Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

Sober Short - Be Accountable

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
Welcome to our seventh "Sober Short" - an interim mini podcast to supplement the weekly Tribe Sober podcast.
I’m going to kick off this series by taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – click here for more info.
Our workshops have been a gamechanger for so many people - if you want to kickstart your sober journey then sign up today
In this episode
During the first 6 Sober Shorts we looked at the first 6 Tools in our toolbox
Tool 1 was CONNECTION
 “Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path –
So if you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership
Tool 2 was “GET MOVING”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many many people exercise daily but they also drink on a daily basis – sometimes excessively – ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was all about:-
Tool 3 was "BUILD YOUR EMOTIONAL STRENGTH"
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says or as Glennon Doyle says:-
 “First the Pain, then the Rising”
Tool number 4 was all about:-
Tool 4 was MINDSET
About changing your thinking – about drinking
The global alcohol industry spends trillions on marketing every year to convince us that we need their product..
The wine industry in particular has done a stunning job marketing to us ladies during the last 2 decades–
Many women now believe that drinking wine is essential for a full and happy life.
We have to de-program ourselves — a nice analogy is to think of our subconscious mind as a computer — we need to reboot and load some new software.
Tool 5 was "VISUALISATION"3 visualisation tools:-
If you get a craving in the evening then just accept it’s the “wine witch” but she can no longer control you.  Grab an AF drink or go out for a walk…
Play the movie forward – if you get the urge to drink then just think it through – do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – again and again
Visualise those 2 paths – the first six months of sobriety are tough so you need to work hard to stay on track – you have to move from a place of instant gratification to a place where you can focus on long term – and life changing goals…
Tool 6 – INFORMATION IS POWER!
If we want to take back our power then we must educate ourselves about the harm alcohol can do  The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
You need to treat it as a research project.
Begin your journey by reading the Naked Mind by Annie Grace who will show you just how the alcohol marketing industry creates the powerful limiting beliefs that we hold in our subconscious.
There are so many books relating to alcohol and sobriety these days that there is a whole category called QuitLit these days…
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@tribesober.com 
Check out the rest of the Tribe Sober podcast episodes for recovery stories and expert advice.TOOL 7 – BE ACCOUNTABLE
As we say in our battleplan you need to set Anchor Points for this journey – just as a sailing boat might drift off its course make sure you are taking specific actions to staying accountable and on track…
An annual tracker is an essential tool – colour in each day as an alcohol free day in the morning to set the intention…  keep our eye on the big picture – even if you do have a slip up just mark it on your tracker and get right back on the sober bus the next day..
Another way to stay accountable is to write blog and put it out there – I started blogging the day that I stopped drinking and connected with others on the same journey – that blog was called WWW and eventually become Tribe Sober
An important anchor point is to be connected to a community where you can “check in” – if you are doing well you will get some great feedback and if you are struggling then you will get some advice and encouragement..  At TS we offer daily opportunities to check in – whether it’s on Slack Chat or WhatsApp or our daily Zoom Chats there is a community wanting to know how you are doing and that makes all the difference…If you are really struggling and need extra 1.2.1 support then we can team you up with a Sober Buddy who is simply a member of our community who has been sober for a while and is offering 1.2.1 support..
Even if you are six months or more into your sober journey look out for FAB (fading affect bias) as William Porter describes in his book Alcohol explained..After a certain period we forget the hangovers and the tiredness/low energy of our drinking days and even start reminiscing about the good times we used to have when drinking..We have thoughts like “I wasn’t that bad” and “maybe I could have just one” but that’s a real danger sign.. – its just our brain tricking us so that’s a good time to write our…Goodbye To Alcohol letter
The thinking behind a Goodbye To Alcohol letter is that alcohol can be like an abusive lover etc..
You can hear me reading my letter on Ep 1 of Tribe Sober  podcast and if you go to tribesober.com/Inspiration there is a whole collection there..
So to summarise – when you embark on the sober voyage set some anchor points in advance to reinforce your motivation and to keep you on track  - be accountable:-Get your Battleplan
Join tribesober.com and check in with the community regularly
Start your Annual Tracker
If you like writing then think about starting a blog
Make a diary note to write your GTA letter when you are a few months in – send it to us and we’ll be happy to publish it on our website!
So that’s tool number 7 from our 15 tools in our Sober Toolkit
If you’d like some more support then check out our workshops (tribesober.com/services) or our next 66 day challenge which starts on 20th March (tribesober.com/Sober Spring)
Tribe Sober members get a 25% discount on both so it’s a good time to join our tribe!
If YOU’ve got a favourite tip that you’d like me to share on Sober Shorts then just email it to me janet@tribesober.com 
Don’t forget to check out our weekly podcast – its full of recovery stories and expert advice– its called Tribe Sober and it comes out every Saturday morning.
More info
Join Tribe Sober and learn how to quit drinking and go on to thrive in your alcohol free life  - you can join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol            sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Tribe Sober") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Alcohol and Trauma with Nikki Edwards

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest today has an inspirational story of recovery.  After a difficult start in life and a decade of drug taking Nikki began her recovery journey.  Her childhood was traumatic and Nikki turned to drugs at an early age.
In spite of her efforts to develop a career in dance and drama her addiction deepened during her 20's.
She checked into her first rehab in her late 20’s and began the long journey to recovery – a journey that would lead her to discover her purpose in life.
In this episode
Nikkis childhood was not an easy one – her parents drank and they also moved around the country a lot, which resulted in her changing schools 7 times.
Unsurprisingly she felt like an outsider and struggled to fit in – never feeling comfortable in her own skin as she put it
She was certainly an early starter and tasted her first beer at the age of 9 and at 13 she was drinking and smoking marijuana.
Due to her parents drinking habits Nikki felt more of a pull towards hard drugs – and at the age of 16 her boyfriend introduced her to Mandrax and Crack Cocaine.
With her current knowledge of addiction Nikki is able to trace her substance abuse back to her childhood trauma – as she puts it “her addiction started long before she picked up a drug”
Many of you will be familiar with the work of Dr Gabor Mate who has done extensive research into childhood trauma and the link with addiction – he says
Trauma is a psychic wound that hardens you psychologically that then interferes with your ability to feel, to grow and to develop. It pains you and now you’re acting out of pain.
Nikki also understands that she was using drugs as a coping mechanism as she was unable to regulate her emotions.
Her search for belonging began in earnest at the age of 17 when she left school – she rebelled against anything structured as her education had left her feeling like a failure
She studied dance and drama and got involved in the club scene where she felt a sense of belonging for the first time. She was organising trance parties, making good money and everybody loved her.
Now and again Nikki would try to get a regular job but it never worked out and just confirmed her belief that she didn’t fit into the “normal” world.
At the age of 28 she got pregnant and knew that this would have to be her turning point – however motherhood caused her to feel a lot of guilt and shame and in fact she stepped up her drug use to cope.
When her son was 1 Nikki lost custody which reaffirmed her feelings of inadequacy.
This proved to be her rock bottom which was a catalyst for her long road to recovery – starting with her first rehab – at this first rehab she just felt very angry and it would take several years and 5 more rehabs until she finally came into recovery
We agreed that rehab was pointless if you were not ready – being “sent” to rehab does not work and too much rehab results in being institutionalised – never being able to function in the outside world.
Six months into her final rehab which was a one year program Nikki had what she describes as a spiritual awakening – a feeling that the years of hell she had been through had given her a purpose.
She already had all the tools from her various rehab stays but finally began to select the tools that she felt were right for her – we agreed that we all have to “do the work” but of course our work will vary depending on our background.
She regained custody of her son and leaned into the role of being a mother
Nikki also began to developing her career as a recovery coach by working with David Collins, the founder of Ubuntu Addiction Community. I interviewed David for the podcast a couple of weeks ago so watch this space to learn more about his work.
Nikki is a recovery coach herself and these days she is trains other coaches and is involved in the amazing Pocket Rehab initiative.
We agreed that rehab is one thing but coping with the outside world is a very individual journey – and it is our job as coaches to “meet you where you are at”
You can find out more and connect with Nikki on her Facebook page Nikki Edwards Recovery Coaching or on her website which is nikkiedwards.com 
Tribe Sober's Spring Challenge starts on 20th March
66 alcohol free days – supported by daily emails and 66 mini podcasts
It's great fun as we put everyone on the Sober Spring Bus on Day one and they all travel through the 66 alcohol free days together – its always a great vibe on that bus as everyone encourages and supports each other – so don’t miss the bus
Sign up today – just go to tribesober.com and click on Sober Spring 2022
If you’d like copy of our PDF “Sobriety Battleplan” – packed full of trackers and charts to get you started and keep you on track just email janet@tribesober.com
More info
For an affordable monthly subscription you can join Tribe Sober - read about the benefits of membership and sign up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then               sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
       
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Knowledge is Power!

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
Welcome to our sixth "Sober Short" - an interim mini podcast to supplement the weekly Tribe Sober podcast.
I’m going to kick off this series by taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – click here for more info.
Our workshops have been a gamechanger for so many people - if you want to kickstart your sober journey then sign up today
In this episode
During the first 5 Sober Shorts we looked at the first 5 Tools in our toolbox
Tool 1 was CONNECTION
 “Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path –
So if you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership
Tool 2 was “GET MOVING”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many many people exercise daily but they also drink on a daily basis – sometimes excessively – ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was all about:-
Tool 3 was "BUILD YOUR EMOTIONAL STRENGTH"
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says or as Glennon Doyle says:-
 “First the Pain, then the Rising”
Tool number 4 was all about:-
Tool 4 was MINDSET
About changing your thinking – about drinking
The global alcohol industry spends trillions on marketing every year to convince us that we need their product..
The wine industry in particular has done a stunning job marketing to us ladies during the last 2 decades–
Many women now believe that drinking wine is essential for a full and happy life.
We have to de-program ourselves — a nice analogy is to think of our subconscious mind as a computer — we need to reboot and load some new software.
Tool 5 was "VISUALISATION"3 visualisation tools:-
If you get a craving in the evening then just accept it’s the “wine witch” but she can no longer control you.  Grab an AF drink or go out for a walk…
Play the movie forward – if you get the urge to drink then just think it through – do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – again and again
Visualise those 2 paths – the first six months of sobriety are tough so you need to work hard to stay on track – you have to move from a place of instant gratification to a place where you can focus on long term – and life changing goals…
Today it’s time for Tool number 6 – INFORMATION IS POWER!
Along long time ago when I was in my 20’s – I smoked – most of my friends smoked – we could smoke in our offices and of course in the bars and clubs where we socialised…
It’s hard to believe these days but we had NO IDEA that smoking was bad for us – you could even see ads with doctors endorsing various cigarette brands…
Then came the gamechanger when cigarette advertising was banned from tv adverts and the government committed to banning all advertising saying:-
“Smoking is the greatest single cause of preventable illness and premature death in the UK. We will therefore ban tobacco advertising.” 
Everything started to change….
Once they could no longer rely on the revenue from cigarette advertising the media started reporting that smoking was linked to lung cancer.
That’s when millions of people (including me) gave up – yes we liked smoking but we certainly didn’t intend to die a horrible death because of it!
So here we are decades later and alcohol seems to be where smoking used to be.
Completely normalised and endlessly glamorised as trillions of dollars are spent convincing us that we need alcohol to lead a full and happy life.
Yet the stats show us that globally 3M people a year die of alcohol related causes – pretty much in line with the Covid death toll.  The whole world closed down when Covid hit but the liquor marketing machine just continues pumping out its misinformation year.after.year.
So to counteract this deluge of advertising and of course the powerful peer pressure that comes with it we need to take personal responsibility..
If we want to take back our power then we must educate ourselves about the harm alcohol can do  The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
That’s a good place to start..
Going back to the cigarette analogy a recent article informed us that from a health perspective drinking a bottle of wine an evening was equal to smoking 10 cigarettes..
So if you really want to get – and stay - alcohol free then you need to throw the book at this thing.
You need to treat it as a research project.
Begin your journey by reading the Naked Mind by Annie Grace who will show you just how the alcohol marketing industry creates the powerful limiting beliefs that we hold in our subconscious.
Those beliefs like – we need alcohol to have fun, to socialise, to deal with stress etc etc
Those beliefs are behind the peer pressure that we get when we try to stop – “but you won’t be fun anymore!’ is a common refrain from our friends!
There are so many books relating to alcohol and sobriety these days that there is a whole category called QuitLit these days…
You can find drinking memoirs like Clare Pooleys Sober Diaries or you can find science based books like William Porters Alcohol Explained
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@tribesober.com 
Once you’ve got your reading organized then get listening – the fact that you’re listening to this would indicate that you’ve discovered the joy of podcasts – more and more people are abandoning generic radio stations in favour of listening to podcasts which explore their personal topics of interest.  The joy of podcasts is that you can stick your earpods in and go about your business – shopping, exercising or just chilling out.
So check out the rest of the Tribe Sober podcast episodes for recovery stories and expert advice.
You can also go to tribesober.com and hit the Inspiration tab where you’ll find a wealth of information which will inspire you to get started – and motivate you to keep going.
If you join our tribe then you’ll be able to learn from others on the same path – other people who have struggled and finally succeeded in changing their lives.  They will share with you what worked for them.  Go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe for more info.
Treat this topic as a research project – it could just save your life.  The more you learn about alcohol and what it does to our bodies and minds the less you are going to want to drink it!
If YOU’ve got a favourite tip that you’d like me to share on Sober Shorts then just email it to me janet@tribesober.com 
Don’t forget to check out our weekly podcast – its full of recovery stories and expert advice– its called Tribe Sober and it comes out every Saturday morning.
More info
Join Tribe Sober and learn how to quit drinking and go on to thrive in your alcohol free life  - you can join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol            sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Tribe Sober") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

A Mother’s Love with Gabi Lowe

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest today is a familiar name to many South Africans.  Gabi Lowe came into the public eye back in 2015 as she fought for her daughters life. 
Gabi has written a book about this extraordinary period – a book called “Get Me to 21” which was the name of a campaign led by her daughter Jenna as she invited the public to become organ donors and attend her 21st birthday party.
Tragically Jenna died before reaching this milestone.
This is a story full of pain – but also full of courage.  The courage of Gabi, her husband and daughter Kristi – and of course Jenna herself.
It’s also a story of resilience – Gabi explains how she has managed to survive a parents worst nightmare and rebuild her life.  A life full of purpose which lives alongside the aching loss of her beautiful daughter.
In this episode
As she took us through the heartbreaking development of Jenna's illness we discussed the moment when Gabi felt her role shift from that of a hopeless observer who just wanted to cry – to that of a Momcologist who was determined to fight on her daughter's behalf – she discovered the lioness inside.
A lioness which kept fighting with Jenna all the way – and then re-emerged during that terrifying beach attack 3 years later.
Gabi found it very humbling to ask for help and talked of how activating their first fundraiser left her in tears. But then it led her to reflect on the “virtuous circle” as she discovered that:-
Everyone was desperate to find a way to help and they were grateful to be able to do something
She learned how to “receive” which led a the virtuous circle of giving and receiving, giving and receiving
As she realised that everything they were doing for Jen helped others as well – one of the legacies of Jen’s fight is a clinic in a public hospital here in Cape Town 
Gabi explained that in spite of Jen's campaign dramatically increasing the number of organ donations SA is still in dire need (ironic that only 2% of the population are organ donors when we think of Cape Town as being the home of the first ever heart transplant)
SA has an opt in organ donation program whereas in some countries everyone is born an organ donor and they have to opt out – many more lives are saved in those countries with an opt out policy so Gabi continues to fight for a change in SA legislation.
Pulmonary Hypertension often goes undiagnosed and in fact Jenna was diagnosed as having asmtha during the first six months of her illness. Gabi stressed that breathlessness is a symptom that must be taken seriously.
I asked Gabi if she used alcohol during this period but she explained that her Momcologist duties were so complex that she had to be on top of her game 24/7 so could not risk it. Her coping mechanisms were walking in nature, meditation and yoga.
She talked about the listening meditation that the whole family did every couple of weeks – simply expressing how they were (or were not) coping with Jenna's illness – Jenna herself was part of these sessions.
This made me reflect on the shares that we do at the beginning of our workshops – everybody introduces themselves and talks about their relationship with alcohol. Nobody comments so it truly is a listening meditation and it often strikes me that sometimes this is the first time that some people have expressed their feelings about alcohol out loud – its always an emotional session but it's also very bonding as people realise they are not alone in this
Gabi and I agreed that the deep listening has an effect of the quality of the conversation – which is the essence of coaching.
A few months after Jenna's death Gabi was in a dark place – a friend took her off to a silent retreat – where she cried (silently and not so silently) for much of the time – but every day she would go to a place in the grounds where she would observe a weaver building his nest. She watched him complete his nest and it occurred to her that (although she didn’t feel like it) she would have to eventually rebuild her own nest.
Apparently weavers build several nests in their lifetime which of course got us thinking about the fact that we may need to rebuild our lives after trauma or at certain periods in our life (the empty nest syndrome of course!) – we can’t cling on to the old life
This got me thinking about Hudsons “cycle of renewal” which we often use in coaching – your life may be going quite well for a few years and then a curved ball will come along – Covid has been a curved ball for most of us!
Hudson maintains that at certain periods in our life we will find ourselves
"In the Doldrums" – depressed, stuck, uninspired and powerless – when we know we are drinking too much but have no idea how to make a change – we are in the doldrums
"Cocooning" is the next stage – when we start to connect with our inner strengths – being curious and educating ourselves via podcasts and quitlit is a form of cocooning
"Getting Ready" is the next stage where we prepare for the transition by reaching out and connecting with others on the same path
"Going for it" – is when we change our thinking about drinking and start making the changes we need to
In early sobriety many people experience a bit of a low – what some would describe as a "void" – the drinking life has gone and they have no idea what to replace it with – that’s where our nest building analogy comes in again – we have to discover new connections, new interests and rebuild our nest.
We’ve entered a period of renewal – a very positive period which can lead to more health and more happiness if we stick with it.
One of the most common questions that Gabi gets asked is “how do you cope?” – so she reflected long and hard about this – and started thinking about resilience. She thought about her own journey and that of other bereaved parents she knew and she did a lot of reading on “resilience”.
She disagreed strongly with most of the literature on resilience which talked about bouncing back – or pushing through with grit and perseverance. In her experience that is not at all the right way to deal with trauma.
So with a colleague (Pippa Shaper) Gabi began to create a 10 step resilience model – a roadmap – something she wishes that she’d had in her darkest days..
The first part of the model is about accepting the facts and operating from a place of realistic optimism.
This model can be used for any life change. If you have been using alcohol to numb your pain or just to cope with life then you will struggle in early sobriety.  Studying authentic resilience will not only give you a tangible goal but it will enable you to learn how to thrive in your alcohol free life.
We both agreed that the hardest thing of all is to reach out for help – whether it’s help fighting for your childs life or help to change your alcohol dependence it’s a humbling experience. We will feel vulnerable but its not an act of courage if we don’t feel vulnerable.
So if Gabi Lowe has inspired you then please read her amazing book Get me to 21” which you can get from the website…www.jennalowe.org
You can also help by making a donation via that website
To learn more about Gabis courses please go to 
 theresiliencefactory.com
 
If you are in SA you heard Gabi explaining about the CPT workshop on Authentic Resilience on 4th March and the Joburg workshop on 7th May – tickets available from Quicket or drop Gabi a mail at info@the resiliencefactory.com
We’re already getting sign ups for our Sober Spring Challenge which starts on 20th March
66 alcohol free days – supported by daily emails and 66 mini podcasts
Its great fun as we put everyone on the Sober Spring Bus on Day one and they all travel through the 66 alcohol free days together – its always a great vibe on that bus as everyone encourages and supports each other – so don’t miss the bus
Sign up today – just go to tribesober.com and click on Sober Spring 2022
If you’d like copy of our PDF called “30 signs you may have a problem with alcohol” – just email janet@tribesober.com
More info
For an affordable monthly subscription you can join Tribe Sober - read about the benefits of membership and sign up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then               sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Play the Movie Forward

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
Welcome to our fifth "Sober Short" - an interim mini podcast to supplement the weekly Tribe Sober podcast.
I’m going to kick off this series by taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – click here for more info.
Our workshops have been a gamechanger for so many people - if you want to kickstart your sober journey then sign up today
In this episode
During the first 4 Sober Shorts we looked at the first 3 Tools in our toolbox
Tool 1 was CONNECTION
 “Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path –
So if you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership
Tool 2 was “GET MOVING”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many many people exercise daily but they also drink on a daily basis – sometimes excessively – ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was all about:-
Tool 3 was "BUILD YOUR EMOTIONAL STRENGTH"
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says or as Glennon Doyle says:-
 “First the Pain, then the Rising”
Tool number 4 was all about:-
Tool 4 was MINDSET
About changing your thinking – about drinking
The global alcohol industry spends trillions on marketing every year to convince us that we need their product..
The wine industry in particular has done a stunning job marketing to us ladies during the last 2 decades–
Many women now believe that drinking wine is essential for a full and happy life.
We have to de-program ourselves — a nice analogy is to think of our subconscious mind as a computer — we need to reboot and load some new software.
Today's Sober Short is about "Visualisation"
Visualisation is SO powerful – just think of the wine witch -  introduced to us to in her book Sober Diaries
The liquor industry have been marketing their product to us for decades by showing us beautiful images of attractive women holding their wine glass and looking happy
That’s why associating wine with an old hag is so powerful – and not just at the beginning but as we progress in our sobriety we often hear our members telling us that the wine witches voice is getting fainter and fainter and some evenings she doesn’t show up at all!
We’ve even introduced a new character to our tribe recently – she’s called Moderation Mary – we’ve not managed to draw her yet but you can be sure she will not be a pretty sight..
Don’t let Moderation Mary break your heart we say…
Don’t waste your time hanging out with Moderation Mary
After all once we’ve crossed a line with our drinking there is no going back – we need to quit and then learn to enjoy our alcohol free life
Another tool which is about visualisation which works well for many is to “play the movie” forward…
Finally one of the visualisation tools I use for coaching is called the two paths:-
If you keep drinking – one thing you can be sure of is that you will not be drinking less – it just doesn’t work like that – you’ll be drinking at least a bottle of wine if not more.. that’s 7 bottles of wine a week when the low risk limits is one and a half.. – putting your mental and physical health at risk.  Apart from that your life will feel pretty much the same – if we are sapping our energy and motivation with alcohol night after night then its unlikely we’ll decide to make any significant changes – you will just stay stuck..
If you stop – you probably cannot even imagine it, you have no idea what your life would be like without alcohol in it.  After helping hundreds of people to ditch the booze I can give you a rough idea….  The first 6 months will be tough, as you change your habits and “do the work” – and then life will just get better and better.  You will feel better, you will look better and you will have the energy to make major life changes if you need to.
So there you go – 3 ways to use visualisation - the wine witch, play the movie forward and the two paths
So that’s our Sober Short for today – 3 Visualisation Tools
If YOU’ve got a favourite tip that you’d like me to share on Sober Shorts then just email it to me janet@tribesober.com 
And don’t forget to check out our weekly podcast – its full of recovery stories and expert advice– its called Tribe Sober and it comes out every Saturday morning.
More info
Join Tribe Sober and learn how to quit drinking and go on to thrive in your alcohol free life  - you can join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then           sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Tribe Sober") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Living Sobriety Out Loud - with Peggi Cooney

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest today is Peggi Cooney.  She’s a retired social worker with 16 years of field experience and these days she trains other social workers to cope with the many challenges of their work. 
She has written a personal memoir about her own struggles with alcohol a has become a sobriety advocate.  One of the things that shines out from that book is her love and appreciation of the Recovery Community and the support we all give each other.
She leads a community group on Facebook also called This Side of Alcohol structured to encourage daily conversation, insight, and support around alcohol recovery. 
In this episode
Like many of us Peggi used various tricks to disguise the fact that she was drinking too much. She talks of an award ceremony where she pre-drank and after-drank but at the event people saw her with just one glass of wine.
Of course she used “the rules” – trying to drink moderately or only at the weekend - and of course she failed to keep to her own rules.
At one point Peggi was hiding wine bottles in her boots in her wardrobe – she really struggled to recognise herself in those moments…
She had lots of stomach problems and always felt below par when she was drinking – its only now that she feels SO much better that she has joined up the dots and realised that her alcohol consumption was responsible for that feeling.
Peggi had a “rock bottom” on the day that she was arguing with her husband about her drinking – and her children and grandchildren walked in on them having a furious argument. After that event she realised that she was “done” drinking.
Once she had made up her mind to stop she “threw the book at it” – she read all the quitlit and joined Sober Sis to do their 21 day reset.
She describes being in a small condo with lots of people when they were doing a lot of drinking including tequila shots – she had known it might turn out like that so she had booked a hotel room nearby and was able to slip out.
That makes me think of one of our survival tips for socialising – always have an escape plan – what will you do if things get difficult – Peggis plan was a great one but if you are not too far from home you can just get in your car and drive. If the people you’ve left are busy drinking they may not even notice you’ve slipped out early!
Peggi knew that she was not physically addicted – her addiction was psychological. If you have a listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 48 you will hear Molly Watts explaining that only 10% of us are physically addicted to alcohol.  It’s still important to get medical advice if you are drinking more than 14 units a day but for many of us the “work” is around breaking deeply entrenched habits
Although Peggi GOT sober as a result of an ultimatum from her husband and daughter she STAYED sober because of how good it made her feel -  that reminds me of a story from Soberpunk Jon Turner on Tribe Sober episode 68
We agreed that Covid has been a gift for many drinkers in early sobriety as it had allowed them to opt out of socialising while they built up their sober strength.
Yet for others who were already drinking too much and hadn’t made any changes Covid had proved to be their nemesis – and resulted in a deeper level of dependence.
Peggi and I are both “ladies of a certain age” as the French so elegantly put and we agreed that ditching the booze is absolutely the best thing you can do for your health and your happiness as you get older.
Like me Peggi is enamoured by the recovery community and we both agreed that without the support of community its extremely hard to change our drinking habits. The great thing is that there are so many choices these days – there will be a sobriety group to suit everybody – whereas it used to be just AA.
She talked about “the switch” when she went from thinking “I can never drink again” (which comes from a place of deprivation to “I can drink whenever I want but I just don’t want to” which comes from a place of freedom. For me that the difference between willpower “I can never drink again” and mindset “I don’t want to drink”
Peggi feels as if she has got an extra third of her day back – the extra time is great. I think this is one of the benefits of sobriety we don’t think about until it happens – when we are planning the drinking, doing the drinking and recovering from the drinking – that takes up a lot of time that we could be spending on more constructive things.
She comes across many women who keep their drinking problem a secret but for her she knew she had to “live it out loud” – she knew she had to be accountable and “not leave any doors open
Peggi talked about the deep connection that comes with the sober friendships we make in recovery and how much fun she had with a group of sober women she’d never met before
She feels so much smarter now – as she puts it she can “figure shit out” rather than just have a drink and try not to think about it -ironic that we drink to cope with our stress but if we stayed sober we might actually stand a chance of dealing with the cause of our stress!
Peggi has a very lively FB group which she has named after her book “This Side of Alcohol” and she spends some time of there every day engaging with the members.
Like so many people that I’ve interviewed she is a great fan of William Porter and loved my conversation with him which you can find on episode 50 of the Tribe Sober podcast  
If you’d like copy of our PDF called “30 signs you may have a problem with alcohol” – just email janet@tribesober.com
We’re already getting sign ups for our Sober Spring Challenge which starts on 20th March
66 alcohol free days – supported by daily emails and 66 mini podcasts
Its great fun as we put everyone on the Sober Spring Bus on Day one and they all travel through the 66 alcohol free days together – its always a great vibe on that bus as everyone encourages and supports each other – so don’t miss the bus
Sign up today – just go to tribesober.com and click on Sober Spring 2022
If you’d like copy of our PDF called “30 signs you may have a problem with alcohol” – just email janet@tribesober.com
More info
For an affordable monthly subscription you can join Tribe Sober - read about the benefits of membership and sign up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then               sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Changing your Thinking - about Drinking

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
Welcome to our fourth "Sober Short" - an interim mini podcast to supplement the weekly Tribe Sober podcast.
I’m going to kick off this series by taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – click here for more info.
Our workshops have been a gamechanger for so many people so if you want to kickstart your sober journey then sign up today
In this episode
During the first 3 Sober Shorts we looked at the first 3 Tools in our toolbox
Tool one was of course CONNECTION
 “Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path –
So if you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership
Tool number 2 was “Get Moving”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many many people exercise daily but they also drink on a daily basis – sometimes excessively – ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was all about:-
BUILDING YOUR EMOTIONAL STRENGTH
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says or as Glennon Doyle says:-
 “First the Pain, then the Rising”
Todays tip from our Toolbox is all about MINDSET
It’s about changing your thinking – about drinking
The global alcohol industry spends trillions on marketing every year to convince us that we need their product..
The wine industry in particular has done a stunning job marketing to us ladies during the last 2 decades–
Many women now believe that drinking wine is essential for a full and happy life.
Add to that the fact that alcohol has become so normalized in our society that if you don’t drink you are considered a bit strange — alcohol really has become the only drug we have to justify not taking!
Somehow we have to de-program ourselves — a nice analogy is to think of our subconscious mind as a computer — we need to reboot and load some new software.
Our subconscious is full of false beliefs that we have picked up over the years — for example:-- we need alcohol to socialize- we deserve a drink at the end of the day- we need a drink to cope with our stress
The first step is to identify your limiting beliefs..
Somehow we have to overturn those beliefs – one by one
we can do that in two stages — intellectually and then by our behavior which will build new neural pathways in our brain.
Here is an example:-
If you are convinced that you will never be able to socialize without alcohol and you are going to lose all your friends….
Overturn that belief intellectually — write something like “I can enjoy time with my family and friends without drinking alcohol” in your journal.
Sadly it’s not quite that easy — now you have to “do the work”..
You have to actually do it - socialize without alcohol — again and again..
Spoiler alert — you will probably hate it but you must keep going so that it will stick as you build a new neural pathway
See each event as a challenge. Write it up in your journal — how did you feel, how long did you stay, did you manage to enjoy any part of the evening?
If you have been drinking/socializing for years then it will take months to convince your subconscious that you can have fun without it — but it’s definitely possible. You can believe it because I did it myself
It just takes courage and perseverance.
It means pushing out of our comfort zone
We give alcohol far too much credit for the good times and now you have to “uncouple” that alcohol/fun association.
After all when we were children we didn’t need alcohol to have fun, we didn’t grab a beer from the fridge when we got home from school to help us recover from double maths!
Keep socializing sober and gradually it will get easier and easier — until one evening you will realize that you had a great time — and you weren’t drinking — yay!
That’s not the end of the journey but it is a breakthrough. There will be more social events which feel awkward and endless but gradually you will better and better at this.
You will begin to relish the fact that you can jump in your car at the end of the evening and drive home safely — wake up with a clear head and perfect recall.
So that’s our Sober Short for today – Changing your Thinking – About Drinking
All about mindset which is essential for this journey – willpower is helpful at the beginning but its not sustainable..
If YOU’ve got a favourite tip that you’d like me to share on Sober Shorts then just email it to me janet@tribesober.com 
And don’t forget to check out our weekly podcast – its full of recovery stories and expert advice– its called Tribe Sober and it comes out every Saturday morning.
More info
Join Tribe Sober and learn how to quit drinking and go on to thrive in your alcohol free life  - you can join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then           sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Tribe Sober") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Sober Rock Stars with Brenton on Tour

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
If you are as old as I am then you may remember when rock music was all about “sex, drugs and rocknroll”
I still remember going to a rolling stones concert in London which was held the day after their guitarist Brian Jones had been found dead in his swimming pool. 
As he was only 27 years old he joined the tragic line up of other talented artists who died at the age of 27 – including Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse and Janis Joplin.
But times are changing – the music business is a multi billion dollar business and everything that rock stars do remains on the internet for posterity.
My guest this week has a job that you may well envy if you are into rock music – he tours the world for a living – running concerts.  He’s also got a podcast called “Brenton on Tour”
In this episode
Brent didn’t have a hectic “rock bottom” but as his responsibilities grew he realised that he needed to be super sharp at all times during his tours. He manages huge budgets and a complex schedule.
He found himself planning his drinking – if he had three days off work then he knew that he would be drinking and he wouldn’t be at his best during some of that time
He began to feel that he needed to make a choice between drinking – or his career and family.
We agreed that even if alcohol doesn’t destroy us (and it certainly doesn’t destroy everybody) it often prevents us from reaching our potential. 
Brent believes that a lot of people think they are fine as they don’t have an obvious “problem” but in fact they would be a lot sharper and more energetic without it.
We talked about the fact that sometimes we have a perception that we have a boozy crowd of friends but when we stop we sometimes discover that we were the ringleader ;-)
Brent had Covid and was so pleased that he was not drinking when lockdown came around.
We agreed that Yes we do sometimes lose friends when we stop drinking but those drinking buddy relationships are often replaces with new and deeper friendships.Brenton got sober with a combination of exercise, coffee, creating podcasts – and Clare Pooley!
I loved his story of connecting with Clare who was firmly on Team Brent – the journey she describes in her Sober Diaries mirrored Bretts experience – she stressed the importance of getting to 100 days and then of course he didn’t want to waste his sober days so he carried on
He even had a major wobble at several months in – then discovered that Clare had the same experience. Reading how she regretted giving in to the caving kept him on track.
That’s exactly the kind of thing that happens in our community – people reach out because they are tempted or because they feel miserable and someone who is further down the road will always say “when I was at that stage this is what I did” – connecting with people at different stages of the journey is invaluable.
We talked about Clare’s inspirational blog – the Obstacle course - and agreed that the worse thing is to fall on and off the wagon.
Brent has experienced many benefits during his 3 years of sobriety – mental clarity and more energy to name just two.
Saving time is a huge benefit – no longer are we planning the drinking, doing the drinking and recovering from the drinking.
The podcast interview we did took place in the morning on one of his days off – he said that normally he would be sleeping but instead he was up and ready to talk to me about sobriety! -  As he put it he was very happy to replace his search for alcohol with a search for knowledge 
That got me thinking that the combination of having extra time as well as more energy and creativity explains why many of our community have gone on to develop new interests and connections since they got sober.
We did agree that getting sober is like saying goodbye to your best friend and you heard him promise to write a “Goodbye to Alcohol” letter for our website.
With a job like his I obviously wasn’t going to let Brent off the hook without getting the inside scoop the drinking habits of todays rock stars
For a long time substance abuse was cool…but now not so much
Brent’s been in the music business for 20 years and these days it’s the “cleanest” it’s ever been.
Huge amounts of money are spent on travel, hotels and stadiums so the promoters expect their artists to be well behaved – and of course concert tickets are not cheap these days so the fans want value for their money.
A bad performance will live online for ever and can really damage a band’s reputation.
There are many sober rock stars these days and their image does not suffer when they ditch the booze. This is such a good trend and many young people may be inspired to follow the example.
So according to an article called “the sober rebranding of rock n roll” there are many sober rock stars – here are six: Jennifer Hudson, Elton John, Eminem, Keith Urban, Steven Tyler – and Neil Young.
If you have a listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 68 you can hear the recovery story of punk musician Jon Turner who is in a band called the Petrol Bastards
I ended our conversation by asking Brent what advice he would give to someone wanting to get sober – like many of us he is blown away by the warmth and connection in the recovery world and he simply said:“Find Your People” – do check out tribesober.com as we may be your people and we would love to walk alongside you on this life changing journey
If you’d like copy of our PDF called “30 signs you may have a problem with alcohol” – just email janet@tribesober.com
 
More info
For an affordable monthly subscription you can join Tribe Sober - read about the benefits of membership and sign up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then               sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Building Emotional Strength

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
Welcome to our third "Sober Short" - an interim mini podcast to supplement the weekly Tribe Sober podcast.
I’m going to kick off this series by taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – click here for more info.
Our workshops have been a gamechanger for many people so if you want to kickstart your sober journey then sign up today
In this episode
During the first two Sober Shorts we looked at Tools number one and two in our toolbox
Tool one was CONNECTION
“Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path – and also to connect to yourself
On episode 69 of the Tribe Sober podcast you can hear our Yoga Teacher Tamsin explaining how yoga can enable us to reconnect with our bodies in recovery – Tribe members have access to a daily yoga class with Tamsin which is a wonderful start to the day.
Tool number 2 was “Get Moving”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many many people exercise daily but they also drink on a daily basis – sometimes excessively – ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you get
So today we are going to look at Tool number 3
BUILD YOUR EMOTIONAL STRENGTH
Our emotional maturity stalls when we start drinking heavily – so I must have been 18 for a long time!
If we’ve been numbing our feelings for years we haven’t learned how to deal with the difficult times
It’s a bit of a cliché to say that difficult times are “character building” but they are…they build resilience
Our wonderful coach Lynette always tells us that we must “get comfortable with being uncomfortable” and I think that is so true
It’s really hard to do that at first but (to quote Lynette again) – “what’s wrong with hard?”
We have to learn to sit with our feelings – not try to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button”
When I was drinking and I felt miserable I would pour myself a glass of bubbly to “perk myself” up – it worked but I usually overdid it and felt even worse the next day!
Now that I am sober, life is not all sunshine and roses BUT if I feel miserable I will just take a breath and remind myself that yes today is not great but by tomorrow (or certainly the day after) I am going to feel fine again.
We need to accept that we were not put on earth to be happy 24/7 whatever our Instagram feed says – the human experience is to deal with the ups and the downs and learn from them if possible.
To quote the Victor Frankl – “we are not put on earth to seek pleasure (in spite of what Freud teaches) or to seek power (in spite of Adlers teaching) – we are put on earth to find meaning and purpose in our lives”
And it’s our pain that will lead us to our purpose – I was in a lot of pain during my struggles with alcohol, but I eventually reached out for help which not only led me out of my own addiction but enabled me to find my purpose and help others to change their relationship with alcohol.
So instead of numbing out we need to learn to reconnect with ourselves and this is where yoga can play a role – listen to episode 69 with our TS yoga teacher
We need to learn to be Warriors
Glennon Doyle has a brilliant Super Soul podcast – called “First the Pain, then the Rising”
She talks about how alcohol becomes the “Easy Button” which we use to bypass pain – but in fact pain is our greatest teacher and we should embrace it and welcome its power
Emotional pain will build resilience which will enable us to cope with future challenges
The pain may be big but our courage is bigger
The journey of the sober warrior is to stop hiding from the pain– instead you need to march straight into the pain
You need your pain
“Life is full of pain and anyone who says otherwise is trying to sell you something”
Heartbreak is the greatest teacher of all -don’t use the easy button top to avoid it – use it as your professor to guide you towards others – and there you will find your purpose – there you find your tribe -nothing bonds people so greatly as having been through the same struggle – that is the magic of the recovery movement
Our collective pain is becoming our collective power as we learn to thrive in our alcohol free lives and call out Big Alcohol and its marketing…
Pain will connect us to our purpose – and our tribe
Thinking of Tribe Sober for a moment – many of our members have been brought very low with their struggles with alcohol – when they finally reached out to us and stopped drinking they were certainly in pain – but by connecting with others in the same situation they were able to learn how to use that pain to grow – and to discover their purpose
FIRST OUR PAIN – THEN OUR RISING
Quote from Glennon Doyle  “the willingness to dwell in our discomfort and truly listen is how we turn our pain into power”
So that’s the Sober Short for today – Our Third Tool from our Sober Toolbox – Build your emotional strength
If YOU’ve got a favourite tip that you’d like me to share on Sober Shorts then just email it to me janet@tribesober.com 
And don’t forget to check out our weekly podcast – its full of recovery stories and expert advice– its called Tribe Sober and it comes out every Saturday morning.
More info
Join Tribe Sober and learn how to quit drinking and go on to thrive in your alcohol free life  - you can join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Tribe Sober") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).
 

Sobriety and the French! with Stacy Leshner

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
Quite a few people in our tribe found their way to us after hearing me chat to the fabulous William Porter on his Friday Night Live spot which you can see HERE
I met this weeks podcast guest when I was hanging out on the Alcohol Explained Facebook group – Stacy is a moderator on that group
The French have a reputation for being “moderate drinkers” but that is actually a bit of a myth – they come in at number 11 on a global league table for heavy drinking with UK and SA coming in below!
Stacy lives in France and works with William Porter – she’s been helping him to promote the French version of Alcohol Explained and also runs an IG group called "Alcool Explique" so if you are French or living in France please follow her
Stacy has also helped William to create his online course and now she is helping me to put our workshops on line..
In this episode
Stacy is only 34 years old so her Drinking Career was not that long – but it was intense
She grew up in the US where the legal drinking age is 21 so when she spent a semester of her university course in France she found herself with unlimited access to booze
Stacy began drinking with enthusiasm – no doubt heady with the combination of leaving home in the US and being free to drink as much as she wanted to
Drinking was certainly normalised in her college crowd but she accepts she was one of the “heavier” drinkers
As her contempories graduated and transitioned into grown up life many of them drank less – but not Staci! that’s when she realised that she had become dependent
That’s what happens for many of us – we don’t even realise the extent of our dependency until we try to cut down – alcohol is insidious and we need to watch out for red flags
If you are not sure what a red flag is then you need a copy of our PDF called “30 signs you may have a problem with alcohol” – just email janet@tribesober.com to get a copy
Stacy eventually got a job as a part time teacher in France which left her with plenty of free time – for drinking..
Her drinking ramped up and she found herself setting (and breaking) rules around her drinking
She also googled “am I an alcoholic” although of course she knew the answer!
Her drinking sent her anxiety sky high until one day she had a melt down – her doctor put her on anti depressants but as she was still drinking they made no difference
Like many of us Stacy had no “off” switch and she would drink until she blacked out – one day turning up for her waitressing job blackout drunk – unsurprisingly she got fired on the spot!
She went to her doctor who told her she must take a 3 week break from alcohol and if she could do that then she was ok – so she white knuckled her 3 weeks (with the help of Xanax which her doctor had given her)
And went back to drinking – she explained that having a drinking problem is France is “complicated”
You are either an “alcoholic” or you are fine – a well dressed professional woman just did not meet the stereotype of an “Alcoholic”
Looking back on her drinking she realised it got worse and worse over a period of 9 years
That’s the thing with alcohol dependence – once you’ve crossed a line with your drinking it will never get “better” – it’s a bit like being in an elevator when the only way it goes is down
That’s why moderation is not an option for many of us – we just have to ditch the stuff and learn to enjoy our alcohol free lives
Stacy was waiting for a sign – waiting for a rock bottom and it came during lockdown
The bars were closed and she was working from home – so she stocked up on wine boxes and got stuck in – her weekends became a black hole of drinking and blacking out
One day she was having coffee with a friend who recommended a couple of books – AE and Naked Mind
She read Alcohol Explained by William Porter and it literally changed everything – something clicked for Stacy and she knew she was done with drinking
Everything feel into place for her – she began to join the dots and realise that her sleeping problem, her anxiety and her chronic lack of energy was all linked to her heavy drinking
Education is key to this journey – once we realise the extent of the damage our drinking is doing we feel less and less inclined to drink..
When people join Tribe Sober we urge them to visit out Amazon bookstore on the website and get stuck into the quitlit (including AE of course!) – reading quitlit and listening to podcasts is a real education – many people have NO idea just how much harm alcohol does
They have no idea that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases
Even if alcohol doesn’t destroy our health it will certainly prevent us from reaching our potential
When Stacy got sober she finally got in touch with her emotions and realised that her 9 year relationship with her partner was no longer right for her
We find that in our community – once people get sober it’s as if the mist has cleared and they can see what they really want – I’m sure my colleague here at Tribe Sober won’t mind me saying that sobriety gave her the courage to get divorced in her early sixties and now she is SO much happier!
When Stacy looks back she realises that she came very close to losing everything – by the time she decided to stop drinking she was no longer working so she would have been able to drink all day long – every day – a narrow escape indeed!
Like many of us Stacy was blown away by the warmth and connection within the recovery community and the existence of what she calls “Sober Land”
As she says “When we unplug from the matrix of drinking we discover joy and colour and get a chance to discover who we really are”
Stacy is on a mission to help French people to get sober – currently sobriety has negative associations and AA is seen as the only route
Stacy has been collaborating with William Porter to launch Alcohol Explained in France and Stacy now has an IG group called Alcool Explique – if you are French or living in France please follow her and participate!
There are signs that things are changing in France - The sobriety movement is in its infancy but there have been a couple of books written by high powered women who have overcome their drinking problem and gone public – and Staci herself was featured in a documentary about the topic
So I must end this podcast by giving a huge shout out to William Porter – not only does he hold down a full time job as a lawyer but he’s managed to write two books (Alcohol Explained – 1 and 2), start up a hugely successful FB group called Alcohol Explained – and with Stacy help he’s now launched his online course which you can access by going to his website HERE
Please have a listen to my podcast interview with William Porter which is one of our most popular ones – Tribe Sober episode 50 
And don’t forget to check out Stacys IG group alcohol explique if you are French speaking!
More info
Subscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Chat with Sue to find out if our membership would help you - email her on membership@tribesober.com
         
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning and a Sober Short on Wednesdays
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).