Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!

The 4 Stages of Alcoholism with Vanessa Hilton-Barber

Vanessa is a writer, photographer and wild water swimmer.  
Like so many of us she began drinking in her teens.  That was the beginning of a habit that started off as fun but evolved into something much darker over the years.
In this episode
Vanessa divides her drinking career into phases:-the Fun phase (15-19)the Social phase (19-30)the Fairly Desperate phase (30-39)
the I Need to Quit phase (39 onwards)
This pattern fits pretty well with the theory that 20 years of regular drinking will result in alcohol dependence
If you’d like to hear the science behind that theory then have a listen to my interview with Ken Middleton – episode 23 of Tribe Sober podcast – November 2020
Vanessa tried to moderate and did manage to cut down for periods.
However she was still binge drinking now and again so the dependence was still there.
Along with her moderation attempts of course she had some rules
She started a rule when she was at University and kept it going ever since. It was the 3 day rule.  She would never drink more than 3 days in a row.
However she realises now that her 3 day rule actually kept her in a cycle of drinking and then withdrawal.
Here in South Africa there is a culture of binge drinking at the weekend
Vanessa explained that in her office they used to refer to Thursdays as "Steak Knife Thursdays" as everyone was “on edge” waiting to start drinking.
It was Covid that opened Vanessa’s eyes to the nation's love affair with alcohol.
Several alcohol bans meant that many people had to be creative about sourcing their alcohol.
She describes the moment during Covid when she had just a tot of whisky but it released such a strong craving that it made her realise she would have to make a change.
Vanessa discovered Tribe Sober and loved the support of the international community.
She did Dry July and loved watching the alcohol free days stack up on her tracker.
As she learned more about the harm that alcohol does she felt more and more motivated to go alcohol free.
So she did Sober October but still had periods of binge drinking.
At the beginning of 2021 Vanessa decided to try coaching – as a member of Tribe Sober she had been offered a free coaching session so decided to take it up.
She loved her coaching sessions with Lynette and by session 2 she had ditched the booze completely
We agreed that Lynette’s philosophy that we must get “comfortable with being uncomfortable” is a powerful one
By riding the discomfort and pushing through we will experience emotional growth and grow new neural pathways
One of the goals that Vanessa set during an early coaching session was that when she reached her first Soberversary she would share the strategies that had enabled her to quit.
That’s how her stunning book was born…TOTS which stands for the Other Twelve Steps
It is full of gorgeous illustrations which came from the doodles she would make during her coaching sessions – doodles she would develop further as she reflected on her learnings
She calls TOTS a string of sparkling gems and I couldn’t agree more
If you’d like a digital copy of TOTs just email membership@tribesober.com and we’ll send you a copy
In TOT’s you will find a description of the Hero’s journey along with its transformative challenges
Just like the hero we may stumble and fall on our journey but if we keep trying we will succeed
Our reward will be the gift of elixirs which will enable us to help others to do what we’ve done
Vanessa also refers to the book "The Artists Way" by Julia Cameron in TOTs
We agreed that this book can be the key to unlocking our creativity and doing our daily morning pages can be a life changing habit
Vanessa described the benefits of alcohol free living as exponential but a huge one for her has been the energy
Now she no longer has to try to control her drinking and manage the after effects she has so much more energy and mental strength
This made me think of my interview with William Krause two episodes ago… when he said that redirecting that energy we wasted on controlling alcohol is the key to unlocking the life of our dreams
​Vanessa referred to her coaching sessions as the key – I love the way she describes the power of coaching – she says it’s about “having someone in your story with you”.
If you’d like to connect directly with Vanessa then you can email her Vanessa@contentarchitect.co.za and
If you’d like to experience the power of coaching then join tribe sober – new members are entitled to a coaching session with Lynette
Just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
to join our mailing list click HERE 
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Recovering Attorney Lily Shanks

My guest this week is Lily Shanks from Dallas.
Lily describes herself as a recovering attorney.
After graduating from a top tier-law school, Lily practiced commercial litigation in a Big Law firm but although she was able to indulge her passion for expensive cars and shoes the stress resulted in a daily wine habit.
She got sober and left her corporate job to train as a coach.
These days Lily specializes in recovery and relationship coaching and coaches her clients to create their best, most fulfilling lives, starting from the inside.
In this episode
Lily discovered alcohol at a young age – via the liquor cabinet of one of her friends parents.  It tasted disgusting but she knew it would change the way she felt…so she persevered and found ways to disguise the taste
As a shy teenager who wanted to be popular she found that alcohol gave her the liquid courage she needed
She was the only child of older parents she felt she had to be perfect… to do everything right..
Lily also felt she had to be independent and not ask for help
These two beliefs led to a feeling of loneliness – a feeling that continued as she grew older
The loneliness was a feeling that would last until she got into recovery and learnt how better to connect with people – when she learned that connection was the opposite of addiction
As a straight A student Lily would worry about the possibility of getting a B
Her drive for perfectionism helped her to graduate, get through law school and get a highly paid job at a top firm
However she was always chasing the next thing, the next box to be ticked – buying a new car and more shoes even though she didn’t need either – she thought it would make her feel better which it did but only for a very short time
She was doing the same with alcohol – drinking more and more in the hope that it would make her feel better but of course as it’s a depressant it only made her feel worse.
Like many of us Lily was under the illusion that alcohol was glamorous and fun and cool..until one day it wasn’t.
As early as 5 years into her legal career Lily started to sense a misalignment.. she wasn’t feeling fulfilled in her job and thought that the alcohol was helping to ease this uncomfortable feeling
She took a years sabbatical and got her yoga teaching qualification and taught full time which she really enjoyed
Yoga had helped her cope with her stress and she loved the fact that she was able to share that with her students
Eventually Lily felt under financial strain so she returned to practicing law – (yet her finances always ran to buying wine!)
She was using wine at the end of the day to self medicate her stress and eventually she could feel it affecting her work performance – some days she struggled to get to work as she was battling a severe hangover
Like many of us Lily became an expert in disguising her drinking problem – so much so that former colleagues and friends were surprised to hear she’s in recovery
Like many of us she did a lot of her drinking alone on the sofa at home
In Jan 2018 she tried to take a break for Dry January but couldn’t notch up more than a few alcohol free days…and she always intended to go back to drinking at the end of the month
Doing a challenge like Dry January is when a lot of people realise for the first time that they are dependent
When you join Tribe Sober the first thing we do is put you on a 30 day alcohol free challenge so that we can help you to assess your level of dependence and what kind of help you need
Short challenges are great to test your dependence but the true benefits of sobriety don’t come in until you’ve been alcohol free for a few months so it’s important to push through and keep going
Like most of us Lily imposed some rules around her drinking as she tried to moderate – yet of course after 2 or 3 drinks there was no off switch
She finally ended her drinking career in 2018 – finishing it with a few months of intentional heavy drinking before accepting that she would have to make the change
She had a series of rock bottoms - including a ladies wine tasting trip and a weekend drinking alone in her apartment
She also felt mortified when she saw several recordings on a security camera of her arriving home very late at night obviously the worse for wear
Waking up hungover every morning she finally accepted that she needed help
She took some time off work and started being honest about the problem… with a friend, with a doctor and with her therapist
The key to change is honesty – we have to accept to ourselves that we have a problem and then reach out for help – this is the most difficult part of the whole journey
Once we’ve reached out and found some help the journey can begin
If you’re still procrastinating about getting some help then do it today – reach out to tribesober.com and we’ll help you get started on this life changing journey – just go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe
As Lily said we have to be ready to keep an open mind and try something different
She had been resistant to the idea of AA but managed to find a small group that she loved - near to where she lived
She found the connection she had been looking for – people who were sharing stories just like hers
That’s such a special moment - the moment we realise we are not alone in this
Lily's experience shows the importance of keeping an open mind – we agreed on the strategy to keep trying different groups until you find "your people"
She talked about the importance of Sober Firsts and how she tackled them gradually during her first year of sobriety
She also stopped dating as she wanted to focus on herself rather than looking for a partner to make her feel good
As she said going a year without drinking was a huge change for her so it had to be her primary focus
At Tribe Sober we advise people to throw the book at their sobriety and treat it as a major project for that first year
So Lily's first year was spent notching up Sober Firsts, appreciating the benefits of sobriety as they came in… it was only in year two that she began to do the deeper work
We agreed that Year one is just the beginning of the journey and that there is so much more to recovery than not drinking
If you take a listen to Tribe Sober podcast episode 61 from September 2021 you will hear a rehab doctor explaining that for every year we drank we should allow a month of recovery
So if like me you’ve been drinking for decades your recovery will not be quick but you will be noticing more and more benefits of sobriety as the months pass
We both agreed that life doesn’t become perfect when we get sober but we’ll be better able to cope with challenges
Personal growth will come from dealing with difficulties – as Lily said “if it doesn’t challenge you it doesn’t change you”
Lily is now a life coach, a sobriety coach and a relationship coach – you can connect with her on myinternalweather.com - or email her lily@myinternalweather.com
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
to join our mailing list click HERE 
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Is Alcoholism a Disease? with Will Krause

My guest this week is Will Krause who is an author, entrepreneur and academic.  He helps addicts to quit using and then to go on and lead the life they were meant to live – he gives them hope
As you will hear he is passionate about analysing why people do what they do as he believes this is the key to change.
Will also believes that we can actually use this key to unlock the life of our dream
 In this Episode
Will had an early tragic experience of addiction when his younger brother died
He was depressed and frustrated as he had no idea how he could have helped his brother
On reflection Will decided that he was an addict himself – not to a substance but to perfectionism
Will did many courses but one day one of his professors came to him and explained that it was time he switched his focus from facts…to finding out WHY people did what they did
This advice along will his brother’s death was the catalyst to him studying addiction and discovering what addiction really is… and that it’s actually NOT what we’ve been taught it is!
He talked to us about the many homeless addicts in Seattle and points out that they all have exceptional skills that we cannot even comprehend – skills to survive and to score their drugs
Most of us would not last more than a couple of days if we had to live that kind of life
We talked about functioning alcoholics and how skilled we are at keeping the show on the road – holding down the high powered job and managing a family
Whether it’s a homeless addict or a functioning alcoholic they can both redirect their skills and energy to leading a life that will give them purpose
As Will explains we need to give people HOPE – hope that there is a way out
We discussed the disease model which neither of us subscribe to
Yes alcohol consumption does change the brain but according to neuroscience our brains are meant to change!
Falling in love changes our brain as well!
The brain has simply learned a habit – a habit that can be replaced by a healthy habit
Will compared this with Alzheimers which IS a disease and takes away parts of the brain…
Cancer is also a disease… where cancerous cells take over and cause tumours
Will describes addiction as a “learned coping mechanism”
When we unlearn it and stop drinking we’ll go through a difficult period as we replace the harmful habit with new and healthy ones
In our experience here at Tribe Sober most people take between 3 and 6 months to get through this transition
We agreed on the importance of having a tribe even when we no longer drink… if we leave we can easily fall prey to our previous thought patterns and start wondering if we are able to have "just one drink now"
Spoiler alert – we probably can’t!
We do get quite a few returning members to our Tribe, people who’ve discovered that without the connection they flounder..
Will talked about the importance of knowing WHY we do what we do
He helps addicts to understand Why they do what they do and also that they have an exceptional brain
Addicts are able to see the world differently
When addicts understand this, and realise that they can use their skills to turn their life around they begin to feel HOPE
Will feels that those of us who have struggled with dependency are the lucky ones – we can get through the pain of our addiction and find our purpose on the other side
Once we understand why we do what we do we can go on to discover our purpose
If we just stop drinking without understanding WHY we drank we won’t be able to find our purpose and we may go from one addiction to the other
As we often say at Tribe Sober there is so much more to recovery than “not drinking” – we have to create an alcohol free life that we love, a life full of joy and purpose – a life we don’t want to escape from!
Will has a book coming out called “Unlearning Addiction”
The premise of his book is that addiction is a learned behaviour that we can unlearn – we can replace it with healthy habits which will lead to us discover our purpose
The book explains why we do what we do – it gives the hope that people need, along with the tools to change
He kindly offered to share the manuscript with anyone who contacts him and mentions Tribe Sober –
Contact him at unlearningaddiction@gmail.com to request the manuscript
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
to join our mailing list click HERE 
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Sober and Strong: Ashleigh’s Story

 
My guest this week is Ashleigh who came to a workshop way back in 2018 and has been thriving in her sobriety ever since
In this episode:-
Ashleigh's first scrape with alcohol came when she was expelled from school at the age of 15!
In her 30's she recognized that there could be a problem when she found herself making lots of rules around her drinking - rules that she promptly broke!
Her point that she wasn’t a tramp living under a bridge highlighted the fact that society says we are fine until we get to that stage – her family weren’t quite sure why she going alcohol free 
Ashleigh decided to step off the slippery slope before things got any worse
She realises that the majority of the people she knows are drinking too much but they don’t even realise
At the workshop Ashleigh learned about the toxicity of alcohol and began to join the dots between her constant tiredness and her daily glasses of wine
At the end of the workshop she knew it would be pointless committing to "moderation" - she had to go "all in" - she knew she had crossed the line with her drinking and there was no looking back
She felt confident leaving the workshop - she had her toolkit, some new information and people to connect with - she felt she could do this
At the beginning she treated herself to hot chocolate, coffee and cake etc. - but as time went on she weaned herself off the sweet things - and has now lost 10kgs!
She talked about the importance of Sober Firsts – the first wedding, the first flight, baby shower and of course the first time we try sober dancing!
Ashleigh has experienced many benefits of sobriety - she is certainly less anxious and more confident these days
So the workshop was a real turning point for Ashleigh - at the age of 43 she has celebrated five years of sobriety and has a completely different future ahead!
Now that she is more knowledgeable she realises that the majority of the people she knows are drinking too much although they don’t even realise
She talks about all the euphemisms we use for hangovers and how no one wants to "let the cat out of the bag" as she puts it
No-one wants to acknowledge that as a society we have an alcohol problem
Ashleigh fully recognizes that if she hadn't taken this step she could have been in a very different place in 5 years time - alcohol is a very "slippery fish" as she said!
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
to join our mailing list click HERE 
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

My Path to Purpose with Lynette Le Roux

 
My guest this week is very special member of our Tribe Sober Team
I first met Lynette LeRoux when she came to one of our workshops more than 5 years ago
She was in a dark place back then but the workshop was the catalyst she needed to change everything
Lynette has been transforming and enriching her life for the last 5 years – she’s found her passion and qualified as a Coach and for the last 3 years she has been working for Tribe Sober as a Coach
In this episode
Lynette first tasted alcohol at the tender age of 9 – she’d got hold of some tiny bottles of whisky and brandy which she kept near her bed.  She would take a sip when she went to bed as it comforted her
Going off to boarding school at the age of 5 left her with lingering feelings of isolation – a feeling that those little sips chased away.
As she reflects back she realises it was a way to feel nurtured and held
She didn’t drink much in her teens but in her 20’s she met a guy who loved his whisky and she began to drink regularly
Lynette had never really felt comfortable in her own skin so alcohol helped her to socialise
Her relationship deteriorated due to her partners drunken rages and he left her when she was pregnant
She coped well over the next few years and began to develop her career
The usual after work drinks culture prevailed and Lynette fell back into her old patterns
She would drink excessively at the weekends as well as after work sometimes
Like many of us she would resolve to stop or cut down but nothing really changed
Then she met her current husband who hardly drinks at all
He thought she drank too much so she tried hard to make a change
She managed some sober stretches but as she got into her 40’s the alcohol came back into her life
Even though she was drinking Lynette tried a lot self development programs during this period
Looking back she realises that she never tried to integrate her learnings into her daily life
If we don’t apply the learnings then the courses are really a waste of time and nothing will change
As she moved into her 50’s Lynette became more dependent on alcohol
She felt she was losing connection with her husband and her friends
Always looking for the quick fix she decided to study plant medicine
As part of Lynette’s ongoing odyssey for a quick cure for her problems she came across our one day workshop
She attended the workshop but true to form she never really engaged
After the workshop she didn’t apply the tools or connect via the chatgroups
So nothing really changed and three months after the workshop she hit her rock bottom
Driving to work and struggling with an awful hangover she had a “not this” moment
Followed by a “if not this then what?” moment
Out of desperation she looked at her Tribe Sober workshop notes and decided to reconnect
Lynette went to the coffee meetup and engaged on the WhatsApp group
After reading other peoples messages for a while she decided to reach out
She posted a message that she felt really low
Another member explained that she felt that way because her brain was recalibrating and healing
This really resonated with Lynette and became her mantra
She began to study coaching and started to see that a different way of life was possible
As Lynette has been coached herself and has coached many people I asked her to explain why coaching is so valuable
She explained that coaching helps us to get perspective on our life and our mind
Coaching enables a growth mindset as we move towards our future self
We talked about the benefits she has gained from 5 years of sobriety
The biggest benefit for Lynette was reconnecting with herself and then developing her passion for coaching
She’s learned so much about her beautiful brain and she’s learned how to feel
She’s learned that emotional pain is a sign of growth and she must learn to get comfortable with being uncomfortable
That's a lesson she’s taught us all here at Tribe Sober
We agreed that there is so much more to recovery than “not drinking”
As Lynette said tha's just 10% of the work – and we will never thrive in sobriety if we don’t tackle the other 90%
We talked about anhedonia which is the low mood that sometimes hits us in early sobriety
For more on dealing anhedonia check out Lynette’s video on our you tube channel and the Tribe Sober podcast interview with Dr Loretta Breuning, episode 55 on Apple Podcasts
We talked about the Path to Purpose which is a brand new Group Coaching that she has created this year
On 30th April her first group of 10 people will begin the program.. and find their Path to Purpose
The program will last for 8 weeks
It will include content but also leave space for co creation.   Space to tune into the needs of the group and deal with what comes up
One of the outcomes of the program is that the participants will have a self coaching program which will enable them to continue their development
If you’d like to know more about the Path to Purpose program then click here
The next program is fully booked but you can join the waitlist or you can email Lynette on coaching@tribesober.com to discuss whether it’s the right program for you
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
to join our mailing list click HERE 
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Born a Crack Addict.... Leah Forney

My guest this week is an incredible woman – a Queen as she calls herself and quite rightly too!
Both Leah’s parents were addicts and she was actually born with crack cocaine in her system.
Not many of us would even survive such a start in life but Leah not only survived she thrived..
She survived being born as a crack babyShe survived a sexual assault andShe survived alcohol dependence
These days she is an Activist and Public Speaker - campaigning against sexual violence
In this episode:
Brought up by her maternal grandparents Leah felt different from her friends as school…
As she gradually began to learn more about her mom she felt abandoned and resentful
Especially as her grandma didn’t ever want to talk about her mom
Leah struggled to understand her parents addictions until she began her own healing journey
Then she realised that in fact her parents had done their best with the tools available to them at the time
Considering her tough start in life Leah was doing ok until she got sexually assaulted
By a guy she had dated once and then rejected
Angry about his rejection he began to stalk her and one day he got into her apartment and raped her
She felt the cops wouldn’t help her so didn’t report it at the time
Leah felt angry, frustrated, guilty but had no coping skills so she turned to alcohol
She’d stayed away from drugs and alcohol because of her parents but this event just pushed her over the edge
As a child of addicts it was the only coping technique she knew
She spent a whole year drinking heavily to numb out her feelings
Eventually she did report her rape to the cops but they blamed her as it was someone she knew – that just made everything worse
As she sank further into alcohol dependence a friend convinced her to go to therapy to process her feelings
She also went to Al Anon to try to understand her parents better
Leah managed to stop drinking and has been sober for a decade
8 years after her rape she was astonished to receive the results of her rape kit
The rape kit contained the evidence collected by the police when she reported the crime
Apparently the police hadn’t passed on the kit for testing as she knew her assailant
In spite of the fact that 57% of rape victims know their perpetrator!
This led her to do some research on the incredible backlog of rape kits in the US – hundreds of thousands of them sitting on shelves untested while the assailants walk free
Leah decided to become an Activist in the fight against sexual violence
These days she has a voice and is raising awareness by campaigning and public speaking
Leah has written an incredible 8 books!
Her latest one "Unapologetically Me" is about the internal conflict of being the daughter of addicts – and the love/hate relationship with her parents
Writing is part of her healing journey
Leah talked about the difference between surviving and thriving
At Tribe Sober we say we want people to thrive in their sobriety, not just survive
The difference between those two states is of course that:-
Surviving means just staying afloat, getting by without drinking, just existing and meeting basic needs whereas
Thriving in sobriety means flourishing -  experiencing positive growth and progress in various aspects of life.
Leah has turned her Pain into Power which is what many of us at the Tribe have done and is why we say that
Sobriety is our Superpower!
Leah said something interesting about trauma…
If you don’t do the work to heal you can often feel as if you are just “waiting for the other shoe to drop” 
Step into a place of healing and the shoe won’t drop
Leah got through the worst and is now ready for the best!
You can follow this incredible woman on social media and her website is https://www.leahmforney.com/ 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
to join our mailing list click HERE 
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

How Drinking Limits your Potential ...with Ken M Middleton

My guest this week is Ken Middleton
I first connected with Ken a couple of years ago after discovering his brilliant articles.
He was first a guest on this podcast back in 2020 and we’ve been friends ever since
We have a shared passion to highlight the drawbacks of drinking and the joys of sobriety.
As a firm fan of his articles I was delighted to hear that he was going to publish a book.
He involved me in the development of the manuscript and has even included my story!
The book is called Bamboozled and is published TODAY
In fact I have a message for you from Ken – he says buy the the book today (April 1st) and you’ll find an April Fools day surprise – a nice one!
The book is available on Amazon so go check it out while you are listening
The subtitle of Bamboozled is “How Alcohol Made Fools of Us All” and it’s a great read.  After doing this work for 7 years I know a lot about the subject but even I learned a lot from this book
In this episode
Unlike myself and many of my podcast guests Ken didn’t come to sobriety from a place of addiction – he came from a place of curiosity.
He wanted to see how he felt without alcohol
He was always a high performer in his sales job but knew that he wasn’t always operating at 100%
As he settled into his sobriety his performance at work shot up by 30%
He came to the conclusion that alcohol drastically reduces our potential
Ken talked about the compounding effects – for example when we drink we only get two cycles of REM when we need about 7
Drinking regularly means the fatigue will build up and up over the years
I can really identify with this – when I hit 60 I felt tired all the time but resigned myself to the fact that this is what aging felt like
Seven years of sobriety has changed everything for me and I wake up full of energy
My exhaustion was nothing to do with my age but everything to do with my alcohol consumption
We talked about comparisons and how dangerous it was to compare ourselves with hard core alcoholics – so we end up feeling that we were not “that bad”
Of course the comparison we should be making is with the best version of ourselves we could be
So the question to ask is not Am I an Alcoholic?  -  rather askAm I living my best life?
Ken explained that functioning alcoholics are the ones with the most to gain from ditching the booze
They have been expending huge amounts of energy just keeping the show on the road
I know I did – performing well at work, managing family and a social life is not easy when you’re feeling anxious and worried about your drinking problem that you are too ashamed to talk about
Ken summarises the science of alcohol dependency in detail in an article I will put in the shownotes but here are the key moments:-
Alcohol spikes our endorphins
Our brain likes to stay balanced – in a state of homeostasis so releases dynorphins to dampen down those endorphin spikes
The dynorphin level then outweighs the level of endorphins (as our brain wants to get back to homeostasis asap)
That’s why we get that dip about 20 minutes after our first drink… our buzz starts to fade so of course we reach for another drink to compensate which results in more dynorphins released…. And so it goes on
As many of us know as time goes by we need more alcohol to get the same feeling, the same buzz
So far so good but our body is smart and it adapts to our behaviour and this is the dangerous bit..
Our subconscious will begin to associate everything we do leading up to the drinking as a pleasurable experience – and learn..
So when we are driving home from work we are already anticipating opening that bottle of wine so the dynorphins will be released IN ADVANCE
Making us feel low and craving the alcohol
And the really scary bit is that drinking consistently over time will result in us not being able to enjoy things WITHOUT IT
Our brain will have rewired so it can no longer produce dopamine on its own
That’s why early sobriety is so hard – our brain has not yet re-calibrated to trigger our happy brain chemicals naturally and without our chemically induced alcohol high we feel very flat – if you are at the at stage please hang in there
Listen to my podcast interview with Dr Loretta Breuning – episode 55, how to combat those early sobriety blues
Ken made the very good point that if we’re reluctant to ditch the booze we can just carry on drinking but listen and learn and you’ll soon start joining up the dots and realising…
WHY you wake up at 3am feeling anxious
WHY you’re constantly tired and depressed
WHY you’re gaining weight and sleeping badly
Once you understand what’s causing these things and realise that you don’t HAVE to keep suffering your desire to drink will diminish
Reading Kens book Bamboozled is a great place to start with your education about alcohol
His goal in writing this has been to help people realise the what they are losing out on when they drink – even if they are not dependent
Alcohol will always prevent us from reaching our potential
In the book he talks about how we are manipulated to drink by marketing and societal norms
The liquor industry grooms us from our teenage years – they want to capture us as lifelong customers
I loved his use of stories in the book – alcohol parables as he calls them – he compares the lives of two people on similar tracks – one of those decides to quit drinking and the other carries on – their futures turn out very differently
Again emphasising his point that alcohol will prevent us from reaching our potential
He says that nobody should be drinking alcohol after the age of 40 as the damage it does will increase exponentially
We have less water in our bodies to dilute the effects of alcohol
You can learn more about this and many other facts in Kens book
So why not pop onto Amazon and order your copy of Bamboozled right now – you’re going to get a very nice April Fools surpise but only if you put in an order TODAY
You can also follow Ken on Medium where he publishes regular articles like this one and he has his own newsletter called Ainyf (Alcohol is Not Your Friend) 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
to join our mailing list click HERE 
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).

Why Sobriety is only the Beginning... with Gregg Champion

My guest this week is Gregg Champion
Gregg has been in recovery for over 20 years after nearly ruining his life with drugs and alcohol.
These days he’s a Recovery Coach and a highly valued member of the Recovery Community in California.  7 years ago he founded Start Up Recovery which is a transitional living facility built on his own values as well as lessons learned during his own recovery.
In this episode
You heard Gregg say that he was an alcoholic before he picked up his first drink – that’s a very interesting statement which would apply to many drinkers with unresolved childhood trauma
Greggs father was killed in a car crash when he was four which left him feeling angry and abandoned
As he grew older he became addicted to anger, fantasy and attention
That all changed when he took his first drink as a young teenager, a drink that soothed him and took the pain away
At 15 years old he was crossing the border into Mexico to drink in bars and chat up girls – he just wanted to be a grown up
Gregg chose to study at Arizona State University as it was known to be a party university
Alcohol and Drugs were always present during his College years but it was normalised and as Gregg says there were always people “worse than me – doing more booze, more drugs”
These comparisons are so dangerous – why do we always compare ourselves with people who are in worse trouble - when we should be comparing our ourselves to who we could be if we were leading our best life
Even if alcohol doesn’t destroy us it will always prevent us from reaching our potential
Gregg topped off his University years by getting his first DUI on Graduation Night…
That set the tone for the following 2 years when we was arrested 7 times!
He went from overnight stays in prison to 2 night stays and finally the prospect of a 5 years sentence.
Gregg got a job in broadcasting which involved shift work ending at 3am which meant he was mixing with other users after work
He got into a cycle of selling drugs and then over-using and over-drinking to overcome the shame of being a drug dealer!
He got busted at an airport carrying drugs – the judge told him that if he saw him again he would be activating his 5 year suspended sentence.
Gregg partied on regardless but got busted a second time by an undercover cop at a party
Back in a jail cell he heard a voice telling him to call his mother – which he did
She told him to go to church so he went, he went to confession and told the priest everything
He finally realised that Greggs Way was never going to work so he listened to the priest and went to an AA meeting
It was his moment of truth – the time he had to decide between two paths
He chose sobriety and his AA sponsor told him to take boxing lessons – he would need a punchbag for all the anger which would emerge in early sobriety!
Gregg did 90 meetings in 90 days – as he said when we stop using there is a great gaping hole in our life that we need to fill with something
We can fill it with 90 meetings and follow the 12 steps or
We can join a sobriety community – go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe if you’d like to check out our membership program
As Gregg says we have to find our Sober Tribe
He stayed sober for 3 years by using the first 3 steps but couldn’t bring himself to open the Pandoras box of step 4
One day he listened to a speaker at the AA meeting and the things he heard really resonated with him
The guy had been sexually abused at a young age and Gregg was able to finally admit to himself that this had happened to him as well
Gregg began to work with this person who told him that he was blocked because although he had sobriety he hadn’t got recovery
It’s so true that there is so much more to recovery than not drinking!
I loved the expression that Gregg used:-“Not Drinking is the ticket to the Show, the Band hasn’t even started playing yet!”
So his new sponsor used a process called Uncover/Discover and Discard which you heard Gregg describing during the interview
Applying this framework to all 19 things on Greggs “shame” list liberated him
He now uses this process with his own clients and calls it "Unpacking the Backpack of Shame"
In 2016 Greggs media career was stalling so he began to look at alternatives
All he wanted to do was to be paid for being himself
Sharing his story at an AA meeting one day he met a lady who told him he would be a great group facilitator
This encouraged him to put together a talk and visiting rehabs to share tell his story
He trained as a recovery coach and used his experience to put together a coaching curriculum
7 years ago his coaching business evolved into a Transitional Living Facility 
They do 1.2.1 and group coaching to address that all important question “I’m Sober Now What?”
He has a Wellness Director facilitating practices like breathwork, acupuncture and soundbaths
Each client has a therapist 
Of course Community is at the heart of everything and every day starts and ends with a meeting
You can find out more about Gregg by going to his website which is startuprecovery.com and he is on social media 
Instagram link is here - Twitter is here 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
to join our mailing list click HERE 
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
 
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 

Benefits of Sobriety - with Anele Ndlovu

My guest this week is a young South African woman who is focused on mental health advocacy.
Tribe member Anele Ndlovu has been through a journey with her own mental health when she turned to alcohol for solace. 
She’s the Founder of an initiative called “Tea with Anele Ndlovu” which focuses on women’s empowerment and leadership.
Anele is a member of Tribe Sober and recently celebrated her six month soberversary!
In the episode
Like many of us Anele discovered alcohol when she went to Varsity but it was very much a social thing
It was all under control during her 20s and early 30’s – only in her late 30s did it become a problem
We heard a similar story from last weeks guest Sam Delany 
That got me thinking about one of my favourite articles by Ken Middleton who explains the science behind alcohol dependence
If we drink regularly then over the period of a couple of decades we will move from liking alcohol, to wanting alcohol and finally to needing alcohol.
So that explains why some people can drink happily throughout their twenties and most of their thirties but then it switches from a social lubricant to self medication
So back to Anele who got retrenched in June 2020 – this was a real blow for her as she loved her career and her identity was very much tied to her job.
She felt lost and found herself using alcohol to numb her pain even though she was well aware that this was a red flag of alcohol dependence.
Like so many of us Anele began to try to control her drinking – setting rules – rules about not having alcohol in the house – which worked until about 5pm when she started getting fidgety so went out to buy some!
Her family were worried about her drinking so she found herself hiding it
She would tell then she was going for a walk and then find herself sitting in a bar
Or going to the liquor store and then sitting in the part with her drink
Getting home from these walks she would shower and go to sleep
Of course her family knew what was going on but had no idea how to help
Anele also tried hanging out with “Moderation Mary” as we call her in Tribe Sober but obviously that didn’t work either
Finally she realised that she would have to quit so she went to AA for a while
This really helped her at the beginning but as her alcohol free life began to take shape she decided that AA would not work for her long term
She made it easier on herself during those first few months by not going out much – and explaining to her close friends that she needed their support, she needed them to be her accountability partners
Anele is now 6 months sober with absolutely no desire to drink again
She is a proud member of our Tribe Sober 6months+ whatsapp group – people on this group have navigating those early choppy waters of sobriety and are now discussing the next stage of the journey
The stage where we create a beautiful alcohol free life – a life we don’t want to escape from
We talked about sobriety benefits and having more energy is a big one
Anele explained that she was always tired when she was drinking
Alcohol  saps our energy (and our motivation) so when we’ve been sober for a while we’ll begin to rediscover our enthusiasm for life
We’ll want to explore new projects and we’ll have the energy and TIME to do that.
If we’ve been drinking for years then the fatigue will have built up – easy to confuse this tiredness with the ageing process but just wait until you start enjoying high quality sleep and you’ll feel amazing!
Anele had always kept a journal – when she was drinking her journal entries were often angry ones but these days she uses it to celebrate her wins and to process her emotions – she’s feeling all the feelings and she’s learned to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
I asked her for some tips for newbies – she made the very good point that if you are thinking about your drinking and if you are listening to this podcast then it’s a sign you need to take action.
Did you know that the average timeframe that someone waits between accepting that they have a drinking problem and acting on it is 11 years!
That 11 more years of worrying and becoming more dependent!
We know that reaching out for help is the hardest thing of all but why not do it today – go to ts.com and hit join our tribe – or email me janet@tribesober.com
You’ll never regret it and it could just change your life
You can follow Anele on Instagram – her handle is ndlovu_anele
 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
to join our mailing list click HERE 
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
 
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).
 
 

Don’t Wait for Rock Bottom - with Sam Delaney

Sam Delaney is a journalist and broadcaster.  I contacted him after I found his article in the Guardian saying that he is having more fun than ever now that he is sober – and he is 7 years sober just like me!
Sam hosts two podcasts himself – one of which is called The Reset, a podcast in which he chats to guests about mental health, addiction and recovery
He has just published a new book called: Sort Your Head Out -  Mental Health…without the Bollocks
In this episode:-
 Sam’s drinking career got off to an early start when he would go to the park with his friends at the age of 12 – drinking cans of warm beer taken from parents houses
He thought nothing of it – it was just what kids did – totally normalised
We agreed that times have changed and that a lot of teenage drinking came from the fact that we had so much time on our hands in those days
Time to drink, to smoke weed and getting into fights was a kind of hobby to pass the time!
Of course these days kids spend much of their spare time online which has a positive side to it
In real terms the stats tell us that the UK streets are safer than they were in the 1980’s, in spite of constant headlines about knife crime
Sam’s drinking didn’t become problematic until his late 30’s when his lifestyle hit a perfect storm
The combined pressures of his career, young family, hectic social life as well as maintaining his Jack the Lad identify left him exhausted
Exhausted mentally physically and emotionally
We talked about the “false narratives” that are common among drinkers and Sam’s internal narrative was that he was doing this for the family
The drink and drugs were acting as fuel to get him through the day and night – the fun was long gone
Another false narrative was that it wasn’t harming anyone – whereas in fact his wife was becoming increasingly worried
If she expressed her concern he would become hostile and tell her not to try to control him
We agreed that the term “rock bottom” was yet another false narrative and that the last thing we should do is wait for the rock bottom
Far better to step off the slippery slope as soon as possible rather than think you are fine until you get to that place!
We agreed that drinking feels like freedom at first but for some of us it becomes a prison and makes our life very small
We lose the ability to enjoy everyday pleasures
The example of not seeing the point of a walk in the country unless the destination was a pub says it all!
Towards the end of his drinking Sam would wake up each morning feeling awful and resolving not to drink that day – but of course he always did. 
He was trapped in the Groundhog Day prison of daily drinking
He indulged in yet another false narrative – the one about if you’re drinking expensive wine then you must be a connoisseur rather than someone with a problem
Of course whether a bottle of wine costs £20 or £8 its still ethanol!
One day he booked a session with a therapist at the Priory and that started his recovery
I love the fact that he chose what he calls a “hybrid” approach – a bit of AA, a bit of therapy, a lot of reading and most importantly community support and sharing.
The modern recovery movement offers a pathway for everybody – and there is no reason why we can’t mix and match the various approaches
We need to throw the book at our sobriety and do whatever it takes!
With 7 years of sobriety Sam can look back on his journey and realises that he’d been white knuckling for the first couple of years
It was only a work crisis that made him re-evaluate and realise that he had to go deeper
He’d been isolating and realised that he had to “do the work”
Part of that work has been connecting with people in recovery and having conversations for his podcast or his articles
I’ve done pretty much the same and learned so much from my podcast guests
One of his revelations during sobriety was that it wasn’t a binary choice – he didn’t have to choose between the Jack the Lad drinker lifestyle or the “sober serious hippie talking in psychobable” as he puts it
He could still be Jack the Lad but it would be a sober Jack the Lad with a bit more self awareness and self compassion
I loved what he said about how boring drinking becomes after a few decades – about how nothing different ever happens
Whereas sobriety is a real adventure and most people have no idea of how awesome their alcohol free life will be before they embark on the journey!
He made the very important point that when we ditch the booze we can examine our life and discover what we do that are legitimate sources of fun - what is still fun...even without the drink?
Sam mentioned Christmas and Football as examples of alcohol free fun!
Conversely what did we waste time on because they were only bearable because they were accompanied by alcohol?!
Alcohol actually dumbs us down which can result in us spending time doing stuff or hanging out with people we don’t really enjoy
For Sam the realisation that he actually had much to enjoy in his everyday life only came with sobriety
He’s written his book “Sort Your Head Out – mental health without the bollocks” for people feeling anxious, depressed and not knowing how to cope
The book title is a clear message that this is not the usual self help book – and is aimed at people who would probably never read a self help book
Bearing in mind that suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK I think this book will save lives
It’s the book Sam needed 10 years ago – when he was feeling that way
If Sam had read this book he feels he could have avoided his 10 year descent into alcoholism
I loved the book and it’s worth buying for the brilliant subtitles alone
One of the subtitles is “Glamorize Rest” – or to be more precise The Grind is Bullshit so lets Glamorize Rest!
Since the Thatcherism of the 80’s we’ve all been encouraged to keep our noses to the grindstone and its been a badge of honour to be “busy”
This culture has led so many people to burnout
It’s time for a change – to change the competitive nature of busyness and start showing off about how many naps we had!
Sam's favourite chapter – and mine is called “Thank You Alcohol”
We were both driven to a point of crisis by alcohol – a crisis that opened us up to a new way of life
Had we been normal drinkers we wouldn’t have been so incentivised to do the work and to change our lives so radically
I asked him for tips and he quoted his therapist who recommended “playing the movie forward” when hit by cravings
His therapist also reminded him that nobody ever regrets having had a drink the previous evening!
We both agreed on the importance of sharing – the huge relief we feel when we realise that there is nothing wrong with us – we just got addicted to an addictive substance like 20% of social drinkers do!
If you’re looking for a safe and supportive community where you can share your ups and downs please go to tribesober.com and hit join our tribe to read about the support we offer
Do grab a copy of Sam’s book – Sort Your Head Out - I loved it and the chances are that you know someone battling with depression who really needs to read it
I read it on Kindle, its available on Amazon and any London based listeners can pop down to Barnes Bookshop and get a signed copy from Sam when he pops in for his daily visit
Check out Sam’s podcast – the Reset and you can also subscribe to his newsletter on Substack.
He’s on Twitter @DelaneyMan and Instagram at theresetsam 
More Info
Subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
To access our website, click HERE.
If you would like a free copy of our “Annual Tracker” or our e-book 66 Days to Sobriety, please email janet@tribesober.com.
If you would like to come to our Saturday afternoon Zoom Cafe as a guest and meet our community, just email janet@tribesober.com.
to join our mailing list click HERE 
 
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program.  If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up todayRead more about our program and subscribe HERE
 
Help us to Spread the Word!
We made this podcast so that we can reach more people who need our help.  Please subscribe and share.
If you enjoyed the podcast, then please leave us a 5-star review on Apple podcasts.
Take a screenshot of your review, and DM it to Tribe Sober’s Instagram page – see PS below for instructions. We’ll send you something special to say thank you!
We release a podcast episode every Saturday morning.
You can follow Tribe Sober on Facebook, Twitter, TikTok and Instagram.
You can join our private Facebook group HERE.
 
PS: How to Leave a Rating/Review in Apple Podcasts (on an iOS Device)
Open the Podcasts app. EASY.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (e.g. Recover Like a Mother) into the search field.
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes).
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews.
Click Write a Review underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. You’ll then have the option to rate the show on a 5-star scale and write a review (you can rate without writing too but it’s always good to read your experience).