Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

Dry January Challenge 2023!

Tribe Sober - Your guide to alcohol-free living!
After running Tribe Sober for 7 years and helping hundreds of people to ditch the drink and embrace alcohol-free living I've learned a thing or two. My biggest insight has been that sharing our stories around alcohol is the most powerful way we can help others - that's why the heart of this podcast is recovery stories.
This week I'm chatting to a truly inspirational woman - Janna Kretzmar - Founder of the Earthchild Project and Fair Lady Magazine's Social Entrepreneur of the Year
In this Episode
2023 will be the 8th year that Tribe Sober has collaborated with the Earthchild Project for the Dry January Challenge
Over the years we have raised more than R300,000 so in this episode we discover how that money has helped 880 children
Janna tells us how she came up with the idea to start the project in 2007 - and why she thinks it's been such a successful project
She worked on an eco project in Brazil and read a book by a yogi about a project in schools in India - these were her influences
She realised that it was important to partner with the schools/teachers for the long term - not just come in for short term projects
Earthchild Clothing paid the salary of their first facilitator so that's how they got their name
We talked about the power of positive role models in communities and how she is developing young leaders
Earthchild provides yoga classes, gardening lessons, eco clubs, hiking clubs - connecting the children with their bodies and the environment
The children come from communities with high levels of gang violence and unemployment - yoga provides a tool to help them cope with stress
Some of the children who started yoga classes when they were 6 years old are now young leaders working in the Earthchild Project
More infoSubscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERETo access our website click HERETo join our Dry January Annual Fundraiser click HERE - a small donation will provide you with community and online support during January
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today. Read more about our 8-step program and subscribe HERE.
Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help. Please subscribe and share.
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
You can catch our FB live on Saturday mornings (11am SAST) and you can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening!
Till Next Week
Janet x

The Daily Battle of Moderating Alcohol - with Jason Lewis Williams

 
This week’s podcast guest is Jason Lewis Williams who popped up on Tribe Sober's Facebook Group last May and has been inspiring us ever since. 
At the time of recording we are approaching the festive season and the global marketing machine is on steroids – encouraging us to shop until we drop and of course to swim through the whole period in a sea of booze.
We are encouraged to drink and to celebrate and then to drink a bit more – until January of course when we are all supposed to be plunged into despair as we white knuckle our way through a miserable Dry January without our constant companion alcohol.
The manipulation is endless – until we decide to see it for the BS that it is…
Jason has certainly got to that stage and a recent post from him says:-
Who else is positively looking forward to waking up sober on Christmas morning? There's one thing I'll say for having had a drinking problem, when you get rid of it normality feels so good, particularly on occasions where you would have been so messed up
In this Episode
Jason adored his father – who was an alcoholic. Looking back on his childhood he now wonders if he was subconsciously picking up that alcohol is how you deal with stress – how you deal with life!
He’s definitely got a point there and I think it’s easy to forget how perceptive our kids are – they see us role modelling drinking as a coping mechanism and will begin to see that as normal behaviour
Jason had a difficult time as a teenager – seeing his mom battling with years of ill health before she died. By then he was drinking to deal with his pain.
He failed his exams at school and went to work in a clothes shop where he found it easy to indulge his all day drinking habit.
His mom left him some money so he was able to take his A levels and go to University – where his drinking ramped up another notch
As an 18 year old Jason was drinking a lot and feeling quite grown up – but now that he is the father of an 18 year old he realises that he was not grown up at all – and would hate to see his son in the same situation
Through his 20’s and 30’s he drank consistently – keeping himself “topped up” as he put it – I know what he means and certainly had many holidays where my goals was to keep the vibe going as I called it!
Jason’s dad was what he calls a “proper alcoholic” who even resorted to drinking after shave when there was no booze available
As he says this is “a dangerous benchmark”
We agreed that comparing ourselves to severe alcoholics is counter productive and that we should be comparing ourselves with the best version of ourselves that we could be
So if you’ve heard the massive amounts of booze that Jason was getting through please don’t think that you are fine – because you don’t drink like that. The fact that you are listening to this podcast implies that you are sober curious so you should explore that and take a Sober Year
Make 2023 your sober year – use our “christmas2022” coupon to get your 20% reduction on Annual Membership – after all if you don’t like the alcohol free lifestyle you can always go back to drinking!
Jason was often at the doctors with various ailments which he knew in his heart were related to his drinking – one of his ailments was gout which used to put him in bed for a couple of days a month
He used to blame his gout attacks on eating cakes – in his denial he wasn’t going to link it to alcohol even though there is a definite link between beer drinking and gout.
Of course he lied about the amount he was drinking to the doc but even so was told he was damaging his heath
I think as drinkers we get used to feeling “under par” – as I got older I felt more tired, more anxious and generally inspired – but I put that down to ageing. Now that I am 7 years sober and 7 years older I feel amazing – just because I stopped poisoning myself on a daily basis!   Who knew?
Jason would complain to his friends that he was drinking too much but they told him he was “fine” – of course they had no idea about how much he was drinking because he did most of his drinking alone
Never rely on your friends or family to advise you about your drinking – they will either be “normal” drinkers in which case they will tell you to “cut down” and not understand why this is impossible – or they will tell you that you are “fine” because they won’t realise how much you are drinking or they drink too much as well.
Listen to your heart instead, if your drinking is on your mind then it's a sign you need to make a change.
Keep a drinking diary – if you are drinking more than a bottle and a half of wine or 6 beers a week be aware that you could be harming your mental and physical health. If you cannot keep your drinking within this limits then you need to quit.
Just like me Jason spent a decade trying (and failing) to moderate – failing to such an extent that his drinking just got worse and worse
We talked about the Groundhog Day routine of daily drinking – waking up feeling terrible and vowing not to drink that day – but finding himself outside the pub by lunchtime
Following his doctors advice he took an extended break for 9 months but always knowing that he would start drinking again after his break
Basically he was white knuckling it and he likens it to swimming a length underwater holding your breath but knowing he would come up for air at the end
This experience was so different to how he felt when he made the decision to stop for good
After a final night of hectic drinking Jason finally decided to stop – he knew he had to make that decision within himself before he got any help
He went to some AA meetings, got some therapy but he more or less managed the transition alone
He watched a lot of videos – finding a guy he could relate to who was talking about habit change
He also loved Catherine Grays book “The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober” – once again he could relate well to the author and her journey, in fact he recently read that book again (4 years into his sobriety) and still got a lot out of it
Jason also relied on a friend of his who had 17 years of sobriety – a friend who could say “when I was at that stage this is what helped me” -  that’s what you get when you join Tribe Sober - a community of people all at different stages of the journey and all keen to share their experiences
As he says these things would not have stopped him drinking on their own but they helped him to understand the process - he had made his decision and now he was after guidance on how to change his destructive habit
When he finally quit Jason imagined it was going to be like “moderating” – an ongoing daily struggle which would last for the rest of his life – what a wonderful surprise he got when he discovered it was not at all like that!
He did the work for a few months and then he was free – and feeling a massive sense of relief and gratitude.
We both agreed that it is SO much easier to quit completely than to moderate – which came as a surprise to both of us
As he says MODERATION IS AN ONGOING DAILY BATTLE whereas
Stopping is hard work for a few months and then it’s done – then you are free and can enjoy the many benefits of an alcohol free lifestyle
You heard Jason say that he was consuming bags of mangos in early sobriety – this was definitely a good move and would have helped the sugar cravings which hit most of us in early sobriety
If you want the science behind why you should eat mangos (instead of sweets and chocolates) then listen to nutritionist Mary Ann Shearer explain the science in episode 31 of the Tribe Sober podcast 
Jason ended with his view about why December is a great time to stop drinking so that we can actually be present for the festive season and enjoy our friends and family – rather than drinking more in preparation for a punishing Dry January!
Sign up for our Annual Fundraiser today and get online and community support for 30 days – that will guide you through a sober Christmas and enable you to move into early 2023 feeling great!
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Take the Sober Road with Judy Cook

 
This week’s podcast guest is Tribe Sober member Judy Cook.  A Headmistress who describes herself as a Functioning Alcoholic – loving her job and still managing to run her school efficiently even though her alcohol dependence was increasing.  Like many of us Judy has been blown away by the benefits of sobriety and the warm connection we find in the Recovery Space. 
In this Episode
Judy was a late developer when it came to alcohol – at the age of 18 she couldn’t see the point of going to the pub unless you were thirsty!
However by the age of 28 her wine habit began to get established – a drink when she got home from work (as a reward) and a glass while she did the cooking..
Alcohol is so insidious – the way it creeps up on us – that’s why it’s so important to do a regular dependence check with an alcohol free challenge – go to tribesober.com and join our annual fundraiser for your dependence check – 30 days of online and community support
People were either “normal drinkers” or they were “homeless alcoholics” who needed to go to AA – there was no recognition that it was a spectrum… a slippery slope that we could step off before we lost everything!
Over the years alcohol became her best friend and she was undaunted about the prospect of ending her 32 year marriage because she always had her “wine” to keep her company
Such a red flag when we build a relationship with alcohol and our ideal evening is to stay home alone with a bottle of wine – that’s why we encourage our members to write Goodbye to Alcohol letters which you can find on tribesober.com under the “podcasts and more” dropdown menu
Judy found lots of reassurance that drinking was normal – after all everyone on tv dramas was drinking, there were press articles saying that “red wine is good for us”
You heard Judy say “Why didn’t anyone tell me that it was poison?” and I so empathise with that – if you know my story then you will know that I nearly drowned in my bath due to an alcoholic blackout when I was in my 20’s – but nobody told me I should get help – on the contrary we turned it into a funny story
Judy made sure to book holidays where the alcohol was included – and even took a suitcase of bottles with her on one trip! Meals out were more about the wine than the food of course.
She talked us through her arrival home from work – husband waiting with a glass of wine, the first of many – evening of drinking would end with a glass of wine by the bed
Waking up she couldn’t remember what they had eaten or watched on tv the previous evening
Her first thought on waking was around how much wine she had in the house and how many bottles she needed to buy
Judy’s wake up call was when she woke up with tingling in her fingers and toes
This is a symptom of alcoholic neuropathy. Alcohol is toxic to nerve tissue and can damage the nerves which transmit signals between the body, spinal cord and the brain.  Yet another example of the toxic nature of alcohol.
So Judy’s mind was made up – she had to stop – now it was about the how – AA was out of the question as she didn’t want to bump into anyone she knew so she went onto FB and found Sober Coach Simon Chapple
I love the way the modern recovery movement has evolved over the last decade – Judy may have stayed stuck in her drinking if AA was the only solution but now there are so many options
I loved her story about picking up her little dog and her mobile and going into the woods for a long conversation with Simon
She skipped home from that call feeling SO much lighter – and that’s exactly how we feel one we’ve shared our story – the relief is huge and we know there is a way out
As Simon told her she had already started her journey by reaching out for help
Reaching out is the biggest step so if Judy’s story is resonating with you why not take that step right now and reach out to tribesober.com and hit “join our tribe”
I’m always telling people to make sobriety their priority and throw the book at it – do all the things
Judy is a classic example of the transformation you can expect if you do that – she devoted 18 weeks to studying sobriety like an exam – she read books, she listened to podcasts and most importantly she connected with others on the same path – sometimes doing 2 zoom meetings a day
She was “excited” about getting sober which is a massively important reframe – once you realise that ditching the booze is an opportunity to open up your life in ways you cannot yet imagine the feeling that you have a "problem" gives way to  excitement 
Once we realise that we are going to gain so much more than we lose everything changes!
Just like many of us Judy became passionate about sobriety
Like me she was a bit older when she got round to stopping and saw it as a "Now or Never" decision
Going alcohol free is absolutely the best thing we can do for our health and happiness as we get older
Judy got into meditation which she found a great help – and still meditates every day
She loved her first sober Christmas but was a bit worried about her first sober holiday which she tackled by taking a suitcase of AF drinks with her – and she loved it!
Judy describes the sobriety journey as one which evolves from Unbearable to Uncomfortable to Unstoppable and I just love that description
She says she spent 10 days in the unbearable part, 6 months in the uncomfortable part and then she felt unstoppable
That’s been our experience at Tribe Sober as well – we’ve worked with hundreds of people and seen that those first 6 months are hard but once people get through those early months then the magic begins
Judys advice to people who are struggling to get started is to just pick a date
We can help you with that – we’ve got our Annual Fundraiser running from now until the end of Jan – just make a small donation to a good cause, pick your own date and you’ll get 30 days of community and online support
We’ll also be running our 5 day Sober Bootcamp from Jan 9th to 13th – daily tasks, training and connection to get you started - join our Sobriety Bootcamp Facebook Group to participate
Judy is a Sober Coach herself these days and runs a Facebook group with her husband called The Sober Road – I’ll put the link in the shownotes
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Meditation for Recovery with Chuck Schad

 
This weeks podcast guest is Chuck Schad who is the founder of the Inner Theater – which offers mindfulness and meditation programs.
He is passionate about meditation which enabled him to stop drinking and change his life.
Chuck shares his story with us and he ends our conversation with a five minute meditation which will enable you to breathe and take a pause if you get triggered to drink.
In this Episode
Chuck and his wife came of age in the late 60’s when he began to dabble in meditation – he even studied it with a Vietnamese Monk
But then life got in the way – 2 kids and 2 busy careers meant that meditation got shelved for a while
A difficult period in his life led Chuck to step up his drinking
The combination of a business failure and a son with a drug problem sent him to AA for help with his alcohol dependence
AA wasn’t the right fit for him and he sometimes had a beer on the way home to calm his nerves!
He was feeling totally strung out so went to his doctor who prescribed Benzos for the anxiety
Chuck then became addicted to Benzos – and had to go to hospital for help to stop
The combination of alcohol and Benzos is not a good one – as we heard on last weeks podcast interview with Janet D
Chuck began reading about Eastern meditation and then began to meditate daily with Sadhguru
He began to feel so much better that he began to give talks about meditation at local libraries
His passion for meditation grew and he was offered a job running sessions at an Inner City Clinic
Meditation changed everything for Chuck – it gave him distance and made him realise he didn’t need external help for his problems – he had the answers within
You’ll hear Chuck explain that we have between 20,000 and 70,000 individual thoughts every 24 hours but meditation enables us to flip the coin and watch these thoughts – to be the witness and break the spell!
It enables us to take a step back, to settle ourselves down and to learn how to “self soothe”
Chuck and I talk about the demands of corporate life – and the fact that some progressive organisations are hiring him to run meditation sessions for their employees
He talks about using of meditation in recovery and we discuss the value of reframing – just as we say at Tribe Sober that “getting sober is an opportunity to change your life” – he says that “Recovery is an Invitation”
You can find Chuck at the innertheater.com and his Facebook page is Chuck Schad
Our conversation will end with Chuck doing a meditation which can enable you to PAUSE if you get triggered and feel like having a drink
So even if you’ve never meditated before please give the meditation a try – it’s just 5 minutes but if you close your eyes, get comfortable and listen to Chucks soothing voice you’ll be in a different state afterwards and may well be able to resist any cravings to drink
Keep this podcast handy on your phone so that you can quickly tune into the last 5 minutes and do the meditation whenever you need it
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sobriety enabled me to quit Benzos with Janet D

 
This weeks podcast guest is another Janet - Tribe Member Janet D
Janet joined us in August 2021.  She used all the tools,  stayed connected and got through those first difficult months.  As you will hear she’s now thriving in her sobriety tells us she’s planning to be a Tribe member for Life!
We love it when our Tribe members decide to Pay it Forward and help other people to do what they’ve done.  It certainly affirms our decision to be sober when we see how some of the newbies struggle – and of course we continue to get inspired by the hobbies and interests we see our sober members pursue.
 
In this Episode
Janet’s father was a drinker and her mother was hooked on prescription drugs
By the time she was only 4 years old Janet would notice how her fathers personality would change – and by the time she was 8 she realised that the alcohol was responsible
She tells us the story of watering down her dad’s beer and gin to prevent the mood swings – I find that really sad and can picture that well meaning little girl emptying out the alcohol and replacing it with water
Janet would go to the pub with her older brother at the age of 15 but wouldn’t drink very much
The combination of her exposure to alcohol as a teenager and her genetic link to a father who drank she had two factors that would pre-dispose her towards alcoholism
However it wasn’t until much later in life that she began to struggle with alcohol
Up to 40 years old she was fine so she was definitely a late onset drinker
Janet had a high flying career and had her children relatively late in life.
It was only when she gave up her job to stay at home with her two young children that the alcohol consumption increased.
She slipped into the pattern of a couple of glasses of wine while preparing kids for bed – and then sharing more with her husband when he came home from work
A bottle of wine each evening with more at the weekend when they socialised
With hindsight Janet can see she was in denial about her drinking – she never thought anything of it
Her consumption increased when she discovered the winebox (which was the downfall of many of us I think!) – no more recycling worries or watching the level in the bottle go down!
So like 20% of social drinkers Janet had become dependent
As Ken Middleton explains in this article about the science of alcohol dependency “if you drink consistently for a long enough period of time, the chances of you having a “problem” are almost guaranteed”
Ken also explains that for many of us the heavy drinking doesn’t really take hold until somewhere between the 16th and 23rd year
That would certainly apply to me who started as a teenager and was definitely hooked by my 40’s whereas Janet D didn’t start until she was 40 and was hooked by her early 60’s
As Janet says she had drunk her “quota” when she gave up – those of us who started early had definitely had their quotas by the age of 40 which seems like a great age to quit!
A Doctor said to me once that we can get away with quite a lot of unhealthy behaviour until we are 40 but then we must start taking care of ourselves
I think ditching the booze is absolutely the best thing we can do for our health and happiness as we age
Janet explained that she did try to give up after having surgery but found it really hard as she was white knuckling it
This experience taught her that she could probably give up drinking if she put her mind to it but it would be really hard and pretty much a lifetime struggle
That’s the mindset we are so keen to overturn here at Tribe Sober – we don’t believe in “white knuckling” which involves willpower. We help our members to change their mindset about alcohol so that their desire to drink will diminish
So rather than a lifetime struggle we believe it’s a matter of six months of hard work and then it's done – then we have to reconfigure our lives and learn to navigate our alcohol drenched society but certainly within a year we can change our lives!
In 2021 Janet was captured by Moderation Mary who convinced her that if she put a few rules in place she would be able to “moderate”
This moderation phase is definitely a red flag of dependence but its also a sign of the start of the contemplation phase – Janet had moved out of the denial phase and knew something had to change.
She took a complete break before the moderation attempt hoping to “reset” her drinking habits but while this is a nice idea in theory we have to accept that once we’ve crossed the line into dependence the word moderation should be banished from our vocabulary!
Those of us that have tried moderation know only too well that it takes just a few weeks to get back to our previous drinking patterns
Alongside the drinking there was something else going on in Janet’s life. She had always suffered from sleep issues and from 1994 to 2021 she took Diazapan every night to help her sleep
Rather rashly she decided to come off the Benzos at the same time as quitting alcohol which resulted in two sleepless weeks!
This is a classic example of chasing more than one bunny at a time! We always recommend that our members just focus on giving up alcohol and then tackle the diet, exercise, medication issues a bit further down the road.
This is what Janet eventually did – she went back to the Benzos and when she was sober she managed to quit the Benzos
Janet began her research to get some support – she did Annie Grace’s alcohol experiment and related well to Claire Pooley – who also gave up a high flying job to stay home with young children.
She found Tribe Sober via Claire Pooley and we resonated with her as we are more in her demographic than other groups and we are certainly a lot smaller.
Some sobriety groups have thousands of members whereas we only have a few hundred and we like it that way. It means we can provide a personal service to our members.
Janet is a visual person and gave us 3 great examples of how this can help
She used to imagine 6000 bottles of wine and 10,000 pills – that was her quota done
Moderation Mary and the Wine Witch were firmly locked in her cellar and
When she found herself admiring a gorgeous bottle of pink rose she mentally decanted it into a plain brown box with a pic of a diseased liver on the top!
At just over one year sober Janet is not struggling at all – in fact she is still really excited about being sober!
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

”I’m Sober... so now what?” with Sober Queen Connie

 
Connie McMillan is an author and a Sober Coach.. Her book is called “From Alcohol Fiend to Sobriety Queen” and that pretty much sums up her journey.  After years of heavy  drinking she decided she was tired of the hangovers and broken promises so she did something about it – she put down her glass and took back her power!
In this Episode
Connie didn’t start drinking until her 30’s but alcohol made quite an impression on her – she describes it as “an awakening”
The alcohol took hold quickly and she married a heavy drinker
She saw alcohol as a way to escape, to feel pretty, to feel courageous
But it also brought her down – even making her feel suicidal at times
Like many of us Connie had tried to stop many times and of course made plenty of “rules”
“I won’t drink this weekend “or “I’ll just drink wine because I don’t like wine”
She told her husband about her decision to stop drinking during a dinner at a restaurant – he was not supportive and she ended up drinking more than ever that evening
Her marriage eventually ended in divorce which was hard but looking back she can see that she lost herself – to alcohol and to the marriage
Connie explained how she managed to stop drinking and it’s quite a story!
She had been praying to God for help with her drinking problem but was still struggling
One night she brought her favourite bottle of alcohol home and put her glass in the freezer to chill. When the glass was frosted she poured the alcohol in and took a sip.
She choked on it… but thought nothing of it, waited a few moments and took another sip
She choked again!
She believed that this was the sign from God that she had been waiting for – he was helping her so she resisted taking another sip and didn't drink again
Connie has also transformed her mobile bar service from alcoholic to alcohol free drinks and its thriving!
That was 8 years ago!
We both agreed that when we get sober our life will unfold in ways we never imagined
Connie explained that even if we come from an alcoholic family we can break the “generational curse by showing how an alcohol free life can be lived
We talked about the power of vulnerability and the fact that most of us are brought up to hide our vulnerability and that’s why the recovery community is such a relief to many of us – we can be authentic and ask for help if we need it
In 2018 she released her first book which has a great title – its called:-
"Alcohol Fiend to Sobriety Queen: 25 tips to Putting Down the Bottle and Picking Up Your Crown" – available from Amazon - I’ll put the info in the shownotes
Connie’s book led to speaking engagements and she is keen to share her story which she knows will help others
She also has a podcast called Sober Confessions
She is a Sober Coach and is planning to coach people who are already sober but are looking for the next stage
I think this is a great idea – we need to see our sobriety as the foundation for self development – and coaching can help us to find our purpose and fulfil our potential
I asked Connie for some advice for people who know they need to make a change but don’t know how to get started and she had some great advice
She suggests hanging out in Sobriety Rooms in Clubhouse – no need to say anything, just listen to other people stories – and read some quitlit books
Once you realise you are not alone in this you will feel more confident to reach out to sober communities
Here at Tribe Sober we recommend that people just listen and learn to start with – you don’t even have to stop drinking but we can guarantee you’ll get inspired to give alcohol free living a chance!
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Seven Years of Sobriety with founder Janet Gourand

Today is Tribe Sobers 7th birthday!
We’re offering a birthday discount of 20% off our Kickstart online course and Annual membership – just go to tribesober.com to book and enter the code “birthday2022” – valid from now until the 16th November
It’s exactly 7 years today since our very first workshop in Cape Town!
We wanted to mark the occasion and say thank you
To say thank you to the Tribe Sober team and of course to all our members. 
To say thank you to everyone who has ever done a challenge or had coaching, everyone who’s ever done a workshop or donated to our annual Dry January fundraiser!
And of course thank you to everyone who listens to this podcast – we appreciate you!
In this Episode
Janet shares the story of Tribe Sober – how it started and how it evolved
How it evolved into an international community – all supporting each other to make the transition from problem drinking to thriving in their sobriety
We pick the story up in May 2015 – that’s when I quit drinking (if you want to know why and how then you can catch that story on Tribe Sober podcast episode 1)
The day after I quit drinking I started a blog – I’ve always loved writing and I wanted to log my journey, process my emotions and hold myself accountable.
My blog was called WorldWithoutWine as that more or less described the strange place I found myself in – a world without Sauvignon Blanc…
Blogging was my therapy and I got lots of comments saying “me too”!
Suddenly I realized I wasn’t alone in this struggle… so I gritted my teeth and kept it going.
I was about 4 months sober when I was hit by those early sobriety blues. I was in limbo, I’d quit the booze but didn’t quite know how my life was supposed to function without it.
I’d got the hang of the not drinking part but I definitely wasn’t thriving in my AF life
In fact I felt flat, a bit depressed and rather bored
My friends weren’t helping – they were saying things like:
“Are you still doing that not drinking thing?”
“Surely you can have “just one” after such a long break?
Apart from people who were responding to my blog I had no sober friends at all so felt quite lonely and a bit alienated from our alcohol drenched society
I began to wonder if I’d done the right thing but was determined to keep going - that was the year when evidence about the link between breast cancer and alcohol was coming into the public domain and I certainly didn’t want my breast cancer coming back so I soldiered on for the sake of my health
I was retired from my corporate job by this time
Sobriety had freed up a lot of time but I had no idea what to do with that extra time.
I did spend time reading QuitLit and discovered Annie Grace’s book This Naked Mind and that was a bit of gamechanger for me.
That’s when I realized that I’d been white knuckling it and that I had to create a mindshift rather than relying on willpower.
That made me realise that although I was sober the job was not yet done – I had to learn how to thrive in my sobriety – rather than feel deprived with being hit with bouts of FOMO.
I’d developed the habit of a daily walk by the sea every day to avoid witching hour and it was on these walks that I began to get ideas
I could literally feel my creativity coming back..
One  day I had an idea…
What if…
What if… I used my 25 years of experience in training and development to design a workshop which would help other people to get sober and learn to thrive in their sobriety
I was confident that I could teach people HOW to stop drinking and give them a toolkit – strategies and tools that had worked for me.
Although I hadn’t quite got the hang of thriving in my own sobriety I wanted to build a community so that we could help each other to learn to love our alcohol free lives.
We could figure it out together
We could use our sobriety as a springboard for personal development.
So I started to design the workshop which I called "New Beginnings".
A project which was creative and kept me fully occupied
It was also triggering my happy brain chemicals!
Once the workshop was designed I had to get a website set up and then do some FB ads
I now understand that having a big project and then dividing it into small steps is a sure way to stay happy and busy – and it worked!
It was about that time that my sobriety blues began to lift. With hindsight I realise that my depression was evaporating because I had a worthwhile project on the go!
So at merely 6 months sober I found myself in a hotel conference room in Cape Town running the very first workshop for 15 people – that was on November 12th 2015!
So 2015 was when it all started…
2016 began with our very first Challenge – The Dry January Challenge!
I was already a great supporter of an NGO here in Cape Town called Earthchild which provided yoga and lifeskills training for underprivileged children.
One day it came to me that I could use our fast growing platform to fundraise for Earthchild and our first Challenge was born – that Dry January Fundraiser is a firm fixture in our calendar and we’ve raised more than R300,000 for Earthchild over the years – that’s been enough to help more than 1,000 children.
Our second CPT workshop took place in March of that year. That was where I met Janis who has been sober ever since and is now one of our Recovery Coaches – she also writes a weekly blog for us called “conversations with Janis” which you can find on the website.
Building on the success of the Dry January Challenge we decided to do a longer Challenge in the Spring so our first 66 day Sober Spring Challenge was launched.
Meanwhile we were getting plenty of media attention here in SA – we were featured on tv, in radio programs and the press. In an alcohol drenched society our community was hitting the news
By 2017 we were running workshops in Joburg and that’s where I met Nick and Lynette.
They both got sober by attending a Joburg workshop. Lynette trained as a recovery coach and is now our Head Coach and they both still help me to facilitate our regular Zoom workshops.
2018 was an important year for us…
Our workshops were getting great feedback so we ran our first London workshop that year.
Not only did we have author of the Sober Diaries Clare Pooley as a guest speaker but it was there that we came across the fabulous Lucy!
Another workshop graduate who is now an essential member of the Tribe Sober team – co-facilitating workshops and coming to the Zoom workshop every Saturday.
Lucy is master of the reframe and thanks to her we now tell our newbies that “they don’t have a problem, they have an opportunity to ditch the drink and change their lives in ways they cannot imagine!”
So people who have been worrying about their drinking “problem” start to feel excited about the opportunity ahead.
By 2018 we had a database of a few hundred people who had attended a workshop and they were wanting more – they wanted not only more content but they wanted a way to stay connected.
We always begin our workshop with shares and this is a powerful experience for the participants. Not only is it often the first time that they have told their own story and realised just how unhappy alcohol is making them – but hearing other people tell their story makes them realise they are not alone in this.
The honesty and vulnerability shown during the shares creates a strong bond so that’s why people wanted to stay connected.
So that’s why we created our membership program.
Because connection is the opposite of addiction.
Fortunately for me that was about the time when Sue knocked on my door.  She’d got sober with AA but liked our approach and wanted to get involved. 
Sue is an Accountant so she was able to implement some much needed structure behind the scenes.  I was doing everything on my own and my little passion project of running the odd workshop in Cape Town was expanding fast!
So thanks to Sue we soon got more organized as she implemented some systems and created a master spreadsheet listing our members.
Our aim was always to keep our membership small so we could get to know people and provide a really personal service.  Some sobriety groups have thousands of members but we are happy to stay at around the 400 member mark.
We want to focus on service rather than growth.
Sue also mastered our website and was soon troubleshooting and developing it further. 
Her role has grown along with Tribe Sober and she provides a great service to our members – she welcomes new members, gets them onboarded and holds daily group chats on Zoom for them.  She even keeps a running total of the sober time we are clocking up as a Tribe – that currently stands at more than 300 years!
2019
Was spent establishing our membership and increasing the support we offered.
Another successful fund raiser and as well as another Sober Spring challenge.
Our team gained another member when we met Judy at a Joburg workshop. She offered her services as our Tribe Doctor which means our members get access to confidential medical advice on alcohol related matters.
Then along came Courage – the Tribe Sober team has grown organically as people came to our workshops, got sober and then wanted to stay connected. However I have to admit I did headhunt this team member.
At the time I was teaching HR in a business college and came across Courage from Zimbabwe. He was in my class and in fact was usually top of that class as he is one clever guy.
By then our Challenges were getting more and more popular and took quite some organization so Courage came on board as our Campaign Manager – and these days he also helps me with podcast editing.
2020 was the year of the rebrand… from WWW to TS – our community had been referring to themselves as the Tribe for a while now so one day I thought it was time for a rebrand – and we became Tribe Sober.
Which involved a few months developing our new website of course!
Like the rest of the world we had a Pandemic to deal with – we launched our Lockdown Challenge and the workshops were shifted to Zoom. A format we’ve stayed with as it enables us to offer our workshop to people all over the world.
2020 was also my 5 year Soberversary which I celebrated by launching this podcast!
2021
In 2021 Mon joined our Team as Marketing Support, taking over our social media and helping me with marketing.
Monica had originally joined us as a Tribe Member. She struggled a lot at first but never gave up.  In fact she had 84 Day One’s which is a bit of a record here at the Tribe!
But she is an inspiration to many and walking proof that if you keep at it you will get there. Monica is now 18 months sober.
2022 saw the launch of our online Kickstart course – thats our original workshop which is now available as a Group Workshop, an online course or a private 1.2.1. workshop
This year we also did our first 5 day Sober Bootcamp via a Facebook Group. We’ll be doing that again in January so if you want to join in just find the Sober Bootcamp Facebook Group and join the conversation.
Plans for 2023 include a January Sober Bootcamp as well as the launch of the Kickstart Group Coaching Program so watch this space!
So that’s the story of how one woman with a crazy idea started a community…
It’s just one example of how life can turn out when you ditch the drink and get back your energy and creativity
The magic in this story is that as I helped others to ditch the booze I began to thrive in my own sobriety
I discovered that this kind of work lit me up and gave my life real meaning and purpose.
Don’t forget that the code "birthday2022" is live now so you can claim 20% discount on Annual Membership and/or Kickstart online course!
Just go to tribesober.com and you’ll find all the info or message janet@tribesober.com
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Your Sober Year with Kate Baily

My guest this week is the founder of Love Sober.  She’s an author, a sober coach and a podcaster.  She founded Love Sober with Mandy Manners to support women who are concerned about their drinking.  She works hard to raise awareness around what women need to not only get sober but to stay sober – and to love being sober!
In this Episode
Kate shared her own story which was an interesting one.
She was always health conscious but determined to find a way to make alcohol fit into her lifestyle even though she knew she had no off switch
She knew deep down she was using it to cope and in fact when she did try to stop she could feel her anxiety ramping up and she’d feel unable to cope
Like many of us Kate found herself googling "am I an alcoholic?" at 3am which led her to a sobriety community
Once she had plugged into a sober community she felt like she'd been thrown a lifeline
That made her realise she was not alone in this and there were many other people just like her
She actually quit drinking for a year but then started again – with hindsight she can see that she just didn’t have the toolkit – all her bad habits were coming back
She was stressed with no boundaries and not enough self care.
We agreed that she had achieved her first year by using willpower alone and had not done the deep work of tackling her limiting beliefs and underlying trauma.
Her mindset around alcohol had not really shifted which meant she still believed that it served her in some way
As we’re always saying at Tribe Sober there is so much more to recovery than “not drinking” – we have to do the work and build the toolkit to make our sobriety sustainable
Kate explained that as we go into our second year of sobriety we often have a dopamine dip which means that its quite common for people to go back to drinking after they’ve had a sober year
That fact underlines our experience that we really need a project to keep our happy chemicals triggered so that we can thrive in our sobriety and make it a permanent lifestyle
So Kate returned to drinking but one day she had a major insight which changed everything for her
She realised that using alcohol was causing such a deep disconnect within herself that she couldn’t “find” herself, or comfort herself or act with self compassion
Like many of us Kate had to learn to love and comfort herself
This insight led to her second day one which was back in 2014 and she has been alcohol free since then
Her second attempt at sobriety was quite different. She got heavily into self care, she did a sobriety program and lots of yoga.  She trained as a coach herself to increase her own sense of meaning and purpose.
Kate explored the “tools of living” – self compassion, gratitude and connection.
She realised that her sobriety was actually the foundation of her self development work
She was out and proud and blogged about sobriety under her own name.
It’s interesting how we evolve in our sobriety – personally I felt embarrassed and apologetic in early sobriety (dreading questions and hoping nobody spotted my AF drink) but these days I love talking about sobriety – it’s a bit like the #dontgetmestarted that Kate mentioned!
I’m now a bit like that joke – how do you know when someone is sober? – they’ll tell you within 5 minutes of meeting you!
Just like me Kate loves a reframe and came up with this awesome one – instead of sayingHow do I stay sober every day? – rather ask -  How do I look after myself every day?
We agreed on the power of a sober community and how we need to be reassured that it really is worth all the hard work to get sober – people further down the road than us will inspire us and show us that it really is worth it
Kate called those sober people the “guiding lights” – they can get you through the sticky bits by saying “when I was at that stage this is what helped me”
Sobriety has enabled Kate to rediscover joy in her life – the sparkle is back
Her podcast has been part of her recovery – a way to process and affirm
We agreed that our years of sobriety have been an ongoing learning process - an ever expanding toolkit as Kate calls it
We discussed the “rise of the wine bar” in the UK in the 90’s and how there seemed to be a link between that and the “wine lake” which had occurred due to the overproduction of wine due to EU subsidies
The first wine bar in the UK was Davys that launched in 1964 but gradually they became more and more popular – seen as sophisticated places for groups of women to meet for a glass of wine
Women who would never really go to a pub
Wine drinking was promoted as an aspirational lifestyle choice for women – a fact that makes us both angry these days as we are well aware of the damage it has done to womens health
We thought it was all so elegant but in fact someone said that “wine is the Special Brew of the middle classes” – if you’re not familiar with Special Brew it’s the can of extra strong beer that you often seem homeless alcoholics clutching!
While we were ranting we also had a go at Drinkaware – who describes itself as an independent charity which aims help people make better choices about their drinking.
Drinkaware is actually sponsored by the alcohol industry and contains endless advice about how to moderate but not a word about how quitting completely is the healthiest choice
I would spend hours on Drinkaware working out how many units I could drink – which of course just kept me trapped in the trying (and failing) to moderate for ten years!
As a journalist Kate wrote an article saying that the UK had a drink problem – comparing the reaction we get when we stop – and comparing it to the encouragement we get when we stop smoking
I love an analogy so Kate and Mandy’s book called “Love Your Sober Year” was just up my street
They take the seasons of the year and link them to our sobriety journey…SPRING – huge growth – hell yes! – up for anything – that must be why our Sober Spring Challenge is so popular – planting the seeds of hope, starting to see green shoots and feeling betterSUMMER is maintenance but Kate also calls this the “re-ignite” phase – our sobriety should be dynamic rather than static as we do the work and embark on a journey of self discovery
At Tribe Sober we encourage this journey of self discovery by offering our members many different types of activities and therapys to try out
AUTUMN – release and refine – after the self discovery journey we can drop what we don’t need – and this might be the period when we review our friendship circle and drop some of those old drinking buddies
WINTER – rest and rebirth – empty field, death of alcohol, just like the farmer looking at his field we must have faith that something wonderful will grow
I love this journey that Kate and Mandy have plotted – its SO much more exciting than the Groundhog Day that our drinking puts us in – we actually get to evolve in our lives – rather than getting stuck
Its about capturing the gifts and challenges of each season– about adjusting our self care and tools to each season so that we thrive in each season
These days Kate sees self care as self leadership – as she says its so empowering when we can meet our own needs
She talked about the value of journaling – how its about gathering intel – set your intentions and then reflect on whats working and adjust accordingly – her book includes journal prompts
Kates advice to people worried about their drinking is to join a sober community and get some knowledge. Start working on a mindshift so that you see alcohol differently
At Tribe Sober we like to tell people who are worried about their drinking that they don’t have a problem – they have an opportunity – to improve their health, increase their happiness and change their lives in ways they cannot imagine
Kate mentioned her 3 month group coaching course which is starting soon 
Here is the link to Kate's course 
Her book is called Love Your Sober Year by Kate Baily and Mandy Manners – available at Amazon
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
 
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
  
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Drinking and Depression with Anth Parker

 
I met this week’s guest in the online recovery community – Anth Parker had tried AA, rehab and SMART recovery and none of them really stuck.  However with hindsight she realises that she had collected gems of information from each one – information and strategies which finally enabled her to come up with her own recipe for sobriety.  These days she is passionate about sobriety and loves to inspire others.
In this Episode
Anthea didn’t drink much as a teenager but during her 20’s she began to use it to cope with difficult periods in her life and found she needed a drink when she got home from work
As she moved into her 30’s she became aware that she had a problem and was drinking a bottle of wine a day
She called “alcohol services” and asked for help but she was just told to “cut down” as they didn’t think she had a serious problem
My take on that is if your drinking is on your mind then you need to take action – it’s not about being an alcoholic, or waiting to hit rock bottom – it’s about ditching a toxic substance that is preventing you from living your best life
In her 30s Anth had twins so of course was drawn into the Mommyjuice culture with all the other moms
She sufferered from post natal depression and worked hard to convince her health visitor that her motherhood experience was “perfect” when in reality she felt like she was “walking though treacle” as she puts it
Her doctor put her on anti-depressants but her depression continued and she was in and out of hospital
She had to quit her job as an occupational therapist
During her treatment she was told that she would have to stop drinking which horrified her as she saw alcohol as her only respite from depression
She went to AA – after 100 meetings and 3 sponsors she still didn’t get it and hated having to label herself as an alcoholic at the meetings
But in retrospect she did pick up some tools there and gradually they became helpful
It was like planting seeds – her advice to people is to listen, to read, to talk to people and to be curious – as she says “it will all fall into place eventually”
I also love the concept of planting seeds and we see that in Tribe Sober – some people find us and dive straight into their recovery but others stay on our mailing list for years, then they do a challenge, then a workshop and finally join up as members which is when they get inspired to implement everything they’ve learned!
Anth talked about comparisons and how they can be good – or harmful. Yes compare yourself with sober people that inspire you but don’t compare yourself with the hard core alcoholic and start thinking “Im not that bad” – better to compare yourself with the best version of yourself you could possibly be – without alcohol.
Things got really back for Anth just before lockdown – she was shaking in the morning, hiding alcohol in the house and in the garden.
She was fed up of being on the hamster wheel as she called it –the hamster wheel of drinking which traps us – and means we never make any progress in our lives
Her turning point was reading Alcohol Explained by William Porter – she loved the science and read it over and over – finally realising that this wasn’t her fault, she’d simply got addicted to an addictive substance
She joined the Alcohol Explained Facebook group, listened to podcasts and discovered the online recovery movement – she loved all the sharing and realised that she was not alone in this
She wrote a letter to herself which she read every day
She was still drinking at this point but she was listening and learning and her subconscious was preparing for action
We say to people who join Tribe Sober. "Keep drinking if you’re not ready but start doing the work, listen and learn, read the quitlit, come to the Zoom meetings and gradually you’ll get inspired by the members who are sober and are loving their alcohol free life – you’ll start wanting what they have!"
On her 48th birthday Anth decided to quit drinking
She got a notebook and wrote a plan – she had her Why list, had done lots of prep and was ready to go
Benefits of sobriety for Anth include freedom – she feels that she’s been released from the chains of addiction – such a relief not to have that compelling urge to drink every.single.day
Second major benefit for her has been connection – to connect with others and herself – to learn to listen to herself and get in touch with who she really is
We agreed that once you put down the bottle and get through those first difficult months, things start changing and the we embark on a journey of self discovery
That’s why we say here at Tribe Sober that we help our members quit drinking first and then we help them to discover who they really are and to thrive in their sobriety
We talked about how people get stuck in their drinking because they fear they will lose out – whereas in fact they are going to gain so much.
One day Anth was clearing out her attic and she came across some old postcards
That inspired her to start her Sober Inspiration Project
She asked people in the sobriety groups to send her a postcard with sobriety tips
What better way to get advice than to ask people who are succeeding
Within 6 months she had received about 100 postcards!
One of her goals with this project was to show people that AA was no longer the only gig in town
She laminated her postcards and took them out and about – taking them into the streets and hanging them in trees – she even went to Hyde Park!
Her goal was simply to raise awareness and she met so many sober people who came to talk to her and said “I’m sober too!”
Anth is planning to re-open the Sober Inspiration Project in the run up to Christmas so please send her a postcard with your top sobriety tip
She has a FB group called the Sober Inspiration Project so join up and get inspired!
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.  
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Making Sobriety Less Shameful with Clare Pooley

Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol-free life!
My guest this week is the fabulous Clare Pooley
Clare is 7 years sober and has inspired thousands of women via her blog and best selling book - the Sober Diaries.
You can see her TED talk HERE
Her talk is called "Making Sober Less Shameful" and addresses the fact that "alcohol is only drug we have to justify NOT taking!
Clare has been guest speaker at two of our London workshops
 
In this Episode
Like many of us Clare started drinking socially and gradually evolved to drinking a bottle of wine every evening
Her rock bottom came one morning when she found herself drinking red wine to quell a hangover
Her main strategy to ditch the drink was writing - every day for 3 years she poured her heart out to her anonymous blog
Clare's blog is a great resource and anyone who feels alone in this journey should check it out here mummywasasecretdrinker
These days she feels angry that we feel so much shame around our drinking - and thats why she did her TED talk on that topic
Her strategies were writing, hot baths, hot chocolate, cleaning (!), books about alcohol, exercise, audio books and podcasts
CLAIRE's TOP TIP - she reconfigured her day - went to bed at 7pm (to avoid evening drinking) and got up at 5am feeling great!
As cooking the evening meal was a big temptation for her she cooked it in the morning and heated it up in the evening
Like many of us she had a major low in early sobriety - she calls this "the wall" and believes it's our brain chemistry adjusting
Her advice is to accept that we will have ups and downs on this journey but that they will get less extreme if we hang in there
Her blog - the obstacle course went viral and is essential reading in early sobriety
Clare's key message in the blog is to keep going however hard it gets - stopping and starting is the hardest way
Her top tips for newbies - write down how bad it was so you don't forget, write your WHY list - why are you doing this?
Be excited - you will gain more than you lose and another tip is to create a vision board
Clare also said it was essential to "find your tribe" and recommended tribesober.com
More infoSubscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our e-book "66 days to sobriety" please email us at janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.comEpisode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol           sign up today.           Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
                
 Help us to spread the word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can find Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and TikTok   
You can join our private Facebook group HERE
Thank you for listening! 
Till Next Week
Janet x