Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

Sober Short - Do the Work!

SOBER SHORT 14 – Do the Work!
This Sober Short series is taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – just click here to find all the info about our workshops. You can do a group workshop or a private workshop to suit your schedule and time zone.
These workshops have been a gamechanger for many people so if you want to kickstart your sober life then sign up today.  Just go to tribesober.com/services and click on workshops
During the first 13 Sober Shorts, we looked at the first 13 Tools in our toolbox. Before we move on to tool number 14 let’s do a quick recap…
In this Episode
Tool number 1 was “Get Connected”
Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path.
If you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com – just hit “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership.
Tool number 2 was “Get Moving”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many people exercise daily but they also drink daily – sometimes excessively. Ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was “Building Emotional Strength”
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions.
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says, or as Glennon Doyle says, “First the Pain, then the Rising.”
Tool number 4 was all about Mindset
It was about changing your thinking – about drinking.
We talked about overturning those false beliefs that we have picked up over the years — for example, we believe that we deserve a drink at the end of the day!
We talked about overturning those beliefs – one by one.
“Do the work” and you will never see alcohol in the same way and…
You will never suffer from FOMO which is the key to sticking to your sobriety. 
Tool number 5 – was about Visualisation
We talked about some powerful ways to use visualisation.
One of them was to “Play the movie forward” – if you get the urge to drink, then just think it through – what will happen after that first glass. Do you really want to wake up at 3 am full of anxiety and regret?
Do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – and do the hardest bit - again and again?
Tool number 6 – Information is Power
It’s hard to believe it these days but not that long ago we had NO IDEA that smoking was bad for us.
Even if you do decide to carry on drinking then make sure that it’s an informed choice. The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
That’s a good place to start and there are many QuitLit books out there and of course podcasts – almost 100 episodes of the Tribe Sober podcast are available now, all packed with advice inspiration and information.
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@tribesober.com – you can also go to tribesober.com and hit the Inspiration tab where you’ll find a wealth of information that will inspire you to get started – and motivate you to keep going.
Tool number 7 was “Be Accountable”
When we embark on this journey, we need a community of people who actually care – people who have been where we are now and can advise and encourage us - people who are thriving in their alcohol-free lives and can inspire us that it really is worth doing this thing.
WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE – we need to know that we can share our ups and downs with other people who really get us.
So, if you are looking for a sober community to inspire you and keep you on track just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe.
If you’d like to sample the kind of support we offer then email janet@tribesober.com and request our Sobriety Battleplan pdf which is packed with great advice, charts and trackers.
Tool Number 8 - which is “Journaling”
At our workshops, we advise people to buy a beautiful notebook that will become their sobriety journal throughout this life-changing journey.
Sobriety is a journey of self-discovery and recording your thoughts, emotions, struggles, and accomplishments is so beneficial.
Early sobriety is a very emotional time and for most of us it really helps to process emotions if we can write them down.
We can note our triggers as well as strategies for coping with them
Journaling will give us perspective – reading back on the early weeks of sobriety will remind us just how hard it was – and make us realise it’s getting better and easier every day.
To learn more about the magic of journaling listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 98 to hear my interview with writer in recovery Melinda Ferguson – released on 26th March 2022
Tool No 9 – “Get a Project”
It’s very common for people to feel a bit flat once they have achieved their first few months of sobriety.
Many people in Tribe Sober (including me) experienced that “flatness’/depression/void” or whatever you want to call it – when they asked me what they should do about it I just told them to sit it out as it would eventually pass
However that advice changed after my podcast interview with Dr Loretta Breuning (author of the Happy Brain) – so do have a listen, its episode 55 and was released on 14 August 2021.
Loretta explained that my brain was quite happy during the first few months as it had registered that it was working on a project (ie sobriety) and I was making progress – however after a few months my subconscious was thinking – ok so now we are sober, now what?
Well here’s the thing – as human beings we need projects – think of the cavemen, they would wake up hungry and have to go and find some food, eating the food would give them a dopamine hit but then they would get hungry again and have to go hunting..
So as you settle into your first few months of sobriety GET A PROJECT to keep you on track and to keep those happy brain chemicals triggered.
Tool No 10 – “Be Prepared”
As with most things in life preparation is crucial…
Play the movie forward – what ARE you going to drink – if it’s a restaurant then check out their drinks menu online and decide what you will order
If you are going to a dinner party the text your host in advance and take some AF bubbly with you
Decide what you are going to say when/if people start to interrogate you – you can keep it simple “I’m on meds”, “I’m driving” or my favourite “I’m on a health kick – no booze, no sugar, no carbs for 66 days!” 
If drinking at home was your problem then give away your booze – or move it to somewhere you can’t see it (the garage is a good place) and make sure your fridge is stocked with delicious AF choices – if you are in SA just go to drinknil.co.za and they will deliver to your door
Tool No 11 –Track Your Progress
When a new member joins our tribe we send an Annual Tracker. It helps to give perspective, to keep an eye on the big picture – sure there may be slip ups on the way but what matters is a feeling of progress – are those “Sober Stretches” getting longer?
If you would like one of our Annual Trackers then just email janet@tribesober.com and I’ll send you one right away!
It’s so important to celebrate Milestones on this journey -
The Forever word is just too daunting when starting out on this journey so we suggest 30, 60, 100 days as Milestones… followed by 6 months and then moving on to Annual
The great thing about Tribe Sober is that many people stick around after getting sober – they want to help and inspire others – we even have a chatroom for people with more than 6 months of sobriety
Tool No 12 –Nurture Yourself
When we embark on this life changing journey we are going against the flow. We are going against the flow and that takes confidence and courage!
We need to nurture ourselves so that we can access the inner resources we need to embrace an alcohol free life
Many people (me included) discover that they are introverts at heart and not the party animal they thought they were when they drank!
Sobriety is a journey of discovery so spend the extra time you’ve saved exploring – Tribe Sober members have free resources to sample like coaching, hypnotherapy and root cause therapy as well as online yoga and art therapy.
You need to spoil yourself! Think of your sobriety as a pregnancy – 9 months of doing exactly what feels right  for you – read books, be alone, go to bed early, have naps, light candles, eat chocolate, turn down social invitations, light candles, have hot baths!
The pregnancy analogy works so well because for most of us 9 months is long enough for our sobriety to be strong – to survive in the outside world!
Tool No 13 - Know Your Triggers!
Triggers are a response to an outside stimulus that results in an automatic action.
We have trained our brains to drink, and now we have to untrain them.
Our brains need time to “rewire” – we need to uncouple experiences – eg: sunset and a glass of wine
Let’s remember that triggers won’t last for ever – quitting is not about abstaining – or about resisting – its about building a new life when we won’t even want to drink
But while we are adjusting we will need to learn how to deal with our triggers
Typical triggers are- H.A.L.T.S (Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. Stressed) can affect our sobriety.
Although we will experience triggers we don’t have to act on them – we are not like a toddler having a tantrum in a supermarket because we can’t have chocolate
We need to pause and breathe when we get a trigger – be curious – write about them in your journal and develop strategies to deal with them
Tool No 14 – Do the Work
If you listened to last Saturday’s podcast you will have heard the traffic light analogy.
My guest was explaining that many people worry that sobriety will be a red light to their social life and their fun. Whereas for him it had been a green light to health and happiness. 
However there is a period of adjustment – the amber light. Those of us that have become dependent on alcohol can’t just flick a switch and stop drinking – we have to “do the work”.  We have to “throw the book” at our sobriety.
At Tribe Sober we’ve helped hundreds of people to quit drinking and our observation is that it takes 3-6 months of hard work – and then it gets easier and easier. That’s where we differ from AA – we don’t see it as a “lifetime struggle” which necessitates going to meetings for ever.
“Doing the work” in AA of course means going through the 12 steps but at Tribe Sober we believe that “the work” is different for everyone. It depends on various factors – including how dependent we have become.
“Doing the work” means listening to all the podcasts and reading all the QuitLit books – other people stories and struggles remind us that we are not alone in this and that it is possible to make a change.
“Doing the work” means trying out the tools I’ve outlined in these Sober Shorts until you have created your very own sober toolkit. Even better sign up for one of our workshops to learn more about changing your mindset about drinking and meeting others on the same path.
When we stop drinking we have time on our hands – we have to reconfigure our life so that it’s a life we don’t want to escape from. It’s an ideal time to try different activities and to connect with other people on the same path.  We offer our members opportunities to try coaching, hypnotherapy, art therapy, yoga, meditation as well as providing nutritional and medical advice. 
Different things work for different people and of course the key thing is to connect with others and to share our stories and experiences. Many people will slip up again and again before their sobriety slips and that’s when the connection is even more important.  So you can get the reassurance that all is not lost and that you just need to get back on the bus and build up your next “sober stretch”.
We need to prioritise our sobriety and learn to put ourselves first – gradually we will learn to integrate our sobriety into our lifestyle and it will get easier and easier.
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, You Tube, TikTok, Twitter, and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Why Sobriety is a Green Light with Jeff Graham

 
Jeff Graham founded the Bac2Zero sobriety group.  Like many of us in the recovery space Jeff’s initial sobriety goal was simply to quit drinking.  As he recovered his health, energy and creativity he decided he wanted to help others to do the same.   He describes sobriety as freedom – freedom from a world that was once filled with dread, regret and fear.  Although his goal started out simply as one of abstinence, his life has since grown into a life filled with dreams, hope and happiness.
In this Episode
Jeff enjoyed his first beer at the age of 16 – it wasn’t so much the buzz he enjoyed as the status – he felt like he “fitted in”.
Much as he enjoyed the social side of drinking he also discovered that he loved to drink alone – he would come home from a night out and have some drinks on his own – he felt like he needed some “Jeff time” as he put it
Many of us are like this – and even in sobriety some of us can still get triggered when we get home from a social event – even when we were drinking AF drinks!
I would work hard to behave myself at a social event and then down a bottle of wine when I got home!
Jeff was into beer and from the age of 23 and was drinking a case of beer a day – of course his friends were all drinkers as well
His parents were both alcoholics and that’s why he was drawn to beer rather than spirits – he thought it was “better” – but of course it’s all ethanol!
He started hiding his beers in the garage – so his wife and kids had no idea how much he was drinking or quite how bad it had got
Someone asked him recently if sobriety was “hard” – it made him reflect on just how “hard” it was to be a functioning alcoholic – how hard it was to hold everything together.
He got to the point when he knew he would have to cut down but he couldn’t face it – so he just started hiding his drinks more effectively!
We talked about the buzz and how us drinkers love to maintain the buzz – in fact recent research has shown that the buzz only lasts for 20 minutes and then we carry on drinking to top it up
As Jeff explained after some beers he would not go back to “normal” – he would feel lower than normal and reach for the beer to compensate
He was starting to drink earlier in the day but always telling himself that “tomorrow” would be different.
Eventually he ran out of lies – admitted defeat and booked himself into rehab for a week
He needed this stay in rehab to draw a line under his drinking and to make a statement to his friends and family that he wanted to make a change
We find that many of the people who come to our workshops are able to make use of the tools and community to draw that line under their drinking habits and to make a change 
Jeff needed the accountability that came with rehab – he just couldn’t do this alone
He didn’t actually learn much in rehab but he did a lot of self-reflection and of course met other people with the same problems
When he was sharing his story he heard himself saying things that he hadn’t really registered before – that happens at our workshops – people get emotional when they share because they only realise just how unhappy alcohol has been making them when they tell their story out loud.
Three months out of rehab he had a relapse – he wanted a reward, a last “hurrah” as he put it
That did indicate that he still had work to do on his mindset – if we still see alcohol as a reward then it means it will always be hard to resist and we will suffer from FOMO
Once we see alcohol for the addictive toxin it really is we will lose our desire for it which is the key to sustaining our sobriety
After his relapse Jeff took his recovery more seriously – he started to listen more and began journaling to process his thoughts and emotions.
He feels that it’s really important to get the negative thoughts on paper so then we can analyse them – it’s all part of being honest with ourselves.
Of course when he stopped drinking he had to find other things to do – he learned that he couldn’t just wait until he had a craving and then find something else to do – he had to plan it in advance
Jeff learned that he needed a schedule of activities and I think that’s great advice
Try lots of different things and keep yourself busy until you find a routine that really works for you
As he says it’s no good telling him to call someone if he gets a craving – it’s too late by then!
Like myself he loves talking to people in recovery and getting new insights
We talked about discovering purpose and the way we have both found more purpose in our lives from running sobriety groups – he set up Bac2Zero to inspire others on the journey
Interviewing people for Bac2Zero keeps his schedule busy!
He has some great analogies – sobriety is like a haunted house – scary to enter alone but can even be fun if you are with someone else!
And the traffic lights! - sobriety is not a red traffic light!  It’s a green light to freedom, health and happiness – yes there may be a while stopped at the amber light going through an adjustment period but the green light will appear!   Love that one!
Two years into sobriety Jeff is experiencing lots of benefits – increase in his self-worth, reduction of anxiety and closer connection to his family are just some…
We talked about how many of us thought we were ok because we were not the homeless guy on the park bench but Jeff advises that instead of comparing ourselves with the homeless guy we should compare ourselves with the person that we could be…
Even if alcohol doesn’t destroy us it will certainly prevent us from reaching our potential!
We agreed that community is the essential thing that all sobriety groups have in common because connection is the opposite of addiction.
You can find out more about Jeff by going to gettingbac2zero.com website - he's on Instagram as wellMore Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Know Your Triggers!

SOBER SHORT 13 – Know Your Triggers!
This Sober Short series is taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – just go to tribesober.com, hit Our Services and you’ll find all the info about our workshops. You can do a group workshop or a private workshop to suit your schedule and time zone.
These workshops have been a gamechanger for many people so if you want to kickstart your sober life then sign up today.  Just go to tribesober.com/services and click on workshops
During the first 12 Sober Shorts, we looked at the first 12 Tools in our toolbox. Before we move on to tool number 13 let’s do a quick recap…
In this Episode
Tool number 1 was “Get Connected”
Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path.
If you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com – just hit “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership.
Tool number 2 was “Get Moving”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many people exercise daily but they also drink daily – sometimes excessively. Ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was “Building Emotional Strength”
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions.
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says, or as Glennon Doyle says, “First the Pain, then the Rising.”
Tool number 4 was all about Mindset
It was about changing your thinking – about drinking.
We talked about overturning those false beliefs that we have picked up over the years — for example, we believe that we deserve a drink at the end of the day!
We talked about overturning those beliefs – one by one.
“Do the work” and you will never see alcohol in the same way and…
You will never suffer from FOMO which is the key to sticking to your sobriety.
Tool number 5 – was about Visualisation
We talked about some powerful ways to use visualisation.
One of them was to “Play the movie forward” – if you get the urge to drink, then just think it through – what will happen after that first glass. Do you really want to wake up at 3 am full of anxiety and regret?
Do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – and do the hardest bit - again and again?
Tool number 6 – Information is Power
It’s hard to believe it these days but not that long ago we had NO IDEA that smoking was bad for us.
Even if you do decide to carry on drinking then make sure that it’s an informed choice. The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
That’s a good place to start and there are many QuitLit books out there and of course podcasts – almost 100 episodes of the Tribe Sober podcast are available now, all packed with advice inspiration and information.
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@ts.com – you can also go to tribesober.com and hit the Inspiration tab where you’ll find a wealth of information that will inspire you to get started – and motivate you to keep going.
Tool number 7 was “Be Accountable”
When we embark on this journey, we need a community of people who actually care – people who have been where we are now and can advise and encourage us - people who are thriving in their alcohol-free lives and can inspire us that it really is worth doing this thing.
WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE – we need to know that we can share our ups and downs with other people who really get us.
So, if you are looking for a sober community to inspire you and keep you on track just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe.
If you’d like to sample the kind of support we offer then email janet@tribesober.com and request our Sobriety Battleplan pdf which is packed with great advice, charts and trackers.
Tool Number 8 - which is “Journaling”
At our workshops, we advise people to buy a beautiful notebook that will become their sobriety journal throughout this life-changing journey.
Sobriety is a journey of self-discovery and recording your thoughts, emotions, struggles, and accomplishments is so beneficial.
Early sobriety is a very emotional time and for most of us it really helps to process emotions if we can write them down.
We can note our triggers as well as strategies for coping with them
Journaling will give us perspective – reading back on the early weeks of sobriety will remind us just how hard it was – and make us realise it’s getting better and easier every day.
To learn more about the magic of journaling listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 98 to hear my interview with writer in recovery Melinda Ferguson – released on 26th March 2022
Tool No 9 – “Get a Project”
It’s very common for people to feel a bit flat once they have achieved their first few months of sobriety.
Many people in Tribe Sober (including me) experienced that “flatness’/depression/void” or whatever you want to call it – when they asked me what they should do about it I just told them to sit it out as it would eventually pass
However that advice changed after my podcast interview with Dr Loretta Breuning (author of the Happy Brain) – so do have a listen, its episode 55 and was released on 14 August 2021.
Loretta explained that my brain was quite happy during the first few months as it had registered that it was working on a project (ie sobriety) and I was making progress – however after a few months my subconscious was thinking – ok so now we are sober, now what?
Well here’s the thing – as human beings we need projects – think of the cavemen, they would wake up hungry and have to go and find some food, eating the food would give them a dopamine hit but then they would get hungry again and have to go hunting..
So as you settle into your first few months of sobriety GET A PROJECT to keep you on track and to keep those happy brain chemicals triggered.
Tool No 10 – “Be Prepared”
As with most things in life preparation is crucial…
Play the movie forward – what ARE you going to drink – if it’s a restaurant then check out their drinks menu online and decide what you will order
If you are going to a dinner party the text your host in advance and take some AF bubbly with you
Decide what you are going to say when/if people start to interrogate you – you can keep it simple “I’m on meds”, “I’m driving” or my favourite “I’m on a health kick – no booze, no sugar, no carbs for 66 days!” 
If drinking at home was your problem then give away your booze – or move it to somewhere you can’t see it (the garage is a good place) and make sure your fridge is stocked with delicious AF choices – if you are in SA just go to drinknil.co.za and they will deliver to your door
Tool No 11 –Track Your Progress
When a new member joins our tribe we send an Annual Tracker. It helps to give perspective, to keep an eye on the big picture – sure there may be slip ups on the way but what matters is a feeling of progress – are those “Sober Stretches” getting longer?
If you would like one of our Annual Trackers then just email janet@tribesober.com and I’ll send you one right away!
It’s so important to celebrate Milestones on this journey -
The Forever word is just too daunting when starting out on this journey so we suggest 30, 60, 100 days as Milestones… followed by 6 months and then moving on to Annual
The great thing about Tribe Sober is that many people stick around after getting sober – they want to help and inspire others – we even have a chatroom for people with more than 6 months of sobriety
Tool No 12 –Nurture Yourself
When we embark on this life changing journey we are going against the flow. We are going against the flow and that takes confidence and courage!
We need to nurture ourselves so that we can access the inner resources we need to embrace an alcohol free life
Many people (me included) discover that they are introverts at heart and not the party animal they thought they were when they drank!
Sobriety is a journey of discovery so spend the extra time you’ve saved exploring – Tribe Sober members have free resources to sample like coaching, hypnotherapy and root cause therapy as well as online yoga and art therapy.
You need to spoil yourself! Think of your sobriety as a pregnancy – 9 months of doing exactly what feels right  for you – read books, be alone, go to bed early, have naps, light candles, eat chocolate, turn down social invitations, light candles, have hot baths!
The pregnancy analogy works so well because for most of us 9 months is long enough for our sobriety to be strong – to survive in the outside world!
Tool No 13 - Know Your Triggers!
Triggers are a response to an outside stimulus that results in an automatic action.
We have trained our brains to drink, and now we have to untrain them.
Our brains need time to “rewire” – we need to uncouple experiences – eg: sunset and a glass of wine
Let’s remember that triggers won’t last for ever – quitting is not about abstaining – or about resisting – its about building a new life when we won’t even want to drink
But while we are adjusting we will need to learn how to deal with our triggers
Typical triggers are- H.A.L.T.S (Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. Stressed) can affect our sobriety.
Although we will experience triggers we don’t have to act on them – we are not like a toddler having a tantrum in a supermarket because we can’t have chocolate
We need to pause and breathe when we get a trigger – be curious – write about them in your journal and develop strategies to deal with them
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, You Tube, Tiktok, Twitter, and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
Thank you for listening!
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Unpickled with Jean McCarthy

Unpickled with Jean McCarthy
If you have been sober for a while and are ever tempted to drink just “one glass of wine” then it’s worth remembering this well known saying "You can change a cucumber into a pickle, but you can’t turn a pickle back into a cucumber” – in other words once we have crossed that line into alcohol dependence there is not going back – we must go forward and create a life we don’t want to escape from.
My guest this week was obviously inspired by the pickle analogy as her blog is called “Unpickled” and I’m sure many of you have listened to her awesome podcast the “Bubble Hour” which has been going for almost a decade.
I began by asking Jean to introduce herself
In this Episode
Jean was a teenage drinker, going to bars at 15 years old as she looked older
She got married and had her children young – got into the mommyjuice culture
Her drinking escalated throughout her 20’s and 30’s
By the time she got to her 40’s her children were teenagers, her career was demanding and wine was her “off” button
She went from one glass to two to a few – to opening a bottle the moment she got home from work
Like many of us she would wake up and think “I won’t drink today but by lunchtime that thought was gone”
Since her teenage years she had an inkling that alcohol was not doing her any favours but by her 30’s she was trying to make a change and setting “the rules” which of course she promptly broke
She finally quit at 43 – which led us to discuss the Tempest Study - that the average time it takes people – “from realising they had a problem to actually quitting” was eleven years.
One of the things that kept Jean stuck in her drinking was that she was labouring under the misconception that one had to reach “rock bottom” before making a change – a myth that keeps many from ditching the booze
That myth kept Jean from going to AA – not only was she worried about being recognised but she also felt that she couldn’t fit – that she would be seen as a lightweight because she hadn’t lost everything
So let’s take a moment to debunk the rock bottom fallacy – if your drinking is on your mind and you have a suspicion that you would be healthier and happier without it then just do it. No need to keep digging…
There has never been a better time to give up drinking. There are many online sobriety groups like Tribe Sober, not to mention a plethora of alcohol free drinks.  Go to tribesober.com and check us out if you’d like to meet other people who have decided to avoid rock bottom and ditch the booze before they get there!
So Jean didn’t go to AA but she did confide in one friend and that made all the difference – she got empathy from that friend and it made her accountable.
Sometimes just telling one person is all it takes – so if you’re stuck then that’s a great place to start and if you feel there is no one in your friendship circle who would understand than check out tribesober.com and join our international community
To beat those early cravings Jean had a whole list of things to do when she felt a craving – for example she would eat an ice cream, or orange slices or take the dog around the block or drive to the store. Doing her grocery shopping in the evenings took some of the pressure of her schedule the next day.
She started her unpickled blog – anonymously like Clare Pooley – and just like Claire she got responses and realised that she was not alone in this
With the perspective of a decade of sobriety Jean is able to look back and see that for the first 2 years she was “white knuckling” it
During those early years she stayed sober because she was ashamed of the possibility of relapse – that stopped her healing and also prevented her from experiencing the “fullness of recovery” as she puts it
Jean was on this journey alone for the first two years and it was only when she discovered a sober community that her recovery really started – we often get people joining Tribe Sober who have been sober for a while but are feeling isolated and miserable because they feel lonely and don’t realise that recovery is about so much more than “not drinking”
She went on a sober retreat and sat in a sharing circle for the first time – that’s when the magic of recovery started for Jean – she cried constantly during that retreat and came through the other side.
We talked about the money we spend on beauty and anti ageing products when the best thing of all we can do for our health and our beauty as we get older is to ditch the booze
Staying hydrated is so important for our skin – yet for every glass of wine we drink we lose the equivalent of four glasses of water
Many of us feared that sobriety would mean a life of deprivation but as Jean says the reality is that is a life of abundance – and that is the joy of a sober community – you will meet people further down the line who can confirm that is the case!
Jean explained that recovery helped her to stop doing things that weren’t serving her – which made me think about a discussion we had in one of our chat rooms recently - many of us realised that we were drinking to make other people more interesting and had wasted far too much time hanging out with people who we didn’t really connect with.
I asked Jean to share some of her tips with us:-
Find alternative ways to comfort yourself, tell someone, decide that whatever happens no you will not drink – and join a sobriety group
We talked about the magazine Hola Sober and how wonderful it is to be part of this modern recovery movement
So do take a look at Jean’s blog which is called “Unpickled”, if you don’t already listen to the Bubble Hour then there are plenty of episodes to catch up with!
You heard her reading that beautiful poem about recovery circles from her book “The Ember Ever There” which is available on Amazon
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Nurture Yourself!

 
SOBER SHORT 12 – Nurture Yourself
I’m kicking off our Sober Short series by taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – just go to tribesober.com, hit Our Services and you’ll find all the info about our workshops. You can do a group workshop or a private workshop to suit your schedule and time zone.
These workshops have been a gamechanger for many people so if you want to kickstart your sober life then sign up today.  Just go to tribesober.com/services and click on workshops
During the first 10 Sober Shorts, we looked at the first 10  Tools in our toolbox. Before we move on to tool number 11 let’s do a quick recap…
In this Episode
Tool number 1 was “Get Connected”
Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path.
If you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com – just hit “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership.
Tool number 2 was “Get Moving”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many people exercise daily but they also drink daily – sometimes excessively. Ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was “Building Emotional Strength”
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions.
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says, or as Glennon Doyle says, “First the Pain, then the Rising.”
Tool number 4 was all about Mindset
It was about changing your thinking – about drinking.
We talked about overturning those false beliefs that we have picked up over the years — for example, we believe that we deserve a drink at the end of the day!
We talked about overturning those beliefs – one by one.
“Do the work” and you will never see alcohol in the same way and…
You will never suffer from FOMO which is the key to sticking to your sobriety.
Tool number 5 – was about Visualisation
We talked about some powerful ways to use visualisation.
One of them was to “Play the movie forward” – if you get the urge to drink, then just think it through – what will happen after that first glass. Do you really want to wake up at 3 am full of anxiety and regret?
Do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – and do the hardest bit - again and again?
Tool number 6 – Information is Power
It’s hard to believe it these days but not that long ago we had NO IDEA that smoking was bad for us.
Even if you do decide to carry on drinking then make sure that it’s an informed choice. The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
That’s a good place to start and there are many QuitLit books out there and of course podcasts – almost 100 episodes of the Tribe Sober podcast are available now, all packed with advice inspiration and information.
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@ts.com – you can also go to tribesober.com and hit the Inspiration tab where you’ll find a wealth of information that will inspire you to get started – and motivate you to keep going.
Tool number 7 was “Be Accountable”
When we embark on this journey, we need a community of people who actually care – people who have been where we are now and can advise and encourage us - people who are thriving in their alcohol-free lives and can inspire us that it really is worth doing this thing.
WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE – we need to know that we can share our ups and downs with other people who really get us.
So, if you are looking for a sober community to inspire you and keep you on track just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe.
If you’d like to sample the kind of support we offer then email janet@tribesober.com and request our Sobriety Battleplan pdf which is packed with great advice, charts and trackers.
Tool Number 8 - which is “Journaling”
At our workshops, we advise people to buy a beautiful notebook that will become their sobriety journal throughout this life-changing journey.
Sobriety is a journey of self-discovery and recording your thoughts, emotions, struggles, and accomplishments is so beneficial.
Early sobriety is a very emotional time and for most of us it really helps to process emotions if we can write them down.
We can note our triggers as well as strategies for coping with them
Journaling will give us perspective – reading back on the early weeks of sobriety will remind us just how hard it was – and make us realise it’s getting better and easier every day.
To learn more about the magic of journaling listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 98 to hear my interview with writer in recovery Melinda Ferguson – released on 26th March 2022
Tool No 9 – “Get a Project”
It’s very common for people to feel a bit flat once they have achieved their first few months of sobriety.
Many people in Tribe Sober (including me) experienced that “flatness’/depression/void” or whatever you want to call it – when they asked me what they should do about it I just told them to sit it out as it would eventually pass
However that advice changed after my podcast interview with Dr Loretta Breuning (author of the Happy Brain) – so do have a listen, its episode 55 and was released on 14 August 2021.
Loretta explained that my brain was quite happy during the first few months as it had registered that it was working on a project (ie sobriety) and I was making progress – however after a few months my subconscious was thinking – ok so now we are sober, now what?
Well here’s the thing – as human beings we need projects – think of the cavemen, they would wake up hungry and have to go and find some food, eating the food would give them a dopamine hit but then they would get hungry again and have to go hunting..
So as you settle into your first few months of sobriety GET A PROJECT to keep you on track and to keep those happy brain chemicals triggered.
Tool No 10 – “Be Prepared”
As with most things in life preparation is crucial…
Play the movie forward – what ARE you going to drink – if it’s a restaurant then check out their drinks menu online and decide what you will order
If you are going to a dinner party the text your host in advance and take some AF bubbly with you
Decide what you are going to say when/if people start to interrogate you – you can keep it simple “I’m on meds”, “I’m driving” or my favourite “I’m on a health kick – no booze, no sugar, no carbs for 66 days!” 
If drinking at home was your problem then give away your booze – or move it to somewhere you can’t see it (the garage is a good place) and make sure your fridge is stocked with delicious AF choices – if you are in SA just go to drinknil.co.za and they will deliver to your door
Tool No 11 –Track Your Progress
When a new member joins our tribe we send an Annual Tracker. It helps to give perspective, to keep an eye on the big picture – sure there may be slip ups on the way but what matters is a feeling of progress – are those “Sober Stretches” getting longer?
If you would like one of our Annual Trackers then just email janet@tribesober.com and I’ll send you one right away!
It’s so important to celebrate Milestones on this journey -
The Forever word is just too daunting when starting out on this journey so we suggest 30, 60, 100 days as Milestones… followed by 6 months and then moving on to Annual
The great thing about Tribe Sober is that many people stick around after getting sober – they want to help and inspire others – we even have a chatroom for people with more than 6 months of sobriety
Tool No 12 –Nurture Yourself
When we embark on this life changing journey we are going against the flow – we are doing something that 95% of the drinking population would not even consider doing, it wouldn’t cross their mind. We are going against the flow and that takes confidence and courage!
We need to nurture ourselves so that we can access the inner resources we need to embrace an alcohol free life
Many people (me included) discover that they are introverts at heart and not the party animal they thought they were when they drank!
They drank to make other people interesting so they could hang out and fit in without being bored!
We do go through a phase of feeling “Sober Awkward” in early sobriety as we find our feet and master the art of sober small talk – not to mention sober dancing!
But if you start feeling that you would rather be home with a good book than attending a social event then do it – and the first book you should read it Quiet by Susan Cain – the subtitle of that book is “The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking” which says it all really
Her premise is that about 50% of the global population are natural introverts but the pressure to perform in our corporate careers and our social lives means many of us turn to alcohol to cope
Sobriety is a journey of discover so spend the extra time you’ve saved exploring – Tribe Sober members have free resources to sample like coaching, hypnotherapy and root cause therapy as well as online yoga and art therapy.
If you are wondering hypnotherapy can help you embrace sobriety then listen to Tribe Sober episode 43, more about the role that root cause therapy can play in episode 60, yoga information in episode 69, art therapy 73 and you can hear me interviewing our awesome TS coach Lynette way back on episode 5!
So spoil yourself! Think of your sobriety as a pregnancy – 9 months of doing exactly what feels right  for you – read books, be alone, go to bed early, have naps, light candles, eat chocolate, turn down social invitations, light candles, have hot baths!
The pregnancy analogy works so well because for most of us 9 months is long enough for our sobriety to be strong – to survive in the outside world!
So that was Tool number 12 – Track Your Progress – I’ll be back with our main podcast on Saturday and another Sober Short next Wednesday
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
 
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, You Tube, Tiktok, Twitter, and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
Thank you for listening!
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Meditating into Sobriety with Rory Kinsella

 
Meditation and Your Sober Journey
Here at Tribe Sober we encourage people to quit drinking and then to go on and learn to thrive in their alcohol free lives.  We offer free coaching, hypnotherapy and an online yoga course and various therapies..  It’s important to experiment, to get back in touch with what you really like to do – it’s all about building a life that you don’t want to escape from.
 
My guest this week is a meditation teacher in Australia who offers a course called “6 steps for not quite alcoholics” – he is offering to help people to change their relationship with alcohol from a different angle – he is suggesting that they meditate daily for a few weeks and then see how they feel about their drinking.
 
Rory shares his own struggles with alcohol and explains that once he got into meditation he found that alcohol no longer fitted in with his healthy lifestyle…
I began by asking Rory to introduce himself
In this Episode
After Uni Rory joined a band and then became a music journalist and going to free gigs/festivals were all part of the job
All his relationships during his 20’s were built around drinking, partying and having a good time
He moved to Australia at the age of 31 and became a “lifestyle journalist” – he was expecting this job to be less boozy than that of a music journalist but he was wrong
He was sent to review a week long vodka festival in New Zealand and then was sent on a 3 day trip to Las Vegas to reviews bars and restaurants…
Rory started to notice that his hangovers were getting more severe and that it was taking him longer to recover
At his 35th birthday party he had what he calls an early midlife crisis – DJ’ing at a warehouse party he realised he was not enjoying himself – combination of drugs and alcohol was making him feel paranoid and he wasn’t even enjoying the music – he decided he just didn’t want to be living this kind of life at 45
He quit smoking and DJing the next day but carried on drinking – although he had an inkling that life might be better without it but he was nowhere near accepting that he must stop
However he did start exercising – and being an “all or nothing” kind of person (like most of us drinkers) he was soon running marathons
His running made him realise that he could access serotonin and endorphins which could change his consciousness without using chemicals.
As he puts it so well – he was able to access the “infinite pharmacy within”!
As Rory got fitter he started to explore different types of meditation and began to feel that there could be a light at the end of the tunnel
He discovered Vedic meditation which is what he now teaches
Meditation was reducing his triggers and his stress so he was drinking less but still going on binges
Once he got healthier he realised that alcohol no longer fitted his lifestyle – his body was clean and he didn’t like the effect of booze
Rory’s approach is - rather than say “Don’t Drink for 30 Days” he says “Meditate twice a day for 30 Days” and don’t think about alcohol so in other words focus on your meditation practice and you will gradually lose the desire to drink
His turning point came 4 years after starting his meditation practice – he was teaching by then and just didn’t feel authentic drinking and teaching meditation so he quit
I love his wise monkey analogy – when we wake up we have a credit of 3 wise monkeys – they get used up during the day and we need a crutch to keep us going – and that’s when the wine monkey comes out!
So he advises topping up your wise monkeys (or adaptation energy) with a meditation practice in the evening – that will put your back in charge and keep the wine monkey away!
Rory believes that we must focus on building various “systems” to sustain our sobriety – meditation is part of that system as is exercise, healthy eating and community support.
The “systems” approach really helps because when he have a slip up the reaction should be “lets look at the system and maybe change something?” rather than “OMG I’m such a failure”!
Another great analogy from Rory was the “tanker” analogy – if you change the direction of a huge ship then it’s going to take a while before it moves and heads off in the right direction – just as “if you’ve been drinking for decades and stop – it’s going to take a while to settle in to your sobriety and experience the benefits”
Here at Tribe Sober we hear a some people say “I’m 3 months sober and don’t feel any benefits yet!” – but that’s the joy of community – people who have been sober for longer will pile in and say “hold on – it does get better!” etc..
Our members go on a 7 step program which helps them to explore what “systems” would work well for them – coaching, yoga, hypnotherapy and various types of therapy are all on offer so that people can sample them and see what works for them.
Now that he is sober Rory has much more time and energy to do the things he wants to – he reflected back on how it was taking him a few days to recover from his drinking sessions – yes he was functional but only doing the bare minimum and experiencing a void in his creativity
As he says we often hear people saying they don’t have time to pursue their goals but its often more about not having the energy – we have to remember that alcohol saps our energy and motivation
Even if alcohol doesn’t destroy us it prevents us from reaching our potential!
Rory helped me to realise that meditation does not have to involve clearing our minds of all thoughts – if we go the Vedic Meditation route then we just have to focus on a mantra..
You can hear Rory talk about his “6 step” course which will help you to stop drinking via meditation – read more about it on his website we-meditate.co
His podcast is called Not Quite Alcoholics and my interview with him is on Episode 7
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Track Your Progress!

SOBER SHORT 11 – Track Your Progress
I’m kicking off our Sober Short series by taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – just go to tribesober.com, hit Our Services and you’ll find all the info about our workshops. You can do a group workshop or a private workshop to suit your schedule and time zone.
These workshops have been a gamechanger for many people so if you want to kickstart your sober life then sign up today.  Just go to tribesober.com/services and click on workshops
During the first 10 Sober Shorts, we looked at the first 10 Tools in our toolbox. Before we move on to tool number 11 let’s do a quick recap…
In this Episode
Tool number 1 was “Get Connected”
Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path.
If you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com – just hit “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership. 
Tool number 2 was “Get Moving”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many people exercise daily but they also drink daily – sometimes excessively. Ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was “Building Emotional Strength”
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions.
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says, or as Glennon Doyle says, “First the Pain, then the Rising.”
Tool number 4 was all about Mindset
It was about changing your thinking – about drinking.
We talked about overturning those false beliefs that we have picked up over the years — for example, we believe that we deserve a drink at the end of the day!
We talked about overturning those beliefs – one by one.
“Do the work” and you will never see alcohol in the same way and…
You will never suffer from FOMO which is the key to sticking to your sobriety.
Tool number 5 – was about Visualisation
We talked about some powerful ways to use visualisation.
One of them was to “Play the movie forward” – if you get the urge to drink, then just think it through – what will happen after that first glass. Do you really want to wake up at 3 am full of anxiety and regret?
Do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – and do the hardest bit - again and again?
Tool number 6 – Information is Power
It’s hard to believe it these days but not that long ago we had NO IDEA that smoking was bad for us.
Even if you do decide to carry on drinking then make sure that it’s an informed choice. The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
That’s a good place to start and there are many QuitLit books out there and of course podcasts – almost 100 episodes of the Tribe Sober podcast are available now, all packed with advice inspiration and information.
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@ts.com – you can also go to tribesober.com and hit the Inspiration tab where you’ll find a wealth of information that will inspire you to get started – and motivate you to keep going.
Tool number 7 was “Be Accountable”
When we embark on this journey, we need a community of people who actually care – people who have been where we are now and can advise and encourage us - people who are thriving in their alcohol-free lives and can inspire us that it really is worth doing this thing.
WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE – we need to know that we can share our ups and downs with other people who really get us.
So, if you are looking for a sober community to inspire you and keep you on track just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe.
If you’d like to sample the kind of support we offer then email janet@tribesober.com and request our Sobriety Battleplan pdf which is packed with great advice, charts and trackers.
Tool Number 8 - which is “Journaling”
At our workshops, we advise people to buy a beautiful notebook that will become their sobriety journal throughout this life-changing journey.
Sobriety is a journey of self-discovery and recording your thoughts, emotions, struggles, and accomplishments is so beneficial.
Early sobriety is a very emotional time and for most of us it really helps to process emotions if we can write them down.
We can note our triggers as well as strategies for coping with them
Journaling will give us perspective – reading back on the early weeks of sobriety will remind us just how hard it was – and make us realise it’s getting better and easier every day.
To learn more about the magic of journaling listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 98 to hear my interview with writer in recovery Melinda Ferguson – released on 26th March 2022
Tool No 9 – “Get a Project”
It’s very common for people to feel a bit flat once they have achieved their first few months of sobriety.
Many people in Tribe Sober (including me) experienced that “flatness’/depression/void” or whatever you want to call it – when they asked me what they should do about it I just told them to sit it out as it would eventually pass
However that advice changed after my podcast interview with Dr Loretta Breuning (author of the Happy Brain) – so do have a listen, its episode 55 and was released on 14 August 2021.
Loretta explained that my brain was quite happy during the first few months as it had registered that it was working on a project (ie sobriety) and I was making progress – however after a few months my subconscious was thinking – ok so now we are sober, now what?
Well here’s the thing – as human beings we need projects – think of the cavemen, they would wake up hungry and have to go and find some food, eating the food would give them a dopamine hit but then they would get hungry again and have to go hunting..
So as you settle into your first few months of sobriety GET A PROJECT to keep you on track and to keep those happy brain chemicals triggered.
Tool No 10 – “Be Prepared”
As with most things in life preparation is crucial…
Play the movie forward – what ARE you going to drink – if it’s a restaurant then check out their drinks menu online and decide what you will order
If you are going to a dinner party the text your host in advance and take some AF bubbly with you
Decide what you are going to say when/if people start to interrogate you – you can keep it simple “I’m on meds”, “I’m driving” or my favourite “I’m on a health kick – no booze, no sugar, no carbs for 66 days!” 
If drinking at home was your problem then give away your booze – or move it to somewhere you can’t see it (the garage is a good place) and make sure your fridge is stocked with delicious AF choices – if you are in SA just go to drinknil.co.za and they will deliver to your door
Tool No 11 –Track Your ProgressWhen a new member joins our tribe we send them a “starter kit” which includes an Annual Tracker.  This annual tracker is simply a calendar divided into 360 squares.  We suggest that people colour in a square as alcohol free in the morning to set their intention for the day.  If they slip up then they should mark it on the calendar.  This system has several advantages:-
It helps to give perspective, to keep an eye on the big picture – sure there may be slip ups on the way but what matters is a feeling of progress – are those “Sober Stretches” getting longer?
A bit like dieting there is a tendency to feel hopeless after a slip up, a feeling of “oh I will never be able to do this so I might as well give up altogether” –the tracker shows you that one slip up does not ruin everything and you are more likely to hop back on the bus
Accountability – on screenshot Saturday we ask members to share their trackers and on our chat group and everyone piles in to congratulate – or to encourage…
If you would like one of our Annual Trackers then just email janet@tribesober.com and Ill send you one right away!
It’s so important to celebrate Milestones on this journey – Milestones not only give you something to aim for but when you reach them you will get a dopamine hit as you feel a sense of purpose and share your triumph with others – that dopamine hit will give you the energy and enthusiasm to continue with your journey
The Forever word is just too daunting when starting out on this journey so we suggest 30, 60, 100 days as Milestones… followed by 6 months and then moving on to Annual
The great thing about Tribe Sober is that many people stick around after getting sober – they want to help and inspire others – we even have a chatroom for people with more than 6 months of sobriety – we call it “big school” and people are keen to graduate ;-)
It’s also important to track your Sober Firsts – there will be many during your first year of sobriety. The first Sober Wedding, Sober Holiday, Sober Birthday etc – see them as Challenges and keep your expectations low – don’t even expect to enjoy them – your work is to get through them.  You can be sure that next time it will be easier and eventually you will enjoy it just as much (if not more) than usual.
Make sure you plan a reward for yourself when you get through a Sober First!
So that was Tool number 11 – Track Your Progress – I’ll be back with our main podcast on Saturday and another Sober Short next Wednesday
Thanks for listening – please follow and share the podcast!
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, You Tube, Tiktok, Twitter, and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
Thank you for listening!
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Our Top Ten Podcasts!

 
When I started podcasting almost 2 years ago I wasn’t sure that I was going to be able to stick at it.  Finding guests, interviewing guests and then editing the conversation was pretty time consuming.  Then I read that 60% of podcasters give up after less than 10 episodes which seemed like a challenge! 
Through this podcast Tribe Sober has connected with people from all over the world and our membership is becoming more and more international!
So next week we celebrate our 100th episode so a huge thank you to our listeners who have helped us to get this far!  If you are new to the podcast then welcome – and if you’ve been with us from the start then thank you!  In either case we’d love you to leave a review.
So this week I’ve delved into our podcast download stats and highlighted the most popular podcasts – our top ten!
In this Episode
At 10th place with 1150 downloads is Episode number 72 (released in December 2021) – it’s called “Why We Need to Ditch the Drink in Mid Life” – my guest was Lori Massicot who has a podcast herself called “to 50 and beyond” – it’s a podcast aimed at women in mid-life where she highlights the beauty of aging and the freedom that comes along with alcohol free life. She on a mission to raise awareness towards the life changing impact of sobriety as we age and had me guesting on her podcast as an example of someone who ditched the drink later in life. You can find that on episode 182 of her podcast.
At 9th place with 1192 downloads is Episode 67 (released in October 2021) we have an episode called “Rebranding Sobriety” with the fabulous Susan Christina.  She’s on a mission to make alcohol free living as attractive and glamorous as we thought drinking was!  Susan shares her own story of recovery and talks about the “drinking train” that many women board and pointed out that it was only travelling one way – the way of increasing dependence, rehab and for some people it’s unfortunately travelling to disease and death. 
At number 8 with 1206 downloads we have episode 81 (released January 2022) called “Take a Break” from the booze.  We believe in Challenges here at Tribe Sober and every year we run our Sober Spring Challenge - and then another one in January.  On this podcast we hear from 3 ladies who did Sober Spring 2021 - why did they sign up?  what was it like?  what tips do they have? 
If you are listening to this and decide you’d like to do a challenge then just go to tribesober.com and hit Join Our Tribe and we'll put you on our 30 day starter challenge for new members.
At number 7 with 1215 downloads was “Coping with Cravings” (released January 2021) - my interview with South African natural health expert Mary Ann Shearer.  Both of her parents were alcoholics yet she became passionate about health and has published a bestselling book called The Natural Way.  Mary Ann is a woman before her time and was advocating veganism thirty years ago!
She advised people who have stopped drinking to satisfy their cravings by eating fresh fruit not chocolates or sweets  Our bodies need glucose and eating fresh fruit satisfies the craving for alcohol – we offer this as standard advice in our community as many many people battle with those cravings for sweets when they stop drinking.
Mary Ann explained the damage that alcohol does to our endocrine system - and how it makes menopause much worse
At number 6 with 1279 downloads was Neuroscientist Staci Danfield – released in August 2021 that episode is called “Is you Lizard Brain the Boss?”  She explained that our brain tricks us into thinking that alcohol is making us happy but in fact it is a depressant – if you’ve been drinking for years then the alcohol will have altered the balance of your brain which is why you become increasingly dependent.
When we understand how our brains work we can work with it – and that’s when the magic will happen – a great analogy is to think of how we use our computers – we work with programs that are installed in our computers – not against them!
Understanding our brains means that we can understand ourselves better and see what we are gaining by ditching the drink – we need to create a “pattern interruptor”
At number 5 we have episode 66 with 1318 downloads (released in October 2021) -  “Anxiety and Alcohol” was the topic and my guest was Casey McGuire Davidson.  Casey went to doctors and therapists about her anxiety and insomnia – most of which was caused by alcohol but she was in denial about her drinking and just didn’t CONNECT THE DOTS
Like many of us Casey started making rules – in fact Casey and I had a whole conversation about the rules we used to make that you can find on her podcast (Hello Someday – episode 77 ) 
The reason we make these rules of course is that we are still trying to moderate as we can’t imagine our life without it – having to give up completely is our worst nightmare – whereas with hindsight both Casey and myself can say that giving up completely was the best thing we ever did!
She eventually hired a Sober Coach and checked in with her every single day – because she was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Episode 50 is at number 4 with 1510 downloads.  - another podcast about anxiety!  – title was “Why we get Hangxiety and my guest was William Porter.   
We talked about "hangxiety" and how it's caused by chemical changes in our brain - when it becomes over-sensitised
If you drink a bottle of wine every night then your brain will take the first glass as a signal that the rest of the bottle is coming!
That's why moderation is so difficult - and it's exhausting as we are thinking about it all the time
Dependency happens once we learn (consciously or subsconsciously) that another drink will quell the anxiety caused by the first
FAB is responsible for many people falling off the wagon as they think they can now have "just one" - which is not sustainable
He explained why it's a complete myth that alcohol helps you sleep - the truth is that it ruins our sleep!
At number 3 we have the fabulous Clare Pooley with 1587 downloads.  The episode is number 39 and was released in April 2021 - called “My Top Life Hack”   Clare is a wonderful example of how your dreams can come true when you ditch the booze.  Her sober blog not only helped her to stay on track but it attracted a publishing deal which led to the sober diaries – she then went on to write TAP and is about to publish a second novel.  Her childhood dream was to be an author and now she is!
CLAIRE's TOP TIP - she reconfigured her day - went to bed at 7pm (to avoid evening drinking) and got up at 5am feeling great!
As cooking the evening meal was a big temptation for her she cooked it in the morning and heated it up in the evening
Like many of us she had a major low in early sobriety - she calls this "the wall" and believes it's our brain chemistry adjusting
Her blog - the obstacle course went viral and is essential reading in early sobriety
Clare's key message in the blog is to keep going however hard it gets - stopping and starting is the hardest way
Clare also said it was essential to "find your tribe" and recommended tribesober.com
At number 2 we have Eusebius McKaiser with 1599 downloads. South African journalist talking about his relationship with alcohol.  Eusebius signed up for our Dry January Challenge a fewyears ago and to his surprise maintained his sobriety.  We first met when I was on his radio show reading out my Goodbye to Alcohol Letter.  We recommend writing a GTA letter on the basis that for some of us alcohol is like an abusive lover we  need to get it out of our lives.  A goodbye letter is a cathartic and powerful ritual that can help us draw a line under our drinking years.  Go to ts.com, hit inspiration and hit GTA letters to read the letters written by tribe members.
Eusebius shared benefits he is experiencing and explained how he has substituted different kinds of music for alcohol - to stimulate the right mood when he is writing.
Eusebius wrote a blog for our website called "Sober Diary Reflections" - you can read it here and we also recorded another Tribe Sober podcast together – called Busting Sobriety Myths – episode 77.
At number is my story "How I quit drinking and started a tribe!" with 1675 downloads
Just beating Eusebius by a mere 76 downloads is my story!  I can’t claim too much credit as this was the very first episode – released way back on my 5th Soberversary in May 2020 – episode 1!  In it I talk about my long struggle with alcohol – how I nearly drowned by passing out in my bath at the age of 25 and carried on drinking
How I got breast cancer - and carried on drinking
How a "walking, talking blackout" made me (finally) ditch the drink
I talk about my quest for sobriety, my failure as an AA member and how I finally got sober.  I share my motivation for founding Tribe Sober and read out my Goodbye to Alcohol Letter.
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 
 

Sober Short - Be Prepared!

 
SOBER SHORT 10 – Be Prepared!
I’m kicking off our Sober Short series by taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – just go to tribesober.com, hit Our Services and you’ll find all the info about our workshops. You can do a group workshop or a private workshop to suit your schedule and time zone.
These workshops have been a gamechanger for many people so if you want to kickstart your sober life then sign up today.  Just go to tribesober.com/services and click on workshops
During the first 9 Sober Shorts, we looked at the first 9 Tools in our toolbox. Before we move on to tool number 10 let’s do a quick recap…
In this Episode
Tool number 1 was “Get Connected”
Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path.
If you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com – just hit “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership.
Tool number 2 was “Get Moving”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many people exercise daily but they also drink daily – sometimes excessively. Ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was “Building Emotional Strength”
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions.
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says, or as Glennon Doyle says, “First the Pain, then the Rising.”
Tool number 4 was all about Mindset
It was about changing your thinking – about drinking.
We talked about overturning those false beliefs that we have picked up over the years — for example, we believe that we deserve a drink at the end of the day!
We talked about overturning those beliefs – one by one.
“Do the work” and you will never see alcohol in the same way and…
You will never suffer from FOMO which is the key to sticking to your sobriety.
Tool number 5 – was about Visualisation
We talked about some powerful ways to use visualisation.
One of them was to “Play the movie forward” – if you get the urge to drink, then just think it through – what will happen after that first glass. Do you really want to wake up at 3 am full of anxiety and regret?
Do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – and do the hardest bit - again and again?
Tool number 6 – Information is Power
It’s hard to believe it these days but not that long ago we had NO IDEA that smoking was bad for us.
Even if you do decide to carry on drinking then make sure that it’s an informed choice. The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
That’s a good place to start and there are many QuitLit books out there and of course podcasts – almost 100 episodes of the Tribe Sober podcast are available now, all packed with advice inspiration and information.
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@ts.com – you can also go to tribesober.com and hit the Inspiration tab where you’ll find a wealth of information that will inspire you to get started – and motivate you to keep going.
Tool number 7 was “Be Accountable”
When we embark on this journey, we need a community of people who actually care – people who have been where we are now and can advise and encourage us - people who are thriving in their alcohol-free lives and can inspire us that it really is worth doing this thing.
WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE – we need to know that we can share our ups and downs with other people who really get us.
So, if you are looking for a sober community to inspire you and keep you on track just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe.
If you’d like to sample the kind of support we offer then email janet@tribesober.com and request our Sobriety Battleplan pdf which is packed with great advice, charts and trackers.
Tool Number 8 - which is “Journaling”
At our workshops, we advise people to buy a beautiful notebook that will become their sobriety journal throughout this life-changing journey.
Sobriety is a journey of self-discovery and recording your thoughts, emotions, struggles, and accomplishments is so beneficial.
Early sobriety is a very emotional time and for most of us it really helps to process emotions if we can write them down.
We can note our triggers as well as strategies for coping with them
Journaling will give us perspective – reading back on the early weeks of sobriety will remind us just how hard it was – and make us realise it’s getting better and easier every day.
To learn more about the magic of journaling listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 98 to hear my interview with writer in recovery Melinda Ferguson – released on 26th March 2022
Tool No 9 – “Get a Project”
It’s very common for people to feel a bit flat once they have achieved their first few months of sobriety.
Many people in Tribe Sober (including me) experienced that “flatness’/depression/void” or whatever you want to call it – when they asked me what they should do about it I just told them to sit it out as it would eventually pass
However that advice changed after my podcast interview with Dr Loretta Breuning (author of the Happy Brain) – so do have a listen, its episode 55 and was released on 14 August 2021.
Loretta explained that my brain was quite happy during the first few months as it had registered that it was working on a project (ie sobriety) and I was making progress – however after a few months my subconscious was thinking – ok so now we are sober, now what?
Well here’s the thing – as human beings we need projects – think of the cavemen, they would wake up hungry and have to go and find some food, eating the food would give them a dopamine hit but then they would get hungry again and have to go hunting..
So as you settle into your first few months of sobriety GET A PROJECT to keep you on track and to keep those happy brain chemicals triggered.
This week we are looking at:- 
Tool No 10 - Be Prepared!
As with most things in life preparation is crucial…
Imagine if you are going out for the evening and you decide that you will “decide whether or not to drink when you get there” – so of course when the waiter or your host offer you a glass of wine you find yourself automatically accepting!
Make the decision not to drink before you leave the house!
Play the movie forward – what ARE you going to drink – if it’s a restaurant then check out their drinks menu online and decide what you will order – even if they don’t have any AF choices sparkling water goes can be your fallback
If you are going to a dinner party the text your host in advance and take some AF bubbly with you
Decide what you are going to say when/if people start to interrogate you – you can keep it simple “I’m on meds”, “I’m driving” or my favourite “I’m on a healthkick – no booze, no sugar, no carbs for 66 days!” 
As you clock up more sober time and get more used to navigating our alcohol drenched society you will get more confident and find that you enjoy saying “I don’t drink”
Remember its’ not your responsibility to make others feel comfortable about their drinking
Having said that the worst thing to say is probably “I’m worried about my drinking” as everybody will then pile into reassure you that you are fine (because you drink the same as them!)
So to summarise you need to “play the movie forward”
Look at your calendar for the month ahead, look at any upcoming social events which may be challenging and plan carefully
If drinking at home was your problem then give away your booze – or move it to somewhere you can’t see it (the garage is a good place) and make sure your fridge is stocked with delicious AF choices – if you are in SA just go to drinknil.co.za and they will deliver to your door
Tribe Sober members get a discount from drink nil so go to tribesober.com and hit “join our tribe!”
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, You Tube, TikTok, Twitter, and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.

Smacked, Hooked and Crashed with Melinda Ferguson

Smacked, Hooked and Crashed with Melinda Ferguson
My guest this week has an extraordinary story of recovery to share - she’s gone from a homeless heroin addict living on the streets of Joburg to a highly respected public figure here in SA.  Melinda Ferguson is an award-winning South African journalist and author of bestselling memoirs Smacked, Hooked and Crashed. She is also a publisher and runs writing courses to help people find their voice.
In this Episode
Growing up in an alcoholic household Melinda took to booze at an early age – describing it as a “piece of heaven”
As she got older she rejected alcohol as she hated to see her mother drinking so turned towards hard drugs, taking her first hit of heroin at the age of 24.
As a film maker she managed to stay relatively functional for a couple of years – she always had it in mind that she would be able to stop whenever she wanted to
I think a lot of us drinkers are like that – thinking we could stop anytime, its only when we actually try to quit or even to cut down that we realise we have become dependent
When she became pregnant Melinda realized that she was hooked and couldn’t stop – continuing to use throughout her two pregnancies – always planning to stop “tomorrow” but of course tomorrow never came
Her two babies were taken away from her but even then she couldn’t stop using
Rock bottom came for Melinda when she found herself living on the streets as an addict.
Her family removed her from that situation and moved her to a “homeless farm” which happened to be full of alcoholics – so that’s when alcohol re-appeared in her life.
When she was discovered drinking and smoking dagga she was asked to leave – this was a real wake up call – about to be made homeless from a farm for the homeless was her “desperation awakening” as she calls it
She finally accepted that she had a problem and would have to stop using drugs
The only place she had to go was back “home” with her mom – where she had to cope with alcohol in the house and seeing her mom and stepdad drinking every evening.
At this point in her life she had no money, no car, no decent clothes but she did have AA/NA meeting to go to every night which kept her on track
At these meetings she “surrendered” – finally acknowledging that she needed help – something that we agreed was the hardest thing of all.
Melinda had got to the stage when “enough is enough” – I also remember getting to that stage where I thought “I can’t do this any more”
That’s not a bad think and makes me think of a quote from JK Rowling “my rock bottom became the foundation for the rest of my life”
With hindsight she can see that her surrender was actually her strength – not her weakness
Year 1 of her recovery was extremely difficult – just a matter of getting through each day until her evening AA/NA meeting – she felt very depressed and was barely functional
After 2 years in recovery she sensed what she calls an awakening of the spirit and by 5 years she was reconnecting with herself and getting results
We talked about the length of time people spend “in recovery” and agreed that we have to be patient – it also varies a lot – someone with a drinking problem who was able to hold down a job and a relationship is likely to recover more quickly than someone who has hit rock bottom due to hard drugs – all depends on how much you have “messed up” as Melinda put it!
Have a listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 61 (released in September 2021) – I’m talking to rehab doctor Dr Dawn who explains that in the rehabs they have a rule of thumb that it takes a month of recovery for every year that we’ve been using..
Realising that she was in it for the long haul helped Melinda and she stopped being so hard on herself, she stopped comparing herself with others and began to internalize and feel good about her achievements, however small they seemed.
After getting clean Melinda moved in with a very heavy drinker – said it felt “normal” – she believes that whatever trauma we suffer as a child we become programmed to find that “normal” when we are adults – and of course she grew up with an alcoholic mom, so living with a drinker felt like “home”
She believes that many alcoholics come from alcoholic families but also believes that we can change the pattern - as she has with her sons who are in their early 20’s and don’t drink
We talked about her writing – Melinda always wrote during her recovery and her first book Smacked was an accumulation of those writings.
The success of Smacked took her out of feeling like a failure and gave her back her pride – she realized that she could learn to love herself
She took us through the themes of each of her 3 books – Smacked, Hooked and Crashed – do get hold of them, I promise you will love them
Melinda is such a talented writer and I love the way she describes journaling as “meeting yourself on the page” – this is exactly what we need to be doing to process our emotions as we go through recovery – like her I believe it’s one of the most therapeutic things you can do
To quote Melinda again “Your secret self emerges – a self that might not be revealed otherwise”
We talked about the book by Julia Cameron called “The Artists Way” – she suggests that we write our Morning Pages when we wake up in the morning – just to get your creativity going
The good news is that you get some personal coaching from Melinda by enrolling in one of her online writing courses – I’ve done one and can really recommend it – just drop her a line at melindafergusonwriter@gmail.com – I’ll put it in the shownotes.
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).