no idea what your life would be like without alcohol in it.  After helping hundreds of people to ditch the booze I can give you a rough idea….  The first 6 months will be tough, as you change your habits and “do the work” – and then life will just get better and better.  You will feel better, you will look better and you will have the energy to make major life changes if you need to.
So there you go – 3 ways to use visualisation - the wine witch, play the movie forward and the two paths
So that’s our Sober Short for today – 3 Visualisation Tools
If YOU’ve got a favourite tip that you’d like me to share on Sober Shorts then just email it to me janet@tribesober.com 
And don’t forget to check out our weekly podcast – its full of recovery stories and expert advice– its called Tribe Sober and it comes out every Saturday morning.
More info
Join Tribe Sober and learn how to quit drinking and go on to thrive in your alcohol free life  - you can join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then           sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Tribe Sober") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Living Sobriety Out Loud - with Peggi Cooney

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest today is Peggi Cooney.  She’s a retired social worker with 16 years of field experience and these days she trains other social workers to cope with the many challenges of their work. 
She has written a personal memoir about her own struggles with alcohol a has become a sobriety advocate.  One of the things that shines out from that book is her love and appreciation of the Recovery Community and the support we all give each other.
She leads a community group on Facebook also called This Side of Alcohol structured to encourage daily conversation, insight, and support around alcohol recovery. 
In this episode
Like many of us Peggi used various tricks to disguise the fact that she was drinking too much. She talks of an award ceremony where she pre-drank and after-drank but at the event people saw her with just one glass of wine.
Of course she used “the rules” – trying to drink moderately or only at the weekend - and of course she failed to keep to her own rules.
At one point Peggi was hiding wine bottles in her boots in her wardrobe – she really struggled to recognise herself in those moments…
She had lots of stomach problems and always felt below par when she was drinking – its only now that she feels SO much better that she has joined up the dots and realised that her alcohol consumption was responsible for that feeling.
Peggi had a “rock bottom” on the day that she was arguing with her husband about her drinking – and her children and grandchildren walked in on them having a furious argument. After that event she realised that she was “done” drinking.
Once she had made up her mind to stop she “threw the book at it” – she read all the quitlit and joined Sober Sis to do their 21 day reset.
She describes being in a small condo with lots of people when they were doing a lot of drinking including tequila shots – she had known it might turn out like that so she had booked a hotel room nearby and was able to slip out.
That makes me think of one of our survival tips for socialising – always have an escape plan – what will you do if things get difficult – Peggis plan was a great one but if you are not too far from home you can just get in your car and drive. If the people you’ve left are busy drinking they may not even notice you’ve slipped out early!
Peggi knew that she was not physically addicted – her addiction was psychological. If you have a listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 48 you will hear Molly Watts explaining that only 10% of us are physically addicted to alcohol.  It’s still important to get medical advice if you are drinking more than 14 units a day but for many of us the “work” is around breaking deeply entrenched habits
Although Peggi GOT sober as a result of an ultimatum from her husband and daughter she STAYED sober because of how good it made her feel -  that reminds me of a story from Soberpunk Jon Turner on Tribe Sober episode 68
We agreed that Covid has been a gift for many drinkers in early sobriety as it had allowed them to opt out of socialising while they built up their sober strength.
Yet for others who were already drinking too much and hadn’t made any changes Covid had proved to be their nemesis – and resulted in a deeper level of dependence.
Peggi and I are both “ladies of a certain age” as the French so elegantly put and we agreed that ditching the booze is absolutely the best thing you can do for your health and your happiness as you get older.
Like me Peggi is enamoured by the recovery community and we both agreed that without the support of community its extremely hard to change our drinking habits. The great thing is that there are so many choices these days – there will be a sobriety group to suit everybody – whereas it used to be just AA.
She talked about “the switch” when she went from thinking “I can never drink again” (which comes from a place of deprivation to “I can drink whenever I want but I just don’t want to” which comes from a place of freedom. For me that the difference between willpower “I can never drink again” and mindset “I don’t want to drink”
Peggi feels as if she has got an extra third of her day back – the extra time is great. I think this is one of the benefits of sobriety we don’t think about until it happens – when we are planning the drinking, doing the drinking and recovering from the drinking – that takes up a lot of time that we could be spending on more constructive things.
She comes across many women who keep their drinking problem a secret but for her she knew she had to “live it out loud” – she knew she had to be accountable and “not leave any doors open
Peggi talked about the deep connection that comes with the sober friendships we make in recovery and how much fun she had with a group of sober women she’d never met before
She feels so much smarter now – as she puts it she can “figure shit out” rather than just have a drink and try not to think about it -ironic that we drink to cope with our stress but if we stayed sober we might actually stand a chance of dealing with the cause of our stress!
Peggi has a very lively FB group which she has named after her book “This Side of Alcohol” and she spends some time of there every day engaging with the members.
Like so many people that I’ve interviewed she is a great fan of William Porter and loved my conversation with him which you can find on episode 50 of the Tribe Sober podcast  
If you’d like copy of our PDF called “30 signs you may have a problem with alcohol” – just email janet@tribesober.com
We’re already getting sign ups for our Sober Spring Challenge which starts on 20th March
66 alcohol free days – supported by daily emails and 66 mini podcasts
Its great fun as we put everyone on the Sober Spring Bus on Day one and they all travel through the 66 alcohol free days together – its always a great vibe on that bus as everyone encourages and supports each other – so don’t miss the bus
Sign up today – just go to tribesober.com and click on Sober Spring 2022
If you’d like copy of our PDF called “30 signs you may have a problem with alcohol” – just email janet@tribesober.com
More info
For an affordable monthly subscription you can join Tribe Sober - read about the benefits of membership and sign up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then               sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).