Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

7 Top Tips from my 7 Sober Years with Janet Gourand

Tribe Sober - Your guide to alcohol-free living!
Last week I celebrated my 7th Soberversary by having breakfast in a smart hotel – that’s a great tip for sober socialising btw– no pesky questions about “why aren’t you drinking?” and you can even get a nice buzz going from all the coffee!  You can choose the most upmarket venue in town and it’s still going to  be a lot cheaper than a long boozy lunch in a mediocre restaurant!
I shared my story with you last week and this week I’m talking about 7 things I’ve learned during my 7 years of sobriety. Perspective is everything so I’ve tried to pick out 7 things I’ve learned over the years – things that may help others who are on this journey.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
 
In this Episode - My Top 7 Tips
Get ready to feel those feelings
Remember that not drinking hurts (at first)
Be Ready for the Wine Witch and Moderation Mary
Prepare for the void
You will need to Shake things up a bit
Throw the Book at It 
Keep Perspective and remember that the only failure is to stop trying!
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

How I Quit Drinking - and started Tribe Sober with Janet Gourand

Tribe Sober - Your guide to alcohol-free living!
After running Tribe Sober for 6 years and helping hundreds of people to ditch the drink and embrace alcohol-free living I've learned a lot.  My biggest insight has been that sharing our stories around our problems with alcohol is the most powerful way we can help others - that's why the heart of this podcast is recovery stories.
Today I celebrate seven years of sobriety so I'm sharing my story - how I quit drinking and started Tribe Sober
In this Episode
How I got hooked on the booze - and nearly drowned - and carried on drinking
How I got breast cancer - and carried on drinking
How I kept trying (and failing) to "moderate"
How a "walking, talking blackout" made me (finally) decide to ditch the drink
How I went to AA and why it didn't work for me
How I finally found "my people" at a one day workshop in London and managed to stop drinking
How I stayed sober - and decided to use my training experience to design a workshop to help others
How the workshop participants wanted to stay connected and Tribe Sober membership was born
How I marked my first Soberversary by writing a "Goodbye to Alcohol" Letter 
How I'm celebrating my seventh Soberversary by developing an online course which will be available in July 2022
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sober Fiction with S.C. Jensen

 
Novels tend to portray alcohol use as tough and gritty, or fun and relaxing or romantic and sexy – take your pick!  As a culture we’ve internalised these ideas which has contributed to the “normalisation” of drinking. 
My guest this week is trying to create some balance by featuring a sober heroine in her Cyberpunk novel “Bubbles in Space”.  Sarah Jensen is a Canadian science fiction author and strongly believes that we need more sober characters in fiction.  For people in recovery sober characters are powerful and inspiring.
Sarah shares her own recovery story with us and explains how she has drawn upon her struggles with alcohol to create her fictional character:
In this Episode
Although she dabbled in high school and had the occasional binge at college Sarah’s drinking didn’t really take off until she became a parent and signed up for the mommy juice culture.
In fact when a later diagnosis showed that she had been suffering from post natal depression she realised that she had been self medicating with alcohol for 4 years
As a writer she was also part of the creative circles who bought into the belief that alcohol fuels creativity – “write drunk, edit sober” was a popular myth
I discuss this myth (and others) in my interview with South African author Eusebius McKaiser in the Tribe Sober podcast, episode 77 – called Busting Sobriety Myths - released in January 2022
At the age of 34 Sarah realised that she was facing some choices – was she going to be a Better Mom – or a Drinker, a Better Wife – or a Drinker, a Better Writer – or a Drinker.
She realised that drinking had taken up such a lot of space in her head that there was no room for anything else
We discussed the twisted thinking that arises due to the fact that some brilliant writers were alcoholics – of course they were not brilliant BECAUSE they were alcoholics - it was more down to them being so driven that they were able to succeed IN SPITE of being alcoholics…
We wondered how much better they could have been and how much more they could have written if they were not drinking excessively.
Most functioning alcoholics are using so much energy to hold it all together that when they stop they have a surplus of energy to use for more constructive endeavours – we see this over and over in our tribe
Sarah talks of having an “epiphany” one day when she could sense the toxins building up in her body and realised that she was on a slippery slope
As a reader she turned to Quitlit - Annie Grace’s book (the Naked Mind) make her realise that she had an opportunity and a choice to save herself from a lot of pain
Because she hadn’t hit “rock bottom” she felt fortunate that she was able to make such a choice before she became totally dependent
Sarah realised that sobriety was a gift not a punishment
This reframing helps us change our mindset – at Tribe Sober we say that sobriety is an opportunity and that we will gain so much more than we will lose..
Another book which resonated with Sarah was The Biology of Desire by Marc Lewis as she wanted to understand more about how the brain works and the science behind it and as she discovered Mindfulness she read The Power of Now by Eckart Tolle
So in fact Sarah tackled the problem intellectually but she also connected with online sober communities to keep her on track.
As she began to clock up some sober time she found that one of the important advantages of being in a sober community was that it served as a reminder of how hard it had at the beginning
We both have been blown away by the authenticity and kindness of the sober online communities – if you are looking for a small and friendly sober community then go to tribesober.com and hit “join our tribe”
Sarah did feel some nostalgia for the “good times” which would have been triggered by Fading Affect Bias – when our brains trick us into forgetting the bad times and remembering the highlights of our drinking days..
I explained that we recommend to our members that they write a Goodbye to Alcohol Letter listing just how unhappy alcohol has made them over the years – something to read back over when FAB strikes – Sarah has promised to write us a Goodbye to Alcohol letter and you can find all of ours on tribesober.com/Inspiration/GoodbyeLetters – send yours in and we will be happy to publish it!
We discussed how drinking becomes part of our identify and that when we ditch it we have to work on our sober identity – and be out and proud!
Sarah wants to be a voice of strength and positivity – not only for dependent drinkers but for “normal” drinkers – she wants to show people that you don’t HAVE to participate
We agreed that there is no need to reach rock bottom – the smart people step off the slippery slope before it gets too difficult
Benefits of sobriety for Sarah include more mental space together with a feeling of extra brain power – we always say that Sobriety is a Superpower and it sounds as if she experienced that!
She used her increased energy and motivation to focus on the important things in her life
In early sobriety reading was Sarah’s “safe space” but she found that some detective stories and women’s fiction would trigger her
This made her determined to create some balance by having a sober character in her book
She has drawn on her own experiences to create this character who is thriving in her sobriety – rather than being miserable and relapsing as in many current books.
Sarah wants to create a “safe list” of books to read in early sobriety -books that will inspire, rather than trigger us or give us FOMO – please send your recommendations to janet@tribesober.com and we can work on this list with Sarah.
I asked her for some advice for anyone who is thinking of quitting…
Just know that questioning your drinking is a start
Seek out others who are on the same path
Prepare for a shift in your social life but remember you are not alone in this
Sarah’s latest book is called “Bubbles in Space” – “Tropical Punch” – you can find the info about that and her other books on her website which is scjensen.com
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

The Deadly Secret We Must Share! - Professor Tim Stockwell

 
My guest this week is a Senior Scientist with the Canadian Institute for Substance Use Research at the University of Victoria in Canada.  Professor Tim Stockwell is a man with a mission – to inform people about the link between alcohol and cancer.  He has been working tirelessly towards this goal for years and has made himself very unpopular with the liquor industry in the process!  
The fact that alcohol is one of the top three causes of preventable cancer is not exactly a secret – but it may as well be as so few people seem to be aware of it.  Even moderate amounts of alcohol can cause cancer and there is no safe amount.
In this Episode
We discussed the role of government when it comes to informing their citizens about the health risks of alcohol and agreed that governments should have some responsibility to inform and educate.
Tim explained that the Canadian govt had done a good job during Covid EXCEPT when it came to alcohol policy – they actually deemed it an “essential item” and expanded its availability and even reduced the price in some areas.
Here in South Africa our government went the opposite way and enforced several alcohol bans. These bans were implemented to clear the hospitals of alcohol related trauma patients so that Covid patients could be treated – and it worked! 
The alcohol ban in South Africa was like a massive social experiment, demonstrating the massive harm that alcohol does, both to individuals and to society.
I wrote an article listing the mind blowing statistics from this unprecedented period in South African history – called What If Alcohol was Banned 
Tim explained that alcohol consumption in Canada is the highest its been for 20 years and that they are catching up with the UK and Europe.
Canada has an alcohol deficit of $3.7 billion a year – this means that its costs the government $3.7 billion MORE (in healthcare costs etc) than it brings in from taxes.
It’s been known for at least 35 years that alcohol was a number one carcinogen and we agreed that producers should be telling their consumers about the risks – so that at least we are making an informed choice when we drink.
Scotland has successfully introduced minimum pricing (although the liquor industry fought it for 6 years!) and modelling demonstrates that this policy reduces hospitalisation and deaths.
The official figures of alcohol related deaths throughout the world is R3M a year but Tim believes that these figures are more like 5 or 6M. The official figures dampened down by the outdated view that “moderate drinking” is good for our health. 
Tim maintains that the misinformation that moderate drinking can be good for you has been responsible for millions of deaths worldwide.
We agreed the irony of the fact that alcohol kills far more people than Covid did – during Covid the whole world closed down yet nothing changes regarding alcohol…
We wondered what impact it would have if we saw daily graphs on tv showing us deaths and hospitalisations from alcohol like we did for Covid!
Although it’s a “hard sell” there ARE effective strategies that could be implemented regarding alcohol policy explained Tim – pricing and availability being two of them.
Also focus groups have expressed the view that the absence of warning labels on alcohol conveys a powerful message that its ok..
Tim was featured in a Canadian documentary recently – in this documentary an oncologist was explaining that be bought a fishing rod which was covered in warning labels yet a carcinogenic liquid has none!
We heard about a fascinating experiment in a Canadian Province where warning labels were introduced – quite striking labels with cancer warnings and the low risk guidelines.
This experiment proved labelling worked as it reduced consumption by 7%!
However it was halted when the liquor industry brought a legal action calling the labels “defamatory” (!)
We discussed the futility of being told to “Drink Responsibly” and agreed that this was just the liquor industry putting the blame on the consumer rather than being transparent about the dangers of consuming their product.
In spite of the struggles Tim does feel that there is hope – he feels that there is a “tide” of change and that alcohol may finally be having its “cigarette moment”
We talked about citizens “rights” and of course people must have the right to drink alcohol but they also have the right to be informed of the dangers – just like we are with cigarettes…
It took Scotland 6 years to get minimum pricing implemented but now other countries are introducing that policy.More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
20% ANNUAL MEMBERSHIP DISCOUNT CODE ANN052022 – valid during May 2022
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Tribe Sober Toolkit

 
This Sober Short series is taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – just go to tribesober.com, hit Our Services and you’ll find all the info about our workshops. You can do a group workshop or a private workshop to suit your schedule and time zone.
These workshops have been a gamechanger for many people so if you want to kickstart your sober life then sign up today.  Just go to tribesober.com/services and click on workshops
During the first 14 Sober Shorts, we looked at the first 14 Tools in our toolbox. Before we move on to the final tool here is a quick recap…
In this Episode
Tool number 1 was “Get Connected”
Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path.
If you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com – just hit “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership.
Tool number 2 was “Get Moving”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many people exercise daily but they also drink daily – sometimes excessively. Ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was “Building Emotional Strength”
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions.
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says, or as Glennon Doyle says, “First the Pain, then the Rising.”
Tool number 4 was all about Mindset
It was about changing your thinking – about drinking.
We talked about overturning those false beliefs that we have picked up over the years — for example, we believe that we deserve a drink at the end of the day!
We talked about overturning those beliefs – one by one.
“Do the work” and you will never see alcohol in the same way and…
You will never suffer from FOMO which is the key to sticking to your sobriety.
Tool number 5 – was about Visualisation
We talked about some powerful ways to use visualisation.
One of them was to “Play the movie forward” – if you get the urge to drink, then just think it through – what will happen after that first glass. Do you really want to wake up at 3 am full of anxiety and regret?
Do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – and do the hardest bit - again and again?
Tool number 6 – Information is Power
It’s hard to believe it these days but not that long ago we had NO IDEA that smoking was bad for us.
Even if you do decide to carry on drinking then make sure that it’s an informed choice. The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
That’s a good place to start and there are many QuitLit books out there and of course podcasts – almost 100 episodes of the Tribe Sober podcast are available now, all packed with advice inspiration and information.
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@ts.com – you can also go to tribesober.com and hit the Inspiration tab where you’ll find a wealth of information that will inspire you to get started – and motivate you to keep going.
Tool number 7 was “Be Accountable”
When we embark on this journey, we need a community of people who actually care – people who have been where we are now and can advise and encourage us - people who are thriving in their alcohol-free lives and can inspire us that it really is worth doing this thing.
WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE – we need to know that we can share our ups and downs with other people who really get us.
So, if you are looking for a sober community to inspire you and keep you on track just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe.
If you’d like to sample the kind of support we offer then email janet@tribesober.com and request our Sobriety Battleplan pdf which is packed with great advice, charts and trackers.
Tool Number 8 - which is “Journaling”
At our workshops, we advise people to buy a beautiful notebook that will become their sobriety journal throughout this life-changing journey.
Sobriety is a journey of self-discovery and recording your thoughts, emotions, struggles, and accomplishments is so beneficial.
Early sobriety is a very emotional time and for most of us it really helps to process emotions if we can write them down.
We can note our triggers as well as strategies for coping with them
Journaling will give us perspective – reading back on the early weeks of sobriety will remind us just how hard it was – and make us realise it’s getting better and easier every day.
To learn more about the magic of journaling listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 98 to hear my interview with writer in recovery Melinda Ferguson – released on 26th March 2022
Tool No 9 – “Get a Project”
It’s very common for people to feel a bit flat once they have achieved their first few months of sobriety.
Many people in Tribe Sober (including me) experienced that “flatness’/depression/void” or whatever you want to call it – when they asked me what they should do about it I just told them to sit it out as it would eventually pass
However that advice changed after my podcast interview with Dr Loretta Breuning (author of the Happy Brain) – so do have a listen, its episode 55 and was released on 14 August 2021.
Loretta explained that my brain was quite happy during the first few months as it had registered that it was working on a project (ie sobriety) and I was making progress – however after a few months my subconscious was thinking – ok so now we are sober, now what?
Well here’s the thing – as human beings we need projects – think of the cavemen, they would wake up hungry and have to go and find some food, eating the food would give them a dopamine hit but then they would get hungry again and have to go hunting..
So as you settle into your first few months of sobriety GET A PROJECT to keep you on track and to keep those happy brain chemicals triggered.
Tool No 10 – “Be Prepared”
As with most things in life preparation is crucial…
Play the movie forward – what ARE you going to drink – if it’s a restaurant then check out their drinks menu online and decide what you will order
If you are going to a dinner party the text your host in advance and take some AF bubbly with you
Decide what you are going to say when/if people start to interrogate you – you can keep it simple “I’m on meds”, “I’m driving” or my favourite “I’m on a health kick – no booze, no sugar, no carbs for 66 days!” 
If drinking at home was your problem then give away your booze – or move it to somewhere you can’t see it (the garage is a good place) and make sure your fridge is stocked with delicious AF choices – if you are in SA just go to drinknil.co.za and they will deliver to your door
Tool No 11 –Track Your Progress
When a new member joins our tribe we send an Annual Tracker. It helps to give perspective, to keep an eye on the big picture – sure there may be slip ups on the way but what matters is a feeling of progress – are those “Sober Stretches” getting longer?
If you would like one of our Annual Trackers then just email janet@tribesober.com and I’ll send you one right away!
It’s so important to celebrate Milestones on this journey -
The Forever word is just too daunting when starting out on this journey so we suggest 30, 60, 100 days as Milestones… followed by 6 months and then moving on to Annual
The great thing about Tribe Sober is that many people stick around after getting sober – they want to help and inspire others – we even have a chatroom for people with more than 6 months of sobriety
Tool No 12 –Nurture Yourself
When we embark on this life changing journey we are going against the flow. We are going against the flow and that takes confidence and courage!
We need to nurture ourselves so that we can access the inner resources we need to embrace an alcohol free life
Many people (me included) discover that they are introverts at heart and not the party animal they thought they were when they drank!
Sobriety is a journey of discovery so spend the extra time you’ve saved exploring – Tribe Sober members have free resources to sample like coaching, hypnotherapy and root cause therapy as well as online yoga and art therapy.
You need to spoil yourself! Think of your sobriety as a pregnancy – 9 months of doing exactly what feels right  for you – read books, be alone, go to bed early, have naps, light candles, eat chocolate, turn down social invitations, light candles, have hot baths!
The pregnancy analogy works so well because for most of us 9 months is long enough for our sobriety to be strong – to survive in the outside world!
Tool No 13 - Know Your Triggers!
Triggers are a response to an outside stimulus that results in an automatic action.
We have trained our brains to drink, and now we have to untrain them.
Our brains need time to “rewire” – we need to uncouple experiences – eg: sunset and a glass of wine
Let’s remember that triggers won’t last for ever – quitting is not about abstaining – or about resisting – its about building a new life when we won’t even want to drink
But while we are adjusting we will need to learn how to deal with our triggers
Typical triggers are- H.A.L.T.S (Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. Stressed) can affect our sobriety.
Although we will experience triggers we don’t have to act on them – we are not like a toddler having a tantrum in a supermarket because we can’t have chocolate
We need to pause and breathe when we get a trigger – be curious – write about them in your journal and develop strategies to deal with them
Tool No 14 – Do the Work
At Tribe Sober we’ve helped hundreds of people to quit drinking and our observation is that it takes 3-6 months of hard work – and then it gets easier and easier. That’s where we differ from AA – we don’t see it as a “lifetime struggle” which necessitates going to meetings for ever.
“Doing the work” in AA of course means going through the 12 steps but at Tribe Sober we believe that “the work” is different for everyone. It depends on various factors – including how dependent we have become.
“Doing the work” means listening to all the podcasts and reading all the QuitLit books – other people stories and struggles remind us that we are not alone in this and that it is possible to make a change.
“Doing the work” means trying out the tools I’ve outlined in these Sober Shorts until you have created your very own sober toolkit. Even better sign up for one of our workshops to learn more about changing your mindset about drinking and meeting others on the same path.
When we stop drinking we have time on our hands – we have to reconfigure our life so that it’s a life we don’t want to escape from. It’s an ideal time to try different activities and to connect with other people on the same path.  That’s why we offer our members opportunities to try coaching, hypnotherapy, art therapy, yoga, meditation as well as providing nutritional and medical advice. 
Tool No 15 – Find Your Purpose!
When we are dependent on alcohol we get stuck. Our life doesn’t evolve.
If you’ve seen that movie Groundhog Day you will remember that the guy woke up and repeated the same day over and over. 
When I was “working hard and playing hard” I was in that place. Sure I was making plenty of money for the shareholders of a massive corporate but after a long day of doing that I would come home and numb my brain with a bottle of alcohol.
Then I would wake up the next day and do it all again.
When I finally got sober I recovered my health, my energy, my creativity and most importantly I recovered time – time to think.
Time to think more clearly about what I really wanted out of my life.
Time to make the changes I needed and to create a life I no longer wanted to escape from.
We see this all the time in our community – people get sober and then start looking at other parts of their life. Are they eating healthily? Are they exercising enough? Are they in the right job? Are they happy in their relationships?
We call this The Domino Effect and we have a podcast on this subject – Tribe Sober podcast episode episode 52 from July 2021,
So that’s it for the Tribe Sober Toolkit – if you’d like more info on the Toolkit as well as the mindset changes you need to make then please check out our Zoom Workshops 
Let me leave you with one of my favourite quotes by Victor Frankl
“Life is not primarily a quest for pleasure as Freud believed, nor is it a quest for power as Adler taught, but a quest for meaning. The greatest task for any person is to find meaning in their life.”More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, You Tube, TikTok, Twitter, and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

My Sobriety Journey - from Whisky to Water with Sam Cowen

 
My guest today is a household name here in South Africa.  After a successful career as a radio presenter Sam Cowen wrote a book called "From Whisky to Water" which documented her struggles with alcohol.
Sam came close to killing herself, often driving home so drunk that when she woke the next morning, she had no idea how she got home, let alone what she had said and done the night before.
She managed to ditch the drink but then became addicted to food, piling on 25kgs in her early sobriety.  Her salvation was swimming – which is where she found serenity and training as a recovery coach has brought purpose into her life.
In this Episode
Sam didn’t drink at university but when she had her first whisky at the radio station where she worked she loved it – and felt like she had “come home”.
Broadcasting was very male dominated and Sam struggled to connect – apart from when she was in the bar with her colleagues.
She got a reputation for being able to “hold her drink” which she wore like a badge of honour.
Over the years Sam had been producing or presenting radio shows and her voice was well known throughout South Africa.
One day she did a tv appearance and was devastated to receive an email from a viewer saying “we thought you’d be really pretty”
She hadn’t really thought much about her looks before but this nasty comment rocked her self confidence and exacerbated her drinking – after all it didn’t matter what she looked like when she was drinking.
Her drinking escalated and she started doing things that were “not normal” – she would have to pull into a multi storey car park for a sleep as she knew she shouldn’t be driving.
Sam talked of the “golden 15 minutes” of clarity before closing down in a blackout while she was driving.
She told us about waking up and finding blood in her car – the result of taking an injured man to hospital during her blackout
We discussed blackouts and the fact that they happen because the brain is so soaked in alcohol it can’t even make memories – it’s not that we have simply forgotten
Sam got sober 20 years ago when AA was the only option. These days of course there are many alternative ways to get help, including tribesober.com
She felt that the AA meetings were like “coming home” – the warmth and the support of the community enabling her to stop drinking.
There is a quote in by CS Lewis in Sam’s book that summarises the connection we feel in the recovery community – “Friendship is born in the moment that one person looks at another and says – You too? I thought I was the only one” – the relief we feel when we realise we are not alone in this is deep.
She read a lot of memoirs in early sobriety and the book by Caroline Knapp – "Drinking, a Love Story" made a great impression on her.
I thought it was so interesting that Sam had been sober for 14 years but had still not found serenity.
Her time at AA had left its mark and she felt that she had to keep “doing penance” or she might drink again..
Like many of us Sam experienced a “void” in early sobriety – that feeling of “now what?”
She decided to fill the void with ice cream and put on 25kgs in process – then she became “invisible” due to her excess weight and actually enjoyed the fact that she was still “on air”, still being funny but could go unnoticed in public.
Her excess weight was causing her a lot of joint pain. A doctor prescribed a whole list of meds to deal with the pain which made Sam decide she must lose the weight instead.
She discovered swimming which was when she felt she had “come home” for the third time.
If you are in early sobriety and dealing with the “void” then please have a listen to the Tribe Sober podcast episode 55 with Dr Loretta Breuning. Loretta explains that we need a project to keep our happy brain chemicals triggered
Of course for Sam that project was swimming and she trained and took place in long distance swimming events – in freezing cold water which of course provides more health benefits!
Training as a recovery coach enabled her to find her place in the world. She realised that she could help people and she’s been able to find her purpose. 
During the next 6 years she moved forwards and began to thrive in her sobriety and to finally find serenity.
Sam did her training with David Collins at the Ubuntu Academy of Coaching. He is a renowned international coach and has been interviewed for this podcast so watch this space!
She explained that recovery coaching is complementary – it’s not therapy and it’s not treatment but it will help people in early sobriety reconnect with themselves and figure out what they really want out of life.
To learn more about Sam and her coaching go to samcowen.co.za and of course her book is essential reading if you are thinking about giving up drinking or in recovery
It’s called From Whisky to Water and there is a link to it on her website.More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Do the Work!

SOBER SHORT 14 – Do the Work!
This Sober Short series is taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – just click here to find all the info about our workshops. You can do a group workshop or a private workshop to suit your schedule and time zone.
These workshops have been a gamechanger for many people so if you want to kickstart your sober life then sign up today.  Just go to tribesober.com/services and click on workshops
During the first 13 Sober Shorts, we looked at the first 13 Tools in our toolbox. Before we move on to tool number 14 let’s do a quick recap…
In this Episode
Tool number 1 was “Get Connected”
Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path.
If you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com – just hit “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership.
Tool number 2 was “Get Moving”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many people exercise daily but they also drink daily – sometimes excessively. Ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was “Building Emotional Strength”
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions.
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says, or as Glennon Doyle says, “First the Pain, then the Rising.”
Tool number 4 was all about Mindset
It was about changing your thinking – about drinking.
We talked about overturning those false beliefs that we have picked up over the years — for example, we believe that we deserve a drink at the end of the day!
We talked about overturning those beliefs – one by one.
“Do the work” and you will never see alcohol in the same way and…
You will never suffer from FOMO which is the key to sticking to your sobriety. 
Tool number 5 – was about Visualisation
We talked about some powerful ways to use visualisation.
One of them was to “Play the movie forward” – if you get the urge to drink, then just think it through – what will happen after that first glass. Do you really want to wake up at 3 am full of anxiety and regret?
Do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – and do the hardest bit - again and again?
Tool number 6 – Information is Power
It’s hard to believe it these days but not that long ago we had NO IDEA that smoking was bad for us.
Even if you do decide to carry on drinking then make sure that it’s an informed choice. The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
That’s a good place to start and there are many QuitLit books out there and of course podcasts – almost 100 episodes of the Tribe Sober podcast are available now, all packed with advice inspiration and information.
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@tribesober.com – you can also go to tribesober.com and hit the Inspiration tab where you’ll find a wealth of information that will inspire you to get started – and motivate you to keep going.
Tool number 7 was “Be Accountable”
When we embark on this journey, we need a community of people who actually care – people who have been where we are now and can advise and encourage us - people who are thriving in their alcohol-free lives and can inspire us that it really is worth doing this thing.
WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE – we need to know that we can share our ups and downs with other people who really get us.
So, if you are looking for a sober community to inspire you and keep you on track just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe.
If you’d like to sample the kind of support we offer then email janet@tribesober.com and request our Sobriety Battleplan pdf which is packed with great advice, charts and trackers.
Tool Number 8 - which is “Journaling”
At our workshops, we advise people to buy a beautiful notebook that will become their sobriety journal throughout this life-changing journey.
Sobriety is a journey of self-discovery and recording your thoughts, emotions, struggles, and accomplishments is so beneficial.
Early sobriety is a very emotional time and for most of us it really helps to process emotions if we can write them down.
We can note our triggers as well as strategies for coping with them
Journaling will give us perspective – reading back on the early weeks of sobriety will remind us just how hard it was – and make us realise it’s getting better and easier every day.
To learn more about the magic of journaling listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 98 to hear my interview with writer in recovery Melinda Ferguson – released on 26th March 2022
Tool No 9 – “Get a Project”
It’s very common for people to feel a bit flat once they have achieved their first few months of sobriety.
Many people in Tribe Sober (including me) experienced that “flatness’/depression/void” or whatever you want to call it – when they asked me what they should do about it I just told them to sit it out as it would eventually pass
However that advice changed after my podcast interview with Dr Loretta Breuning (author of the Happy Brain) – so do have a listen, its episode 55 and was released on 14 August 2021.
Loretta explained that my brain was quite happy during the first few months as it had registered that it was working on a project (ie sobriety) and I was making progress – however after a few months my subconscious was thinking – ok so now we are sober, now what?
Well here’s the thing – as human beings we need projects – think of the cavemen, they would wake up hungry and have to go and find some food, eating the food would give them a dopamine hit but then they would get hungry again and have to go hunting..
So as you settle into your first few months of sobriety GET A PROJECT to keep you on track and to keep those happy brain chemicals triggered.
Tool No 10 – “Be Prepared”
As with most things in life preparation is crucial…
Play the movie forward – what ARE you going to drink – if it’s a restaurant then check out their drinks menu online and decide what you will order
If you are going to a dinner party the text your host in advance and take some AF bubbly with you
Decide what you are going to say when/if people start to interrogate you – you can keep it simple “I’m on meds”, “I’m driving” or my favourite “I’m on a health kick – no booze, no sugar, no carbs for 66 days!” 
If drinking at home was your problem then give away your booze – or move it to somewhere you can’t see it (the garage is a good place) and make sure your fridge is stocked with delicious AF choices – if you are in SA just go to drinknil.co.za and they will deliver to your door
Tool No 11 –Track Your Progress
When a new member joins our tribe we send an Annual Tracker. It helps to give perspective, to keep an eye on the big picture – sure there may be slip ups on the way but what matters is a feeling of progress – are those “Sober Stretches” getting longer?
If you would like one of our Annual Trackers then just email janet@tribesober.com and I’ll send you one right away!
It’s so important to celebrate Milestones on this journey -
The Forever word is just too daunting when starting out on this journey so we suggest 30, 60, 100 days as Milestones… followed by 6 months and then moving on to Annual
The great thing about Tribe Sober is that many people stick around after getting sober – they want to help and inspire others – we even have a chatroom for people with more than 6 months of sobriety
Tool No 12 –Nurture Yourself
When we embark on this life changing journey we are going against the flow. We are going against the flow and that takes confidence and courage!
We need to nurture ourselves so that we can access the inner resources we need to embrace an alcohol free life
Many people (me included) discover that they are introverts at heart and not the party animal they thought they were when they drank!
Sobriety is a journey of discovery so spend the extra time you’ve saved exploring – Tribe Sober members have free resources to sample like coaching, hypnotherapy and root cause therapy as well as online yoga and art therapy.
You need to spoil yourself! Think of your sobriety as a pregnancy – 9 months of doing exactly what feels right  for you – read books, be alone, go to bed early, have naps, light candles, eat chocolate, turn down social invitations, light candles, have hot baths!
The pregnancy analogy works so well because for most of us 9 months is long enough for our sobriety to be strong – to survive in the outside world!
Tool No 13 - Know Your Triggers!
Triggers are a response to an outside stimulus that results in an automatic action.
We have trained our brains to drink, and now we have to untrain them.
Our brains need time to “rewire” – we need to uncouple experiences – eg: sunset and a glass of wine
Let’s remember that triggers won’t last for ever – quitting is not about abstaining – or about resisting – its about building a new life when we won’t even want to drink
But while we are adjusting we will need to learn how to deal with our triggers
Typical triggers are- H.A.L.T.S (Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. Stressed) can affect our sobriety.
Although we will experience triggers we don’t have to act on them – we are not like a toddler having a tantrum in a supermarket because we can’t have chocolate
We need to pause and breathe when we get a trigger – be curious – write about them in your journal and develop strategies to deal with them
Tool No 14 – Do the Work
If you listened to last Saturday’s podcast you will have heard the traffic light analogy.
My guest was explaining that many people worry that sobriety will be a red light to their social life and their fun. Whereas for him it had been a green light to health and happiness. 
However there is a period of adjustment – the amber light. Those of us that have become dependent on alcohol can’t just flick a switch and stop drinking – we have to “do the work”.  We have to “throw the book” at our sobriety.
At Tribe Sober we’ve helped hundreds of people to quit drinking and our observation is that it takes 3-6 months of hard work – and then it gets easier and easier. That’s where we differ from AA – we don’t see it as a “lifetime struggle” which necessitates going to meetings for ever.
“Doing the work” in AA of course means going through the 12 steps but at Tribe Sober we believe that “the work” is different for everyone. It depends on various factors – including how dependent we have become.
“Doing the work” means listening to all the podcasts and reading all the QuitLit books – other people stories and struggles remind us that we are not alone in this and that it is possible to make a change.
“Doing the work” means trying out the tools I’ve outlined in these Sober Shorts until you have created your very own sober toolkit. Even better sign up for one of our workshops to learn more about changing your mindset about drinking and meeting others on the same path.
When we stop drinking we have time on our hands – we have to reconfigure our life so that it’s a life we don’t want to escape from. It’s an ideal time to try different activities and to connect with other people on the same path.  We offer our members opportunities to try coaching, hypnotherapy, art therapy, yoga, meditation as well as providing nutritional and medical advice. 
Different things work for different people and of course the key thing is to connect with others and to share our stories and experiences. Many people will slip up again and again before their sobriety slips and that’s when the connection is even more important.  So you can get the reassurance that all is not lost and that you just need to get back on the bus and build up your next “sober stretch”.
We need to prioritise our sobriety and learn to put ourselves first – gradually we will learn to integrate our sobriety into our lifestyle and it will get easier and easier.
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, You Tube, TikTok, Twitter, and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Why Sobriety is a Green Light with Jeff Graham

 
Jeff Graham founded the Bac2Zero sobriety group.  Like many of us in the recovery space Jeff’s initial sobriety goal was simply to quit drinking.  As he recovered his health, energy and creativity he decided he wanted to help others to do the same.   He describes sobriety as freedom – freedom from a world that was once filled with dread, regret and fear.  Although his goal started out simply as one of abstinence, his life has since grown into a life filled with dreams, hope and happiness.
In this Episode
Jeff enjoyed his first beer at the age of 16 – it wasn’t so much the buzz he enjoyed as the status – he felt like he “fitted in”.
Much as he enjoyed the social side of drinking he also discovered that he loved to drink alone – he would come home from a night out and have some drinks on his own – he felt like he needed some “Jeff time” as he put it
Many of us are like this – and even in sobriety some of us can still get triggered when we get home from a social event – even when we were drinking AF drinks!
I would work hard to behave myself at a social event and then down a bottle of wine when I got home!
Jeff was into beer and from the age of 23 and was drinking a case of beer a day – of course his friends were all drinkers as well
His parents were both alcoholics and that’s why he was drawn to beer rather than spirits – he thought it was “better” – but of course it’s all ethanol!
He started hiding his beers in the garage – so his wife and kids had no idea how much he was drinking or quite how bad it had got
Someone asked him recently if sobriety was “hard” – it made him reflect on just how “hard” it was to be a functioning alcoholic – how hard it was to hold everything together.
He got to the point when he knew he would have to cut down but he couldn’t face it – so he just started hiding his drinks more effectively!
We talked about the buzz and how us drinkers love to maintain the buzz – in fact recent research has shown that the buzz only lasts for 20 minutes and then we carry on drinking to top it up
As Jeff explained after some beers he would not go back to “normal” – he would feel lower than normal and reach for the beer to compensate
He was starting to drink earlier in the day but always telling himself that “tomorrow” would be different.
Eventually he ran out of lies – admitted defeat and booked himself into rehab for a week
He needed this stay in rehab to draw a line under his drinking and to make a statement to his friends and family that he wanted to make a change
We find that many of the people who come to our workshops are able to make use of the tools and community to draw that line under their drinking habits and to make a change 
Jeff needed the accountability that came with rehab – he just couldn’t do this alone
He didn’t actually learn much in rehab but he did a lot of self-reflection and of course met other people with the same problems
When he was sharing his story he heard himself saying things that he hadn’t really registered before – that happens at our workshops – people get emotional when they share because they only realise just how unhappy alcohol has been making them when they tell their story out loud.
Three months out of rehab he had a relapse – he wanted a reward, a last “hurrah” as he put it
That did indicate that he still had work to do on his mindset – if we still see alcohol as a reward then it means it will always be hard to resist and we will suffer from FOMO
Once we see alcohol for the addictive toxin it really is we will lose our desire for it which is the key to sustaining our sobriety
After his relapse Jeff took his recovery more seriously – he started to listen more and began journaling to process his thoughts and emotions.
He feels that it’s really important to get the negative thoughts on paper so then we can analyse them – it’s all part of being honest with ourselves.
Of course when he stopped drinking he had to find other things to do – he learned that he couldn’t just wait until he had a craving and then find something else to do – he had to plan it in advance
Jeff learned that he needed a schedule of activities and I think that’s great advice
Try lots of different things and keep yourself busy until you find a routine that really works for you
As he says it’s no good telling him to call someone if he gets a craving – it’s too late by then!
Like myself he loves talking to people in recovery and getting new insights
We talked about discovering purpose and the way we have both found more purpose in our lives from running sobriety groups – he set up Bac2Zero to inspire others on the journey
Interviewing people for Bac2Zero keeps his schedule busy!
He has some great analogies – sobriety is like a haunted house – scary to enter alone but can even be fun if you are with someone else!
And the traffic lights! - sobriety is not a red traffic light!  It’s a green light to freedom, health and happiness – yes there may be a while stopped at the amber light going through an adjustment period but the green light will appear!   Love that one!
Two years into sobriety Jeff is experiencing lots of benefits – increase in his self-worth, reduction of anxiety and closer connection to his family are just some…
We talked about how many of us thought we were ok because we were not the homeless guy on the park bench but Jeff advises that instead of comparing ourselves with the homeless guy we should compare ourselves with the person that we could be…
Even if alcohol doesn’t destroy us it will certainly prevent us from reaching our potential!
We agreed that community is the essential thing that all sobriety groups have in common because connection is the opposite of addiction.
You can find out more about Jeff by going to gettingbac2zero.com website - he's on Instagram as wellMore Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sober Short - Know Your Triggers!

SOBER SHORT 13 – Know Your Triggers!
This Sober Short series is taking you through our Tribe Sober Toolkit – this toolkit is just one of the things that we share with you during our regular Zoom workshops – just go to tribesober.com, hit Our Services and you’ll find all the info about our workshops. You can do a group workshop or a private workshop to suit your schedule and time zone.
These workshops have been a gamechanger for many people so if you want to kickstart your sober life then sign up today.  Just go to tribesober.com/services and click on workshops
During the first 12 Sober Shorts, we looked at the first 12 Tools in our toolbox. Before we move on to tool number 13 let’s do a quick recap…
In this Episode
Tool number 1 was “Get Connected”
Connection is the Opposite of Addiction” and if you’re serious about getting sober then you need to connect with others on the same path.
If you’re not yet a member of our tribe please check us out on tribesober.com – just hit “join our tribe” to read about the benefits of membership.
Tool number 2 was “Get Moving”
We all know is that exercise is “good for us” and many people exercise daily but they also drink daily – sometimes excessively. Ditch the drink and keep exercising and you will be amazed at how much fitter you will get!
Tool number 3 was “Building Emotional Strength”
All about “learning to sit with our feelings” – instead of trying to chase them away with alcohol – alcohol is the “easy button” and enables us to bypass difficult emotions.
We have to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable as Tribe Sober coach Lynette says, or as Glennon Doyle says, “First the Pain, then the Rising.”
Tool number 4 was all about Mindset
It was about changing your thinking – about drinking.
We talked about overturning those false beliefs that we have picked up over the years — for example, we believe that we deserve a drink at the end of the day!
We talked about overturning those beliefs – one by one.
“Do the work” and you will never see alcohol in the same way and…
You will never suffer from FOMO which is the key to sticking to your sobriety.
Tool number 5 – was about Visualisation
We talked about some powerful ways to use visualisation.
One of them was to “Play the movie forward” – if you get the urge to drink, then just think it through – what will happen after that first glass. Do you really want to wake up at 3 am full of anxiety and regret?
Do you really want to keep going back to Day 1 – and do the hardest bit - again and again?
Tool number 6 – Information is Power
It’s hard to believe it these days but not that long ago we had NO IDEA that smoking was bad for us.
Even if you do decide to carry on drinking then make sure that it’s an informed choice. The information is out there and just a quick google search will connect you with scientific research proving that alcohol is linked to 7 different types of cancer and more than 60 diseases.
That’s a good place to start and there are many QuitLit books out there and of course podcasts – almost 100 episodes of the Tribe Sober podcast are available now, all packed with advice inspiration and information.
If you’d like a QuitLit Reading list just email janet@ts.com – you can also go to tribesober.com and hit the Inspiration tab where you’ll find a wealth of information that will inspire you to get started – and motivate you to keep going.
Tool number 7 was “Be Accountable”
When we embark on this journey, we need a community of people who actually care – people who have been where we are now and can advise and encourage us - people who are thriving in their alcohol-free lives and can inspire us that it really is worth doing this thing.
WE NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE – we need to know that we can share our ups and downs with other people who really get us.
So, if you are looking for a sober community to inspire you and keep you on track just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe.
If you’d like to sample the kind of support we offer then email janet@tribesober.com and request our Sobriety Battleplan pdf which is packed with great advice, charts and trackers.
Tool Number 8 - which is “Journaling”
At our workshops, we advise people to buy a beautiful notebook that will become their sobriety journal throughout this life-changing journey.
Sobriety is a journey of self-discovery and recording your thoughts, emotions, struggles, and accomplishments is so beneficial.
Early sobriety is a very emotional time and for most of us it really helps to process emotions if we can write them down.
We can note our triggers as well as strategies for coping with them
Journaling will give us perspective – reading back on the early weeks of sobriety will remind us just how hard it was – and make us realise it’s getting better and easier every day.
To learn more about the magic of journaling listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 98 to hear my interview with writer in recovery Melinda Ferguson – released on 26th March 2022
Tool No 9 – “Get a Project”
It’s very common for people to feel a bit flat once they have achieved their first few months of sobriety.
Many people in Tribe Sober (including me) experienced that “flatness’/depression/void” or whatever you want to call it – when they asked me what they should do about it I just told them to sit it out as it would eventually pass
However that advice changed after my podcast interview with Dr Loretta Breuning (author of the Happy Brain) – so do have a listen, its episode 55 and was released on 14 August 2021.
Loretta explained that my brain was quite happy during the first few months as it had registered that it was working on a project (ie sobriety) and I was making progress – however after a few months my subconscious was thinking – ok so now we are sober, now what?
Well here’s the thing – as human beings we need projects – think of the cavemen, they would wake up hungry and have to go and find some food, eating the food would give them a dopamine hit but then they would get hungry again and have to go hunting..
So as you settle into your first few months of sobriety GET A PROJECT to keep you on track and to keep those happy brain chemicals triggered.
Tool No 10 – “Be Prepared”
As with most things in life preparation is crucial…
Play the movie forward – what ARE you going to drink – if it’s a restaurant then check out their drinks menu online and decide what you will order
If you are going to a dinner party the text your host in advance and take some AF bubbly with you
Decide what you are going to say when/if people start to interrogate you – you can keep it simple “I’m on meds”, “I’m driving” or my favourite “I’m on a health kick – no booze, no sugar, no carbs for 66 days!” 
If drinking at home was your problem then give away your booze – or move it to somewhere you can’t see it (the garage is a good place) and make sure your fridge is stocked with delicious AF choices – if you are in SA just go to drinknil.co.za and they will deliver to your door
Tool No 11 –Track Your Progress
When a new member joins our tribe we send an Annual Tracker. It helps to give perspective, to keep an eye on the big picture – sure there may be slip ups on the way but what matters is a feeling of progress – are those “Sober Stretches” getting longer?
If you would like one of our Annual Trackers then just email janet@tribesober.com and I’ll send you one right away!
It’s so important to celebrate Milestones on this journey -
The Forever word is just too daunting when starting out on this journey so we suggest 30, 60, 100 days as Milestones… followed by 6 months and then moving on to Annual
The great thing about Tribe Sober is that many people stick around after getting sober – they want to help and inspire others – we even have a chatroom for people with more than 6 months of sobriety
Tool No 12 –Nurture Yourself
When we embark on this life changing journey we are going against the flow. We are going against the flow and that takes confidence and courage!
We need to nurture ourselves so that we can access the inner resources we need to embrace an alcohol free life
Many people (me included) discover that they are introverts at heart and not the party animal they thought they were when they drank!
Sobriety is a journey of discovery so spend the extra time you’ve saved exploring – Tribe Sober members have free resources to sample like coaching, hypnotherapy and root cause therapy as well as online yoga and art therapy.
You need to spoil yourself! Think of your sobriety as a pregnancy – 9 months of doing exactly what feels right  for you – read books, be alone, go to bed early, have naps, light candles, eat chocolate, turn down social invitations, light candles, have hot baths!
The pregnancy analogy works so well because for most of us 9 months is long enough for our sobriety to be strong – to survive in the outside world!
Tool No 13 - Know Your Triggers!
Triggers are a response to an outside stimulus that results in an automatic action.
We have trained our brains to drink, and now we have to untrain them.
Our brains need time to “rewire” – we need to uncouple experiences – eg: sunset and a glass of wine
Let’s remember that triggers won’t last for ever – quitting is not about abstaining – or about resisting – its about building a new life when we won’t even want to drink
But while we are adjusting we will need to learn how to deal with our triggers
Typical triggers are- H.A.L.T.S (Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. Stressed) can affect our sobriety.
Although we will experience triggers we don’t have to act on them – we are not like a toddler having a tantrum in a supermarket because we can’t have chocolate
We need to pause and breathe when we get a trigger – be curious – write about them in your journal and develop strategies to deal with them
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, You Tube, Tiktok, Twitter, and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
Thank you for listening!
Till Next Week
Janet x
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Unpickled with Jean McCarthy

Unpickled with Jean McCarthy
If you have been sober for a while and are ever tempted to drink just “one glass of wine” then it’s worth remembering this well known saying "You can change a cucumber into a pickle, but you can’t turn a pickle back into a cucumber” – in other words once we have crossed that line into alcohol dependence there is not going back – we must go forward and create a life we don’t want to escape from.
My guest this week was obviously inspired by the pickle analogy as her blog is called “Unpickled” and I’m sure many of you have listened to her awesome podcast the “Bubble Hour” which has been going for almost a decade.
I began by asking Jean to introduce herself
In this Episode
Jean was a teenage drinker, going to bars at 15 years old as she looked older
She got married and had her children young – got into the mommyjuice culture
Her drinking escalated throughout her 20’s and 30’s
By the time she got to her 40’s her children were teenagers, her career was demanding and wine was her “off” button
She went from one glass to two to a few – to opening a bottle the moment she got home from work
Like many of us she would wake up and think “I won’t drink today but by lunchtime that thought was gone”
Since her teenage years she had an inkling that alcohol was not doing her any favours but by her 30’s she was trying to make a change and setting “the rules” which of course she promptly broke
She finally quit at 43 – which led us to discuss the Tempest Study - that the average time it takes people – “from realising they had a problem to actually quitting” was eleven years.
One of the things that kept Jean stuck in her drinking was that she was labouring under the misconception that one had to reach “rock bottom” before making a change – a myth that keeps many from ditching the booze
That myth kept Jean from going to AA – not only was she worried about being recognised but she also felt that she couldn’t fit – that she would be seen as a lightweight because she hadn’t lost everything
So let’s take a moment to debunk the rock bottom fallacy – if your drinking is on your mind and you have a suspicion that you would be healthier and happier without it then just do it. No need to keep digging…
There has never been a better time to give up drinking. There are many online sobriety groups like Tribe Sober, not to mention a plethora of alcohol free drinks.  Go to tribesober.com and check us out if you’d like to meet other people who have decided to avoid rock bottom and ditch the booze before they get there!
So Jean didn’t go to AA but she did confide in one friend and that made all the difference – she got empathy from that friend and it made her accountable.
Sometimes just telling one person is all it takes – so if you’re stuck then that’s a great place to start and if you feel there is no one in your friendship circle who would understand than check out tribesober.com and join our international community
To beat those early cravings Jean had a whole list of things to do when she felt a craving – for example she would eat an ice cream, or orange slices or take the dog around the block or drive to the store. Doing her grocery shopping in the evenings took some of the pressure of her schedule the next day.
She started her unpickled blog – anonymously like Clare Pooley – and just like Claire she got responses and realised that she was not alone in this
With the perspective of a decade of sobriety Jean is able to look back and see that for the first 2 years she was “white knuckling” it
During those early years she stayed sober because she was ashamed of the possibility of relapse – that stopped her healing and also prevented her from experiencing the “fullness of recovery” as she puts it
Jean was on this journey alone for the first two years and it was only when she discovered a sober community that her recovery really started – we often get people joining Tribe Sober who have been sober for a while but are feeling isolated and miserable because they feel lonely and don’t realise that recovery is about so much more than “not drinking”
She went on a sober retreat and sat in a sharing circle for the first time – that’s when the magic of recovery started for Jean – she cried constantly during that retreat and came through the other side.
We talked about the money we spend on beauty and anti ageing products when the best thing of all we can do for our health and our beauty as we get older is to ditch the booze
Staying hydrated is so important for our skin – yet for every glass of wine we drink we lose the equivalent of four glasses of water
Many of us feared that sobriety would mean a life of deprivation but as Jean says the reality is that is a life of abundance – and that is the joy of a sober community – you will meet people further down the line who can confirm that is the case!
Jean explained that recovery helped her to stop doing things that weren’t serving her – which made me think about a discussion we had in one of our chat rooms recently - many of us realised that we were drinking to make other people more interesting and had wasted far too much time hanging out with people who we didn’t really connect with.
I asked Jean to share some of her tips with us:-
Find alternative ways to comfort yourself, tell someone, decide that whatever happens no you will not drink – and join a sobriety group
We talked about the magazine Hola Sober and how wonderful it is to be part of this modern recovery movement
So do take a look at Jean’s blog which is called “Unpickled”, if you don’t already listen to the Bubble Hour then there are plenty of episodes to catch up with!
You heard her reading that beautiful poem about recovery circles from her book “The Ember Ever There” which is available on Amazon
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).