Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

Boozy Chefs with Dennis Berry

 
Dennis Berry is a Life Mastery Coach and has been working with people worldwide for over 15 years.  He has been sober since April 8, 2003 during which time he became a successful businessman, athlete, and family man. His journey in recovery helped him find his mission in life, which is to help others achieve inner peace and success, and master every area of their lives.
In this Episode
Dennis took us behind the scenes of what he calls the “vampire lifestyle” that he led when he was working in restaurants – vodka and coke stashed in the freezer
He was caught in a vicious cycle – waking up feeling awful and resolving to go straight home after work, drinking all day during his shift at the restaurants and then finding himself at the bar after work – again – over and over – he didn’t know how to escape
He got out of the restaurant trade at the age of 27 and got sober at 31 when (as he puts it) his life began…
Dennis got sober by going to rehab and doing the work – he did absolutely everything they recommended and it worked
At Tribe Sober we recommend that people prioritise their sobriety and “throw the book” at it – listen to the podcasts, read the quitlit, stay connected with the community – do everything you can for at least 6 months and your life will change..
As we says rehab is discovery but its only when he left that his recovery began – at the age of 31 Dennis was hungry for life
He made the very interesting point that although ditching the booze can help us “recover” ourselves, for people like Dennis - he had to learn to live their lives for the first time!
That made me think of the fact that our emotional maturity stalls at the age that we start drinking heavily – so if we start drinking at a young age we never get the chance to learn how to handle our feelings and our emotions.
We agreed that although AA can be a good start we need to do the work and then go out and live – we can’t spend 30 years going to the rooms for meetings!
He feels that the best thing about AA is the community and all sobriety groups can offer this – connection is the opposite of addiction
Fix the drinking and then you can address other parts of your life – this is called the Domino Effect - check out Tribe Sober episode 52 for more info.
Dennis came up with a nice analogy – if we are going through a divorce, an addiction, financial problems we sometimes feel as if our life is falling apart – but we should try reframing that because often it means that our lives are actually falling into place – it’s the beginning rather than the end
That made me think of the JK Rowling quote: Rock Bottom became the foundation on which I built my life
Dennis discovered that helping others gave him purpose – he wanted a life of service
In his book “Funky Wisdom” Dennis uses the acronym HOW – Honesty (admit there is a problem) O = be open minded  W= new way of life
We’ve been taught that asking for help is a sign of weakness but in fact it’s a sign of strength
He explained that when a normal drinker feels a bit tipsy that will be a red light for him to stop – whereas for us dependent drinkers we get a green light to keep going!
We talked about how the whole world is manipulated by various forms of marketing and he raised the interesting point about the placement of tv commercials – the news will pump fear into us for 10 minutes and then show us an ad for booze or junk food to trigger us to numb the pain
As Dennis said our subconscious mind is “running the show” and those limiting beliefs we hold about drinking being fun etc will keep us drinking BUT the good news is that we CAN reprogram our subconscious which is what we teach in our 4-hour Zoom workshops
Dennis talked about the dangers of cross addiction – to smoking and eating sugary foods for example. They are just another distraction to numb our feelings. 
In fact smoking and sugar will damage our immune system – and a strong immune system will help us to cope with cravings.
We need to stop the harmful habits and add in healthy habits and which can take up to a year.
Dennis believes in starting his day by getting “centred” and his 6 steps (which he explains in Funky Wisdom”) enables him to get and stay centred.
These days he uses meditation, mindfulness and CBT to process his feelings so he no longer feels the need to numb them away.
We talked about the importance of having a project when we get sober – we have to start building something worthwhile rather than just waiting for life to happen and
Building a purposeful and healthy life takes years whereas drinking is just a quick fix..More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
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PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
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Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
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On the Rocks with Thando Pato

There are so many inspiring quit lit memoirs out there but very few from South Africa.  Apart from Melinda Ferguson's "Smacked" and Sam Cowen's "From Whisky to Water" there has been a distinct lack of inspiration coming from the Southern Hemisphere.However that’s all changed thanks to my podcast guest Thando Pato who has just published her Quit Lit memoir - "On the Rocks".  When Thando wanted to get sober she struggled to find a book by someone she could relate to.  So she has put this situation right by becoming the first black South African woman to write a QuitLit memoir. 
As it says on her book cover:-
"Thirty-nine year old Thando is living in complete denial about her drinking. On the surface, her life appears aspirational – she has an enviable job, a cool apartment and a snazzy car. But behind the facade she harbours a dark and shameful secret – she can’t control her drinking."
In this Episode
Like many of us Thando’s drinking career got started at University – that combination of being away from home with access to cheap booze and drinking buddies gets to many of us.
However she was not at all worried about her drinking as it just felt normal.
In fact she displayed a very sensible attitude towards alcohol as she ditched it for a year while she was doing her post grad at Rhodes - she was paying for her own studies and well aware of the heavy drinking reputation at Rhodes.
However by 2012 she had got into the habit of drinking a bottle of wine at home most evenings of the week
Still not particularly concerned but when her therapist told her she was an alcoholic she stormed out of the room and promptly sacked her – Thando was still in denial about having a problem but the therapist had definitely planted a seed!
Thando’s drinking accelerated in 2016 when she had two personal setbacks.
Using alcohol to deal with disappointments can easily become our default and it's actually a big sign of progress when we can deal with our lows (and even our highs) without reaching for the booze.
Thando described 2016 as a bit of a blur – often having to leave her car and collect it the next morning, not remembering the journey home, awful hangovers, feeling a lot of shame etc..
I think many of us can identify with that blurry stage – that’s when you really need to make a change and step off the slippery slope of dependence
Of course Thando was making (and breaking) rules by this time but finally accepting that she had a toxic relationship with alcohol but like many of us she had no idea HOW to make a change.
Like me she trotted down to AA but like me she listened to the shares and decided that she wasn’t “that bad” and that she didn’t fit in at all!
Now that I look back on the AA experience and that feeling of being "ok" because we are not drinking in the morning etc it occurs to me that we should be comparing ourselves with the best version of ourselves that we could be – rather than comparing ourselves with the hard core “alcoholic”
Thando made a pact with her brother to not drink for a year and he would be a support
Thando’s decision to take a year off was a brave one but it had a fatal flaw – she was under the impression that this sabbatical from the booze would mean that she would be able to reset her habits and drink “normally”
This was futile because once our drinking has crossed that line into dependence we can never go back – we have to go forward and create an alcohol free life – a life we don’t want to escape from
Tribe sober can help you do that – so why not join our tribe.
Thando’s therapist pointed out that the fact that she was taking a year off indicated that she did have a problem with alcohol as it would never occur to a “normal” drinker to do that!
She was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and told that she displayed the traits of a functioning alcoholic
What helped Thando finally accept that she was a functioning alcoholic was the explanation she got from her therapist of alcoholism being a spectrum – two extremes with many degrees of dependence in between
At one end is the stereotype alcoholic (that homeless man in the park) and at the other end is the non drinker – most of the population fall between those two extremes
Back in 2012 Doctors Nowinsky and Doyle published a book called “Almost Alcoholics” – these people are still holding it all together but edging up to the alcoholic end of the spectrum
The trick is to keep an eye on your relationship with alcohol and your location on the spectrum.   If you’d like one of our free pdfs called “Signs you have a drinking problem” then email me at janet@tribesober.com
Once Thando had got through her sober year (mostly by white knuckling it) life threw her a couple of curved ball which meant that her intentions to moderate were completely derailed
She was diagnosed with breast cancer and as drinking was her default mechanism for dealing with trauma she drank more than ever to cope with the stress, the surgery and the various treatments
Then came the pandemic but this turned out to be her saving grace..
South Africa implemented an alcohol ban and Thando was able to isolate herself and build up some sober time
Although she felt like she was “losing her mind” during those first few months of sobriety she hung in there and it got easier
At month 9 she started to write her book and after a year she stopped obsessing about alcohol, she stopped romanticising it
She changed the way she saw alcohol, her mindset – that’s such an essential step and we’ll never thrive in our alcohol free lives if we don’t change our mindset
So Thando got sober by a combination of being locked away due to the pandemic and getting some therapy
Her therapist helped her to understand that she was actually an introvert and needed time alone to recharge – extraverts draw their energy from being with people whereas introverts need time alone
Another conclusion she reached through therapy was the fact that she was attracted to men who were emotionally unavailable – her therapist helped her to realise that by drinking she was emotionally cut off from herself..
These days Thando feels that she understands herself so much better and has adjusted her lifestyle to ensure that she gets plenty of time alone
Her social life has evolved accordingly and she spends time in smaller groups rather than going for long boozy lunches with big groups of people
Apart from getting to know herself better Thandos main benefit of sobriety is more capacity – for herself and for her to connect with others – her relationships are deeper.
So many young professionals will identify with Thando’s story - her book “On the Rocks” is available in bookstores on Kindle and can be ordered online via Amazon and Loot.
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Life Lessons from Recovery

Life Lessons from Recovery
As we ditch the booze and try to navigate our alcohol drenched world without it we often say we are on a “journey”.  My guest this week got sober and then decided to embark on a physical journey. 
From Mexico to Canada – on foot! – 2,500 miles! – 5 months! 
She applied the lessons from her recovery to the walk and then wrote a book about it..
My guest uses her trail name which is Person Irresponsible – P.I. for short..
 
In this Episode
PI grew up in a drinking home and married a drinker – a familiar story as we tend to seek out the familiar – our comfort zone
In her twenties she doesn’t recall being worried about her drinking but there were certainly some “incidents’
She realises that she was in deep denial – hanging around with other drinkers to normalise her behaviour
As she got into her thirties her hangovers got more severe, her marriage collapsed and she started drinking until she blacked out
Like many drinkers she fell into “victim” mode, blaming others – in her case blaming her ex husband
As she looks back on this she can see that alcoholism prevents any rational thought
PI became so unhappy during this period she didn’t actually care what happened to her or what harm she was doing to herself with alcohol
She never read romance or chick lit but for some reason she had an urge to read Rachels Holiday by Marian Keyes
At the end of the book Marian had written about AA so PI decided to call the helpline and talk to someone – as a result of this conversation she decided to try 30 days without alcohol
She went to 30 meetings in 30 days and was thrilled to get her 30 day chip – one of the guys at the meetings said – now you have to do 60 days which came as a surprise but she decided to go for it, after all physically she felt so much better!
PI loved the stories and the drama – and the chips at AA – she wasn’t so keen on the solutions and didn’t listen to those..
Unsurprisingly she relapsed – on Day 72 – but the alcohol she drank didn’t give her the relief she was looking for
She went to a meeting and heard a share that really resonated with her – and she finally accepted that she was an alcoholic
That got her back on track and although she suffered from bad cravings now and again she learnt how to “break the spell” – whether by talking to someone or writing a list of reasons to be sober
As she hit one year sober she started to hear a voice saying “surely you can have just one now” – as well as the voices explaining why that would be a bad idea.
As she said she had a “war” going on in her head – full on cognitive dissonance as the psychologists call it..
That made me think of the study by the Tempest that it takes a person an average of 11 years to reach out for help – that’s 11 years of listening to the battle between your rational mind and your limiting beliefs in your subconscious – exhausting!
She made the decision to get her one year chip and then to try having a drink – but then she got a call from a sponsee asking for help – listening to this persons struggle “broke the spell” for her and made her realise that she didn’t want ever to go back to those difficult days again
That’s why we encourage our members to stick around even after they have got sober – it's so rewarding to be able to help other people and it’s a reminder of how tough those early days are – after all who wants to keep doing the hardest bit, again and again.
We even have a 6 years+ group at Tribe Sober and the conversations are quite different on that group – we added up our collective years of sobriety the other day - 184 Years in all!
Like many of us PI found herself with time on her hands when she stopped drinking. Inspired by a movie called "Wild" she decided to walk the worlds longest footpath – from Mexico to Canada, the Pacific Crest Trail.
We always say that your world will open up to new possibilities when you ditch the drink and PI is a great example 
She was able to apply the lessons she had learned in recovery during the walk – she gave us a nice analogy of the initial excitement at the beginning of the walk (pink cloud), followed by the boredom and the difficulty and the need to just keep going.
Her walk was a perfect metaphor for her recovery journey – and she often just wanted to quit
She describes the PCT as the second greatest achievement in her life (after recovery)
At Tribe Sober we often say that Sobriety is a Superpower as if we can do that we can do anything!
So do get hold of PI’s book which is called “Everything you Ever Taught Me” – I’ve read it and it’s great – very funny and full of insight
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

How to stop Binge Drinking with Mindset Coach Kathryn Elliott

 
How to Stop Binge Drinking with Mindset Coach Kathryn
In early sobriety I was dutifully working my way through the QuitLit but one day I picked up a book that changed everything for me – the Naked Mind by Annie Grace.  That book was a revelation  – I finally understood how we are manipulated endlessly by the liquor industry to believe that we need their toxic product to enjoy our lives.  I started to see things quite differently. I started to laugh when yet another booze advert came on tv or another glamorous movie heroine poured herself a huge glass of wine!
I realised what the missing piece had been all along – it was mindset.
Until I read the Naked Mind I was white knuckling my sobriety so I was missing the most important piece of all.  That’s why we say the objective of our workshop is to create a mindshift – we know that we have to enable you to change your thinking – about drinking if you are to go on and actually thrive in your alcohol free life.
Our next workshop is coming up on June 25- you can get more info and book here So now you’ve heard how what a gamechanger The Naked Mind was for me you will understand why I’m thrilled to welcome one of Annie Grace’s Mindset Coaches as my guest this week…
Kathryn shares her personal story with us and explains why binge drinkers often don’t even realise that they have a “problem”…
In this Episode
Kathryn was a teenage drinker. With a friend she got through a bottle of gin and a packet of cigarettes at the age of 14 – the results were not pretty and involved a lot of vomiting but did not deter her
Drinking is so normalised in Australia that she almost felt an obligation to “push through” these early experiments until she got to a place where she was enjoying it – and she did!
In fact she discovered that once she started drinking she didn’t really have an “off” switch.
Now that she works with a lot of binge drinkers in her coaching career she hears many of say that they don’t have an “off” switch
Kathryn would be in a cycle – go for it, recover, go for it, recover
She didn’t really see this as a “problem” even when she started having blackouts at 16 – some blackouts which involved driving
She could go for weeks without drinking and challenges like Dry January were easy for her but she would always see these dry periods as permission to binge before and afterwards!
As Kathryn looks back on those short periods of abstinence she realises they did nothing to help her understand her binge drinking habit
Women need to understand that binge drinking is particularly dangerous as it can take up to a month for our liver to recover from a heavy session.
We tend to think that once the hangover has gone we can start drinking again but that just piles more damage on top of the existing damage.
Both Kathryn and I spent far too much time in the “Moderation Trap” as we couldn’t imagine our lives without alcohol. Even if we white knuckled our moderation for a while the binge drinking would return.
We are also both health conscious so can now appreciate the irony of going gluten free, eating organic, doing yoga, exercising daily – and then drinking far too much!
It’s as if it’s the last piece of the puzzle for our health – we are prepared to do all sorts of other things (even run marathons!) so long as they don’t take our wine away!
Kathryn always imagined she would “grow out” of her binge drinking but by the age of 42 she realised she had been stuck in this pattern for nearly 30 years and something would have to change.
There were two incidents in her 40’s which were a catalyst for the change – getting drunk at her brother's wedding where she fell over and hurt her hand and then had a row with her mother.
The second incident was a family holiday where she frightened her teenage children by being unable to walk
The next day she sat on the beach and cried – she realised she would have to quit
I call this the “moment of truth” and it comes to many of us – that feeling of “I’m done, I just can’t do this anymore”
Kathryn joined the Alcohol Experiment with Annie Grace with the intention of trying a year of sobriety – she learned a lot and got huge comfort from the community, realising that she was not alone in this – it was not her fault that she got addicted to an addictive substance!
We both agreed that the recovery community is special and we love being trailblazers for the alcohol free lifestyle
Like me Kathryn is a breast cancer survivor and she talks of the moment she was diagnosed
She reflected on the fact that her default position for dealing with trauma was to drink but in fact she realised that she needed all her mental and physical strength to deal with her breast cancer
My diagnosis was back in 2006 when I still drinking and I remember seeing it as a perfect opportunity to slip into victim mode and step up the drinking!
Neither of us realised just how strong the link is between heavy drinking and breast cancer – in fact just 3 or 4 drinks a week will increase your risk by 15% so it was unsurprising that I got breast cancer after putting away a bottle of wine a night for decades!
Many ladies in our community have had breast cancer and its nearly always been estrogen driven – as alcohol increases the amount of estrogen in our bodies.
Kathryn took comfort from her decision to quit drinking as she realised she would be reducing her risk of a recurrence
She trained as a Naked Mind Coach and loves helping people to change their lives
She uses 3 pillars to help people change their relationship with alcohol
Knowledge – be curious, learn everything you can, “throw the book at it” as we say at Tribe Sober
Emotion – challenge your limiting beliefs, – change your thoughts and create new neural pathways
Action – as Kathryn says once we question our beliefs our subconscious will kick in and help us to take the actions we need to
Kathryn's tips for newbies – dip your toe into sobriety, join sober communities, listen and learn – and of course Annie Grace's book the "Naked Mind" is a great place to start!
We talked about binge drinkers and the interesting thing about binge drinkers is that they often don’t see themselves as “problem drinkers”
They see themselves as “normal drinkers” who go over the top now and again!
I was definitely in this category
So the first step is to accept that even if you go for weeks without drinking but then sometimes go over the top and don’t seem to have an off switch you probably need to make some changes
If you would like to work with Kathryn then please go to her website – its: https://www.thealcoholmindsetcoach.com/More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

7 Top Tips from my 7 Sober Years with Janet Gourand

Tribe Sober - Your guide to alcohol-free living!
Last week I celebrated my 7th Soberversary by having breakfast in a smart hotel – that’s a great tip for sober socialising btw– no pesky questions about “why aren’t you drinking?” and you can even get a nice buzz going from all the coffee!  You can choose the most upmarket venue in town and it’s still going to  be a lot cheaper than a long boozy lunch in a mediocre restaurant!
I shared my story with you last week and this week I’m talking about 7 things I’ve learned during my 7 years of sobriety. Perspective is everything so I’ve tried to pick out 7 things I’ve learned over the years – things that may help others who are on this journey.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
 
In this Episode - My Top 7 Tips
Get ready to feel those feelings
Remember that not drinking hurts (at first)
Be Ready for the Wine Witch and Moderation Mary
Prepare for the void
You will need to Shake things up a bit
Throw the Book at It 
Keep Perspective and remember that the only failure is to stop trying!
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

How I Quit Drinking - and started Tribe Sober with Janet Gourand

Tribe Sober - Your guide to alcohol-free living!
After running Tribe Sober for 6 years and helping hundreds of people to ditch the drink and embrace alcohol-free living I've learned a lot.  My biggest insight has been that sharing our stories around our problems with alcohol is the most powerful way we can help others - that's why the heart of this podcast is recovery stories.
Today I celebrate seven years of sobriety so I'm sharing my story - how I quit drinking and started Tribe Sober
In this Episode
How I got hooked on the booze - and nearly drowned - and carried on drinking
How I got breast cancer - and carried on drinking
How I kept trying (and failing) to "moderate"
How a "walking, talking blackout" made me (finally) decide to ditch the drink
How I went to AA and why it didn't work for me
How I finally found "my people" at a one day workshop in London and managed to stop drinking
How I stayed sober - and decided to use my training experience to design a workshop to help others
How the workshop participants wanted to stay connected and Tribe Sober membership was born
How I marked my first Soberversary by writing a "Goodbye to Alcohol" Letter 
How I'm celebrating my seventh Soberversary by developing an online course which will be available in July 2022
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sober Fiction with S.C. Jensen

 
Novels tend to portray alcohol use as tough and gritty, or fun and relaxing or romantic and sexy – take your pick!  As a culture we’ve internalised these ideas which has contributed to the “normalisation” of drinking. 
My guest this week is trying to create some balance by featuring a sober heroine in her Cyberpunk novel “Bubbles in Space”.  Sarah Jensen is a Canadian science fiction author and strongly believes that we need more sober characters in fiction.  For people in recovery sober characters are powerful and inspiring.
Sarah shares her own recovery story with us and explains how she has drawn upon her struggles with alcohol to create her fictional character:
In this Episode
Although she dabbled in high school and had the occasional binge at college Sarah’s drinking didn’t really take off until she became a parent and signed up for the mommy juice culture.
In fact when a later diagnosis showed that she had been suffering from post natal depression she realised that she had been self medicating with alcohol for 4 years
As a writer she was also part of the creative circles who bought into the belief that alcohol fuels creativity – “write drunk, edit sober” was a popular myth
I discuss this myth (and others) in my interview with South African author Eusebius McKaiser in the Tribe Sober podcast, episode 77 – called Busting Sobriety Myths - released in January 2022
At the age of 34 Sarah realised that she was facing some choices – was she going to be a Better Mom – or a Drinker, a Better Wife – or a Drinker, a Better Writer – or a Drinker.
She realised that drinking had taken up such a lot of space in her head that there was no room for anything else
We discussed the twisted thinking that arises due to the fact that some brilliant writers were alcoholics – of course they were not brilliant BECAUSE they were alcoholics - it was more down to them being so driven that they were able to succeed IN SPITE of being alcoholics…
We wondered how much better they could have been and how much more they could have written if they were not drinking excessively.
Most functioning alcoholics are using so much energy to hold it all together that when they stop they have a surplus of energy to use for more constructive endeavours – we see this over and over in our tribe
Sarah talks of having an “epiphany” one day when she could sense the toxins building up in her body and realised that she was on a slippery slope
As a reader she turned to Quitlit - Annie Grace’s book (the Naked Mind) make her realise that she had an opportunity and a choice to save herself from a lot of pain
Because she hadn’t hit “rock bottom” she felt fortunate that she was able to make such a choice before she became totally dependent
Sarah realised that sobriety was a gift not a punishment
This reframing helps us change our mindset – at Tribe Sober we say that sobriety is an opportunity and that we will gain so much more than we will lose..
Another book which resonated with Sarah was The Biology of Desire by Marc Lewis as she wanted to understand more about how the brain works and the science behind it and as she discovered Mindfulness she read The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle
So in fact Sarah tackled the problem intellectually but she also connected with online sober communities to keep her on track.
As she began to clock up some sober time she found that one of the important advantages of being in a sober community was that it served as a reminder of how hard it had at the beginning
We both have been blown away by the authenticity and kindness of the sober online communities – if you are looking for a small and friendly sober community then go to tribesober.com and hit “join our tribe”
Sarah did feel some nostalgia for the “good times” which would have been triggered by Fading Affect Bias – when our brains trick us into forgetting the bad times and remembering the highlights of our drinking days..
I explained that we recommend to our members that they write a Goodbye to Alcohol Letter listing just how unhappy alcohol has made them over the years – something to read back over when FAB strikes – Sarah has promised to write us a Goodbye to Alcohol letter and you can find all of ours on tribesober.com/Inspiration/GoodbyeLetters – send yours in and we will be happy to publish it!
We discussed how drinking becomes part of our identify and that when we ditch it we have to work on our sober identity – and be out and proud!
Sarah wants to be a voice of strength and positivity – not only for dependent drinkers but for “normal” drinkers – she wants to show people that you don’t HAVE to participate
We agreed that there is no need to reach rock bottom – the smart people step off the slippery slope before it gets too difficult
Benefits of sobriety for Sarah include more mental space together with a feeling of extra brain power – we always say that Sobriety is a Superpower and it sounds as if she experienced that!
She used her increased energy and motivation to focus on the important things in her life
In early sobriety reading was Sarah’s “safe space” but she found that some detective stories and women’s fiction would trigger her
This made her determined to create some balance by having a sober character in her book
She has drawn on her own experiences to create this character who is thriving in her sobriety – rather than being miserable and relapsing as in many current books.
Sarah wants to create a “safe list” of books to read in early sobriety -books that will inspire, rather than trigger us or give us FOMO – please send your recommendations to janet@tribesober.com and we can work on this list with Sarah.
I asked her for some advice for anyone who is thinking of quitting…
Just know that questioning your drinking is a start
Seek out others who are on the same path
Prepare for a shift in your social life but remember you are not alone in this
Sarah’s latest book is called “Bubbles in Space” – “Tropical Punch” – you can find the info about that and her other books on her website which is scjensen.com
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

The Deadly Secret We Must Share! - Professor Tim Stockwell

 
My guest this week is a Senior Scientist with the Canadian Institute for Substance Use Research at the University of Victoria in Canada.  Professor Tim Stockwell is a man with a mission – to inform people about the link between alcohol and cancer.  He has been working tirelessly towards this goal for years and has made himself very unpopular with the liquor industry in the process!  
The fact that alcohol is one of the top three causes of preventable cancer is not exactly a secret – but it may as well be as so few people seem to be aware of it.  Even moderate amounts of alcohol can cause cancer and there is no safe amount.
In this Episode
We discussed the role of government when it comes to informing their citizens about the health risks of alcohol and agreed that governments should have some responsibility to inform and educate.
Tim explained that the Canadian govt had done a good job during Covid EXCEPT when it came to alcohol policy – they actually deemed it an “essential item” and expanded its availability and even reduced the price in some areas.
Here in South Africa our government went the opposite way and enforced several alcohol bans. These bans were implemented to clear the hospitals of alcohol related trauma patients so that Covid patients could be treated – and it worked! 
The alcohol ban in South Africa was like a massive social experiment, demonstrating the massive harm that alcohol does, both to individuals and to society.
I wrote an article listing the mind blowing statistics from this unprecedented period in South African history – called What If Alcohol was Banned 
Tim explained that alcohol consumption in Canada is the highest its been for 20 years and that they are catching up with the UK and Europe.
Canada has an alcohol deficit of $3.7 billion a year – this means that its costs the government $3.7 billion MORE (in healthcare costs etc) than it brings in from taxes.
It’s been known for at least 35 years that alcohol was a number one carcinogen and we agreed that producers should be telling their consumers about the risks – so that at least we are making an informed choice when we drink.
Scotland has successfully introduced minimum pricing (although the liquor industry fought it for 6 years!) and modelling demonstrates that this policy reduces hospitalisation and deaths.
The official figures of alcohol related deaths throughout the world is R3M a year but Tim believes that these figures are more like 5 or 6M. The official figures dampened down by the outdated view that “moderate drinking” is good for our health. 
Tim maintains that the misinformation that moderate drinking can be good for you has been responsible for millions of deaths worldwide.
We agreed the irony of the fact that alcohol kills far more people than Covid did – during Covid the whole world closed down yet nothing changes regarding alcohol…
We wondered what impact it would have if we saw daily graphs on tv showing us deaths and hospitalisations from alcohol like we did for Covid!
Although it’s a “hard sell” there ARE effective strategies that could be implemented regarding alcohol policy explained Tim – pricing and availability being two of them.
Also focus groups have expressed the view that the absence of warning labels on alcohol conveys a powerful message that its ok..
Tim was featured in a Canadian documentary recently – in this documentary an oncologist was explaining that be bought a fishing rod which was covered in warning labels yet a carcinogenic liquid has none!
We heard about a fascinating experiment in a Canadian Province where warning labels were introduced – quite striking labels with cancer warnings and the low risk guidelines.
This experiment proved labelling worked as it reduced consumption by 7%!
However it was halted when the liquor industry brought a legal action calling the labels “defamatory” (!)
We discussed the futility of being told to “Drink Responsibly” and agreed that this was just the liquor industry putting the blame on the consumer rather than being transparent about the dangers of consuming their product.
In spite of the struggles Tim does feel that there is hope – he feels that there is a “tide” of change and that alcohol may finally be having its “cigarette moment”
We talked about citizens “rights” and of course people must have the right to drink alcohol but they also have the right to be informed of the dangers – just like we are with cigarettes…
It took Scotland 6 years to get minimum pricing implemented but now other countries are introducing that policy.More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Tribe Sober Toolkit

 
This Sober Short series is taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – just go to tribesober.com, hit Our Services and you’ll find all the info about our workshops. You can do a group workshop or a private workshop to suit your schedule and time zone.
These workshops have been a gamechanger for many people so if you want to kickstart your sober life then sign up today.  Just go to tribesober.com/services and click on workshops
During the first 14 Sober Shorts, we looked at the first 14 Tools in our toolbox. Before we move on to the final tool here is a quick recap…
In this Episode
Tool number 1 was “Get Connected”
Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path.
If you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com – just hit “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership.
Tool number 2 was “Get Moving”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many people exercise daily but they also drink daily – sometimes excessively. Ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was “Building Emotional Strength”
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions.
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says, or as Glennon Doyle says, “First the Pain, then the Rising.”
Tool number 4 was all about Mindset
It was about changing your thinking – about drinking.
We talked about overturning those false beliefs that we have picked up over the years — for example, we believe that we deserve a drink at the end of the day!
We talked about overturning those beliefs – one by one.
“Do the work” and you will never see alcohol in the same way and…
You will never suffer from FOMO which is the key to sticking to your sobriety.
Tool number 5 – was about Visualisation
We talked about some powerful ways to use visualisation.
One of them was to “Play the movie forward” – if you get the urge to drink, then just think it through – what will happen after that first glass. Do you really want to wake up at 3 am full of anxiety and regret?
Do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – and do the hardest bit - again and again?
Tool number 6 – Information is Power
It’s hard to believe it these days but not that long ago we had NO IDEA that smoking was bad for us.
Even if you do decide to carry on drinking then make sure that it’s an informed choice. The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
That’s a good place to start and there are many QuitLit books out there and of course podcasts – almost 100 episodes of the Tribe Sober podcast are available now, all packed with advice inspiration and information.
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@ts.com – you can also go to tribesober.com and hit the Inspiration tab where you’ll find a wealth of information that will inspire you to get started – and motivate you to keep going.
Tool number 7 was “Be Accountable”
When we embark on this journey, we need a community of people who actually care – people who have been where we are now and can advise and encourage us - people who are thriving in their alcohol-free lives and can inspire us that it really is worth doing this thing.
WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE – we need to know that we can share our ups and downs with other people who really get us.
So, if you are looking for a sober community to inspire you and keep you on track just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe.
If you’d like to sample the kind of support we offer then email janet@tribesober.com and request our Sobriety Battleplan pdf which is packed with great advice, charts and trackers.
Tool Number 8 - which is “Journaling”
At our workshops, we advise people to buy a beautiful notebook that will become their sobriety journal throughout this life-changing journey.
Sobriety is a journey of self-discovery and recording your thoughts, emotions, struggles, and accomplishments is so beneficial.
Early sobriety is a very emotional time and for most of us it really helps to process emotions if we can write them down.
We can note our triggers as well as strategies for coping with them
Journaling will give us perspective – reading back on the early weeks of sobriety will remind us just how hard it was – and make us realise it’s getting better and easier every day.
To learn more about the magic of journaling listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 98 to hear my interview with writer in recovery Melinda Ferguson – released on 26th March 2022
Tool No 9 – “Get a Project”
It’s very common for people to feel a bit flat once they have achieved their first few months of sobriety.
Many people in Tribe Sober (including me) experienced that “flatness’/depression/void” or whatever you want to call it – when they asked me what they should do about it I just told them to sit it out as it would eventually pass
However that advice changed after my podcast interview with Dr Loretta Breuning (author of the Happy Brain) – so do have a listen, its episode 55 and was released on 14 August 2021.
Loretta explained that my brain was quite happy during the first few months as it had registered that it was working on a project (ie sobriety) and I was making progress – however after a few months my subconscious was thinking – ok so now we are sober, now what?
Well here’s the thing – as human beings we need projects – think of the cavemen, they would wake up hungry and have to go and find some food, eating the food would give them a dopamine hit but then they would get hungry again and have to go hunting..
So as you settle into your first few months of sobriety GET A PROJECT to keep you on track and to keep those happy brain chemicals triggered.
Tool No 10 – “Be Prepared”
As with most things in life preparation is crucial…
Play the movie forward – what ARE you going to drink – if it’s a restaurant then check out their drinks menu online and decide what you will order
If you are going to a dinner party the text your host in advance and take some AF bubbly with you
Decide what you are going to say when/if people start to interrogate you – you can keep it simple “I’m on meds”, “I’m driving” or my favourite “I’m on a health kick – no booze, no sugar, no carbs for 66 days!” 
If drinking at home was your problem then give away your booze – or move it to somewhere you can’t see it (the garage is a good place) and make sure your fridge is stocked with delicious AF choices – if you are in SA just go to drinknil.co.za and they will deliver to your door
Tool No 11 –Track Your Progress
When a new member joins our tribe we send an Annual Tracker. It helps to give perspective, to keep an eye on the big picture – sure there may be slip ups on the way but what matters is a feeling of progress – are those “Sober Stretches” getting longer?
If you would like one of our Annual Trackers then just email janet@tribesober.com and I’ll send you one right away!
It’s so important to celebrate Milestones on this journey -
The Forever word is just too daunting when starting out on this journey so we suggest 30, 60, 100 days as Milestones… followed by 6 months and then moving on to Annual
The great thing about Tribe Sober is that many people stick around after getting sober – they want to help and inspire others – we even have a chatroom for people with more than 6 months of sobriety
Tool No 12 –Nurture Yourself
When we embark on this life changing journey we are going against the flow. We are going against the flow and that takes confidence and courage!
We need to nurture ourselves so that we can access the inner resources we need to embrace an alcohol free life
Many people (me included) discover that they are introverts at heart and not the party animal they thought they were when they drank!
Sobriety is a journey of discovery so spend the extra time you’ve saved exploring – Tribe Sober members have free resources to sample like coaching, hypnotherapy and root cause therapy as well as online yoga and art therapy.
You need to spoil yourself! Think of your sobriety as a pregnancy – 9 months of doing exactly what feels right  for you – read books, be alone, go to bed early, have naps, light candles, eat chocolate, turn down social invitations, light candles, have hot baths!
The pregnancy analogy works so well because for most of us 9 months is long enough for our sobriety to be strong – to survive in the outside world!
Tool No 13 - Know Your Triggers!
Triggers are a response to an outside stimulus that results in an automatic action.
We have trained our brains to drink, and now we have to untrain them.
Our brains need time to “rewire” – we need to uncouple experiences – eg: sunset and a glass of wine
Let’s remember that triggers won’t last for ever – quitting is not about abstaining – or about resisting – its about building a new life when we won’t even want to drink
But while we are adjusting we will need to learn how to deal with our triggers
Typical triggers are- H.A.L.T.S (Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. Stressed) can affect our sobriety.
Although we will experience triggers we don’t have to act on them – we are not like a toddler having a tantrum in a supermarket because we can’t have chocolate
We need to pause and breathe when we get a trigger – be curious – write about them in your journal and develop strategies to deal with them
Tool No 14 – Do the Work
At Tribe Sober we’ve helped hundreds of people to quit drinking and our observation is that it takes 3-6 months of hard work – and then it gets easier and easier. That’s where we differ from AA – we don’t see it as a “lifetime struggle” which necessitates going to meetings for ever.
“Doing the work” in AA of course means going through the 12 steps but at Tribe Sober we believe that “the work” is different for everyone. It depends on various factors – including how dependent we have become.
“Doing the work” means listening to all the podcasts and reading all the QuitLit books – other people stories and struggles remind us that we are not alone in this and that it is possible to make a change.
“Doing the work” means trying out the tools I’ve outlined in these Sober Shorts until you have created your very own sober toolkit. Even better sign up for one of our workshops to learn more about changing your mindset about drinking and meeting others on the same path.
When we stop drinking we have time on our hands – we have to reconfigure our life so that it’s a life we don’t want to escape from. It’s an ideal time to try different activities and to connect with other people on the same path.  That’s why we offer our members opportunities to try coaching, hypnotherapy, art therapy, yoga, meditation as well as providing nutritional and medical advice. 
Tool No 15 – Find Your Purpose!
When we are dependent on alcohol we get stuck. Our life doesn’t evolve.
If you’ve seen that movie Groundhog Day you will remember that the guy woke up and repeated the same day over and over. 
When I was “working hard and playing hard” I was in that place. Sure I was making plenty of money for the shareholders of a massive corporate but after a long day of doing that I would come home and numb my brain with a bottle of alcohol.
Then I would wake up the next day and do it all again.
When I finally got sober I recovered my health, my energy, my creativity and most importantly I recovered time – time to think.
Time to think more clearly about what I really wanted out of my life.
Time to make the changes I needed and to create a life I no longer wanted to escape from.
We see this all the time in our community – people get sober and then start looking at other parts of their life. Are they eating healthily? Are they exercising enough? Are they in the right job? Are they happy in their relationships?
We call this The Domino Effect and we have a podcast on this subject – Tribe Sober podcast episode episode 52 from July 2021,
So that’s it for the Tribe Sober Toolkit – if you’d like more info on the Toolkit as well as the mindset changes you need to make then please check out our Zoom Workshops 
Let me leave you with one of my favourite quotes by Victor Frankl
“Life is not primarily a quest for pleasure as Freud believed, nor is it a quest for power as Adler taught, but a quest for meaning. The greatest task for any person is to find meaning in their life.”More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, You Tube, TikTok, Twitter, and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

My Sobriety Journey - from Whisky to Water with Sam Cowen

 
My guest today is a household name here in South Africa.  After a successful career as a radio presenter Sam Cowen wrote a book called "From Whisky to Water" which documented her struggles with alcohol.
Sam came close to killing herself, often driving home so drunk that when she woke the next morning, she had no idea how she got home, let alone what she had said and done the night before.
She managed to ditch the drink but then became addicted to food, piling on 25kgs in her early sobriety.  Her salvation was swimming – which is where she found serenity and training as a recovery coach has brought purpose into her life.
In this Episode
Sam didn’t drink at university but when she had her first whisky at the radio station where she worked she loved it – and felt like she had “come home”.
Broadcasting was very male dominated and Sam struggled to connect – apart from when she was in the bar with her colleagues.
She got a reputation for being able to “hold her drink” which she wore like a badge of honour.
Over the years Sam had been producing or presenting radio shows and her voice was well known throughout South Africa.
One day she did a tv appearance and was devastated to receive an email from a viewer saying “we thought you’d be really pretty”
She hadn’t really thought much about her looks before but this nasty comment rocked her self confidence and exacerbated her drinking – after all it didn’t matter what she looked like when she was drinking.
Her drinking escalated and she started doing things that were “not normal” – she would have to pull into a multi storey car park for a sleep as she knew she shouldn’t be driving.
Sam talked of the “golden 15 minutes” of clarity before closing down in a blackout while she was driving.
She told us about waking up and finding blood in her car – the result of taking an injured man to hospital during her blackout
We discussed blackouts and the fact that they happen because the brain is so soaked in alcohol it can’t even make memories – it’s not that we have simply forgotten
Sam got sober 20 years ago when AA was the only option. These days of course there are many alternative ways to get help, including tribesober.com
She felt that the AA meetings were like “coming home” – the warmth and the support of the community enabling her to stop drinking.
There is a quote in by CS Lewis in Sam’s book that summarises the connection we feel in the recovery community – “Friendship is born in the moment that one person looks at another and says – You too? I thought I was the only one” – the relief we feel when we realise we are not alone in this is deep.
She read a lot of memoirs in early sobriety and the book by Caroline Knapp – "Drinking, a Love Story" made a great impression on her.
I thought it was so interesting that Sam had been sober for 14 years but had still not found serenity.
Her time at AA had left its mark and she felt that she had to keep “doing penance” or she might drink again..
Like many of us Sam experienced a “void” in early sobriety – that feeling of “now what?”
She decided to fill the void with ice cream and put on 25kgs in process – then she became “invisible” due to her excess weight and actually enjoyed the fact that she was still “on air”, still being funny but could go unnoticed in public.
Her excess weight was causing her a lot of joint pain. A doctor prescribed a whole list of meds to deal with the pain which made Sam decide she must lose the weight instead.
She discovered swimming which was when she felt she had “come home” for the third time.
If you are in early sobriety and dealing with the “void” then please have a listen to the Tribe Sober podcast episode 55 with Dr Loretta Breuning. Loretta explains that we need a project to keep our happy brain chemicals triggered
Of course for Sam that project was swimming and she trained and took place in long distance swimming events – in freezing cold water which of course provides more health benefits!
Training as a recovery coach enabled her to find her place in the world. She realised that she could help people and she’s been able to find her purpose. 
During the next 6 years she moved forwards and began to thrive in her sobriety and to finally find serenity.
Sam did her training with David Collins at the Ubuntu Academy of Coaching. He is a renowned international coach and has been interviewed for this podcast so watch this space!
She explained that recovery coaching is complementary – it’s not therapy and it’s not treatment but it will help people in early sobriety reconnect with themselves and figure out what they really want out of life.
To learn more about Sam and her coaching go to samcowen.co.za and of course her book is essential reading if you are thinking about giving up drinking or in recovery
It’s called From Whisky to Water and there is a link to it on her website.More Info
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