Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

The False Promise of Alcohol with Ellen Newstead

Most of our Tribe Sober members are quite mature – like me ;-)  They drank socially in their 20’s and 30’s and it was only later in life that they found themselves becoming dependent.
But now and again we come across a younger person and my guest this week is Ellen Newstead who is in her early 30’s.  She was smart enough to realise at an early age that alcohol was messing up her life and that she would be happier and healthier without it.
Ditching the booze at 30 changes your future - and that’s exactly what she did.
Ellen’s drinking career was short but it was intense and she very sensibly decided to get sober for her wedding – which she did, and she’s never looked back.
 
In this Episode
Like many teenagers Ellen was quite shy with self esteem issues and found that alcohol helped her relax and have fun
She enjoyed the buzz and was soon chasing that feeling
Her first experience of drinking was Alcopops which are between 4 and 8% alcohol
If you listened to last week’s podcast you will have heard marketing expert Nigel Jones explain how we are groomed by the alcohol industry to drink alcohol from a very early age – groomed to be their lifelong customers
Of course alcohol tastes unpleasant to a first time drinker – so they get round this problem by flavoring the alcopops to taste like cola or lemonade
Teenage girls are particularly vulnerable to the harmful effects of Alcopops and drinking before the age of 18 will increase the likelihood of dependence as we get older
When she thinks back to those years of teenage drinking Ellen realises that for her “fun and alcohol” became so closely linked she couldn’t imagine one without the other – a situation that continued for the next decade
For many of us alcohol is perceived as the “gateway to fun” and Ellen talked about the “false promise of alcohol”
Millions of us bought into this false promise and it took me decades to realise that alcohol is just 10% ethanol and 90% marketing!
The fun comes from the people who are with and the environment you are in
When Ellen went off to Uni she was expecting to find lots of other enthusiastic drinkers but soon realised that not many of her contempories were in her league – she was the ringleader - always the one wanting to make every social event about drinking!
By her second year at Uni she had found a weekend job in a bar and had started to enjoy drinking alone, at work and at home
By her early 20’s a bottle of wine a night was the norm
She went through a period of unemployment when she was 25 and that was when she totally “lost it” as she puts it
She treated the pub as a social club and went there every day, she met someone who invited her to his house to continue drinking and sleep over if she needed to
She would often drink to oblivion and wake up not quite knowing where she was
Ellen would lie to her boyfriend and parents about where she had spent the night
Fortunately Ellen got a job which put some kind of structure into her life so her drinking was confined to weekend binge drinking
Then came Covid so home drinking became the norm as the pubs were closed
As she no longer had access to the pub she recreated her comfort zone in her spare room
A home pub – complete with beer mats, signage and bar snacks!
The pubs were busy delivering containers of alcohol people’s homes so the drinking could continue in spite of lockdown
As the UK gradually opened up again drinking was allowed in outside in beer gardens
Ellen was so excited by this development that she drank to blackout the first 3 times she went to the pub!
In spite of this she maintains she wasn’t physically addicted – her addiction was more psychological
If you listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 48 you can hear Molly Watts explaining why only 10% of dependent drinkers are physically addicted – for the rest of us its psychological
Ellen began to hover around rock bottom – she lost her wallet, she lost a weekend, she was refused service in a bar…
More importantly though she was beginning to lose patience with the chaos that alcohol was creating in her life – the constant threat of blackout or doing something stupid was wearing her down
She was coming to the conclusion that alcohol was taking away an awful lot more than it was delivering
After three boozy weekends which she describes as “hideous” she decided to quit completely
She didn’t even contemplate moderation so unlike many of us she didn’t have to waste years in the moderation trap
When she decided to quit she was 30 years old with a wedding coming up
She told her friends and family and the fact that nobody questioned her decision would indicate that they realised that Ellen had a drinking problem
She’d been scrolling IG and was excited to find a vibrant, diverse community with lives like hers but all the better for not including booze
She did a few sober stretches and started to sample the benefits of sobriety
She found a sober role model in Millie Gooch – Millie is the same age as Ellen and explained how to navigate festivals and bottomless brunches without alcohol
She didn’t even bother to wait for the “perfect date” when she had no plans – after all she always had plans
She was fully aware that there is never a perfect time to stop drinking and that she had to do it now!
Ellen began to work on her mindset
She treated every event as a challenge and rather than saying “I can’t” she started to say “what if I try?”
She started to realise that fun was more about who she was with and what she was doing
She started to see through the false promise of alcohol
She started to question various aspects of her drinking and began to see a pointlessness in it
Ellen was sober for her wedding and honeymoon and remembers every wonderful moment
You can follow her on IG @thesobercrow – I’ll put the link in the shownotes
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
 
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

How to be a Non-Drinker with Nigel Jones

 
Nigel Jones is the founder of “9 kilometres before 9am” which is what he’s been doing ever since he decided to quit drinking.
He’s a sobriety coach and has written a book called Walking Back to Happiness which is a lovely title and describes the feeling we get as we begin to thrive in our sobriety.
Nigel’s professional background is in marketing and PR so he has a deep understanding of the power of messaging and the effect it has on our subconscious mind.  As he says we are in effect being “groomed” by the liquor industry to be loyal and lifelong consumers.
In this Episode
Nigel’s first drink strong cider at an early age – obviously it tasted disgusting to him and he was very sick – which made us reflect on the craziness of forcing ourselves to drink something we hate just so that we can acquire a test for it!
Going to Uni was when the party really got started and daily drinking became his pattern. That mix of affordability, availability and the heady feeling of being away from home means that the party starts for many of us at this stage of our lives.
Nigel developed a career in marketing and PR – a profession where alcohol is “baked in” to the job and you wouldn’t climb that career ladder if you didn’t take clients out for drinks or let your hair down with colleagues at the end of the week. Work hard, play hard culture as in every corporate that I’ve worked in.
Nigel drank for 35 years and certainly identified as a “drinker” – but as he got older he felt his body was not coping with it very well. He was constantly anxious and not sleeping well.
He began to worry that he wouldn’t see his 60th birthday if he carried on like this.
Like many of us Nigel had know for years that he was drinking too much but always pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind
He spoke about the Tribalism of being a drinker and how hard it is to step away from the pack. Not only do we feel vulnerable but our drinking buddies feel that we are holding a mirror to their drinking
Leaving the Drinking Tribe is hard – it goes back to our roots when we had to stay with the tribe for protection.
The way to cope with this is of course to join a Sobriety community and I must have had this in mind when I called our community Tribe Sober!
If you think its time to transfer from your Drinking Tribe to Tribe Sober then just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe!
Nigel made the decision to quit one morning in December
He’s had many Day Ones but never got further than 6 days in
This time he approached it from a completely different angle
Rather than seeing himself as a drinker trying to use willpower to become a non drinker….
In marketing speak he re-branded himself as a non drinker from Day 1!
That’s what we’d call a massive reframe here at Tribe Sober!
That was a gamechanger for Nigel – he realised that his failure to stop for 35 years was simply because he was using the wrong technique!
He used the analogy of a mountain – rather than starting at the foot of the mountain on Day One – with a long and intimidating climb ahead of him
He started at the top of the mountain - as a non drinker – on Day One!
Of course he had to work on his belief system to change his identity from drinker to non drinker
He began to identify as a non drinker who leads a healthy life, gets up early, exercises, meditates and lives in the moment
So he began to do all the things a non drinker would do
He used the power of intention – he had the intention to be a non drinker
Nigel explained to me that the power of intention is when:-
What you intend to do becomes the deed, the deed becomes the habit, the habit becomes the character and the character can become the destiny
Nigel is 2 years sober and loves the alcohol free lifestyle – he’s in his 50’s but he feels like he’s in his 20’s!
We agreed that Sobriety is a Superpower
He has 3 daily goals – up at 5.30am, walk 9 kilometres befoe 9am, meditate for 15 minutes – and don’t drink alcohol today. So simple but so powerful!
Nigels top 3 benefits have been – living in the present, health benefits and connecting on a deeper level
We talked about the power of subliminal marketing and Nigel told me about a campaign by Guinness back in the 1950’s which was targeting pregnant women – telling them that Guinness was good for the baby!
As a marketing profession Nigel understands the effect it has on the subconscious mind and how we are in fact “groomed” to drink alcohol and be a lifelong customer of the liquor industry.
We agreed that governments are complicit in this machine which sometimes feels like a gigantic conspiracy.
In spite of all the manipulation Nigel does believe that we can change our beliefs.
If we think that we can never stop drinking that’s just a false and limiting beliefs.
All beliefs they can be learned and unlearned.
Nigel has written a book explaining how he did just that
His book is called Walking Back to Happiness – available on Amazon
His website is 9kmby9am
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

14 Top Sobriety Hacks for 2023!

After running Tribe Sober for 7 years and helping hundreds of people to ditch the drink and embrace alcohol-free living I've learned a thing or two. My biggest insight has been that sharing our stories around alcohol is the most powerful way we can help others - that's why the heart of this podcast is recovery stories.
This week I'm doing a solo episode - 7 reasons to do an alcohol free January - and 14 tips to get you through.
In This Episode
REASONS TO DO AN ALCOHOL FREE JANUARY
A dry month is a great way to test your dependency - if you can't get through a month without booze then you need to make some changes
Alcohol is so toxic that just taking a month off will have significant health benefits
Alcohol is linked to liver disease and 7 different types of cancer - 1 glass of wine will raise your risk of breast cancer by 15%
Alcohol will weaken our immune systems - and put us more at risk of becoming infected with Covid
20% of regular drinkers will become dependent over the years - drinking more than a bottle and a half of wine a week may damage your health
A month off alcohol will reduce your anxiety, freshen up your looks, help you lose weight and enable you to get some good quality sleep
Making a donation to our January fundraiser will give you a dopamine hit (giving makes you feel good) and enable you to receive online and community support for 31 days - you can sign up here
 
SOME TIPS TO GET YOU THROUGH
Shake up your daily routine and exercise every day
Be ready to cope with your emotions - if you've been numbing your feelings with alcohol they will come to the surface
Use a journal to track your progress, note your triggers and process your emotions
Listen to music, make a soundtrack for your January Challenge - a real mood changer
Have your go-to drinks -drinknil.co.za are offering 10% discount on all their alcohol free drinks for people doing our Challenge
Find your tribe - its hard to do this alone - check out our membership program here
Please donate to our Earthchild Fundraiser - and get 30 days of community and online support - sign up link is here
MORE INFO
To access our website click HERE
EPISODE SPONSOR
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today.
Read more about our 7 step program and subscribe HERE.
 
Please subscribe and share this podcast so we can reach more people who need our help.
Thank you

Three Sober Challengers Share!

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
This week’s podcast is released on New Years Eve so by the time you get to hearing it the festivities will be drawing to a close and your thoughts will be turning to 2023.  We want to help you to make a healthy start to the new year so we've launched our 8th Annual Fundraiser which will provide you with online and community support for an alcohol free month - and enable you to help a disadvantaged child.  Talk about a win-win!
We believe in Challenges here at Tribe Sober - every year we run our Sober Spring Challenge - and then another one in January.  On this week's podcast we hear from 3 ladies who did Sober Spring 2021 - why did they sign up?  what was it like?  what tips do they have?  Let's hear from Claire, Helena and Pam:-
 
In this Episode
Like many of us Claire had fallen into the routine of drinking a bottle of wine every evening - and she wanted to make a change.
Claire who wasn't sure that an online community would work for her - she thought she might be the "wrong generation" but in fact she loved it.  She posted comments daily and felt a deep connection with the other challengers.
She didn't find it that difficult.  She had been "thinking about it" for so long that one she actually took action and signed up for the challenge she was more than ready - and got straight through 66 alcohol free days without a slip up!
Then we heard from Helena who has struggled with drugs and alcohol for years but who is now making real progress.
She was fascinated by the idea of a 66 day challenge and the fact that a new neural pathway can be created in this time.
Pam explained  that she had been worried about her drinking for a while and that the challenge finally made it clear to her that "moderation" was not going to work for her.  
Our Challengers had plenty of useful tips to share - "make a plan" was a big one - Claire explained that visiting an exclusive game farm carrying a huge bag of AF drinks may have bemused the staff but it enabled her to stay on track!
Journalling was another important tip - buy a notebook, process your emotions and log your progress during the Challenge.
Treat your Challenge as a research project - listen to podcasts, read the quitlit and learn everything you can.
We often have a vague feeling that we need to do something about our drinking but a challenge will enable you to dip your toe in the waters of sobriety and take action - SIGN UP FOR THE JANUARY CHALLENGE HERE
"Alcohol is the only drug we have to justify not taking" so doing a challenge is a great "reason".  If you have to explain to your family and friends why you are not drinking you can say "I'm raising money for charity by doing a Dry January!"
An alcohol free month will enable you to experience some benefits of sobriety but to really experience the joys of alcohol free living you need to keep going a bit longer.  You will meet others on the challenge who will be keep to extend the challenge to 66 days, 100 days - even six months!
Another great tip we heard from our Challengers was to reconfigure your day - shake up your routine a bit and you won't miss alcohol so much!
If you are listening to this and it's not January don't worry - we've got you covered - all you need to do is to go to our tribesober.com and hit Join Our Tribe and we'll put you on our 30 day starter challenge for new members.
More info
Subscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then                 sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
          Book a Discovery Call with me to find out if our membership would help you 
        
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast then please leave us a 5 star review on Apple podcasts, take a screenshot of your review and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page - see PS for instructions - we'll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x
PS   How to leave an rating/review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS device)
1. Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
2. Choose "Search" from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., "Recover Like A Mother") into the search field.
3. Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
4. Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
5. Click "Write a Review" underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You'll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale, and write a review (you can rate without writing, too but it's always good to read your experience).

Dry January Challenge 2023!

Tribe Sober - Your guide to alcohol-free living!
After running Tribe Sober for 7 years and helping hundreds of people to ditch the drink and embrace alcohol-free living I've learned a thing or two. My biggest insight has been that sharing our stories around alcohol is the most powerful way we can help others - that's why the heart of this podcast is recovery stories.
This week I'm chatting to a truly inspirational woman - Janna Kretzmar - Founder of the Earthchild Project and Fair Lady Magazine's Social Entrepreneur of the Year
In this Episode
2023 will be the 8th year that Tribe Sober has collaborated with the Earthchild Project for the Dry January Challenge
Over the years we have raised more than R300,000 so in this episode we discover how that money has helped 880 children
Janna tells us how she came up with the idea to start the project in 2007 - and why she thinks it's been such a successful project
She worked on an eco project in Brazil and read a book by a yogi about a project in schools in India - these were her influences
She realised that it was important to partner with the schools/teachers for the long term - not just come in for short term projects
Earthchild Clothing paid the salary of their first facilitator so that's how they got their name
We talked about the power of positive role models in communities and how she is developing young leaders
Earthchild provides yoga classes, gardening lessons, eco clubs, hiking clubs - connecting the children with their bodies and the environment
The children come from communities with high levels of gang violence and unemployment - yoga provides a tool to help them cope with stress
Some of the children who started yoga classes when they were 6 years old are now young leaders working in the Earthchild Project
More infoSubscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERETo access our website click HERETo join our Dry January Annual Fundraiser click HERE - a small donation will provide you with community and online support during January
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today. Read more about our 8-step program and subscribe HERE.
Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help. Please subscribe and share.
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening!
Till Next Week
Janet x

The Daily Battle of Moderating Alcohol - with Jason Lewis Williams

 
This week’s podcast guest is Jason Lewis Williams who popped up on Tribe Sober's Facebook Group last May and has been inspiring us ever since. 
At the time of recording we are approaching the festive season and the global marketing machine is on steroids – encouraging us to shop until we drop and of course to swim through the whole period in a sea of booze.
We are encouraged to drink and to celebrate and then to drink a bit more – until January of course when we are all supposed to be plunged into despair as we white knuckle our way through a miserable Dry January without our constant companion alcohol.
The manipulation is endless – until we decide to see it for the BS that it is…
Jason has certainly got to that stage and a recent post from him says:-
Who else is positively looking forward to waking up sober on Christmas morning? There's one thing I'll say for having had a drinking problem, when you get rid of it normality feels so good, particularly on occasions where you would have been so messed up
In this Episode
Jason adored his father – who was an alcoholic. Looking back on his childhood he now wonders if he was subconsciously picking up that alcohol is how you deal with stress – how you deal with life!
He’s definitely got a point there and I think it’s easy to forget how perceptive our kids are – they see us role modelling drinking as a coping mechanism and will begin to see that as normal behaviour
Jason had a difficult time as a teenager – seeing his mom battling with years of ill health before she died. By then he was drinking to deal with his pain.
He failed his exams at school and went to work in a clothes shop where he found it easy to indulge his all day drinking habit.
His mom left him some money so he was able to take his A levels and go to University – where his drinking ramped up another notch
As an 18 year old Jason was drinking a lot and feeling quite grown up – but now that he is the father of an 18 year old he realises that he was not grown up at all – and would hate to see his son in the same situation
Through his 20’s and 30’s he drank consistently – keeping himself “topped up” as he put it – I know what he means and certainly had many holidays where my goals was to keep the vibe going as I called it!
Jason’s dad was what he calls a “proper alcoholic” who even resorted to drinking after shave when there was no booze available
As he says this is “a dangerous benchmark”
We agreed that comparing ourselves to severe alcoholics is counter productive and that we should be comparing ourselves with the best version of ourselves that we could be
So if you’ve heard the massive amounts of booze that Jason was getting through please don’t think that you are fine – because you don’t drink like that. The fact that you are listening to this podcast implies that you are sober curious so you should explore that and take a Sober Year
Make 2023 your sober year – use our “christmas2022” coupon to get your 20% reduction on Annual Membership – after all if you don’t like the alcohol free lifestyle you can always go back to drinking!
Jason was often at the doctors with various ailments which he knew in his heart were related to his drinking – one of his ailments was gout which used to put him in bed for a couple of days a month
He used to blame his gout attacks on eating cakes – in his denial he wasn’t going to link it to alcohol even though there is a definite link between beer drinking and gout.
Of course he lied about the amount he was drinking to the doc but even so was told he was damaging his heath
I think as drinkers we get used to feeling “under par” – as I got older I felt more tired, more anxious and generally inspired – but I put that down to ageing. Now that I am 7 years sober and 7 years older I feel amazing – just because I stopped poisoning myself on a daily basis!   Who knew?
Jason would complain to his friends that he was drinking too much but they told him he was “fine” – of course they had no idea about how much he was drinking because he did most of his drinking alone
Never rely on your friends or family to advise you about your drinking – they will either be “normal” drinkers in which case they will tell you to “cut down” and not understand why this is impossible – or they will tell you that you are “fine” because they won’t realise how much you are drinking or they drink too much as well.
Listen to your heart instead, if your drinking is on your mind then it's a sign you need to make a change.
Keep a drinking diary – if you are drinking more than a bottle and a half of wine or 6 beers a week be aware that you could be harming your mental and physical health. If you cannot keep your drinking within this limits then you need to quit.
Just like me Jason spent a decade trying (and failing) to moderate – failing to such an extent that his drinking just got worse and worse
We talked about the Groundhog Day routine of daily drinking – waking up feeling terrible and vowing not to drink that day – but finding himself outside the pub by lunchtime
Following his doctors advice he took an extended break for 9 months but always knowing that he would start drinking again after his break
Basically he was white knuckling it and he likens it to swimming a length underwater holding your breath but knowing he would come up for air at the end
This experience was so different to how he felt when he made the decision to stop for good
After a final night of hectic drinking Jason finally decided to stop – he knew he had to make that decision within himself before he got any help
He went to some AA meetings, got some therapy but he more or less managed the transition alone
He watched a lot of videos – finding a guy he could relate to who was talking about habit change
He also loved Catherine Grays book “The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober” – once again he could relate well to the author and her journey, in fact he recently read that book again (4 years into his sobriety) and still got a lot out of it
Jason also relied on a friend of his who had 17 years of sobriety – a friend who could say “when I was at that stage this is what helped me” -  that’s what you get when you join Tribe Sober - a community of people all at different stages of the journey and all keen to share their experiences
As he says these things would not have stopped him drinking on their own but they helped him to understand the process - he had made his decision and now he was after guidance on how to change his destructive habit
When he finally quit Jason imagined it was going to be like “moderating” – an ongoing daily struggle which would last for the rest of his life – what a wonderful surprise he got when he discovered it was not at all like that!
He did the work for a few months and then he was free – and feeling a massive sense of relief and gratitude.
We both agreed that it is SO much easier to quit completely than to moderate – which came as a surprise to both of us
As he says MODERATION IS AN ONGOING DAILY BATTLE whereas
Stopping is hard work for a few months and then it’s done – then you are free and can enjoy the many benefits of an alcohol free lifestyle
You heard Jason say that he was consuming bags of mangos in early sobriety – this was definitely a good move and would have helped the sugar cravings which hit most of us in early sobriety
If you want the science behind why you should eat mangos (instead of sweets and chocolates) then listen to nutritionist Mary Ann Shearer explain the science in episode 31 of the Tribe Sober podcast 
Jason ended with his view about why December is a great time to stop drinking so that we can actually be present for the festive season and enjoy our friends and family – rather than drinking more in preparation for a punishing Dry January!
Sign up for our Annual Fundraiser today and get online and community support for 30 days – that will guide you through a sober Christmas and enable you to move into early 2023 feeling great!
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Take the Sober Road with Judy Cook

 
This week’s podcast guest is Tribe Sober member Judy Cook.  A Headmistress who describes herself as a Functioning Alcoholic – loving her job and still managing to run her school efficiently even though her alcohol dependence was increasing.  Like many of us Judy has been blown away by the benefits of sobriety and the warm connection we find in the Recovery Space. 
In this Episode
Judy was a late developer when it came to alcohol – at the age of 18 she couldn’t see the point of going to the pub unless you were thirsty!
However by the age of 28 her wine habit began to get established – a drink when she got home from work (as a reward) and a glass while she did the cooking..
Alcohol is so insidious – the way it creeps up on us – that’s why it’s so important to do a regular dependence check with an alcohol free challenge – go to tribesober.com and join our annual fundraiser for your dependence check – 30 days of online and community support
People were either “normal drinkers” or they were “homeless alcoholics” who needed to go to AA – there was no recognition that it was a spectrum… a slippery slope that we could step off before we lost everything!
Over the years alcohol became her best friend and she was undaunted about the prospect of ending her 32 year marriage because she always had her “wine” to keep her company
Such a red flag when we build a relationship with alcohol and our ideal evening is to stay home alone with a bottle of wine – that’s why we encourage our members to write Goodbye to Alcohol letters which you can find on tribesober.com under the “podcasts and more” dropdown menu
Judy found lots of reassurance that drinking was normal – after all everyone on tv dramas was drinking, there were press articles saying that “red wine is good for us”
You heard Judy say “Why didn’t anyone tell me that it was poison?” and I so empathise with that – if you know my story then you will know that I nearly drowned in my bath due to an alcoholic blackout when I was in my 20’s – but nobody told me I should get help – on the contrary we turned it into a funny story
Judy made sure to book holidays where the alcohol was included – and even took a suitcase of bottles with her on one trip! Meals out were more about the wine than the food of course.
She talked us through her arrival home from work – husband waiting with a glass of wine, the first of many – evening of drinking would end with a glass of wine by the bed
Waking up she couldn’t remember what they had eaten or watched on tv the previous evening
Her first thought on waking was around how much wine she had in the house and how many bottles she needed to buy
Judy’s wake up call was when she woke up with tingling in her fingers and toes
This is a symptom of alcoholic neuropathy. Alcohol is toxic to nerve tissue and can damage the nerves which transmit signals between the body, spinal cord and the brain.  Yet another example of the toxic nature of alcohol.
So Judy’s mind was made up – she had to stop – now it was about the how – AA was out of the question as she didn’t want to bump into anyone she knew so she went onto FB and found Sober Coach Simon Chapple
I love the way the modern recovery movement has evolved over the last decade – Judy may have stayed stuck in her drinking if AA was the only solution but now there are so many options
I loved her story about picking up her little dog and her mobile and going into the woods for a long conversation with Simon
She skipped home from that call feeling SO much lighter – and that’s exactly how we feel one we’ve shared our story – the relief is huge and we know there is a way out
As Simon told her she had already started her journey by reaching out for help
Reaching out is the biggest step so if Judy’s story is resonating with you why not take that step right now and reach out to tribesober.com and hit “join our tribe”
I’m always telling people to make sobriety their priority and throw the book at it – do all the things
Judy is a classic example of the transformation you can expect if you do that – she devoted 18 weeks to studying sobriety like an exam – she read books, she listened to podcasts and most importantly she connected with others on the same path – sometimes doing 2 zoom meetings a day
She was “excited” about getting sober which is a massively important reframe – once you realise that ditching the booze is an opportunity to open up your life in ways you cannot yet imagine the feeling that you have a "problem" gives way to  excitement 
Once we realise that we are going to gain so much more than we lose everything changes!
Just like many of us Judy became passionate about sobriety
Like me she was a bit older when she got round to stopping and saw it as a "Now or Never" decision
Going alcohol free is absolutely the best thing we can do for our health and happiness as we get older
Judy got into meditation which she found a great help – and still meditates every day
She loved her first sober Christmas but was a bit worried about her first sober holiday which she tackled by taking a suitcase of AF drinks with her – and she loved it!
Judy describes the sobriety journey as one which evolves from Unbearable to Uncomfortable to Unstoppable and I just love that description
She says she spent 10 days in the unbearable part, 6 months in the uncomfortable part and then she felt unstoppable
That’s been our experience at Tribe Sober as well – we’ve worked with hundreds of people and seen that those first 6 months are hard but once people get through those early months then the magic begins
Judys advice to people who are struggling to get started is to just pick a date
We can help you with that – we’ve got our Annual Fundraiser running from now until the end of Jan – just make a small donation to a good cause, pick your own date and you’ll get 30 days of community and online support
We’ll also be running our 5 day Sober Bootcamp from Jan 9th to 13th – daily tasks, training and connection to get you started - join our Sobriety Bootcamp Facebook Group to participate
Judy is a Sober Coach herself these days and runs a Facebook group with her husband called The Sober Road – I’ll put the link in the shownotes
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Meditation for Recovery with Chuck Schad

 
This weeks podcast guest is Chuck Schad who is the founder of the Inner Theater – which offers mindfulness and meditation programs.
He is passionate about meditation which enabled him to stop drinking and change his life.
Chuck shares his story with us and he ends our conversation with a five minute meditation which will enable you to breathe and take a pause if you get triggered to drink.
In this Episode
Chuck and his wife came of age in the late 60’s when he began to dabble in meditation – he even studied it with a Vietnamese Monk
But then life got in the way – 2 kids and 2 busy careers meant that meditation got shelved for a while
A difficult period in his life led Chuck to step up his drinking
The combination of a business failure and a son with a drug problem sent him to AA for help with his alcohol dependence
AA wasn’t the right fit for him and he sometimes had a beer on the way home to calm his nerves!
He was feeling totally strung out so went to his doctor who prescribed Benzos for the anxiety
Chuck then became addicted to Benzos – and had to go to hospital for help to stop
The combination of alcohol and Benzos is not a good one – as we heard on last weeks podcast interview with Janet D
Chuck began reading about Eastern meditation and then began to meditate daily with Sadhguru
He began to feel so much better that he began to give talks about meditation at local libraries
His passion for meditation grew and he was offered a job running sessions at an Inner City Clinic
Meditation changed everything for Chuck – it gave him distance and made him realise he didn’t need external help for his problems – he had the answers within
You’ll hear Chuck explain that we have between 20,000 and 70,000 individual thoughts every 24 hours but meditation enables us to flip the coin and watch these thoughts – to be the witness and break the spell!
It enables us to take a step back, to settle ourselves down and to learn how to “self soothe”
Chuck and I talk about the demands of corporate life – and the fact that some progressive organisations are hiring him to run meditation sessions for their employees
He talks about using of meditation in recovery and we discuss the value of reframing – just as we say at Tribe Sober that “getting sober is an opportunity to change your life” – he says that “Recovery is an Invitation”
You can find Chuck at the innertheater.com and his Facebook page is Chuck Schad
Our conversation will end with Chuck doing a meditation which can enable you to PAUSE if you get triggered and feel like having a drink
So even if you’ve never meditated before please give the meditation a try – it’s just 5 minutes but if you close your eyes, get comfortable and listen to Chucks soothing voice you’ll be in a different state afterwards and may well be able to resist any cravings to drink
Keep this podcast handy on your phone so that you can quickly tune into the last 5 minutes and do the meditation whenever you need it
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sobriety enabled me to quit Benzos with Janet D

 
This weeks podcast guest is another Janet - Tribe Member Janet D
Janet joined us in August 2021.  She used all the tools,  stayed connected and got through those first difficult months.  As you will hear she’s now thriving in her sobriety tells us she’s planning to be a Tribe member for Life!
We love it when our Tribe members decide to Pay it Forward and help other people to do what they’ve done.  It certainly affirms our decision to be sober when we see how some of the newbies struggle – and of course we continue to get inspired by the hobbies and interests we see our sober members pursue.
 
In this Episode
Janet’s father was a drinker and her mother was hooked on prescription drugs
By the time she was only 4 years old Janet would notice how her fathers personality would change – and by the time she was 8 she realised that the alcohol was responsible
She tells us the story of watering down her dad’s beer and gin to prevent the mood swings – I find that really sad and can picture that well meaning little girl emptying out the alcohol and replacing it with water
Janet would go to the pub with her older brother at the age of 15 but wouldn’t drink very much
The combination of her exposure to alcohol as a teenager and her genetic link to a father who drank she had two factors that would pre-dispose her towards alcoholism
However it wasn’t until much later in life that she began to struggle with alcohol
Up to 40 years old she was fine so she was definitely a late onset drinker
Janet had a high flying career and had her children relatively late in life.
It was only when she gave up her job to stay at home with her two young children that the alcohol consumption increased.
She slipped into the pattern of a couple of glasses of wine while preparing kids for bed – and then sharing more with her husband when he came home from work
A bottle of wine each evening with more at the weekend when they socialised
With hindsight Janet can see she was in denial about her drinking – she never thought anything of it
Her consumption increased when she discovered the winebox (which was the downfall of many of us I think!) – no more recycling worries or watching the level in the bottle go down!
So like 20% of social drinkers Janet had become dependent
As Ken Middleton explains in this article about the science of alcohol dependency “if you drink consistently for a long enough period of time, the chances of you having a “problem” are almost guaranteed”
Ken also explains that for many of us the heavy drinking doesn’t really take hold until somewhere between the 16th and 23rd year
That would certainly apply to me who started as a teenager and was definitely hooked by my 40’s whereas Janet D didn’t start until she was 40 and was hooked by her early 60’s
As Janet says she had drunk her “quota” when she gave up – those of us who started early had definitely had their quotas by the age of 40 which seems like a great age to quit!
A Doctor said to me once that we can get away with quite a lot of unhealthy behaviour until we are 40 but then we must start taking care of ourselves
I think ditching the booze is absolutely the best thing we can do for our health and happiness as we age
Janet explained that she did try to give up after having surgery but found it really hard as she was white knuckling it
This experience taught her that she could probably give up drinking if she put her mind to it but it would be really hard and pretty much a lifetime struggle
That’s the mindset we are so keen to overturn here at Tribe Sober – we don’t believe in “white knuckling” which involves willpower. We help our members to change their mindset about alcohol so that their desire to drink will diminish
So rather than a lifetime struggle we believe it’s a matter of six months of hard work and then it's done – then we have to reconfigure our lives and learn to navigate our alcohol drenched society but certainly within a year we can change our lives!
In 2021 Janet was captured by Moderation Mary who convinced her that if she put a few rules in place she would be able to “moderate”
This moderation phase is definitely a red flag of dependence but its also a sign of the start of the contemplation phase – Janet had moved out of the denial phase and knew something had to change.
She took a complete break before the moderation attempt hoping to “reset” her drinking habits but while this is a nice idea in theory we have to accept that once we’ve crossed the line into dependence the word moderation should be banished from our vocabulary!
Those of us that have tried moderation know only too well that it takes just a few weeks to get back to our previous drinking patterns
Alongside the drinking there was something else going on in Janet’s life. She had always suffered from sleep issues and from 1994 to 2021 she took Diazapan every night to help her sleep
Rather rashly she decided to come off the Benzos at the same time as quitting alcohol which resulted in two sleepless weeks!
This is a classic example of chasing more than one bunny at a time! We always recommend that our members just focus on giving up alcohol and then tackle the diet, exercise, medication issues a bit further down the road.
This is what Janet eventually did – she went back to the Benzos and when she was sober she managed to quit the Benzos
Janet began her research to get some support – she did Annie Grace’s alcohol experiment and related well to Claire Pooley – who also gave up a high flying job to stay home with young children.
She found Tribe Sober via Claire Pooley and we resonated with her as we are more in her demographic than other groups and we are certainly a lot smaller.
Some sobriety groups have thousands of members whereas we only have a few hundred and we like it that way. It means we can provide a personal service to our members.
Janet is a visual person and gave us 3 great examples of how this can help
She used to imagine 6000 bottles of wine and 10,000 pills – that was her quota done
Moderation Mary and the Wine Witch were firmly locked in her cellar and
When she found herself admiring a gorgeous bottle of pink rose she mentally decanted it into a plain brown box with a pic of a diseased liver on the top!
At just over one year sober Janet is not struggling at all – in fact she is still really excited about being sober!
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

”I’m Sober... so now what?” with Sober Queen Connie

 
Connie McMillan is an author and a Sober Coach.. Her book is called “From Alcohol Fiend to Sobriety Queen” and that pretty much sums up her journey.  After years of heavy  drinking she decided she was tired of the hangovers and broken promises so she did something about it – she put down her glass and took back her power!
In this Episode
Connie didn’t start drinking until her 30’s but alcohol made quite an impression on her – she describes it as “an awakening”
The alcohol took hold quickly and she married a heavy drinker
She saw alcohol as a way to escape, to feel pretty, to feel courageous
But it also brought her down – even making her feel suicidal at times
Like many of us Connie had tried to stop many times and of course made plenty of “rules”
“I won’t drink this weekend “or “I’ll just drink wine because I don’t like wine”
She told her husband about her decision to stop drinking during a dinner at a restaurant – he was not supportive and she ended up drinking more than ever that evening
Her marriage eventually ended in divorce which was hard but looking back she can see that she lost herself – to alcohol and to the marriage
Connie explained how she managed to stop drinking and it’s quite a story!
She had been praying to God for help with her drinking problem but was still struggling
One night she brought her favourite bottle of alcohol home and put her glass in the freezer to chill. When the glass was frosted she poured the alcohol in and took a sip.
She choked on it… but thought nothing of it, waited a few moments and took another sip
She choked again!
She believed that this was the sign from God that she had been waiting for – he was helping her so she resisted taking another sip and didn't drink again
Connie has also transformed her mobile bar service from alcoholic to alcohol free drinks and its thriving!
That was 8 years ago!
We both agreed that when we get sober our life will unfold in ways we never imagined
Connie explained that even if we come from an alcoholic family we can break the “generational curse by showing how an alcohol free life can be lived
We talked about the power of vulnerability and the fact that most of us are brought up to hide our vulnerability and that’s why the recovery community is such a relief to many of us – we can be authentic and ask for help if we need it
In 2018 she released her first book which has a great title – its called:-
"Alcohol Fiend to Sobriety Queen: 25 tips to Putting Down the Bottle and Picking Up Your Crown" – available from Amazon - I’ll put the info in the shownotes
Connie’s book led to speaking engagements and she is keen to share her story which she knows will help others
She also has a podcast called Sober Confessions
She is a Sober Coach and is planning to coach people who are already sober but are looking for the next stage
I think this is a great idea – we need to see our sobriety as the foundation for self development – and coaching can help us to find our purpose and fulfil our potential
I asked Connie for some advice for people who know they need to make a change but don’t know how to get started and she had some great advice
She suggests hanging out in Sobriety Rooms in Clubhouse – no need to say anything, just listen to other people stories – and read some quitlit books
Once you realise you are not alone in this you will feel more confident to reach out to sober communities
Here at Tribe Sober we recommend that people just listen and learn to start with – you don’t even have to stop drinking but we can guarantee you’ll get inspired to give alcohol free living a chance!
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).