Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

When Relapse....is seen as a reward! with Jeff Graham

Jeff Graham founded the Bac2Zero sobriety group.  Like many of us in the recovery space Jeff’s initial sobriety goal was simply to quit drinking.  As he recovered his health, energy and creativity he decided he wanted to help others to do the same.   He describes sobriety as freedom – freedom from a world that was once filled with dread, regret and fear.  Although his goal started out simply as one of abstinence, his life has since grown into a life filled with dreams, hope and happiness.
In this Episode
Jeff enjoyed his first beer at the age of 16, it wasn’t so much the buzz he enjoyed as the status – he felt like he “fitted in”.
Much as he enjoyed the social side of drinking he also discovered that he loved to drink alone – he would come home from a night out and have some drinks on his own – he felt like he needed some “Jeff time” as he put it
Many of us are like this – and even in sobriety some of us can still get triggered when we get home from a social event – even when we were drinking AF drinks!
I would work hard to behave myself at a social event and then down a bottle of wine when I got home!
Jeff was into beer and from the age of 23 and was drinking a case of beer a day – of course his friends were all drinkers 
His parents were both alcoholics and that’s why he was drawn to beer rather than spirits – he thought it was “better” – but of course it’s all ethanol!
He started hiding his beers in the garage – so his wife and kids had no idea how much he was drinking or quite how bad it had got
Someone asked him recently if sobriety was “hard” – it made him reflect on just how “hard” it was to be a functioning alcoholic – how hard it was to hold everything together.
He got to the point when he knew he would have to cut down but he couldn’t face it – so he just started hiding his drinks more effectively!
We talked about the buzz and how us drinkers love to maintain the buzz – in fact recent research has shown that the buzz only lasts for 20 minutes and then we carry on drinking to top it up
After some beers Jeff would not go back to “normal” – he would feel lower than normal and reach for the beer to compensate
He was starting to drink earlier in the day but always telling himself that “tomorrow” would be different.
Eventually he ran out of lies – admitted defeat and booked himself into rehab for a week
He needed this stay in rehab to draw a line under his drinking and to make a statement to his friends and family that he wanted to make a change
We find that many of the people who come to our workshops are able to make use of the tools and community to draw that line under their drinking habits and to make a change 
Jeff needed the accountability that came with rehab – he just couldn’t do this alone
He didn’t actually learn much in rehab but he did a lot of self-reflection and of course met other people with the same problems
When he was sharing his story he heard himself saying things that he hadn’t really registered before – that happens at our workshops – people get emotional when they share because they only realise just how unhappy alcohol has been making them when they tell their story out loud.
Three months out of rehab he had a relapse – he wanted a reward, a last “hurrah” as he put it
That did indicate that he still had work to do on his mindset – if we still see alcohol as a reward then it means it will always be hard to resist and we will suffer from FOMO
Once we see alcohol for the addictive toxin it really is we will lose our desire for it which is the key to sustaining our sobriety
After his relapse Jeff took his recovery more seriously – he started to listen more and began journaling to process his thoughts and emotions.
He feels that it’s really important to get the negative thoughts on paper so then we can analyse them – it’s all part of being honest with ourselves.
Of course when he stopped drinking he had to find other things to do – he learned that he couldn’t just wait until he had a craving and then find something else to do – he had to plan it in advance
Jeff learned that he needed a schedule of activities and I think that’s great advice
Try lots of different things and keep yourself busy until you find a routine that really works for you
As he says it’s no good telling him to call someone if he gets a craving – it’s too late by then!
Like myself he loves talking to people in recovery and getting new insights
We talked about discovering purpose and the way we have both found more purpose in our lives from running sobriety groups – he set up Bac2Zero to inspire others on the journey
Interviewing people for Bac2Zero keeps his schedule busy!
He has some great analogies – sobriety is like a haunted house – scary to enter alone but can even be fun if you are with someone else!
And the traffic lights! - sobriety is not a red traffic light!  It’s a green light to freedom, health and happiness – yes there may be a while stopped at the amber light going through an adjustment period but the green light will appear!   Love that one!
Three years into sobriety Jeff is experiencing lots of benefits – increase in his self-worth, reduction of anxiety and closer connection to his family are just some…
We talked about how many of us thought we were ok because we were not the homeless guy on the park bench but Jeff advises that instead of comparing ourselves with the homeless guy we should compare ourselves with the person that we could be…
Even if alcohol doesn’t destroy us it will certainly prevent us from reaching our potential!
We agreed that community is the essential thing that all sobriety groups have in common because connection is the opposite of addiction.
You can find out more about Jeff by going to gettingbac2zero.com website - he's on Instagram as wellMore Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
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PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

How a 66 day Sober Challenge changed my life... with Tribe member Claire B

If I had to describe a typical Tribe member then I would pick a lady in her 40’s or 50’s – successful career woman with a family.  Noody would dream that this lady had a problem with alcohol but in fact she’s been worried about her drinking for years.
My podcast guest this week pretty much fits that profile...Tribe member Claire B
In this Episode:
Claire's parents didn’t drink much so her first experience of drinking was as a teenager – 18th birthday parties – vodkas and a sweet concentrated orange juice was her drink
As she says she went straight for the hard stuff but of course had to add sweetened orange juice to make it palatable just as I did with my whisky and coke
As a trainee nurse Claire would drink when she went out but would never drink alone and it was not problematic in those days
In her early 20’s Claire moved from the UK to SA and was struck by the drinking culture – wine at lunchtime and in fact she celebrated her first birthday in SA with a champagne breakfasts!
She embraced this culture and thought it was great!
The first time she began to worry about her drinking was in her late 20’s when she came home from a very boozy lunch and found herself wanting to have another glass of wine
That became a habit for Claire – going out for drinks and then carrying on the party alone when she got home
She realised that like so many of us she didn’t have an “off” button –that’s definitely a red flag… as is drinking alone
Other warning signs are – regularly drinking more than the low risk limits which are just one and a half bottles of wine a week, trying (and failing) to cut down, again and again - …..also when all your social activities revolve around alcohol etc 
I asked Claire if she tried to cut down or set rules for her drinking – she explained that she wanted someone else to set rules for her – she was actually looking for a reason to stop drinking
She thought she’d found one when she relocated to China as she wasn’t expecting alcohol to be so readily available and she remembered welcoming that situation
However she found that alcohol was available and in fact she drank a lot during her 3 years there
She found herself engineering situations where she could drink and as she said the subject took up “a lot of her bandwidth”
People often ask me if they are drinking too much – I explain that if they are thinking about it, even if it’s a niggling thought at the back of their mind…. Then that’s probably a sign that they should take action, even if they are not drinking huge amounts
Quite simply if it’s on your mind.. you’ll be happier without it!
Those of us who’ve spent years trying and failing to moderate know only too well that it takes up far too much mental space – and when we get sober we can find peace
Claire tried the odd alcohol free challenge but found the thought of quitting drinking for ever extremely scary
She began to feel that there were 2 Claires – the sensible one and the other one who was egging her on to drink more
Many of us experience this inner struggle between our rational conscious mind and our subconscious which is holding limiting beliefs about alcohol
Limiting beliefs like “we can’t have fun, relax or socialize” without it
Beliefs which are the result of decades of exposure to marketing and peer pressure convincing us that alcohol is essential to a happy life!
Claire and I both drank for decades and agreed that our neural pathways for drinking were more like Superhighways than pathways!
When we start to build our alcohol free life we are looking to replace that Superhighway with an alcohol free pathway which will in turn become a Superhighway if we stick at our sobriety and continue to do that work
Claire came up with a lovely analogy that her sobriety was like a garden…and just like a garden is never finished and it takes work – just like her sobriety
If someone asks her advice about a family member who might be drinking too much she’s not afraid to point out red flags
I so agree with her that we should speak openly rather than just say “oh I’m sure they are fine” which is the usual response from people
That’s why I’m so grateful to Tribe members like Claire and others who have come on this podcast to share their stories
It means people can hear that having a problem with alcohol does not mean that we are like the homeless tramp which society likes to portray as the alcoholic
They can hear that people with a problem are just like them.. and more importantly that it is possible to make a change and to be so much happier and healthier without alcohol
Claire is quite sporty and as she got into her late 40’s and 50’s she would often take a break from alcohol for a few weeks to prepare for a race…but always went back to drinking
One day she heard me talking on the radio about our Sober Spring – a 66 day challenge we do every year
It appealed to her because she loves a Challenge
So she signed up but was not really planning to participate in the chatgroups but then she realized that she always told her students they must comment and participate with their online forums
So Claire decided to participate in the groups and in fact she threw the book at it – she listened to a podcast a day and followed all our recommendations
We’ve discovered over the years that it’s the people who stay connected with the community are the ones who succeed – connection really is the opposite of addiction
As Claire put it she went into the Tribe Sober experience lock stock and barrel – that’s the way to do it!
It’s no good tinkering around the edges of sobriety – a short break here, another challenge there – we have to treat it like a project, a job and make it our priority for those first few months
Claire realized early on that she would be continuing her sobriety beyond 66 days so she aimed for 100 days and then 6 months which many of our challengers do
It’s important to avoid the overwhelm which comes from the F word (the Forever word) so small steps is the way to do it
Of course Claire would get triggers to drink now and again but she kept herself on track by reminding herself how far she had come and how she wasn’t prepared to lose the progress she’d made
She loved the Tribe Sober community and felt that some of the members had seen inside her own head – she so enjoyed mixing with people who really “got it”
That’s exactly what you need when you are starting out on this journey – people who get it – your drinking buddies will tell you that you are boring and you sensible friends will tell you to just cut down a bit!
You need people who understand the struggle!
I asked Claire how she sustains her sobriety now that her first year has passed
She stays connected with Tribe Sober, goes to our Coffee meetups and participates online, she listens to the podcast and reads the quitlit
In other words she tends her sobriety garden which is so important – we love it when our members stay connected
After all ditching the booze is only 10% of this journey – 90% is building an life you don’t want to escape from and that’s exactly what Claire is doing, as well as inspiring and encouraging newbies
I loved hearing Claire say that she “owned” her sobriety and was happy to talk about it with anyone who asked
Her top 3 benefits are sleep, self esteem and a feeling of peace – she realizes she no longer has to be the one starting the party of being the last person to leave!
Claire mentioned a few techniques that may be of interest to our listeners so let me run through them:-
She talked about the power of journaling – some of us have journaled for years but others are not sure where to begin…. So we are going to run a pop up week on a FB group to help people who want to get started on journaling – that’s at the end of August so watch this space
Straight after journaling week we have our annual 66 day Challenge which begins on September 1st – that’s the Challenge that got Claire started on her journey
There will be more info and sign up pages for journaling week and the 66 day challenge soon but if you drop me an email at janet@tribesober.com we’ll send you the links as soon as they are  up on the website
Or perhaps Claire inspired you to join Tribe Sober with her kind words about us – I loved the way she said that our members can do things at their own pace, no shaming, no one size fits all program – with only 400 members we really are able to offer a personal service
To sign up just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 
 
 

Drinking problem...what’s your story? with Narrative Therapist Tessa Freeman

My guest this week is narrative therapist Tessa Freeman.
Narrative Therapy is very much in line with our approach at Tribe Sober - because it’s about separating a person from their problem
It’s about ditching the guilt and shame along with the alcohol
I’s about enabling people to realise that they should not label themselves or see themselves as broken or the problem or powerless
Tessa and I have both had a lot of experience of working with groups and agreed that the magic of community is that we can gradually replace our addiction with connection.
In this episode
When Tessa lost her father she needed support so had some narrative therapy
This piqued her interest to such an extent that she decided to train as a narrative therapist herself
She is now a Narrative Therapist specializing in addiction
Tessa explained that (a bit like coaching) narrative therapy is based on the fact that the client is the expert and the therapist walks alongside them (rather than in front of them)
When working with alcohol dependent clients Tessa will always separate the problem from the person which will reduce any feelings of shame
We agreed that addiction can be very isolating but once we join a group we realise that we are not the only one and we feel so much better – eventually connection with the group begins to take the place of the addiction
At Tribe Sober we encourage our members to write a “Goodbye to Alcohol Letter” and you can see some examples on tribesober.com under the podcasts, blogs and more menu
Tessa also uses an analogy explaining that if two women who had been in an abusive relationship with the same man were to meet – they would have an instant bond and realise the damage that relationship had caused.
That makes me think of that beautiful quote by CS Lewis “friendship is born in the moment when one person says to another “you too? – I thought I was the only one”
When I first started working in this field 7 years ago I was amazed by the bond I could see developing so quickly between our members – complete strangers from all over the world but their common experience enables them to be vulnerable and open with each other
We talked about the shares that take place at the beginning of each of our Tribe Sober workshops – when each participant will share just how unhappy alcohol has been making them – these shares demonstrate the power of story telling….
Story telling is of course the foundation of narrative therapy and Tessa explained that we make sense of our lives by the stories we tell ourselves…. And when we share our stories we are bearing our souls and showing who we really are….and also demonstrating the power of vulnerability
We talked about the many false narratives in the public domain and Tessa gave us the example of her friend explaining that if Tessa wanted to have children she would have to have to start drinking because – as her friend put it:-"It takes a vineyard to raise a child"
These kind of stories are so common that eventually we internalize them and look for confirmation bias to convince ourselves they are true
This way they become limiting beliefs
Which are shared by our friends and that’s how a global trend like “mommyjuice” is born
I asked Tessa to explain how she would use narrative therapy to overturn this belief that her friend was holding
The belief that it takes a vineyard to raise a child
Her approach would be to deconstruct the belief ie to stay curious about it and to challenge it
Tessa would take her friend back to a time before she drank when she didn’t hold this belief
She would ask her to think about who she is without alcohol
Tessa would help her friend to externalize her story by searching for good stories – a period in her friend's life when alcohol was not present
She would also remind her that in fact she parents for most of the day without alcohol and she would help her to explore alternative ways of reducing the stress
and then to co-author a new belief which would alter her friends identity
It’s so important to remember that you are never the problem, rather you are the person with a problem
Focussing on the clients strengths make it easier to separate them from the problem
It’s about building and strengthening the alternative stories we can hold about ourselves
Many of us who were/are alcohol dependent have low self esteem from all those years of trying (and failing) to cut down or quit so focusing on our strengths will help to rebuild our feelings of self worth.
I often say that the path to sobriety is about learning to love and nurture ourselves again, about learning to put ourselves first rather than last!
I asked Tessa what she had learned during her time working in the addiction field
She told me that when she started her job she was expecting to be working with a lot of homeless or unemployed people so it was a big surprise that most of her clients were high functioning with good careers.
That’s when she realized that addiction was not a rarity – in fact it had gone “mainstream”
So she learned that addiction doesn’t discriminate between rich or poor, between race or gender – anyone can fall victim to alcohol dependence
In fact the stats tell us that 20% of social drinkers will become dependent over the years
We agreed that although hard drugs are demonized the socially acceptable legal drug called alcohol kills far more – in fact 3M people a year die from alcohol related causes
If you listen to the Tribe Sober podcast interview with Professor Stockwell you will hear his theory that the figure is actually far higher – due to the way the deaths are reported – you can listen to that podcast here.
We talked about the power of group sessions and the relief that people feel when they realise that they are not alone 
Tessa likes to help alcohol dependent clients with a mix of individual and group therapy.
People are often nervous to join a group due to their guilt and shame but Tessa works 1.2.1 with them so they can see the guilt and shame are just tools the addiction is using to prevent the user from seeking help.
We agreed that even when people have clocked up some months of sobriety it’s still important to stay in the group
As Tessa says other problems may pop up and cross addiction sometimes happens
We need to keep adding to our toolkit to ensure that we not only stay sober but we start to build an alcohol free life that we love
We need to make sure that if FAB (fading affect bias) hits and we hear that voice saying that surely we can have just one now….. that we have our community reminding us that actually no we can’t ever have just one – we have to rather use that energy into creating a life we don’t want to escape from
What we’ve seen at Tribe Sober over the years is that from our 400 members we have a core of members who have been sober for years but who stick around to help and inspire the newer members.
Friendships have formed between these members who are in different countries with different life experiences and who all have each others backs
So if you’d like to try the power of community just to go tribesober.com and hit join our tribe
You can reach Tessa via her website www.santcoll.co.za         or via her email which is tessa@santcoll.co.za  
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Alcohol dependence and ADHD with Faye Lawrence

 
My guest this week is Faye Lawrence who is the founder of Australia's largest alcohol-free community for the sober and the sober curious.
Their focus is not so much on the “not drinking” bit but more on the socialising without alcohol bit – which is a real struggle for most people after they quit.
They do dinners, bush walks, sober singles nights, live music and ever roller discos.  It sounds like a way to find your vibe as a newly sober person.
Another reason I wanted to talk to Faye was because Research is now showing that there are definite links between Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) 
Faye was recently diagnosed with ADHD and was keen to talk about it
In this episode:-
Faye Explained that she’d been in therapy for years but it wasn’t until she stopped drinking that the healing began
She calls sobriety a "portal for growth" - at Tribe Sober we often call it a "springboard for self development"
The combination of alcoholism on both sides of her family and the influence of the boozy Uk culture resulted in Faye beginning to drink at 13
She loved partying and found it enabled her to switch off her overactive brain
She began working in London which of course meant joining the Work Hard/Play Hard culture
Fay had kids quite young and then relocated to Australia
Her drinking calmed down a bit after she had children but then ramped up again when she separated from her husband
She felt isolated as had no family in Oz and hadn’t yet established a friend network
With 2 young children and a full time job she was struggling to cope
Her kids alternated between Fay and her ex for weekends and when her kids were away Faye just wanted to get obliterated for the entire time
For the next 20 years Fay was stuck in the moderation trap – that dreaded cycle that so many of us know
The cycle of trying (and failing) to cut down
Now and again when she had overdone it she would go to alcohol counselling or an AA meeting or to her GP for naltroxene but her denial was strong and of course she didn’t WANT to give up
Such a crucial point Faye made there – its no good trying to quit drinking because we think we should or because our partner or doctor has told us to – we have to WANT to quit and realise that we will be so much happier and healthier without it
She describes herself as a functioning alcoholic – keeping the career and family going and ticking all the boxes
But going to work with terrible hangovers multiple times a week
In 2017 her relationship broke down and the kids left home – she was an empty nester and home alone
That’s when she hit her rock bottom
That’s when she realized she was no longer in control
She didn’t care whether she lived or died
She didn’t even want to drink and she realized the alcohol was no longer doing what she needed it to
It wasn’t enjoyable, or quelling her anxiety or giving her a break from her overactive mind
This made me think of the saying that “sobriety delivers everything that alcohol promised!”
In spite of her rock bottom she still couldn’t stop drinking
Faye’s trigger for change was a trip to her therapist who told her that she looked terrible and had to get some help
She got admitted to hospital for a detox
Faye pointed out that people will be listening to her story and thinking “well I’m not that bad” – she used to think like that but now she realizes that it’s a slippery slope
If you’re on the slippery slope please be smart and step off it as soon as possible – go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe right now
We both love the modern recovery movement and the fact that nobody has to walk into a room full of strangers and say “I am an alcoholic” these days
There are so many different paths to sobriety these days which mean that nobody has to wait until they hit rock bottom
We both relish the mental peace that sobriety brings – no more endless negotiating with ourselves about whether to drink or not!
After her detox Faye threw the book at her sobriety – she took meds, she joined sobriety groups, she want to a counsellor and went to AA
She decided to do whatever it took
She decided to go into this with an open mind
Keeping an open mind is so important – somebody asked me about our Zoom workshop the other day – she was nervous about attending and asked me what on earth we talk about for 4 hours!
I suggested she attend with an open mind…and she loved it!
We panic because we think we can’t survive without our wine but once we join a community and see how other people are loving their alcohol free lives we change our thinking!
Our next Zoom workshop is on 22nd July so just go to tribesober.com and hit our services if you want more info
It made me smile when Faye said that “she’d never done adult life” – apparently our emotional maturity stalls when we start to drink heavily…
Both Faye and I started drinking in our teens so we both had to learn adulting!
You heard Faye mention that it was 17 years between realizing that she had a problem and stopping
You’ve probably heard me quoting that study by the Tempest that says the average time is 11 years
There is such a basic human need to belong which is why many of us non drinkers can feel marginalized (and maybe why Faye and I both started sobriety communities so we could meet like minded people!)
We also agreed that it’s a way to see who our friends really are and that it helps to change the format of our social events
Replacing boozy lunches and nights out with brunches and coffee meetings for example
We agreed that although alcohol is seen as a social lubricant it actually disconnects us and socializing without alcohol leads to more authentic connection
A year ago Faye was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 48
Although there are there definite links between Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) none of Faye’s counsellors every mentioned this or suggested it could be an issue for her
She feels a lot of people are suffering unnecessarily due to not being diagnosed
Faye listed a few characteristics of the ADHD brain which sees things as “interesting” or “not interesting” and gets bored quickly
She feels that anyone who feels they may have ADHD should go to their GP for a referral
Faye's top 3 benefits of sobriety were relationship with self, relationship with children and clarity…
As she says sobriety makes a space for good things to happen
That’s something to remember in early sobriety if we feel a bit flat or bored… it’s not always going to feel like this and you’re making a space for good things to happen
Liminal space I think its called…
Finally we agreed that the question is not “Am I an Alcoholic”, the question is “Am I living my best life”, Am I the person I want to be
You can reach Faye via her website Untoxicated.com.au or via her email which is faye@untoxicated.com.au
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sober Queens with Menopause Expert Sarah Davison

My guest this week is Homeopath Sarah Davison who is a natural menopause expert.  She helps women with stress and all aspects of menopause so was able to explain why the menopause and alcohol don’t mix!
In this episode:-
Sarah was enjoying her corporate career until everything went pear shaped in her 40’s
The combination of family and work pressure mixed in with hormonal changes knocked her for six.
She felt completely stressed out and anxious – and so weak she could hardly climb the stairs
Sarah hadn’t even heard of the word at the time but now she knows she was in perimenopause
The silver lining of this perfect storm was that it made her question her life
She’d been going to a homeopath for years so went to see her to get some help.
The results were so amazing that she decided to leave her job and go back to college to study.
She did a 3 year full time degree course in homeopathic medicine
Sarah explained that homeopathy is a complete system of medicine in its own right – used by 450M people globally.
Natural and non toxic with no side effects it can be used to treat physical, mental and emotional illnesses.
It stimulates and reactivates our self-healing mechanism and our bodies will choose the wisest way to do the healing
Quite simply homeopathy allows our amazing bodies to heal themselves 
There is plenty of evidence showing the efficacy of homeopathy
Sarah explained that Menopause is only ONE DAY – one year after the last period
10 to 14 years before that day is Perimenopause and after that day we become post Menopausal 
Many women in their forties suffer from anxiety, depression insomnia and take medication for it – not knowing that it’s the Perimenopause
The average age of the Menopause is 51
I loved Sarah’s take on the 3 ages of women and will be stealing that one from her!
Women evolve from maidens to mother to crone but I share Sarah’s view that a crone gives the impression of an old and bent woman and that is not what mid life women look like!
So lets reframe if from maiden to mother to QUEEN – the Queen stage can be from 40 to 80
That’s when many women come into their power – we see it in our Tribe Sober Community all the time – women ditching the booze and then discovering what they really want to do with their lives
To join a community of Queens then join Tribe Sober via this link!
I found it fascinating to learn that Estrogen makes us compliant which may explain why so many women who drink are people pleasers
Exhausted from looking after everyone else they start using alcohol as a form of self care and a reward!
The problem with that strategy is that by the time we become post menopausal and our Estrogen levels drop we may have become dependent on alcohol
We may be drinking wine on a daily basis which will be sapping our energy and motivation to try new activities and step into our power
Sarah pointed out that drinkers are often very sensitive people who use alcohol as an emotional anaesthetic, especially if they have some unresolved issues
If you are prone to hot flushes be aware that alcohol will congest your liver and make them worse- if you want to have the “best” menopause that you can then don’t drink
I asked Sarah how we could heal our liver and gut after years of drinking
She pointed out the our liver works as a dustbin and eliminating the toxin alcohol will overload it.
What I didn’t know was that the liver also de-activates hormones – old hormones – so if it can’t deactivate estrogen we end up with too much estrogen floating around which causes an imbalance.
The evidence between alcohol and breast cancer is stacking up and estrogen driven breast cancer is quite common these days
I had that type of breast cancer and am sure that my heavy drinking was partly responsible
Sarah pointed out that bitter foods are great for the liver – particularly beetroot and leafy green veg so lets keep drinking our green juices!
She also reminded us that a healthy gut is very important for menopause and that we should eat a wide variety of foods to nourish our microbiome
Many ladies in our community found that their alcohol dependence began to worry them during menopause
Sarahs belief is that menopause brings up unresolved issues and says that in her own case it was anxiety and digestive issues
These get amplified so people may drink more to self medicate and cope.
She came up with the clever analogy that of the ground shifting under your house
If you’ve been papering over the cracks in your walls for years then the ground shifting would worsen until you could no longer avoid seeing them
Rather than stressing about this Sarah suggests that we reframe it as a GIFT – a second chance to deal with our stuff!
To contact Sarah go to her website which is https://thrivehomeopathy.com/
You can book a curiosity call to discover whether she can help you
She’s also on LinkedIn as Sarah Davison and on Facebook as https://www.facebook.com/NaturalMenopauseExpert 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
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We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
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PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
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Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

How to Quit Drinking..and lose weight with Brad

My guest this week is Tribe member Brad who has struggled with his weight and his drinking.  I love his story about how he heard about Tribe Sober when he was in the chemist picking up his meds!
In this episode:-
Brad's drinking story is tied up with his weight loss story and as we heard from the recent podcast with Adam Sheauble there is a crossover between the two addictions and how we deal with them
Brad had picked up a lot of weight in his 20’s and his psychologist and nutritionist both made a case for him to get a gastric bypass paid for by his medical aid
He lost the weight and was warned to be careful with alcohol as the food addiction could transfer to alcoholism.
Last week I interviewed Dr Vera Tarman who is an eating disorder specialist who tells us more about bariatric surgery and alcohol
Brad knew he was drinking too much so he took a year off and felt great – he even managed to have couple of drinks on special occasions during that year but didn’t go back to drinking regularly
At the end of that year Brad had a drink and basically he never stopped
He’d finished his MBA and felt there was a vacuum where his studies had been – a gap to be filled..
Contributing to this was the fact that he had left his corporate job after 18 years as he was trying to start his own business
So he started to fill this vacuum with booze
We have to be so careful not to leave a void when we quit drinking – we need to keep super busy at first so that there’s not much time to sit and think about drinking….
Then when we do start to make progress with our sobriety we need to find a hobby or interest to keep us engaged and keep our happy brain chemicals firing
For more on this listen to my interview with Dr Loretta Breuning – episode 55
So back to Brad who was filling the gap in his life with booze – which really got hold of him this time
He did try AA – 15 different groups and 40 meetings but he just ended up convinced that he wasn’t an alcoholic as he wasn’t as bad as the other guys
By the end of 2019 his partner had had enough and they broke up.
This led to him living in a tiny apartment without much furniture or any appliances and that’s when his drinking was at its worst
He was drinking spirits as well as litres of wine
In the midst of that he met his current partner and they both decided to stop drinking.
He managed a few months but succumbed to a bottle of whisky when house sitting for a friend
Brad started to drink in secret after that, his partner didn’t know about it
He tried the Sinclair method using Naltroxene but although Naltroxene blocks the buzz we get from alcohol Brad just drank more until he did get a buzz
February 2022 brought a couple of aha moments – his partners mom explained that her husband had thought he could outsmart the booze but he didn’t manage to do it
The second aha moment was when a psychiatrist refused to give him meds while he was drinking heavily
Said it would be like throwing a cup of tea on a forest fire!
He went back to the doctor who had put him on naltroxene and said he was going to completely quit rather than cut down and got some Antibuse which he took for 3 months… and it worked!
During the next 3-6 months Brad weaned himself off all of his medications
He focused on his work, his relationship, his health and he got a puppy….Benji
Benji is ageing alongside Brads sobriety so he gets called the sober doggy – a great idea I think!
Brad had a plan to have a drink on his first Soberversary but after about 7 months he realized that was not a way to celebrate
We agreed that alcohol gets far too much credit for the good times!
A lady he met in the chemist while he was getting his Antibuse recommended Tribe Sober to him
He loves being part of our Tribe and feels that the community chat keeps him forwarned about the pitfalls he could face
Brad is a great asset to our Tribe as he always had great advice to give to people who are new or are struggling
His advice to newbies is to track their drinking and figure out what its costing them…such an eye opener
Even if youre not ready to stop yet it will raise your awareness
Take a break for a month to test your dependence – you can sign up for a 30 day or a 66 day challenge with Tribe Sober
Just write to us at membership@tribesober.com and we’ll get your started!
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
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We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
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You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
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Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
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Why Alcohol is Sugar on Steroids...with Dr Vera Tarman

My guest this week is Dr Vera Tarman who is a specialist in addiction behaviour and treatment.
Dr. Vera is internationally recognized for her education in and publications on various areas of addiction and more specifically food addiction.
She’s had her own issues with alcohol but when she stopped drinking she started eating until her weight rose to 250lbs..   it was the eating addiction that “brought her down” as she puts it…
In this episode:-
Vera had a difficult childhood. Her mother was an alcoholic who died when Vera was just 15..and her relationship with her father was not good so she left home at 17
She was “floored” by the speed of her mother’s decline and vowed that she would never drink
However she did take drugs – she mentioned LSD and pot but also stresses that this was back in the 70’s when drugs were not as toxic as they are today
By the age of 19 she had switched from drugs to alcohol in spite of the vow she had made
Within a couple of years the alcohol had taken hold and she would always drink to get solidly drunk
She stopped drinking to get through college but when she stopped drinking..she started eating – and it was the food that “brought her down” as she puts it
Her eating had nothing to do with enjoyment – she was making herself numb, eating and purging..- she described it as “frantic” and with hindsight can see that her addiction to alcohol had simply transferred to her eating habits… there is so much sugar in alcohol of course
Dr Vera describes alcohol as sugar on steroids!
In her 20’s she was stuck in the dieting yo yo – losing the weight and then gaining it back - eventually gaining 100 pounds – she was bulimic
She reintroduced alcohol to her diet and tried to control it – as she says back then she had no idea of the peace of mind she could gain by ditching it altogether.
Steadily her weight increased to 240 lbs – she kept losing weight and regaining it and it wasn’t until her late 40’s that she had a breakthrough….
That was when she accepted that treat sugar was an addiction – she couldn’t have a little now and again, she would have to quit completely..
Over the course of the next few years she went on to lose 60 or 70 lbs
After the sugar she quit flour (bread muffins pizza etc) and lost another 80 lbs and finally she quit grains and lost the rest of her excess weight – never gaining it back
She describes losing the weight as a great relief as it had been making her miserable in so many ways and she never felt healthy or well
In fact these days she stresses that addicts mustn’t fear living a life of deprivation … you are living a life of deprivation now …so reach out and get help and find freedom
We talked about the fact that with alcoholism we can quit alcohol completely but obviously we have to eat some food – Vera made the very interesting point that she hasn’t quit food but she does quit food products – processed food
Vera’s approach of gradually shutting out various food groups is an interesting one – when I asked her what she DID eat she listed some of them – yoghourt, cheese, salmon, meat, vegetables
She spoke of her pleasure in eating these foods and doesn’t feel at all deprived…as she put it she doesn’t have to eat bread or sugar any more, she can enjoy real food instead – her palate has switched from craving sugar and carbs to appreciating healthy foods
Vera is not a cook but stresses that its quite easy to eat well – as an example yoghourt is easy to make and so are roasted veg
I explained that we give our community advice to eat fresh fruit rather than candy if they are craving sweet things in early sobriety
If you’d like more info on the science behind this advice then listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 31 from January 2021 to hear nutritionist Mary Ann Shearer
Vera described addiction as “a craving which leads to an obsession that then becomes difficult or impossible to stop”
We should ask ourselves “Am I obsessed with something that is affecting my life negatively?”
She explained how we can go from enjoying a gentle buzz to wanting a drink to needing a drink – needing more and more to get the same result…
Continual use of alcohol can “flatten” our dopamine receptors so we eventually need alcohol just to feel normal.
Dr Vera explained that some people get a more intense buzz of pleasure when they begin to drink and that…
If your dopamine receptors are naturally “flat” you may need something to feel ok
I asked Dr Vera how we can boost our dopamine naturally – before addiction our dopamine is “built in” – it’s about anticipation and looking forward to the next thing
We all have a natural curiosity that makes us want to try new things – that’s why we encourage Tribe members to get a project to keep the dopamine triggered
We agreed that social support was essential in early sobriety– we can’t just isolate and watch tv – we have to connect with others and keep that dopamine perking!
That’s why a project that connects you with other people works so well
We talked about using sugar and alcohol to numb our feelings and the fact that..
Junk food and alcohol will release endorphins which block pain and that’s why it can numb our feelings
Sleep – Vera says alcohol destroys our sleep structure and it can take as long as a year for normal sleep patterns to resume
We talked about menopause which Vera described as a storm of hormones (like being a teenager again) –
She also said that it’s a time when many women put on weight – they become very sensitive to carbohydrates and even if they were controlling their weight then they were younger it’s like a switch has been flipped….
We are more prone to weight gain when we hit menopause – especially if we are drinking!
We talked about bariatric surgery and the fact that many people do become addicted to alcohol when they have addressed their weight issue with this surgery
Vera explained that one glass of wine will be equivalent to 3 after this surgery so it’s not difficult to become dependent…
There are a lot of negative side effects to this surgery so it should only be used if the weight has become life threatening – far better to tackle the eating
We talked about the fact that alcohol is now linked to 7 different types of cancer and also Alzheimers – sugar and alcohol are are also linked to Alzheimers
Vera’s Advice is to accept that you have a condition, something has happened in your brain to cause this addiction – it’s not your fault – educate yourself – books, podcast – accept you’ll have to stop – whatever you’ve been trying hasn’t worked so get some help –
You heard her stressing the essential need to join a community so please check out Tribe Sober – we’ve got the tools and the group support to get you on track…. And more importantly to keep you on track – just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe
Vera wanted to stress that whatever the addiction there is hope…and in fact we both know so many people who have succeeded in overcoming both alcohol and food addiction
Learn more about Dr Vera via her:-
Book Food Junkies
Website addictionsunplugged.com
Facebook Group "I am sweet enough, sugar free for life"
Also Food Junkies podcast
You Tube Channel is Vera Tarman
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Breaking Free from the Booze!

This weeks podcast is a solo episode from Tribe Sober's founder Janet Gourand.  We've launched a brand new program to help people who a ready to Break Free from the Booze
 
In this episode
Are you fed up of being trapped in the Groundhog Day of Daily Drinking?
Many of us drink socially in our 20's and 30's and then it becomes problematic in our 40's and 50's
20% of social drinkers will become dependent over the years.... it's the science 
We looked at some warning signs of alcohol dependence:-Not being able to keep within the low risk limits - a bottle and a half of wine a weekDrinking alone or Drinking and DrivingBlackouts!Waking up at 3am feeling anxiousDrinking more to get the same effectWhen all social activities involve alcoholYou drink for the buzzYou've tried (and failed) to drink less many many times
We get to the stage where we know we are drinking too much but have no idea HOW to stop
We feel trapped and we know we have to break free
We've designed a program to help you break free from the booze..
Sobriety will give you a new lease of life, improve your physical and mental health, less anxiety, better relationships, better sleep, better skin and sparkly eyes, weightloss, personal growth and finding your purpose
BREAKING FREE PROGRAM 
I've collated all the contacts, resources and learnings from 7+ years of running Tribe Sober into one package
It's a world class program which is exactly what I needed when I quit drinking
After seeing so many people change their lives over the years we've realised that Tribe Sober is so much more than a membership, or a challenge, or a course or a coaching program - it's a place of transformation
So we're inviting you into our place of transformation
Breaking Free is for you if you are ready to put yourself first and invest money, time and attention
Breaking Free is not for you if you are not ready to put yourself first....or maybe you're just not ready
Are you going to take the Sober Road.... or stay stuck in Drinking Alley - check out this article.
"Faith is taking the first step on the staircase even if you're not sure where it's going" - Martin Luther King
Have faith in us to guide you up that staircase as we know the destination is well worth the effort
The "staircase" is a hybrid recovery model, taking the best elements from the Tribe Sober offerings and combining them to create a powerful and effective program - let me describe the components
COMPONENT ONE - community support with the Tribe Sober community 
COMPONENT TWO - a four hour group workshop on Zoom 
COMPONENT THREE - Kickstart online course
COMPONENT FOUR - personal support - 2 Zoom calls with Janet and 3 coaching sessions with 
For more information just go to this link.
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

From Junkie to Judge with Mary Beth O’Connor

 
My guest this week is an extraordinary woman – she was drinking alcohol at the age of 12 and shooting up with meths at the age of 17.  Not only did she get clean but she went on to qualify as a lawyer and eventually she was appointed a federal judge!In this episode:-
Mary Beth has a traumatic childhood which included an abusive stepfather
She felt instant relief when she picked up her first alcoholic drink at the age of 12
While still at school she was smoking pot, taking pills and acid and by 17 was shooting up meths
In spite of this hectic drug use she managed to get accepted at college
She was at college and working part time when everything fell apart – due to the combination of a life threatening rape and an abusive boyfriend
Mary Beth used meths for the next decade, not getting clean until the age of 32
During this decade she was working her way “down” the corporate ladder as she puts it
Due to her drug use she was working in jobs way below her ability
She hit rock bottom when she lost yet another job and couldn’t raise the energy to put together her resume to get another one
Her partying days were long gone and most of her drug use took place when she was alone….at the kitchen table
She had tried some therapy but as she puts it “the drugs had put a wall between me and myself” so therapy was ineffective.
Her partner was also threatening to leave her so she decided to go to rehab
The rehab was based on the 12 steps and was not a good fit for Mary Beth – she was an atheist and certainly wouldn’t agree that she was powerless
Whenever she raised her objections to any of the 12 steps she was closed down and told that this was the only way she could recover
As a result she kept quiet and became very selective in the ideas that she took on board.
She became master of the reframe so instead of Step One which is I am powerless over my addiction she would agree that she was powerless to moderate.
So many of us spend years stuck in the “moderation trap” so accepting that we are powerless to moderate will save a lot of heartache, it’s a major step forward!I referred to the podcast interview I did with British journalist Sam Delaney who built his own hybrid recovery model. That podcast was episode 153 
Exactly what Mary Beth did…and in fact what she recommends to others
I loved what she said about recovery being hard but it gets easier… whereas active addiction is much harder and can last forever!
We agreed that this journey is about progress not perfection and that very few people get is right from day one – Mary Beth certainly had a couple of slip ups during the early months
Of course the secret is to keep trying, to remember that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback.
Mark up your Sober Stretches and never question the decision. If you’d like a copy of our Annual Tracker just email membership@tribesober.com and we’ll send you one
Early sobriety was an emotional rollercoaster for Mary Beth and it was a couple of years before she felt stable
She had trauma to deal with, severe anxiety and PTSD
If 2 years seems a long time then remember the rule that it takes a month of recovery for every year that we drank – for more on that go Tribe Sober episode 61 – there you’ll find my interview with rehab doctor Dr Dawn
In spite of the long road to recovery Mary Beth began to get her career back on track within a few months
She started with a part time admin job, then a higher level full time admin role and then a supervisory role 
At six and a half years sober she was accepted back into Berkeley Law School.
She went on to work as a lawyer in a big law firm and in 2014 was appointed a Judge.
She took early retirement in 2020 and these days she gives her time to advocacy in the recovery space.
As she says we need to be patient – everybody expects recovery to be faster than it is but we need to remember that:-
Just as addiction rewires our brains in a negative way the positive habits we build in recovery will build new pathways.
Mary Beth’s book is called from Junkie to Judge and is available from AmazonThe book is a memoir which includes guidelines as well as some advice for families.
Please follow Mary Beth on TW – I’ll put her handle in the shownotes but its @MaryBethO_
Her TW feed is great and packed with useful info
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Busting Sobriety Myths with Eusebius

I’m recording this a couple of hours after hearing the appalling news that Eusebius McKaiser has died at the ridiculously young age of 44.
He was a national treasure for South Africans – an author, a journalist and broadcaster.  One of the smartest public intellects in the country he was a fierce defender of truth and justice as many politicians found out to their cost!
He was also a warm and generous friend.So instead of the planned episode I wanted to say a few words about my friend Eusebius and re-release one of the podcast interviews he did for Tribe Sober.
The story starts back in 2001 when I relocated from the UK to SA.  I started to watch national tv, trying to get my bearings in this beautiful and complex country.  I spotted Eusebius on a talk show and was impressed. I read a couple of his books and listened to him on the radio.  I discovered he’d been to Oxford University on a scholarship and had won a global award as a Debating Champion.
I first met him in person more than a decade ago…
Ironically I was drunk at the time!
We were at the Franschhoek Literary Festival where I’d been drinking wine most of the day.  This didn’t stop me dragging Long Suffering Husband to the Elephant and Barrel Pub in the evening. 
I spotted Eusebius in the bar.  He was with deep in conversation and I didn’t want to interrupt.  
However husband knew I was a fan and he nudged me towards him – not quite sure what Eusebius thought about this drunken Brit lurching at him but he was very kind.
For obvious reasons I don’t remember much about that conversation but that was the evening that our unlikely but enduring friendship was born.
I finally ditched the booze in 2015 and set up Tribe Sober.  Eusebius signed up for our Dry January Challenge and one of the mailers included my Goodbye to Alcohol letter – he asked me to come to Cape Talk and read it out on his Show.
So I did and we got plenty of calls from people who knew they needed to say Goodbye to Alcohol.  I’ll put a link to that radio program in the shownotes. 
Apart from reading my letter we raised more than R10,000 for Earthchild within 30 minutes.  Just like me he loved the work done by NGO Earthchild and for the last 8 years he helped me to fundraise more than R300,000  which enabled more than 1000 underprivileged children to get a year of yoga and lifeskill classes.
 I then became a regular on his show and many of our current and past members found us via Eusebius.  He loved the work we did at Tribe Sober and often promoted us on his social media.
He came to two of our workshops in Joburg.  The first one as a participant and the second one as my co-facilitator. 
We looked out for each other - he coached me to be a better speaker on the radio and I convinced him to start his own podcast when he left Cape Talk. 
Have a listen to this episode we recorded about 18 months ago
In this Episode
The sober curious movement is growing – we have an endless variety of AF drinks, many online sobriety groups and even our own magazine Hola Sober.
Eusebius believes that people should be free to make “bad choices” in life but did agree with me that education is important. Alcohol is a legal drunk which damages our health and drinkers need to be aware of that.
When tobacco advertising was banned the information about the link with lung cancer was all over the media – if alcohol advertising was banned we would hear a lot more in the media about the link between alcohol and 7 different types of cancer.
Women need to know that drinking more than 3 glasses of wine a week will raise their breast cancer risk by 15%
We tackled a couple of sobriety myths – first of all the myth that we can’t have fun without alcohol – the truth is that once you have navigated those early difficult months of sobriety then it’s easy to have fun without booze – and lovely not to have to pay the price of a hangover the next day! Our subconscious minds have been convinced by a combination of marketing and peer pressure that we need alcohol to enjoy ourselves – to deprogram this thinking we need to spend a few months socialising without alcohol – its not easy but treat it as a challenge and you will get there – your subconscious will eventually get it!
The second myth we busted was the myth that we need the buzz of booze to be creative – Eusebius wrote some of his early essays when on his way down from heavy drinking sessions but feels he has done some of his best writing since he’s been sober.
We talked about the social pressure to drink which is relentless and hard to cope with when we are in the early stages of sobriety – alcohol really is the only drug we have to justify NOT taking
That’s why CHALLENGES are so great – especially our January Challenge – we can just say “I’m raising money for charity by doing a Dry January” – nobody can really argue with that one!
We get more confident dealing with peer pressure to drink as time goes by and eventually many of us are proud of our sobriety and eager to talk about it!
Eusebius always maintains that it’s not our responsibility to make other people feel comfortable about their drinking and is quite happy to be rude to people who interrogate him about his sobriety!
We talked about dependency and I explained that I didn’t even realise what trouble I was in until I tried to cut down – and couldn’t. 
That’s another reason challenges are great – its an opportunity to test your dependency – if you can get through a month without booze easily then you are fine – if not then you may need to make some changes!
Do a challenge at least twice a year to keep your eye on your level of dependence.
A challenge is also useful if you want to cut down your drinking – low risk levels are just one and a half bottles of wine a week (or 6 beers) – so do a challenge, have a month off the booze and then it will be easier to reset your drinking pattern.
Eusebius stressed that the Earthchild project helps children to find a moment of peace in their difficult lives. Yoga may be perceived as a middle class pastime but in fact the postures and the breathing bring a sense of calm to children who grow up surrounded by gang violence and poverty.
We concluded with a few tips and benefits of sobriety:-
Eusebius main benefit which he wasn’t even expecting has been the time he has regained now he no longer drinks – he loves getting up early at the weekend and getting on with his day
His tip was to stock up on AF drinks – Dry January Challengers get a discount from DN.co.za
My benefit was sleep – as drinkers we get only 2 cycles of REM sleep (we need 7) – over the years we build up a permanent sense of fatigue if we drink – even a month off the booze will boost our energy levels
My tip was to find your people – its very hard to change your drinking alone so join tribe sober!
So I do hope we have inspired you to sign up for the January Challenge 
If you are listening to this and it's not January don't worry - we've got you covered - all you need to do is to go to our tribesober.com and hit Join Our Tribe and we'll put you on our 30 day starter challenge for new members.
More info
Subscription membership for Tribe Sober join up HERE
To access our website click HERE
If you would like a free copy of our "Annual Tracker" or our e-book "66 Days to Sobriety" please email janet@tribesober.com
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community just email janet@tribesober.com
Episode Sponsor
          This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.             If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then  sign up today          Read more about our 7-step program and subscribe HERE
     
 
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